Allegiant (26 page)

“
Excuse me?
Miss?”

I turn and find myself staring directly at
who I think is Mr. Meyer. Damn it.

He holds out his coat check ticket and
smiles. “#1204.”

I try to return his smile and take the stub
from him. I locate his item, a long wool pea coat, and hand it to
him over the coatroom door. “There you are, sir. Have a nice
night.” I have to admit that up close he’s not a scary-looking guy,
and he doesn’t appear to be assessing me now.

He shrugs on his coat and unexpectedly
extends his hand. “Luke Meyer,” he introduces himself. “And you
are?”

I knew it. I tentatively shake his hand.
“Emma.”

“
Ah. I thought so,” he
says. He reaches into his pocket and produces a business card,
which he places on the ledge of the coatroom door. “Nice to meet
you,” he smiles and then turns to leave.

I’m speechless as I watch
him go. Apparently, I was right and he knows who I am. I don’t know
why I think this, but I hope this doesn’t make things worse for
Dane. I was
perfectly polite. Maybe he’ll
try to use my lower social status as a case against me and for
Teagan. Ugh.

My eyes fall on the white business card that
he left, and I pick it up. It’s full of the typical stuff – name,
company logo, address, and phone number. Why did he leave this? I
flip the card over and my heart skips. There, in neat handwriting,
are the following words:

N
O
NEED TO WORRY
. A
LL
WILL BE WELL IN TIME
.

“
This is the weirdest thing
ever,” Shel says as she holds the business card in her hand. “What
does it mean?”

I give her a bewildered look. “I have no
idea.”

We slowly walk to her car in the parking
lot. It’s nearly midnight, we’ve cleared just about every dish,
glass, and utensil imaginable, and our feet are killing us. I can’t
wait to get back to her dorm and crash.

“
Ladies,” I hear a familiar
voice from my left and immediately close my eyes. This is so not
happening.

“
Dane!” Shel gushes from my
side. “What are you doing here?”

“
It took you two forever to
finish in there,” he says. “Matt said you’d be done around
ten.”

I open my eyes. Of course. Matt. He’s worse
than a group of gossiping women. That boy needs duct tape
strategically placed over his mouth.

“
There was a lot to do,”
Shel explains then looks at me pointedly. “Aren’t you going to say
hello?”

“
Hey,” I say and look at
the ground as I internally panic. How am I going to explain this to
James?

“
I decided to take matters
into my own hands,” Dane says as he stops about a foot in front of
me. “I wanted to see you.” He reaches out and lifts my chin, so
that I’m looking up at him. “I still need that hug.”

I hear Shel let out a muted “aww” and, as if
on cue, I see James materialize directly behind Dane. I try to keep
my eyes focused on Dane and not over his shoulder, but it’s
difficult. James looks livid. Why shouldn’t he be? I told him Dane
wouldn’t be here – no, I promised. And here he finds us, Dane
touching my face and looking into my eyes, saying he needs a
hug.

I react more violently than necessary, but
I’m weirded out from Teagan’s dad and I’m exhausted and panicky. I
yank my face out of Dane’s gentle grasp and take a step back. “You
shouldn’t have come here! I told you I would see you when I
could.”

Dane’s face falls, hurt, and then rearranges
itself. “What is with you?” he snaps.

“
Why won’t you listen to
me?” I plead in anger. I turn to Shel. “Why won’t any of you listen
to me?”

Shel looks sad and confused by my question
and says nothing.

I feel Dane’s hand on my shoulder, and I
shrug it off. “Touching me is not a good idea right now.”

He holds his hands up in surrender in front
of him. “Emma. Seriously. What is the problem?”

I eye James, who steps to Dane’s side. He
clenches his fists and looks ready to take a swing. I need to prove
to him that I didn’t ask Dane to be here.

“
You!” I answer Dane. “You
are my problem!”

Dane looks flabbergasted and beyond pissed.
I’m making a fine mess of things. Guilt floods my body as I
register his expression. He’s never done anything to me to make me
treat him this way, and my heart aches.

