All Falls Down (19 page)

Of course he can't.

"Does she know about us?"

"No. She's a wreck right now so I haven't told her."

I nod, understanding. The last thing she needs to hear right now is that Jared and I are risking everything.

"I tried to convince her to find a different way to go about this." Again, his shoulders move against my back.

"That's what she was so upset about last night," I guess, turning to face him.

He nods, frowning, and reaches for my hand to play with my fingers. "She's terrified the girls will be hurt now that Matthew's gone." Guilt flashes through his expression as he says this. He blames himself. "She's too frightened to change course now, and I don't blame her. We've already gone too far to back out now. Too much could go wrong."

I sit quietly for a long time, just trying to put it all together in my mind. I didn't expect this conversation to turn out this way. I don't honestly know what I expected, but it wasn't this. I may not be a horrible person, stealing Lexi's boyfriend away from her, but I'm still a risk. If anyone guesses that they're putting on an act, that Jared isn't who everyone thinks he is… she could be in more danger. Madeline or Kit could be hurt. Killed. So could dozens of other innocent people.

How can I let Jared take that risk? How can
I
take that risk?

"I don't know what to do," I whisper. My heart physically hurts. Everything has changed, yet we're in the same place we were an hour ago. If Jared and I continue seeing each other and anyone finds out, there will be hell to pay. If we stop now, we get hurt.

How is that right? How is that fair? It isn't… but my happiness is nothing compared to what the girls are going through. If giving Jared up means they stay safe, there is no other option.

"I know it's a mess, but I want
you,
Savannah." He reaches out to cup my cheek again. "I didn't intend to fall for you, but I am. I don't want to stop." He sounds so torn and looks so fiercely beautiful.

I have to force myself to breathe again. In and out. Slowly.

"Tell me what you want from me," he pleads. "I'll give it to you, whatever it is. Just tell me what you want me to do."

"You can't leave her," I whisper.

He shakes his head no. "I don't want to be without you either," he says.

In that moment, I realize how incredibly screwed we both are, because I don't think I can stay away from him. Even knowing the truth… I don't think I can call this off.

God help us all, but I don't want to give him up.

Taking a deep breath, I whisper, "Stay with me." They may be the most significant three words I've ever spoken. "We'll find a way to keep this –
us
– a secret until the girls are safe."

I'm scared he's going to say no. Terrified he's going to refuse me even after everything he's said. I'm not worth the risk and I know that. But I want to be. For once, I want to be worth something to someone. To
him
. I want to matter. I want someone to be willing to fight for me, even if it's impossible.

Jared holds my gaze for a moment longer. I don't know if he's searching for something in my expression or what, but he groans softly and then he jerks me onto his lap, into his arms. His lips descend on mine. He kisses me hard, telling me with his body what he can't put into words.

I kiss him back exactly the same way, begging him not to hurt me. Not to break me. My hands rove all over him, across his chest and back, through his hair. His are all over me, too. They're gripping my hair lightly, cupping my breasts, running across every inch of me that he can reach.

"I need to make love to you," he says against my lips.

My heart stops beating for a moment, fear shooting through me. A thousand doubts come rushing in, a flurry of what ifs ricocheting through me.

"Let me show you how it should be for you." Jared pulls back to gaze at me. His eyes are wide, dilated, and so beautiful. "I will never hurt you like he did, beautiful girl."

"What if…" I can't force the words out.

He stares at me for a long moment, waiting for me to finish that question, but I can't.

"Tell me what you're thinking," he whispers.

I avert my gaze, take a deep breath. "He said I'm… frigid. I don't– I might not be… What if I can't–?" I'm not even sure how to explain my fears to him. How do you confess to someone who looks at you like you're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen that you're terrified you won't be able to please him? That you'll disappoint him?

"Oh, love," he says, pressing his lips to my forehead, and I realize that he's figured out what I can't say. That he knows my greatest fear. "Look at me, please."

I want to deny him, but I can't. I never can.

My eyes flutter open to find him staring at me, his expression full of certainty.

"You didn't enjoy sex with him because he hurt you, Savannah. He took something that should have been beautiful for you and made it ugly. That's not your fault, and there is nothing wrong with you for not enjoying what he did to you. But I feel the way you tremble when I kiss you, and the way your heart races when I touch you. You aren't frigid, beautiful girl. And there is no one that will ever please me more than you." Jade green bores into me, searing me with promise and sincerity. His lips find mine again. "Let me show you how it should be," he whispers. "How you deserve to be loved."

I nod hesitantly.

I want this. I want him.

His arms lash around me and he lifts me from the couch. His mouth never leaves mine as he locks my legs around his waist and starts stumbling through the house. The instant he slips his tongue back into my mouth, all of my doubts and insecurities fall away, leaving nothing but him and the way every little part of me craves him.

I think it's the same for him.

We crash into the walls, the door. Pictures and knick-knacks are bumped off shelves, but they don't register. We're completely lost in one another, tearing through buttons and panting as he carries me into the bedroom. The door slams hard behind him before he lays me on the bed, his body covering mine. His mouth is everywhere now… his tongue at my ear, his teeth scraping across my throat.

"Jared," I gasp, dizzy from the sensations swirling through me.

He presses down on top of me. I'm completely engulfed by him, and it still isn't enough. I push my hands into his shirt, trying to rip it away from his body. He struggles out of it and flings it away before lifting me and tearing mine away too. My bra goes with it.

