Almost Heaven (3 page)

“Will he be all right?”

“Broke his leg. He'll be spending the night in the hospital, so I told him I'd make sure his wife and kids get settled into a hotel room. During tourist season, you don't know the strings I had to pull for that one.”

“That was decent of you.”

“Yeah? Well, I try not to be such a bad guy, considering I wear a badge and give people tickets.”

“I've heard you cops have unfair quotas to fill.”

“Pressure of being a cop.” His smile broke wide, showing a row of straight even white teeth and a hint of a dimple. “Why do I have the pleasure of running into you on this fine evening?”

“I'm about to become an aunt again.”

“Congratulations.” He fell in step beside her. “That's hard work, becoming an aunt.”

“Yeah, I have it much harder than Karen. I have to shop in the gift store. I have to sit and wait in those uncomfortable chairs.”

“There must be an unspoken but ironclad law in hospital administration that states they can only allocate funds for the most uncomfortable chairs on the planet. They would
have
to buy them on purpose. There's no way they could find those chairs by chance.”

“There's an administrator somewhere in this building who has better job security because of it.”

The lobby was quiet this time of evening. To Kendra's surprise Cameron stayed by her side as they wound their way to the elevators. He punched the Up button.

An uncomfortable silence stretched between them while they both watched the lit numbers move up and not down in their direction.

What did she say now? She was horrible at making small talk.

A janitor rolled his cart into sight and ambled to the far corner of the lobby. He began washing windows.

Cameron broke the silence. “Did you get your horses all tucked in for the night?”

“Yep.”

“That had to be tough. They can't be used to being cooped up in a trailer.”

“No, but I've worked with a lot of horses over the years. I sweet-talked them.”

Cam could see it in his mind as the doors parted and he followed Kendra inside the elevator. Her gentle words and gentle hands, her quiet ways that told those frightened animals only good things were going to happen to them while they were in her care.

See? He'd asked the Lord for another chance and this was it. He had Kendra alone. Trapped, as it were, in the elevator with him. Folks probably asked her advice all the time.

So just do it. He punched the floor button and leaned against the wall. The car zipped upward, reminding him he had only so much time. “Say, how much does it cost if someone wanted to board a horse at your place?”

Her pretty eyes widened. Had he surprised her that much? She unzipped her good-size purse and started digging through the contents. “It depends. I think I have a price list in here. There are different rates de
pending on the level of care you want and size stall, feeding plans, training and exercising, that kind of thing.”

Her hair was unbound, and it was full of light, falling to cover her face as she rummaged past a worn leather wallet and a glasses case. He took his time looking his fill, while she was busy and wouldn't notice him gawking at her.

She was prettiest this close, he decided. He could see the scatter of light freckles across her nose and cheeks, probably brought out by the summer sun, on skin golden brown and as smooth as satin.

“Here it is.”

He jerked his gaze to the floor at her scuffed white sneakers, as if he hadn't been looking anywhere else.

The rattle of paper drew his attention. He straightened up, all business. It was hard holding back his emotions, but he was a disciplined man with a plan. He admired the cut of her hands, slender and suntanned, callused from her work, with neat short nails painted a shimmering pink.

It dawned on him that she was waiting for him to take the neat brochure. “Uh, thanks.”

“I didn't know you had a horse.”

He opened the trifolded lavender paper and stared at numbers that made no sense. His brain couldn't seem to work right. He couldn't believe what he was about to do. Don't back out now, man.

He cleared the nerves from his throat before he spoke. “I don't. Yet.”

Now there was a dazzling show of his mastery of the language.

She didn't seem to notice. If she did, then she managed to keep her pity for his sorry conversational skills to a minimum. Her voice was as warm as her smile. “You can ask me if you have any questions.”

“Or I could just pull you over the next time you drive through town.”

“Aren't you funny? Abusing your power as an authority figure.” She teased him in return—she couldn't help it—as the doors opened to the maternity wing. “Have a good night, Cameron.”

“You, too. Congratulations on becoming an aunt again.”

