Almost Mine (17 page)

‘Note to self,’ I attempted to make light of my innocent attempt to distract from the morning that I’d had, ‘do not make funny the seriousness of situations.’

He pulled me close again. ‘You’ll do well to remember that.’ He smacked one last kiss on my lips.

‘Come on. The sandwiches.’

‘Lead the way.’ He followed me as I made my way out. ‘Hey, are you still up for dinner at Mum and Dad’s tonight? We could give it a miss if you want,’ he added. I stopped as I pushed the screen door open, holding it ajar with my foot.

‘Do they know?’

‘No.’

‘What about Dad? Does he know?’

He seemed taken aback by my question. ‘Why would I tell your Dad?’

‘I don’t know. Just curious.’

‘Nobody knows except us, Cate,’ he assured me. ‘It’s not something that I want to broadcast.’

I hesitated. It took a certain amount of energy to have dinner with the in-laws. I could barely tolerate business and baby — or lack thereof — talk at the best of times, let alone when my emotions were in turmoil. However, questions would be asked if we cancelled.

‘We should still go. If we don’t, your mum will dig and dig until she understands why we’ve all of a sudden rejected her famous mushroom pie. Better keep up appearances.’

Discussions around the dinner table ranged from the subject of competition from surrounding wineries and how they, as much as they tried, just couldn’t compete — the
Mathieson’s wine was second to none and their healthy bottom line proved it — to discussions about the weather and harvesting and new and efficient ways to expand the business.

Beth and I, for the most part, allowed father and son to have their to and fro as they shared ideas, tonight being no exception. That was until my ears pricked as I absently stirred my chocolate ice cream. Nick began sipping his merlot as he shared some information that I was not aware of up until now.

‘So the restaurant would be an extension of that old workshop by the blossoms. It’s really wasted space because we use the new barn for maintenance now. That old shack is quiet and relaxing and definitely big enough to create a kitchen. The extension would be the dining area.’ Nick rested back on his chair as a child-like smile pulled on his lips. ‘Dad, the area at the back of the house would be perfect. It has a beautifully whimsical, homely feel about it, incredibly romantic, too. The blossoms would line the lawn as it sprawls out from the veranda, we could get rid of the wisteria that’s overtaken—’

‘No!’ I yelled, dropping my spoon into my melting ice cream, splashing the table cloth with a chocolaty mess. The astounded, staring eyes from the three people surrounding me heated my skin. ‘I’m sorry, but I love that wisteria,’ my voice shook with emotion.

‘It’s a menace, Catherine, and it really won’t be missed,’ Albert assured me, ‘most certainly not by me. That weed has given me hell for as long as I can remember. It’s probably to blame for my heart attack.’

‘Well, I would miss it,’ I told him.

‘Plus, the blossoms are staying so you must be happy with that,’ Beth consoled. I was sure she didn’t mean to patronise, but still.

‘Well, that’s something I guess,’ I shrugged as the sarcasm seemingly went unnoticed. I met Nick’s eyes. ‘We can’t eradicate all of the memories. Otherwise it just wouldn’t be the same would it?’

‘I would never do that. But the workshop will need a lot of upgrades if it’s to be successful.’ Nick reached for my hand and discreetly I tried to reject it, but the slipping of it onto my lap did not go unnoticed.

‘Is everything alright, dear?’ Beth asked quietly and I was sure that she didn’t mean to sound condescending either, yet she did.

I forced my mouth into a smile and through clenched teeth I managed to form the word, ‘Fine.’

‘Do you want to talk in the other room?’ she offered. I shook my head and resumed my stirring. In the mood I was in I’d rather poke pins in my ears.

‘I think it’s a wonderful idea,’ Albert kept the conversation going. ‘Imagine the name you could make for yourself, Nicholas. I have to say, your mother and I are very proud of you and your work. You’re building a secure future for yourself and Catherine and just think how well your children would benefit from that kind of upbringing. They would never have to want for anything. Well done, son,’ he said as he gave him a hearty pat on the back, ‘we’re very proud indeed.’

‘Oh, speaking of children,’ Beth sprung like a constricted coil being released, excitement oozing from her pores. ‘Angus and Josie are expecting again, just gone three months.’

Angus was the eldest Mathieson son and lived with his wife, Josie, in Perth. Seven year old Matilda was the first and only grandchild, and now it seemed Angus and Josie were
on their way to making Beth explode with pride. ‘The two of you will have to get a wriggle on and give me a grandchild that I can actually see every day.’

Ok. I’d just reached my limit. Enough was enough.

‘Look, I’m sorry but I need to go.’ I stood from the table.

Beth’s eyes widened with alarm. ‘Cate, what did I say wrong?’

‘It’s nothing.’

‘Please sit, enjoy the rest of your…ice cream.’ Beth cleared her throat as I eyed the sloppy melted mess. ‘We’ll talk about something else.’

‘I think that I’m ready for bed.’ Turning back toward Nick I added, ‘I’m not feeling well.’

‘You’re ill?’ Beth grinned. ‘Maybe…’

‘Leave it, Beth,’ Albert warned. If he didn’t put an end to her steam-rolling adrenaline, Beth had the capacity to push even the most patient person to breaking point.

