Alone (10 page)

'I just want you to know how I feel that's all. I want you. I want to be with you? Jesus Christ I think about you all the time Steffi and it's driving me crazy.' