Alien in My Pocket #5: Ohm vs. Amp (2 page)

Party Crasher

“W
hat do you mean, somebody is coming?” I asked.

Amp pulled on his antennas. “What do you think I mean? I mean what it sounds like I mean!”

I picked him up and held him just inches from my nose. “Don't get tricky, Short Pants.”

“I don't wear pants! You know that.”

“Don't get snarky, either. Just tell me what's happening.”

He released his antennas, closed his eyes, and pulled down his lower lip. “I don't know.”

“They're attacking Earth, aren't they?” I yelped, shaking him.

“Who is?”

“Your creepy Erdian friends! They're arriving
on Earth right now. The invasion is beginning, and I never warned anybody!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” he wheezed, struggling in my grip. “Not so fast.”

“Was this whole thing a trick? Were you just stalling? Faking me out about your broken ship until your army of blue buddies arrived?”

He pushed on my fingers. “You're squeezing me too tight,” he gasped. “My head is going to pop!”

“Sorry,” I said and opened up my hand. He took several deep breaths and began to pace in circles on my palm, just inches from my face.

“That, Zack, is not an invasion alarm,” he said, pointing at his ship. “Invasion alarms are yellow.”

“Why yellow?”

“It would take too long to explain,” he said, waving off my question. “The point is that alarm just means that someone is coming.”

“Someone? Or a million Erdian someones?”

He stared at the buzzing, flashing light and it stopped suddenly. He looked back at me. “They're probably trying to find me. Like a rescue mission of some kind. But because my ship is damaged,
they'll never actually find me. The odds are a million to one.”

I looked at him skeptically. “Who would they send? Your mom?”

“Why on Erde would they send my mother? That would make no sense. Let's just hope it's not my—”

Amp was interrupted by a thunderous whooshing sound coming from my window.

“The attack is beginning!” I squealed.

I dropped Amp like a hot potato, jumped out of the closet, scrambled to my desk, and pressed my face to the window screen. I squinted as a fiery light lit up the backyard.

“Uh-oh,” Amp gasped from somewhere behind me.

A spaceship just like Amp's was flying in circles twenty feet off the ground in our backyard. A shower of orange and white sparks were spraying out of it, making it look like the Fourth of July had come to my backyard.

Without warning, it turned sharply, like it had bounced off an invisible wall.

“Ooohhhhh nooooooo . . .”

I dove to the carpet just as the thing exploded through my window screen.

Just like Amp's ship had done, the fizzing ball of metal crashed into the wall over my bed with a dull thud, just two feet from the dent Amp's ship had made, which I had cleverly hidden from my family by covering it with a baseball poster.

I was definitely going to need another poster now.

I blinked as thick, stinging smoke filled my room. A burning rubber taste made my tongue tingle. And an eerie, glowing light pulsed from under my bed.

“A million to one, he says,” I said, shaking my head in disbelief. Despite Amp's claim that the invasion wasn't starting, I wasn't convinced. He had been wrong before. About practically everything.

That's when I saw Amp crouching on my bedspread. He had put on his helmet and was holding his tiny weapon out in front of him. Like a truly good friend, he was trying to protect me.

Then he turned.

But then I realized that wasn't Amp on my bed.

It was another Erdian. And he looked ready for a fight.

My Second Erdian

“R
eport to Erdian Council,” the strange Erdian barked into a little wristband recorder thingy.

“Here we go again,” I sighed, rising to my feet. I'd seen Amp do this a million times. This was like getting the same headache twice.

“Atmosphere on this planet is exactly as we predicted,” he continued breathlessly into his tiny bracelet. “Readings indicate seventy-eight percent nitrogen, twenty-one percent oxygen, and trace amounts of argon and carbon dioxide. It is, however, having a strange effect on my voice, which sounds very high. No sign yet of Scout First Class Amp. Stand by for more. Situation here is fluid and unpredictable.”

Now that I had a better look at him, I did notice that this Erdian had slightly longer antennas than Amp and a big space in his teeth. Other than that, they were practically identical.

I cleared my throat. “Uh . . . hi, I'm Zack,” I announced.

He spun and faced me. “Do not move, Earth person,” the tiny creature commanded, his eyes growing wide with fear. He stumbled backward on my bedspread.

I knew he was surprised by my size.

When Amp had arrived so many weeks ago, he was surprised when he saw how big I was. And when he saw the size of my parents, he practically fainted.

I sighed as I stepped over to my bed. “Okay, just take it easy, squirt,” I said. “I come in peace.”

“You come in peace?” he said. “But I'm the one who just got here!”

Do all Erdians love to argue? “Listen, I am on
your side. Let's be friends.”

“Oh, please, earthling, your weak mind tricks will not work on me.”

“Mind tricks? Hey, I'm just being friendly.”

“That won't work either,” he said, pointing his little weapon at me, which looked like a tiny TV remote control.

“Whoa there, half-pint,” I said. “Relax with the ol' remote-controller-zapper thingy. Look, I know the whole Erdian invasion backstory. So take it easy and tell me what you're doing here.”

“You know about the invasion!” he cried. “You must have tortured our scout!”

“Tortured? Amp? C'mon, Blue Face, it's not like that.”

He grunted at me. “He would have never revealed his name unless you forced him to. What have you done with his body? I am here to recover it.”

“Body? He's not dead. Gosh, what do you think I am?”

“Then where is he? Huh? Tell me that, giant human!”