‘But she could be…’

‘No mum,’ Nick interrupted before her predictable excitement ensued.

‘Thanks for dinner, Beth. Albert.’ I nodded once before I left room.

‘I guess keeping up appearances is not as easy as it seems,’ I said as Nick and I prepared for bed. I was sitting up against the propped-up pillows as I absentmindedly thumbed through a magazine. Nick flicked off the en-suite light and joined me under the covers.

‘Is that something that you want to do?’ he asked as he plumped his pillow with his fist. When I didn’t answer, Nick rolled onto his back and let out a deep sigh and covered his eyes with his draped arm. ‘I know it’s impossible, but whatever makes you happy I will do.’

I dropped the magazine onto the floor beside me and turned off my side lamp. Nick’s arms found their way around me and my head rested on his chest. Even though his breathing seemed calm and steady, his thumping heart beat gave away his worry.

He kissed my hair and breathed my warm vanilla scent. ‘I love you, angel.’

‘I love you too, Nick.’

I stroked his chest, attempting to calm his heart. After a few moments his breathing slowed to a slumbering pace and I lay awake wondering how he could sleep so easily. My head was racing with possible solutions to this impossible mess and his was filling with lovely dreams. Why was that fair? As I attempted to roll away from him, to distance myself from his blissful slumber, Nick held me in place.

‘Is it true?’ he asked into the darkness.

‘Is what true?’ I heard him swallow before he continued.

‘That you love me?’

‘Yes,’ I whispered as I lifted my face to him. I couldn’t make out his expression in the muted light, but judging by his returned thumping heart and the slight tremble of the tips of his fingers as they stroked my back, he was unconvinced. I kissed him. ‘But you won’t ever believe me. It’s not the easiest thing to comprehend, is it?’

In one swift motion I was on my back and Nick’s body consumed me. ‘I may believe you,’ he unleashed his hungry lips, ‘or I may not. Perhaps you should convince me.’

I loved the way he swallowed me up; it was the only place where I truly believed that I belonged. ‘You should probably let me go so that I have a fighting chance.’

With his lips following his fingertips over my entire body he murmured, ‘Not even if you ask me nicely.’

‘I’m sorry I hadn’t mentioned the restaurant to you earlier,’ he apologised as our bodies pulsed to a slow stop afterwards. ‘I only really thought of it a couple of days ago and I guess I just got carried away.’

‘Do what makes you happy. But if you touch those blossoms, there will be hell to pay.’

He chuckled. ‘I wouldn’t dare.’

We were quiet again as Nick’s heart slowed.

‘How can you sleep so easily,’ I whispered to myself when I assumed that he had drifted.

‘I don’t sleep any more, just keeping up appearances. I try to relax so that you can.’

‘Well, it doesn’t work. It makes me think that you don’t have a care in the world while I lie awake, frantic about our future.’

‘As do I.’

‘Really?’

‘Every single second of every day since you said “I do.” All I think about is the millions of ways I may be able to make you happy.’

I hugged him closer and kissed his chest. ‘I love you.’

‘I’d give you the moon and all of the stars that surrounds it, angel.’ He kissed the crown of my head. ‘Now let’s try and sleep.’

As I sat behind my desk in the office after a long day catching up on paperwork, I heard a quiet knock on the open office door and reacted in a way that over the past two years or so had become instinct; I wrapped my fingers around the handle of the letter opener that sat within reach at all times. Then I looked up and saw Blake standing in the door way and I relaxed, but just a fraction.

‘I’m not interrupting, am I?’ he asked with a wink.

My hand remained steadfast on the letter opener. ‘Not at all; what can I do for you?’ I waved him forward with my free hand, inviting him in.

‘Nick asked me to drop these into your letter box here,’ he gestured toward the slot in the door with the tilt of his head, ‘but seeing as how the door is open...’

‘It’s ok. You can come in.’

‘They’re just my bank details and what not.’

‘Oh right.’ I accepted the white envelope when he stepped forward and handed it to me. I used the letter opener to slice it open.

‘What’s with the police check?’

‘Nick is a thorough man.’

‘I’ve noticed.’

‘He just likes to know who he has working for him.’

‘Of course. It’s a pretty elaborate set up. Best place I’ve worked and I’ve been around, let me tell you,’ he laughed at a joke that I didn’t get, but I found myself enjoying the way he looked so carefree and easy.

‘So you’ve led an interesting life?’

‘It hasn’t been boring if that’s what you mean.’

‘How are you finding the job so far?’ I said.

‘Well, it is early days, but I think I’ll be very happy here. I’m not used to such a settled working environment, but here, everything runs so smoothly and efficiently.’ He indicated the empty chair opposite me and I nodded, inviting him to sit; after all, I was still armed with the letter opener so I wouldn’t be caught off guard if he tried anything. ‘Nick is very dedicated, isn’t he?’

‘That he is. This place is his pride and joy; the love of his life.’

‘That must sting a bit.’ Blake laughed out loud.

‘Oh, don’t get me wrong.’ I found that I laughed easily in his company — there was something about his infectious wide grin. It was clear to me that he would fit in well. ‘Neglect is something that I am a stranger to. It’s just that the winery is very important to him. Actually, it’s really a part of him, and as vital to him as his heart. He lives it and breathes it.’