He was gone; the doors slid shut before she could answer, leaving her alone. The chug and chink of the elevators echoed in the quiet. She turned around, eyes down because she knew what was ahead of her.

The viewing window of the nursery where newborns slept tucked tight in their blankets and beds, their dear button faces either relaxed in slumber or screwed up in misery as they cried. A nurse was lifting one tiny unhappy baby into her arms as Kendra passed by.

Don't look. Keep moving.

Her feet refused to work, leaving her trapped in front of the window. It hurt to look. It hurt not to look. She admired the tiny babies, their perfectly formed miniature hands, their sweet faces, and envied their lucky parents.

How was it possible to feel happy
and
sad at the same moment? Happy for the precious new babies and sad because she would never have one of her own.

How could she? She wasn't ever going to date. Never going to marry. Never trust a man that much.

There would be no babies for her.

The grief struck her as it always did like a boxer's blow to her sternum. It was her choice, her decision. She couldn't complain. She wouldn't feel sorry for herself, but when would this consuming longing end?

She turned away before the ache within her could crescendo. Before regret and loss could swallow her whole.

Her sisters were waiting beyond those imposing double doors. Why were her feet dragging? What was holding her back?

It was hard to face how different her life was, from what she'd always thought it would be. That's what. She'd wanted to be a wife and a mother. A horse-woman, yes, but, oh, to be truly and deeply loved by a good man. To have her own children to love and nurture. What could be more important than that?

Don't think about what might have been. She closed her eyes, hoped the Lord would help her find the strength to face her family behind those doors without feeling sorrow over the what-ifs in her life. As hard as it was to see what she might have had, she was truly happy for her sisters and their families. To the depth of her soul.

It wasn't as if she was alone. She was an aunt; she
would always have children in her life. She
would
count the wonderful blessings the Lord had given her.

Not dwell on the ones missing.

She squared her shoulders, forced every piece of grief from her heart. She was ready. Behind that door were her sisters and their husbands and their children. Her warm extended family she loved with all her being.

She refused to feel sad, not tonight. Not when there was so much to celebrate. So much to be grateful for.

 

Cameron couldn't stop thinking about the brochure he'd folded and tucked into his shirt pocket. His mind was half on it all during the time he made sure Mr. Anderson had what he needed for the night. Those prices were reasonable. Better than what he'd expected.

I can do this. Excitement zoomed through him as he gave Anderson the number of the hotel his family was staying at. Optimism gave him extra zing as he punched the elevator call button and waited for an empty car in the quiet hush of the corridor.

Money had been tight for a long time, what with Debra's medical costs and funeral expenses, and selling their house, he'd had to come up with the cash to pay for the closing. He'd worried that buying a horse might be a much more expensive proposition than he could afford, now that his finances were evening out.

The elevator doors opened, the empty car waiting to take him downstairs. He hit the Lobby button and
pulled out the brochure as the elevator descended, clicking off the floors.

It had been a long, hard road taking care of Deb, not as hard as the road she walked with her illness. It nearly killed him having to say goodbye to her. Faith saw him through that tough time and after. He'd only been existing, not living. How did a man live with only half of a heart?

Memories tugged him back in time, when he and Deb were newlyweds. Their budget was tight. It had to be. She was finishing up her legal-assistant course at the technical college while he was hoofing it through the academy. Part-time jobs kept them in a small one-bedroom apartment not far from the campus in Bozeman. They had to work to make ends meet, but Deb had made it fun. She was so easy to laugh with. They laughed all the time.

He missed that. He missed the dreams they would talk about over doing the dishes by hand in the cramped kitchen. Deb wanted a sprawling house just out of town, so she could see trees instead of neighbors.

He'd wanted enough land to graze a horse or two on. She'd liked that idea, and wove more dreams of how it would be when times were better, riding their horses in their fields. What a great life they were going to have. Together.

Grief weighed down his soul.

The elevator inched to a halt and the doors whispered open. The outside world beyond the long wall
of lobby windows was dark, and he hated the thought of going out in it.

She'd been gone four years, and the pain of heading home to an empty house still ate at him.

Is that going to change anytime soon, Lord?

Then he saw Kendra through a glass partition in the far wall. The overhead light haloed her golden hair and caressed her creamy complexion. She wore a simple T-shirt and her denim shorts, nothing pretty or fancy or extraordinary, and she looked so lovely.

He supposed it was loneliness that made him look. He missed a woman's presence in his life. The softness and gentleness, the little bottles all over the bathroom counter… He missed all of it.

It was a puzzle, because he'd seen plenty of women over the years. Not one of them made him feel as if the world had simply melted away until there was only her.

She didn't know he was watching as she leaned against the counter, turning to talk to her sister. She sparkled, laughing, tilting back her head to study the array of cheerful balloons floating just out of reach.

He couldn't say why that was, but as he strolled through the automatic doors and out into the parking lot, the night didn't seem as bleak or as lonely as it had been before.

S
quinting against the bold afternoon sun blinding her through the windshield, Kendra set the emergency brake. Okay, how was she going to do this? The cookies were in the back seat, all ready to go, but her sister was in the passenger seat beside her. Michelle was bound to notice what was going on.

If only she'd had more time! The day following Anna's birth had been jam-packed with errands and work and visits to the hospital. Mom and baby were coming home this evening, and there was a lot of work still to be done.

She'd been lucky to get the cookies baked. By the time she might get the chance to deliver them again all by herself, they would be beyond stale and as hard as bricks.

Please don't make a big deal over this, she silently begged Michelle, who was rummaging through her
purse looking for her lipstick. Good, she was distracted. “You wait right here where it's cool. Don't move a muscle. I'll be just a second.”

“Wait! Where are you going? I thought those cookies were for us.” Michelle's hand, holding the found lipstick, rested on the small round bowl of her pregnant belly. “They're not for us?”

“Nope.”

“I need cookies.”

“Don't worry. I saved a small plate for you.”

“But—”

Oh, no, here came the questions! Kendra slammed the door shut before Michelle could get out one more word. Not that she'd succeeded in keeping her mission secret. No, if anything, she was simply delaying an explanation.

Michelle was bound to notice what was going on, since she had a perfect view of the office's front door. She would be pelted with questions on her return as to why she was leaving cookies for the town's handsome and available sheriff.

Would Michelle believe the truth? Of course not! The truth was too boring. Her lovely sister would see romantic intent in a simple offering of thanks. Kendra would never hear the end of it.

This is what she got for doing the right thing. She heard the buzz of the window being lowered the instant she set foot on the sidewalk.

“Ooh, you've got a crush on that new deputy, don't you?” Michelle sparkled with complete delight. “Sis,
you've got great taste. What's his name? Frank? I
knew
it. I knew the right man for you would come along if we prayed hard enough.”

See?
This
was exactly the type of thing she was trying to avoid. “I don't have a crush on anyone.”

“Sure. I understand. You're doing your civic duty. Thanking the eligible bachelor who protects our town.”

“It's not like that.”

“Yep, sure, like I understand totally.” Michelle feigned absolute empathy, but there was no mistaking that look on her face. “I'm glad for you, Kendra. You deserve a fine man.”

Kendra opened her mouth to argue, but what would she say? Denial would only make it look like the truth. She loved Michelle for her kind words, but Michelle didn't know what had happened that night when everything changed.

There'd be no man for her. It was that simple. Kendra had been in love once and it had hurt worse than anything she'd ever known. She'd spent the last half-dozen years picking up the pieces of her life.

She would never give another man that much power over her. She would never trust a man that much. No matter what.

So Michelle could hope all she liked. She could think whatever she wanted. It would not change the facts.

The window buzzed upward, and Kendra could feel Michelle's elation. Now her entire family was going
to hear about this. Yep, she definitely should have delivered the cookies later in the week, stale or not.

There was Cameron's cruiser, parked neatly against the curb, polished and spotless.

And why was she noticing it? Didn't she have enough on her mind with the thousand things she had to do next? She needed to clean Karen's house, catch her up on her laundry and do a thorough grocery shop so her pantry would be well stocked. Then she needed to figure out what was she going to cook tonight for dinner for her entire family.
That's
what she ought to be thinking about.

