All These Things I've Done (18 page)

‘What about your lawyer?’ Scarlet asked.

‘Mr Kipling? He’s still in the hospital.’

‘Not Mr Kipling! The young one. Simon, is it?’ Scarlet said.

I told Scarlet that he wasn’t that young.

‘How young isn’t he?’

‘Twenty-seven,’ I said.

‘That’s not that old either. That’s only eleven years older than me.’

‘You’re getting as bad as Natty,’ I said.

Scarlet’s mouth slipped into a pout. ‘Well, I don’t like any of the boys my own age.’

I shook my head at her. ‘You’re hopeless,’ I said.

‘And the ones I do like don’t like me back.’

Natty and I got to Fats’s place early to set up the back room. Fats’s place had wrought-iron tables and chairs and a big wooden bar across the back. Vintage advertisements for alcohol hung on the wall in heavy gilt frames. Supposedly, they only served wine but the place reeked of coffee beans. Coffee was a hard smell to get rid of, and it was my favourite scent in the world. Both my parents had loved the stuff. Before it was banned, they had always kept a pot on the stove.

‘How you been, kid?’ Fats asked while we shifted tables and chairs into the back room.

I showed him my ankle tattoo.

‘Now you’re really a Balanchine.’

I sighed. ‘Leo’s working at the Pool.’

‘Heard that, too,’ Fats said.

‘You had something to do with it, didn’t you?’ I asked. Hadn’t Leo told me that Jacks and Fats had been the ones that first took him to the Pool?

Fats shook his head. ‘Pirozhki asked me to introduce him to Leo so I did.’

‘Why did Pirozhki want to meet Leo?’

Fats shrugged. ‘Think he said something about wanting to know more of the family.’

This seemed like a suspicious response, like Fats was hiding something. I would have called him on it, but at that moment Scarlet showed up. She was wearing a strapless red taffeta ball gown and a headband with a peacock feather in it. Natty trailed behind her. ‘Doesn’t Scarlet look pretty?’ Natty said.

‘Amazing,’ I agreed. While it was true that Scarlet looked amazing, she also looked slightly insane.

‘I brought something for you to wear, too,’ Scarlet said. ‘I knew you wouldn’t have changed.’ She was right; I was still wearing my school uniform. Scarlet pulled a black, sequined, drop-waisted dress out of her bag. It was not the kind of thing that I would wear and I told Scarlet so.

‘Come on, it’s my birthday. And I want you to be sparkly,’ Scarlet insisted.

‘Fine,’ I said. ‘If you want me to look ridiculous. You’re early, by the way.’ Scarlet had told me she was planning to arrive fifteen minutes late in order to make a grand entrance.

‘I didn’t want you to have to do everything by yourself,’ she said. ‘I’ll leave and then I’ll come back later to make my entrance.’

The party was a success. Scarlet’s outfit was much admired. (Mine was, too.) I busied myself with the music and keeping everyone fed and watered. I liked having something to do, and I wasn’t in the mood for conversation anyway.

At the end of the night, I had Leo and Natty escort Scarlet home, and I stayed after everyone had left to put the tables and chairs back in their rightful places and to thank Fats.

‘Here,’ Win called. ‘Let me help you with that.’ He took the chair I was carrying and set it in a stack with the others. ‘I can finish that for you.’

‘I thought you’d gone,’ I said. I was not entirely thrilled to find myself alone with him, but if he wanted to move chairs, so be it.

He went over to his hat, which was hanging on a brass hook on the wall. ‘I left my hat,’ he said as he put it on his head.

‘Sometimes I think you go around leaving your hat everywhere on purpose,’ I grumbled.

He stacked the last of the chairs. ‘Now, Anya, why would you think that?’

I didn’t answer. Win walked over to me. He held out his palm. In the middle of it was a single black sequin from the dress Scarlet had lent me. ‘You lost this,’ he said.

I giggled, slightly embarrassed to be leaving bits of myself behind. ‘I’m shedding.’

‘I did abandon my hat on purpose,’ he admitted. ‘It’s hard to ever get you alone, and there’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you . . .’ And then he invited me to the Fall Formal. ‘I know, it’s kind of childish, but, well, I have to go. I’m the entertainment. Me and these guys are playing music, so . . .’

‘Guys playing music? You mean, you’re in a band?’ I asked.

