All We Know Is Falling: Fall With Me: Volume One (39 page)

I ended up showering and getting ready for school about two hours earlier than I needed to. I sat on my bed, totally ready for school and the sun was barely out.

Mom was in the kitchen cooking. I could smell the bacon and eggs and I could hear Brom Bones meowing desperately at her. I wandered out and sat at the table.

She turned around when she heard the chair moving. “Hello, love. You’re up early.”

“I didn’t really sleep. It was a long night.”

She made up a plate for me and set it on the table. “I can tell. Wanna talk about it?”

I started scooping the eggs onto a piece of toast to make a sandwich. “I did something kind of awful to Hale.”

Hadley wandered downstairs in her jammies and sat down without a word. She stole my bacon and mom replaced it. “What might that be?” she said as she dumped the bacon onto my plate.

“After I told him what I was, what we all were, we started talking about us. More about how he can’t be with me. And we kept dancing around the word love. He told me not to say I loved him because he thought that it would make him break down and decide to be with me. But that was what I wanted, so I said I loved him.”

Hadley leaned a little closer as she grabbed my glass of juice. “What happened after that? Did he say it back?”

“He left.”

Her back hit the back of the chair. “I’m sorry. That sucks.” She wasn’t one to offer many words of advice, but I could always count on her for sympathy.

“Tell me about it. I might have just ruined everything.”

She snorted, “Yeah right. The kid gave you his mom’s necklace. Might as well have been a wedding ring. He was claiming you in the sweetest way a person can. Dress it up all you want, but that was what he was doing.”

I looped my finger around the chain and popped open the locket, looking down at the words meant for me. The words that said I was his home.

The doorbell rang and my mother smiled. “She’s right. That boy is yours just as much as you’re his.”

Hadley hopped up to get the door while I kept eating my sandwich and what remained of my bacon. Hale walked into the room with my sister and he was holding my boots.

I tried to keep the devastation off of my face as I went through what it meant that he had them. He’d kept them because he liked having a reminder of me around. Now he was giving them back. I could only assume that he was done with wanting the reminder.

He set them on the floor next to me. “You’re up early.”

“I know. You’re here early.”

“No he’s not,” Hadley stole yet another piece of bacon. “He gets here around now every day. When he’s not already here,” she mumbled under her breath.

I turned my gaze to Hale. “You do? Why do you let me sleep for an hour?”

“I don’t mind waiting.”

I didn’t have much to say to that. I picked up my sandwich and the boots before heading to my room. Hale followed behind me.

I set the boots down in my closet. “Are we going to talk about it?”

“No,” he decided, knowing what I was getting at.

I turned around, “Seriously?”

“Yes,” his voice was on edge. 

“I refuse to accept that.”

“Too bad.”

It was amazing how much I hated him and loved him at the same time. There was a civil war in my head. One side telling me to hit him and the other that wanted to jump him.

“You’re being ridiculous,” I told him.

“And you’re being foolish. I’m trying to keep you safe and you’re not paying attention to a word I say.”

“I told you that my father is The Devil. My soul is dammed to Hell for eternity and you think that dating me is what’s going to ruin me. News flash, I’m already ruined. Nothing can fix me or make me a normal human being. Being with you won’t destroy me. But it can make me forget that I’m already destroyed.”

He shook his head and stared at his shoes. “You’re wrong. There’s a lot of you left to destroy. I won’t be the one to do that.”

The violent side of my brain was winning and I had to beat it back down. “You win. We won’t talk about it anymore.” I picked up my backpack and we went to school.

The first three of my classes I spent fuming. I thought I might set something on fire with all of the white-hot fury in my head. But the items in the school managed to escape my wrath. Hale might not be so lucky.

Since the end of the semester was approaching fast all of our classes were just a lot of recaps of stuff I already knew. It was a few too many packets and study guides. If Hale tries to copy my answers again I’m going to ban him from my bedroom.

Hale got to History before I did and I decided to give him the cold shoulder. If he didn’t want to talk, then I wouldn’t talk.

I wasn’t surprised when we were told to work on our study packets in class. The upside was that we were allowed to listen to music. I put both headphones in and turned the volume up so loud it almost hurt me. It took a grand total of ten minutes for Hale to yank out one of the earbuds.

He leaned into my ear and said, “Please don’t be mad at me.”

“I won’t if you’d just stop being stupid.”

“I’m trying to be a good man. You’re the one who made me want to be better.”

I pulled my other earbud out and set it on the table. Normally I wouldn’t want to have this discussion here but there was a loud chattering from everyone in the room as they worked on their study guides together.

“You’re already good. And if you were smart, you could be good and get laid. But whatever I guess,” my eyes went back to my paper.

He grumbled. “Why do you have to torture me? I’m trying to make this easy on the both of us.”

“This is your fault. You’re the one who pushed so hard when we first met. You started all of this.”

“I realize that. I wish I’d understood then the consequences so I could have stopped this.”

Doubtful. If we’d still gotten to know each other—even without his romantic notions—I would have fallen in love with him. I believed that with my whole heart. We were doomed from the very beginning.

“It wouldn’t have mattered, Hale. And if you don’t understand that then maybe you’re right after all.”

I caught sight of his face when I said that. It said that he believed me. Still, he wasn’t budging. Well, two can play stubborn.

“This is the final time I’ll say it, Rory. I won’t be with you in the way you want.”

“Fine then. Pretend you don’t want it too. Just realize that this means we can’t make out anymore. No touching at all. Normal friends don’t do that.” But we were never normal.