Not noticing that she had a perfect view of Cameron's desk through the generous front window. And her stomach should certainly
not
be doing little quakes, as if butterflies were trapped there.

Why was she feeling this way? There was nothing to be anxious about. She intended to say hello, leave the plate on his desk and walk back out. Nothing personal about it. There was nothing personal between them.

Thank the good Lord that's the way Cameron felt about her, too. It wasn't as if he thought, as Michelle did, that romance could be blossoming.

Before she could reach for the tarnished brass knob, the door swung open. Cameron, looking fine in his navy-blue uniform, took a step back.

His smile was dazzling. “Come in. I never turn away a woman bringing baked goods.”

“It's bad form to turn away free food,” a second man's voice commented from inside the office.

Kendra pushed her sunglasses off her nose and up over her forehead, and the shadows became a burly uniformed man sitting behind a desk in the corner, but she hardly noticed him. Cameron drew her attention as the surprise on his face turned to appreciation.

Appreciation for the cookies, no doubt. She handed him the covered paper plate. “I made a batch with butterscotch chip
and
my gramma's famous chocolate-chocolate chips.”

“I don't think there are enough words to thank you.” Cameron took the plate eagerly and ripped off the foil. “Frank, you've got to try these chocolate cookies. They sell them over at the coffee shop.”

“Try them? Already have. I'm addicted to them.”

“Your grandmother could charge ten bucks for a single cookie and folks would still buy two.” Cameron snatched a cookie and took a bite.

“Ma'am, we sure do appreciate this.” The deputy chose a chocolate cookie from the plate. “I'll just leave you two alone. I've got a report to file, uh, in the back room.”

There was no back room. Cameron appreciated Frank's efforts, though, as the deputy disappeared into the storage closet, where they kept their coats and their spare office supplies.

That Frank was quick on the uptake. He saw right off that Kendra was the kind of woman a man wanted
to be alone with instead of making small talk while other people watched.

“I hear your sister had her baby. A girl.” Cameron held the plate out, offering her a cookie.

Kendra shook her head, declining the offer. “I have another beautiful niece. I'm pretty lucky, being an aunt. It's much better than being a parent, because I get all the snuggles and fun and I get to buy presents, but I don't have the sleepless nights and all the work that goes with it.”

“Sounds like a good deal.” Cameron wondered at the false brightness he saw on Kendra's face. A face that had small crinkles in the corners of her eyes, marks of character that he found attractive. Hers was not a face of sleek, artificial beauty, and a light within him flickered to life. “I'm glad to know Karen and her new baby are fine. Your other sister is expecting soon, isn't she?”

“Yes, in a few months. We have a lot of blessings to be thankful for in my family. And speaking of blessings, thank you again for help with the tire.” Her sincerity shone soul-deep. “If these cookies aren't enough, I can bring by another batch sometime.”

“This is more than enough.” He'd never tasted a more delicious cookie. He'd never seen a more beautiful woman. There was so much to respect about Kendra, he didn't know where to begin, but if he made a list of all her attributes, it would be a long one.

She was certainly showing good manners in thanking him for helping her. After all, he'd told her he
wouldn't be averse to receiving baked goods if she wanted to repay him, but she'd actually come. That said a lot about her.

He'd definitely go with her stables, if he decided he could afford a horse. That was a big question he needed an answer to if he was going to go any further with this notion of his.

“You have a good day, now.” She was backing toward the door.

There was no time like the present while he had her here, even if she was halfway out the door. “Say, Kendra.”

She hesitated, one hand on her black-rimmed sunglasses perched on the top of her head. She crooked one eyebrow in question.

He didn't wait for her to speak—or to escape. “I want to board my horse out at your place. Except there's one small catch.”

“What's that?”

“I don't have a horse.”

“Right. I remember you told me.” A hint of a smile played along her soft mouth. “How are you going to board a horse you don't have at my place?”

“That's where you come in. I thought with your extensive horse knowledge combined with the fact that you don't want to lose my business to your competition—”

“Isn't that like extortion or something?”