‘No, we’re not a band yet. Just a couple of guys come together for the purpose of entertaining at the Holy Trinity Fall Formal. I hate when people have been together, like, two minutes and they’re all,
We
’
re a band!
’ This was said incredibly quickly and with a great deal of gesturing. I guess he was nervous. He took his hat off his head, as if to give his hands something to do. ‘So, yes, I’m definitely going. With or without you,’ he said. ‘But I’d rather it be with.’ He smiled at me, and his blue eyes went soft and shy. Had I been a different kind of girl with a different kind of life, I would have maybe kissed him right there.

‘So, Anya, what do you say?’

‘No,’ I replied firmly.

‘OK,’ he said, putting his hat back on his head. ‘Just so I know, is it the dance or is it me?’

‘Does it matter?’ I asked.

‘Yes, because if you don’t like me, I’ll stop bothering you,’ Win said. ‘I’m not the type of person to linger where I’m unwanted.’

I considered this question. If I was very honest with myself, I didn’t want him to stop bothering me and yet it was the only sensible solution. ‘It’s not you,’ I lied. ‘I just don’t think with Arsley in the hospital and how complex my personal life is, I should be seeing anyone at the moment. Triage, you know?’

‘I understand, but that sounds like bull,’ he said. Then Win left, making sure to take his hat with him this time.

In that moment, I liked Win more than I ever had before. I appreciated that when something sounded like bull, he said so.

I let myself feel good and sorry for myself, but only for a second. Daddy always said that the most useless of all human emotions was self-pity.

On Monday, Win was cordial with me in FS II, but he didn’t sit with us at lunch. Instead, he ate with some of the guys who were not technically a band. Scarlet asked me if anything had happened between me and Win, so I told her.

‘What’s wrong with you?’ she asked, her voice surprisingly angry.

‘Nothing,’ I said. ‘Maybe it’s not that great an idea for me to have a boyfriend right now. Gable is still in the hospital, you know.’

‘What does Gable have to do with anything? You’ve been flirting shamelessly with Win ever since school started!’

‘That’s not true!’

Scarlet rolled her eyes. ‘I, on purpose and very selflessly I might add, stopped going for Win because I thought my very best friend was in love with him.’

‘It isn’t a good time, Scarlet.’

Scarlet shook her head. ‘I don’t understand you at all.’ She concentrated on eating her lasagne (again!) and so I did the same.

‘What’s so great about being in a couple anyway?’ I demanded of Scarlet. ‘Get your own boyfriend if you think they’re so important.’

‘That was mean,’ she said. Scarlet shook her head at me, and I immediately regretted the second half of my comment. Even though Scarlet was beautiful and loyal, she was also considered slightly odd and, consequently, she rarely got asked out. Nana, when she was still herself, used to say that Scarlet was one of those girls who would be far more appreciated when she was older.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘Scarlet, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.’

Scarlet didn’t reply. She picked up her tray and left me to eat alone.

All through play rehearsal that afternoon, Scarlet wouldn’t speak to me and she didn’t wait for me at the end of rehearsal either. I hated it that I had hurt Scarlet’s feelings so I stopped by her apartment on the way home from school to apologize again. Scarlet lived on the top floor of a six-storey walk-up. It was quite a climb, which was why we usually hung out at my house, where the elevator was mostly reliable.

‘Apology accepted,’ Scarlet said. ‘I decided I’d probably overreacted once I got to the hallway, but by then I’d already stormed off and it seemed embarrassing to storm back. By the way, it’s not that everyone has to be in a couple! You clearly like Win, and he clearly likes you. It’s simple, or it should be.’

I looked at Scarlet. ‘Nothing is simple.’

‘Then explain,’ she said. ‘Please explain.’

‘All right,’ I said. ‘But you have to promise never to repeat this to anyone. Not to Natty. And especially not to Win.’ Scarlet promised, so I told her what Charles Delacroix had said to me about how no son of his could ever date a girl like me.

‘That’s awful,’ Scarlet said.

‘I know.’

‘It is awful,’ Scarlet continued. ‘But I don’t actually see why it matters.’

‘It’s his family,’ I said, ‘and family matters more than anything.’

‘Yes, but it’s Win’s family, so if he wants to piss off his father, that should be his choice, don’t you think?’ Scarlet asked.

‘Maybe,’ I said. ‘But when you think about it, it’s not as if I’m going to marry Win or like I’m even in love with him, so what’s the point? There are millions and billions of people in the world to get with, so why bother with the one whose father is very powerful and dead set against me?’

Scarlet considered this statement. ‘Because it might be fun. And it might make you happy. So, what’s the harm if it probably won’t last anyway?’ Scarlet kissed me on the cheek.