“I know,” he sighed and shut his eyes. “I’ll be able to stop.”

“Will you?” I asked doubtfully. “I don’t think we’ve gone more than a day or two without some kind of affection—leaving out when you left the first time. Unless you changed your mind about wanting to be with other girls—”

“I haven’t.”

“So you just plan on going the rest of your life never touching a girl ever again?”

He grimaced. “If I have to then I will.”

I laughed. “But you don’t have to. You’re doing it to yourself.”

The bell rang and the students bolted, some leaving their packets behind. Hale waited for me, ever the gentleman. As proven by his reluctance to do what I’m almost begging him too.

He walked me to lunch and I kept my comments to myself. The ones referring to how he’s pretty much already my boyfriend. We hold hands, fool around, sleep in the same bed. He was dumb for not recognizing it.

Dottie was missing in action again at lunch and I was more than relieved. I didn’t need to feel guilty about two things.

Hale put his milk in front of me like he did every single day. I picked it up. “Kind of a boyfriendish thing to do, don’t you think?”

“Not at all. I think a normal friend would do the same.”

“Do you let all of your normal friends sit on your lap too? No? Didn’t think so.” Drop metaphorical mic.

“That doesn’t mean—”

“Or how many do you kiss goodbye?”

“Still—”

“Give jewelry to?”

“Rory—”

“For God’s sake. We even go to bed together and don’t have sex. If that’s not something people in a committed relationship do then I’ll be dammed more than I already am. Face it, Hale. We’re dating. We were dating before I even figured out we were dating.”

He didn’t deny it but he didn’t agree either. He just went on with his lunch.

I hated being so pushy with him but I was finally in a place where I wanted him more than I didn’t want the pain of his loss. I wanted to enjoy him as much as I could while I still had him with me. He was wasting time we couldn’t get back.

If I kept pushing him he might decide he didn’t want to deal with it anymore. I let him be for the time being. I can go back to nagging him anytime.

We finished up lunch and went on with our day. It was as normal as can be. Us finding reasons to touch each other and be affectionate while pretending that if doesn’t mean anything. And Gym.

We played soccer. Or, more accurately, the rest of the students played soccer while Hale and I just walked around the field. We made plans to have dinner at my house and binge watch some show about werewolves on Netflix.

We got dressed after Gym and headed to the parking lot together.

“Maybe we should just start using your way to get to school. It would save on gas,” Hale said as we wandered through the emptying halls.

“That might work, but you’re human. Living humans aren’t supposed to be in Hell, even for a few seconds. It can kill you.”

“What?” he looked a little worried. “But I was there before. Are there after effects?”

“No,” I assured him. “When you’re there for more than a few seconds your mind and body start burning from the inside out. A few minutes and you’re insane. A few minutes more and you’re dead.”

“Ah. Then I’m glad I was only there for a few seconds.”

“That was by design. I got you out of there the only way I could. I’m sorry I put you in danger.” Again.

“I appreciate your concern but I wasn’t upset abou—” he stopped talking when his eyes landed on something outside. I looked around for what he was seeing. Past the cars leaving in a hurry, I saw two people near the wall a couple hundred feet away. When I realized who it was I pushed Hale back and out of sight so Dottie and her father couldn’t see us.

“What are you doing?” he asked before I covered his mouth with my hand.

“Shh. I’m trying to hear them.”

“How can you hear them from here?” he mumbled under my hand.

“I’m a demon, remember?”

I closed my eyes and tried to block out everything but their voices. It was difficult with the forest so close and the cars going, but I could make out a little.

“It needs to end,” Dottie snapped. “Now.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” her father growled back at her. “This is ridiculous how long this has gone on. You’re the one who doesn’t seem to understand that.”

“I understand more than you do.”

I thought I heard a sigh from Mr. Miller. “Have you been taking your pills? You’re acting—”

“If you say crazy I’m going to—”

The track team came stomping out of the school and it drowned out the barely audible conversation. They walked down the steps and out to their cars, not knowing what they just did.

Once they were gone, Hale stared at me. “What the Hell was that?”

“I wanted to hear them.”

“Clearly. Why?”

I peeked over the wall and they were gone. I huffed and turned back to Hale. “Don’t you think it was a little weird that she wasn’t at lunch but she’s here now?”

He shook his head and looked at me like I was crazy. “Maybe she had lunch with her father. Some people like their parents so I hear.”

“But—”

He put his hands on my shoulders. “Let it go. Lets just go back to your house and try not being insane.”

My eyebrows went up and I put my hands on my hips. He backed away, taking the warning. “I’m not insane. You’re the insane one that’s still in denial that we’re dating.”

“We’re not dating!” he started walking to his car. He stopped when he figured out I wasn’t following him. He walked back and stood right in front of me. “Come on.”

I crossed my arms.

“Stop messing around. We’ve got thirteen episodes of that show to watch tonight.”

I shrugged. “I’m good right here.”

“You get one chance, Rory. Or this becomes something else.” His eyes were playful and happy even though he was trying to keep a straight face.

“Bring it, redcoat,” I smiled. I loved a good challenge.

Without warning, he hauled me up and over his shoulder and started marching me to his truck.

“I’m in a dress, jerk.”

“I am hyperaware of that fact, Lamb.”

“Are you also hyperaware that you have my permission to take advantage of that fact? Boyfriend privileges.”

He sighed and put me down on the passenger’s side of the truck. “Too bad I’m not your boyfriend.”