All I Want Series Boxset, Books 1-3: All I Want for Christmas, All I Want for Valentine's, All I Want for Spring (26 page)

“You think that’s what you looked like when you were little?” Tori asked.

Holly nodded, smiling at Elsie. “Yup. Dad says she’s the spitting image of me and having seen some photos, I’d have to agree.”

“I’d love to see some of these photos, especially now we’re together.” Tori turned and eased some hair off Holly’s forehead as she spoke.

“You weren’t interested when you were just my friend?” Holly’s voice held a question mark.

“Not as much,” Tori laughed, giving Holly’s thigh a squeeze.

Elsie had a shock of brown hair and deep, green eyes just like Holly. Unlike Holly however, she was wearing a floral dress, which came as no surprise at all when Tori remembered who her mum was.

Thinking of Sarah made Tori frown. She couldn’t imagine anything much worse than spending your weekend finding out if your brain tumour was cancerous or not — bad enough you had one in the first place. Her heart went out to her, and she hoped beyond hope the news was positive. For Sarah, for Holly’s dad, but especially for Elsie.

“So when we have kids, that’s what they’ll look like?” Tori’s heart sped up as she asked, her cheeks ambushed by a blush. Her last relationship had broken up because she didn’t want children, so she wasn’t sure where that comment had come from. But she had to admit, it wasn’t the first time she’d thought about kids since her and Holly got together.

“We’re having kids?” A grin spread across Holly’s face. “Shouldn’t we at least get to month two before one of us gets up the duff?”

Tori laughed, but her cheeks blazed with embarrassment. “You’re right, we’ll hold fire.” She paused. “Let’s see how we get on with Elsie first, shall we? Like I said, if we keep the plant
and
her alive, we can definitely cope with a cat.”

Hearing her name, Elsie appeared at Holly’s knee, holding up her plastic cup. “Juice, Lolly.”

Tori smiled — she loved that Elsie couldn’t say Holly’s name right. “Come on, Lolly, you heard the child.”

Holly grabbed Elsie under her arms and plonked her on her lap. “She’s heavier than she looks,” she said with a groan. Then she turned to Elsie. “Shall we have some juice and then go to the park?”

Elsie’s face remained impassive. “Mummy?” she asked.

Holly turned on her smile again, stretching her long legs out in front of her while bouncing Elsie up and down. “Not with Mummy today, sweetheart, but with me and Tori. Do you like to play on the swings?”

“Swings!” Elsie said, clapping her tiny hands together.

“Swings it is.” Holly sat forward and put Elsie on the ground, before standing up and taking her hand. “First things first, let’s get you some juice.”

***

It was a Saturday in mid-January, but even though Holly could feel her circulation slowing, it still wasn’t as cold as it should be. There were even daffodils blooming in the flowerbed next to the playground, and, although you could see your breath, the sun was still cutting through the clouds, throwing shapes on the springy kid-friendly surface beneath them.

The park playground was busy today, with parents of all ages pushing and clapping their offspring. It was all too easy to fall into the trap, as Holly was discovering. Perhaps this was what happened when you had a child: you swore you’d never be one of those parents, but as soon as your progeny did the slightest little thing, you proclaimed them a genius. 

As if to prove the point, Elsie had an infectious giggle that made Holly melt. She was pretty sure no other child’s laugh had ever done that, so it must be because they were related. Either that, or she was getting broody, and that thought made her want to open her mouth to share the absurdity of that with Tori, but then she shut it abruptly.

They weren’t just friends anymore, after all. Holly couldn’t just blurt out everything that came into her head, and Tori had bolted from her last relationship when her ex, Anna, had announced she wanted kids. Seeing as they’d only been going out less than a month, Holly didn’t want to muck this up that quickly, despite the fact she believed Tori and her were irrevocably fused now. Holly glanced over at Tori and shot her a grin to confirm that thought, even though Tori was unaware of her internal dialogue.

Tori returned her grin. “I can’t believe how many of these mums look like lesbians. You think they actually
are
lesbians?” Tori was pushing Elsie from behind on the swings, while in front of her, Holly was waving at Elsie’s giggling features swinging back and forth. Tori’s nose was red from the fresh air, and her smile lit up her face. Holly gazed at her: it was all still so new and fantastic, sometimes Holly had to pinch herself.