As I mentioned about one hundred pages ago, Scarlet was a romantic. Daddy used to say that calling a person a romantic was just another way of saying he or she acted without regard for consequences.

‘Scarlet, I can’t,’ I said. ‘I wish I could, but I can’t. I have to think about Natty and Nana and Leo. Imagine if Charles Delacroix decided to retaliate against me.’

‘Retaliate! That’s ridiculous and paranoid!’

‘Maybe, maybe not. Win’s father struck me as . . . Well, I guess you’d call it ambitious. It wouldn’t be outside the realm of possibility that he could call the authorities on my family to get me out of the picture.’

‘You sound crazy, Annie,’ Scarlet said. ‘There’s no way that would ever happen.’

‘Listen, I’ll tell you one scenario I thought of. Charles Delacroix knows that Natty and I don’t have a real legal guardian at the moment. Nana’s not good. She’s really lost it, Scar. Leo is . . . Leo is what he is. What if Mr Delacroix called Child Protection Services on us? What if I ended up back at Liberty or someplace like it, only forever? And Natty could end up there, too! My point is, Win’s just not worth it to me.’

Scarlet’s eyes filled with tears.

‘Why are you crying?’ I asked.

Scarlet waved her hand in front of her face in a manner that struck me as almost comical. ‘The way that boy looks at you! And he doesn’t even know why you’re . . . I wish I could tell him.’

‘Scarlet, don’t go getting any ideas.’

‘I would never betray your trust. Never!’ Scarlet sniffed. ‘It’s so tragic.’

‘It’s not tragic,’ I assured her. ‘This is nothing. Tragedy is when someone ends up dead. Everything else is just a bump in the road.’ For the record, that was something Daddy used to say, but I’m pretty sure Shakespeare would have agreed, too.

X I I.
i relent; make an adequate witch

D
ESPITE THE FACT
that neither of us had dates, Scarlet wanted to go to the Fall Formal and so we did. I would have preferred not to but, as Daddy might have said, that was the price of friendship.

The theme of the dance was ‘Great Romances’, or some such nonsense. There were projections of supposedly great couples from the past on the walls of the gym. Romeo and Juliet, Antony and Cleopatra, Hermione and Ron, Bonnie and Clyde, etc. I don’t think any of them met a particularly good end, but I suspect this was an irony that entirely bypassed the event’s organizers.

I was not surprised to discover that Win was there with Alison Wheeler. Though Alison and I were not friends, there was no animosity between us and we had gone to school together for years. She was pretty verging on very pretty, with a willowy frame and long red hair out of a storybook. It showed good taste on his part, and I was glad to see he had gotten over me so quickly. No one else had asked me to the Fall Formal, by the way. I suppose they were justifiably worried about ending up like Gable Arsley.

Toward the middle of the night, Win’s band set up to perform. (They were only to play during the DJ’s break.) I asked Scarlet if she wanted to leave.

‘No, that would be rude,’ she said. ‘He’s still our friend so let’s listen to at least one of his songs and then we can go.’

They started with a cover of a really old song called ‘You Really Got a Hold on Me’. Win had a deep, husky singing voice, and he played guitar well, too.

‘He’s good,’ Scarlet said.

‘Yes,’ I said.

‘Do you want to go now?’ she asked. ‘I waved to him so I know he saw that we stayed.’

I shook my head.

The nameless ‘band’ did a couple of original songs, and I liked those even better than the cover. The lyrics were clever and even poetic. Win was talented. There was no doubt about that.

I found myself very much wishing that we had left. It would have been easier not to have known that Win was talented.

They played a fifth and final song. It was a ballad, but not too sappy. I thought Win might have looked at me, but then he made a lot of eye contact with everyone. He seemed entirely comfortable onstage.

The band took their bows, and the DJ came back on to spin a couple more songs. I was glad that it was over. I felt hot and ill. I needed to get outside for some fresh air.

‘Let’s go,’ I said to Scarlet.

At that moment, one of the boys from the play asked Scarlet to dance. I didn’t want to be mean so I told her I would wait.

Scarlet made her way to the dance floor. It was a fast song, and she danced with considerably more skill than her partner. I was glad the dance hadn’t been a total bust for her. Behind Scarlet, I spied Win dancing with Alison Wheeler. She was wearing a knee-length white dress that really complemented her skin tone and her hair. She looked elegant and very grown-up. Win had taken off his tie and rolled up his sleeves, and I guess he must have been a bit hot from performing, because his short hair was curled into ringlets around his ears in a way I had never seen before. I don’t know why, but I found those ringlets to be ridiculously sweet and irresistible.