“Actually, I'm not sure. He's probably hiding somewhere. He can be like that.”

“Oh, please, you expect me to believe that? You are a horrible liar!”

“Ease back on the throttle, space dude,” I said soothingly. I tried to calm him down by flashing him with my friendliest, welcoming smile.

“Showing me your teeth will not scare me.”

“That was a smi—! Oh, forget it! Look, we need to quiet down and clean up this mess before my parents come barging in here.”

He crept closer to me. I'm sure he was trying to get me in range of his weapon. “Show me where you're keeping him prisoner this instant.” His eyes nervously scanned the smoke-filled room. “Amp! Amp! I am here to rescue you!”

He then spoke in a strange language that I couldn't follow. It was Erdian. Amp had taught me a few words, but they were mostly curse words.

“Could you be quiet, please?” I hissed. “If my mom and dad hear you they'll flatten you with a spatula. You want to get pancaked?”

“AMP! AMP! IDENTIFY YOUR LOCATION!”

This guy had listening issues. “Stop with the floofy shouting.”

I thought using an Erdian word like
floofy
would make him feel at ease, but it only seemed to freak him out more.

“NOTHING IS AS IT SHOULD BE!” he yelped.

Without any other ideas, I half-fell, half-dove onto my bed in front of him.

That took my tiny visitor by complete surprise.

The resulting mattress bounce sent him flying high into the air, at least three feet. I counted four somersaults, one spin, and two and a half twists. I caught him gently in the palm of my hand.

Amp and I did this trick all the time. It was hilarious. But my new guest didn't seem to see the humor in it.

Shaking his head, he jumped to his feet and zapped my chin with his weapon. It felt like cold static electricity. It tickled. He snarled and shot me repeatedly in the lips, ears, eyes, forehead, cheeks, and nostrils. He seemed to be looking for a weak spot.

I rolled my eyes at him. Then I plucked his helmet off his head and put it on the tip of my nose. His stunned look made me laugh.

“Let's get one thing straight,” I began.

Before I could finish, he was knocked from my hand by a flying marshmallow.

Marshmallow Bullets

“N
O! WAIT!” I yelped.

One minute you're making intergalactic peace with an alien, and in the next second he's picked off by a flying marshmallow!

Another marshmallow came flying. This one bounced off the back of my head. It stung more than I'd care to admit.

Olivia!

One of Olivia's many charming hobbies is building marshmallow launchers. Or, in this case, marshmallow cannons.

I looked back over my shoulder just as a spinning marshmallow rocketed through the ragged hole in my screen. It hit me square in the eye.

“Agh!” I said, falling back on my bed. “Olivia, knock it off,” I said in the loudest whisper I could muster.

When I spun back around the strange Erdian was gone.

“This can't be happening,” I said.

Marshmallows continued to fly past my head. One hit me square in the ear. My best friend and next-door neighbor could be annoying, but there was no denying she had great aim.

I stepped to the window. “Olivia, what are you—”

Three marshmallows bounced off my face in less than two seconds. “OUCH!”

“Sorry,” I heard her call out.

I could see Olivia's shadowy figure standing barefoot in the grass in my backyard. She was in a nightgown and carrying her largest marshmallow launcher. It was slung over her shoulder by a guitar strap.

“That thing is dangerous, Olivia.” I sniffed, trying to clear my watery eye.

“Oh my gosh, Zack, are you crying?”

I growled. “You almost blinded me! What are you doing?” I hissed, poking my head all the way out of my screen's new basketball-size hole.

“I'm running outta ammo, that's what I'm doing!” she said. “Duh, Zack. I'm laying down a steady suppressing fire so you can safely retreat.”

“Retreat? Where am I going to retreat to? I'm already in my room!”

“You can't argue with basic military tactics, Zack.”

“Did you see the—”

“Of course,” she interrupted. “I think the whole neighborhood did. It sounded like World War III out here. What's going on?!”

“I have no idea. Hopefully it's not going to start raining Erdians in a few seconds.”

“WHAT?! We need a plan!”

“Hold on!”

One thing I had to admit about Olivia, she was clear-thinking in an emergency. I, on the other hand, had a brain that turned into pink yogurt when things got tense.

I turned back to my room. I waved away the smoke that hung in the air. I couldn't see movement anywhere. Just as I was about to call out his name, I saw Amp by the door. He was jumping up and down and waving his arms.

At that moment, he sent me one of his brain balls. He could toss thoughts right into my head.

“We must leave now!” he yelped inside my mind. “GET ME OUTTA HERE!”

Without another word, I reached him in four big hops, snatched him up off the carpet, and slipped out my bedroom door.

I looked down the dark hallway. The coast
seemed clear. I gave Amp a look, but it was too dark to see his face. I stuffed him headfirst into my shirt pocket.

I zipped down the upstairs hallway, avoiding the creaky spots, crept down the stairs, and slipped out the back door.

I stood on our backyard patio, feeling the cold concrete under my bare feet, and let out a big sigh.

“Don't move,” a voice hissed just inches from my ear.

I felt the barrel of a marshmallow launcher on my lower back.

Olivia.

“Are you crazy? I almost karate chopped you in the face,” I whispered.

Amp cleared his throat. “Uh, Zack, I think I just threw up a little bit in your pocket.”

“Oh, that is just so gross,” Olivia whispered.

“Just when you think a night can't get any weirder,” I grumbled.