“I believe lesbians are allowed to have children last time I looked, so who knows?” she said. “Or it could just be you think everyone’s a lesbian.”

The man pushing his child on the next swing glanced at Holly as she spoke. He had an amused look on his face. Holly ignored him.

“I do not.” Tori pulled her thick grey scarf tighter around her neck and pouted.

“You do. You thought that woman on the tube the other day was. Until her boyfriend got on and they started kissing.”

“She should have been a lesbian, no question. She had an air about her.”

“An air that said, ‘I love men’?”

Tori waved a hand, before pushing Elsie again.

Elsie was red in the face and squealing now. She had on a pink coat and pink shoes, which piqued Holly’s feminist side, but Elsie seemed to love them.

“Pink!” she’d proudly proclaimed as they’d sat her in her buggy earlier.

“Anyway, off the point.” Tori paused, pointing at a woman beside the slide with a young boy around Elsie’s age. The woman had short hair, jeans and Nike trainers. “Take her over there, green scarf. You think she’s gay?”

Holly twisted to look, and when she turned back, nearly stepped straight into Elsie’s outstretched foot.

“Nearly got you,” Tori said, as Elsie squealed again.

“Kick Lolly!” Elsie said, flicking her feet out as she swung. Luckily, Elsie had terrible aim.

“No kicking Lolly!” Holly said, laughing as she did. “When did kids get so sadistic?”

“Kids have always been sadistic, don’t you remember school?” Tori replied, her breath frothing the air around her.

“Very true.” Holly paused. “Anyway, that woman — who knows? She might be gay.” She narrowed her eyes at Tori. “And why are you looking? Are you bored with me already?” Holly raised an eye at Tori over a giggling Elsie.

Tori laughed in return. “I could never be bored with you.”

A few moments later, Tori stopped pushing and the swing slowed to a natural stop.

Holly lifted a flushed Elsie out and into her arms. As she began to walk, Tori appeared at her side and stroked her back. Tori had given up trying to put an arm around Holly as they walked now — Holly was just too tall for such things.

“I quite like you holding a baby, you know,” Tori said. They were walking out of the playground, their unspoken destination the coffee shop they’d passed on the way in. Tori wheeled the buggy beside Holly, empty save for Elsie’s favourite toy — a cuddly giraffe named Gertie. “And whoever would have thought I’d say that? Certainly not Anna.”

Holly glanced her way, hoping Tori hadn’t read her mind from earlier. That Tori was warming to the idea of kids made her heart glow. “Maybe you’re growing up,” she said. “Or maybe the issue wasn’t that you didn’t want kids, but that you didn’t want them with Anna.”

They walked on for a couple of seconds before Tori replied.

“You might be onto something there.”

Elsie put an arm around Holly’s shoulder and burrowed into her neck, the playground having clearly tired her out. A contented warmth spread through Holly: Elsie was beginning to trust her, which she couldn’t help but smile at. However, being a two year old, she didn’t sit still for long, soon wriggling in Holly’s arms and straining her neck to see what was happening all around.

“Juice, Lolly?” she asked, putting her other hand into her mouth.

“You’re a juice monster, aren’t you?” Holly replied.

From the grin she gave her, Elsie seemed pleased with that description.

***

Back at the house, and Elsie was happily sat ensconced in front of the children’s channel that Holly’s dad had informed them was a lifesaver, and he wasn’t wrong. Once back from the park, the toddler had wandered around the house looking for her parents, but when Holly had told her they wouldn’t be back today, she’d accepted it more readily than they’d imagined. Now, she was mesmerised by four characters in luminous colours line-dancing on the screen in front of her.

Tori left her there and walked through to the kitchen, where Holly was preparing dinner: a chilli for them so she could leave some for her dad, and fish fingers and chips for Elsie. Tori leaned against the kitchen counter and watched as her girlfriend stirred the pot. The house was filled with the rich smell of meat, tomatoes and spices bubbling on the stove, and her stomach rumbled. A day out with Elsie had worked up her appetite.

“Is now the right time to tell you I’d rather have fish fingers and chips than chilli?” Tori asked, her face a blank page. She waited for Holly to bite.

“Is now the right time to tell you I’ve got a knife?” Holly replied with a smirk.