“
Emma,” Shel tries to
intervene. “Maybe we should go. You guys can talk this out another
time.”

“
No,” Dane says adamantly.
“Let’s do this.” He takes a step forward and towers over me. “Go
ahead. Tell me how you really feel.”

I stare up into his eyes and nearly choke on
my words as I try to maintain a steady tone. “You and I can never
be anything. Ever.”

“
Why?” His eyes narrow as
he searches my face. “Give me one good reason.”

My mind scrambles. “Because I’m messed up
beyond words! You don’t want me; you don’t deserve that.”

Dane scowls. “Who are you to say what I do
and don’t want? Isn’t that my decision?”

“
You think you want me, but
you don’t. I was just a replacement for Teagan when you were
lonely, that’s all.”

“
You know that’s not true.”
He takes a step closer. “C’mon, you can do better than that. What’s
the real reason?”

The real reason is
standing next to you ready to rip you limb from limb!
I think. My eyes jump to James, who is standing
inches from Dane, and I silently pray for him to look at me.
Look at me!
I shout in my
head.
Look at me and calm down!

“
Well?” Dane
presses.

I’m at a loss. I can’t tell him that I’m
still in love with my dead boyfriend! Or can I? “I’m in love with
someone else,” I say as I try to remain strong. “I’m seeing someone
else.” It’s not a lie.

Dane takes a step back as if he’s been
burned, exposing Shel to my line of vision. Both of them look at me
in awe. Dane sets his jaw, and his eyes harden. “Who’s the lucky
guy?”

“
No one you know,” I say as
my eyes flash to James. He’s finally retreated a few steps although
he still looks pissed as hell.

“
Why didn’t you just say
so?” Dane drills me.

“
I didn’t know how…I didn’t
want to hurt you.”

He lets out a forced laugh and leans
forward. “Let me tell you something. This wasn’t the way to do
it.”

I feel terrible. Absolutely horrible. But
what I told him was the truth; I am with someone else. I just can’t
be specific. I open my mouth to apologize.

He holds out his hand to stop me. “Don’t,”
he says and starts to back toward his car. “I’ve heard enough for
one night.”

“
Dane, I…”

“
Don’t,” he cuts me off in
a hard tone. “Just don’t.”

With that he turns his back and walks away.
I try to keep my emotions in check in front of Shel and James, but
it’s hard. I look at James and quickly wipe away the few tears that
have escaped my eyes. He nods toward me and then disappears,
leaving me to wonder if he’s more upset with me or with Dane. I
finally turn toward Shel. Now I get to face her wrath.

Instead of words, she wraps me in a
vise-like hug. It’s all I can do to remain standing as my tears
well over.

“
Why didn’t you tell me?”
she says into my shoulder. “I had no idea you were seeing someone
new.”

I shake my head. “I’m not.”

She pulls back and stares at me. “Emma! Why
did you do that to Dane?”

I wipe my face. “So he’d leave me alone and
move on.”

She scrutinizes me. “So, you’re not seeing
anyone?”

My emotional state and the inability to
discuss anything personal with anyone human clouds my judgment. I
imagine the relief I will feel once I utter what’s on my tongue.
“I’m not seeing anyone new; I’m seeing someone old,” I pause. “I’m
still in love with James,” I tell her. “I still see James.”

Sitting on my couch,
wrapped in a blanket, I doodle in my notebook with a pencil. I’ve
been back in my apartment since late afternoon, waiting. For James.
For my head to stop pounding. For a moment of clarity. I look down
and focus on my scribble. I’ve written Mr. Meyer’s strange message
repeatedly.
No need to worry. All will be
well in time.

I slam my notebook shut and toss it on the
coffee table. I realize that I’ve left my apartment only twice
since classes began, and each time I ended up in some psychotic
situation. Every time I leave to help someone, I end up hurting
someone else. Maybe that’s the key. I should stop leaving to help
people.