He leans back and his gaze trails down my body. His jade eyes are blazing hot when they meet mine again. "You shatter me," he says, and then leans forward again, pulling my nipple into his mouth and sucking hard.

I cry out, the sensation sparking everywhere. It's bright white light coursing through me with the force of a hurricane. I arch beneath him and cry out again and again. He doesn't stop his beautiful assault. He just moves from one breast to the other, sending sensation tearing through me over and over.

His mouth trails down my stomach, pressing little kisses everywhere while he lifts my hips and pulls my pants and panties off. I can't even breathe through the fire of what having his bare hands on my skin does to me. My body sizzles, steams…. I want more. I
need
more.

I've never felt anything like him before.

Jared groans, crawling back over my body and kissing me again before pulling away and standing. I watch through heavy lids as he kicks his shoes off and jerks his pants down.

"I wish you could see how beautiful you look spread across your bed for me," he says. He holds my gaze, dropping his boxers, his gaze scorching me with the conviction of what he's just said.

I swallow hard when his erection springs free. He's big and so hard….

I press my legs together, trying to ease the ache between them.

Everything inside me trembles with desire, with fear… I don't know which is more predominant, but I want him. And that doesn't seem wrong. With desire blazing from jade green as he stares at me, I don't feel wrong or frigid. All I feel is fire. Fire everywhere.

He pulls my legs apart and kneels between them, running his mouth up the inside of my thigh and then down the other. His breath is hot across my center. My fingers twist in the sheets, my heart galloping.

How can something this right, this amazing, be wrong?

He meets my gaze again and it's like I'm staring at an angel. His cheeks are flushed with desire, his green eyes nearly black beneath heavy lids. He is captivating, entirely too beautiful.

"Do you want me to stop?" he whispers.

I shake my head no. I don't want him to stop. I never want him to stop making me feel like this.

He nods once, his expression fierce, and lowers his head again.

His tongue swipes through my folds.

"Oh!" I cry out, my fingers clutched in the sheets as pleasure rolls through me.

He groans and tightens his grip on me, pulling my hips up to meet his mouth.

And his mouth… oh, dear God, his mouth.

I stop breathing as he gorges himself on me. My head is spinning so fast, all I can do is lay there and
feel
. It's heat and steam, and I think I may actually go crazy as he licks and sucks and nibbles as if we've done this a thousand times and he knows exactly what I need and where I need it.

He gives it to me.

Within minutes, orgasm tears through me, leaving me stunned and gasping.

Jared groans my name.

I shake beneath him, riding it out, and then he's crawling up my body again. He gazes down at me and wipes the back of his hand across his mouth.

"You taste like heaven," he says, hitching my thigh around his hip.

His erection presses against me and I moan in ecstasy.

"Are you on birth control?" he asks.

I nod.

"Do you want me to get a condom?"

Do I?

I shake my head, wanting to feel him.

I'll be gentle with you," he promises, staring at me, searing me with sincerity again. "I won't hurt you. Do you need me to stop? Tell me if you do, beautiful girl, and I will. I promise you, I will."

This is my choice, and he's giving it to me. Letting me decide how far we go, how much I can handle. All I have to do is say stop, and he will. Without hesitation. He won't be angry with me or yell words like
frigid
or
worthless
at me. I can tell him no right now, and he won't try to force or hurt me.

Power courses through me as he stares down at me, waiting for me to decide if I'm willing to give this to him. So much power my head spins. And I'm not ashamed or dirty. I'm not afraid. I don't feel anything but heat. And God help me, I don't want Jared to stop.

"Don't stop," I mouth.

He doesn't.

His hips surge forward.

I cry out.

His head slams back when he's all the way inside me. "Oh fuck…
yes!
"

It's the most erotic sound I've ever heard.

He stills for a minute and leans down. His mouth meets mine. His kiss is gentle and so sweet, all I can do is cling to him and gasp. He tastes like us and I just want to stay right where I am.

"You okay, beautiful girl?" he asks against my lips.

"I… yes," I moan. "More."

"More?"

I nod.

He slides himself out slowly, his tongue working sweetly against mine… and then the storm intensifies. He thrusts his hips forward, and I can't remember ever feeling so full. He starts rocking above me, pushing himself inside me before sliding back out.

He's moving so quickly, so deeply, he can't keep kissing me.

Wordless sobs pour from my throat.

His mouth moves all over me. He's everywhere, kissing my neck, tonguing my nipples, and gently biting my shoulders and collarbone. Little groans are pressed into my skin as he worships me with his hands, mouth, and body.

He's gentle and loving, and I've never felt so perfect or so worshipped.

My fingers dig into Jared's back as he sends me spiraling upward. Everything inside begins shrinking. I can't even focus on one sensation before another, equally as powerful, stabs into that shrinking ball of everything I am. My hips lift to meet his, again and again. The scars on my back don't ache in protest. I feel nothing but liquid heat getting hotter and more intense by the second.

"Savannah," he groans against my breast. "Beautiful girl, being inside you is heaven."

His words send me over the edge. I cry out and come around him. It tears through me savagely, leaving me sobbing wordlessly. Waves of pleasure wrack my body, causing my toes to curl and my back to arch.

Jared hisses my name again and his hips slam into me a final time. He cries out and I feel him jerking inside of me as he comes, too. My body keeps clenching around him, my orgasm prolonged by his own. It seems to go on forever. He moans above me, his fingers digging into my hips and his hard body pressed tightly to mine.