Tori leaned in for a kiss and duly got one. “So I didn’t think we’d have kids this early in the relationship — I mean, there was me worrying about a kitten last week.”

“Go hard or go home, I say,” Holly replied. “Is she okay, anyway?” Holly glanced at the kitchen doorway even though there was nobody there.

“She’s fine — being indoctrinated with some day-glo cartoon, but it’s keeping her entertained. And she’s clutching Gertie the giraffe. So long as Gertie’s there, everything else falls into place.”

“Let’s not piss off Gertie then, deal? Make sure Gertie gets all the grass she wants. You’re on giraffe duty.” Holly waved a wooden spoon in Tori’s direction.

“Yes sir,” Tori replied, giving Holly a salute.

Fifteen minutes later they were sitting down to dinner at the kitchen table — they’d both rejected sitting in the formal dining room, clogged up as it was with dark wooden furniture and stale air. Tori wasn’t sure at what age you suddenly fell in love with such furniture, but she hoped it never happened to her. Her mum had avoided it, so maybe she’d get lucky too.

Elsie sat in her high chair, plastic spoon in hand, while Holly chopped up her fish fingers and chips, trying not to knock the peas off her little plate.

“Are you going to be a good girl and eat this all up for me?” Holly asked.

Elsie said nothing.

“Just like you do for Mummy?”

Tori frowned. Why was she bringing up Sarah? That was the quickest way to ruin the calm atmosphere.

Sure enough, within seconds Elsie’s mouth was facing south, then her bottom lip trembled, her eyes turned watery and she began to cry. Softly at first, and then progressing into a great, gushing wail.

“I waaaaant my muuuummeeeeeeeeeee!” Elsie cried, dropping her spoon onto the laminate floor below with a clatter, and taking gulps of air in through her mouth, her nose now bunged up with snot.

Tori sprung into action as Holly’s face dropped, running out of the room, much to Holly’s horror.

“Where are you going?” Holly shrieked, loud enough to be clearly heard, even over Elsie’s cries.

Tori reappeared moments later with Gertie in one hand and some kitchen roll in the other.

“Now then,” she said, pulling her chair right up close to Elsie, whose face was a river of snot and tears. “Blow your nose for me, then we can have a cuddle with Gertie before we eat dinner and have a story. Mummy’s coming back soon, but for now, it’s just us and Gertie. But Gertie’s in charge, aren’t you, Gertie?” Tori held up the giraffe in front of her face and began babbling to it like a pro, as if possessed with the spirit of the child whisperer. Minutes later, Elsie’s sniffles quietened down, and soon they were replaced with smiles, followed by food aeroplanes landing in her mouth.

Holly carried on eating her chilli, watching. “Aren’t you Super Nanny?” she said. “I’m impressed.”

Tori gave Elsie another mouthful of food, before glancing over at her girlfriend. “After this, a cat’s going to be child’s play.”

CHAPTER 7

January: Week Four

Tori was walking home from work the next week when her phone went: it was her mum.

“Hey kiddo,” her mum said, as she always did. It had actually been Tori’s dad’s saying more than her mum’s, but since his death over seven years ago, her mum had adopted it as her own. “How are you?”

Tori sighed. “I’m okay.” It’d been a long day, and the lead she’d been chasing at work hadn’t come off. It meant she was going to have to strive even harder to hit her target this month, but she was confident she could pull it off; it might just take a little more energy than she’d imagined. Tori had never missed a target in the entire time she’d been with her online marketing agency after all, but then again, that just added to the pressure.

“That is not the sound of my darling daughter who should still be giddy with the first flush of love, now is it?” Her mum had been thrilled when she’d got together with Holly, her best friend since the age of 11. “Don’t tell me there’s trouble in paradise already?”

Tori smiled as she stepped over a discarded burger from the local cafe, half of it already trodden into the pavement. Somebody had gone home with ketchup on their shoes. “No, nothing’s wrong. Work’s just a bit crazy, and now we’ve got Holly’s little sister coming to stay. You remember I told you about Holly’s step-mum?”

Tori’s mum took an intake of breath. “Gosh, yes, that’s awful. So young too. So you’ve got the little girl again?”

Tori nodded, even though her mum couldn’t see her. “Looks like it. We were trying to get away to the coast for a night, but now we’re having to babysit again.” She paused and kicked a stone. “I don’t mind, but… you know.”