After I admitted that I still see James, it
took most of the night to convince Shel not to call my parents to
have me pulled from school and institutionalized. It was stupid of
me to ever let those words leave my lips. I should have made up a
story about dating Garrett instead. Of course Shel assumed I was
having some sort of delusionary James visions, and I went along
with her assumption to make things easier. I managed to convince
her that the visions were getting better, and they were nothing I
wanted to worry my family over. I told her I needed time to let
myself heal from his loss and that this summer with Dane happened
way too fast. I think she finally understood some of my resistance
toward Dane, and she vowed to stop pushing. Finally.

I decide I need comfort food and homemade
chocolate chip cookies seem more than in order. I peel myself off
the couch and shuffle to the kitchen. I rummage through my
cupboards and come up with every ingredient but the baking soda. I
head over to the wall and bang three times. I’m sure Garrett has
some. It only takes a moment for him to bang back, letting me know
he’s home. I leave my place and return from my baking soda mission
successful, but I had to trade the soda for a promise that he could
stop by in a few minutes, as soon as the first batch of cookies was
done.

I set to work mixing and it calms me. When
every ingredient is combined, I dole out the dough in spoonfuls on
a baking sheet, place it in the oven, and then set to eating the
majority of the left over batter out of the bowl with the spoon. I
know it’s not good to eat the raw eggs, but Nestle Tollhouse
chocolate chip cookie dough is really best uncooked.

“
Did you miss your mouth?”
I hear James say as he appears in the kitchen.

I pause mid-lick and wipe the corner of my
lip with my thumb. “Better?”

He gives me a tiny smile. “Much.”

I toss the spoon back into the bowl and walk
forward to wrap my arms around his waist. “Do you know how much you
scared me last night? I thought you were going to punch Dane.”

“
I was so close,” he says.
“When I felt your reaction and then saw him touching you…I about
went over the edge. That guy is an expert at pissing me
off.”

“
Well, you don’t have to
worry about him anymore,” I say quietly. “I’m pretty sure I ruined
everything we ever had.”

James pulls away from me slightly. “You
sound sad about that.”

I look up at him. “I am sad about that.”

“
Why?” he
frowns.

“
Because I hurt him,” I say
like it should be obvious. “He didn’t deserve that. He’s never done
anything, but care about me.”

“
Whoa.” James steps out of
my arms. “Are you being serious right now?”

“
Yes.” My expression
twists. “I don’t get off on hurting people.”

The oven timer beeps, momentarily
distracting me. I grab a dishtowel off counter, use it as a hot
pad, and remove the cookie sheet, tossing it nosily on the
stovetop. I turn back to James. “You’re mad because I feel bad
about being mean?”

“
I’m mad because you feel
bad about being mean to
him
,” he says, irritated. “Have you
forgotten about the engagement? His lying to you?”

“
He explained
that.”

James shakes his head. “And I still can’t
believe you bought it.”

I cross my arms defensively. “What’s to buy?
He didn’t tell me because he was ending it with her. Yes, he should
have told me, I agree. But he made a mistake.”

“
So now he’s a
saint?”

“
I’m not saying that!” Is
this what we’re going to do now? Fight every other day? I don’t
like it, and I’m sick of it. “Can’t you just be happy? He’s never
going to speak to me again. Problem solved!” I march past him and
into the living room. The kitchen is starting to feel
claustrophobic.

James follows. “Are you walking away from
me?”

“
No!” I turn around. “I
just need some air.”

We stare at each other for a few moments.
Lately, I can’t keep up with his bipolar mood swings. He was never
like this before he died. I miss the relaxed, fun James he used to
be.

“
How?” James
asks.

“
How what?”

“
You said he cares for you.
Tell me how.”

I place my hands on my hips and search his
face. My mind flashes back in time to my confrontation with Mrs.
Davis, when Dane defended me. “This summer,” I say adamantly. “Dane
stood up for me when your mother called me a whore.”

His expression changes from one of defiance
to one of shock. We’ve never discussed this. “What are you talking
about?”

“
I ran into your mom at the
grocery store while running an errand for work. She blamed me for
your death and then called me a whore in front of an aisle full of
strangers. Dane got me out of there; he defended me.”