“Sure, but I'm the law and I don't mind a little extortion if it gets me what I need.”

Kendra couldn't help it. He made her laugh. Who knew the serious and capable town sheriff had a sense of humor? “I guess when the criminals are in charge, what's a poor business owner to do? How can I help?”

“I've looked in the classifieds and there seem to be plenty of horses for sale, but I don't know where to start. I don't know a thing about them. What's the difference between a quarter horse and a paint? Which is better? The prices seem to range from a hundred bucks to tens of thousands of dollars. I'm lost. I need help.”

“I guess I'd better lend a hand, if I want to get your business.”

“I knew you'd see things my way. I'd hate to have to tail you through town and ticket you under false pretenses until you cooperate.”

“That would be a real bother.”

So
that's
why he'd been acting friendlier than usual. He'd been too embarrassed to ask outright for help. Men were so funny. All ego and pride.

She wouldn't mind helping him at all, even if he didn't want to board at her stable. In this world, horse people had to help each other out.

“Why don't you come out to the stables this weekend sometime? Give me a call first, and I'll show you around the place and introduce you to different types of horses. We'll see what you like, and then you'll be able to figure out what you need. Then you can get an idea of cost.”

“Sounds great. I'll do that.”

“Good. You
do
know how to ride, don't you?”

“Uh, well, no. I've given it a lot of thought, and I've always wanted to ride.”

“You're going to love it, don't worry. You're about to take the first step on a great adventure.” She lit up, the way she'd been in the hospital's gift shop, all gentle radiance and happiness. “There is nothing like owning a horse. You'll see.”

The first step on a great adventure, huh?

He closed the door and watched while she strolled toward her pickup parked neatly and legally along the curb. She was like sunshine and he felt that way whenever he looked at her. As if she brought light to the dark corners of his life. Warmth to the cold and lonely places.

Stunned, he didn't move a muscle. Just stood watching Kendra's green pickup pull out into the street, blinker flashing. What was that he just experienced? He didn't know, but he
thought
he liked it.

The hinges squealed as the closet door opened. “Is the coast clear?”

Cameron winced. He'd forgotten about Frank hiding out in the closet. “Sure, man. Come on out. She's gone.”

“With your heart, by the looks of it.” Frank stole another cookie. “She sure can bake. That's a decent trait in a woman. If you can trust one of them enough to marry.”

“Marry her? Whoa. I helped her with a trailer tire.”

“Whatever. I'm not gonna argue with you. But a woman like that, she's what? She's got to be over thirty. She's got that riding stable east of town, doesn't she?”

“I heard something like that.”

“Careful, man. She's the kind that'll break your heart. Believe me. She's not looking for a husband. She's not the soft, gentle kind of female that needs a man.”

“Oh, yes she is.” Cameron knew something about Kendra that Frank didn't. What no one else in this town knew.

He well remembered the night when lightning had split the old willow tree in the town park. The fire department had been fighting to contain the blaze that was threatening the entire downtown. Power had been out all the way to Bozeman.

It was also the night he'd responded to a 911 call to a house near the railroad tracks in town.

He'd never forgotten that night. He suspected Kendra hadn't, either.

 

“It's about time you started dating again.”

“Hi to you, too, Gramma.” Kendra carefully laid her fragile, newborn niece down in her pretty well-appointed crib. “I'm not dating again.”

“Then you're
thinking
about dating.” Gramma eased to a stop at the railing.

“Not even thinking about it.”

“Well, you
should
be. It's time, my dear. It's taken
you a long while getting over Jerrod. You really must have loved him.”

Kendra's throat ached at the sympathy in her grandmother's words. At the caring concern that had been there forever, it seemed. Her gramma had always been there to help her whenever she needed it. Except for that one time. That one horrifying time.

She shivered, forcing the truth away. “Can we please talk about something else?”

Unfortunately, her gramma refused to back down. I've gotten to know him when he comes in for early-morning coffee. He likes three straight shots to start his day.”

“I'm not interested in the new deputy. Michelle's exaggerating.” How many times would she have to say that in the next hour?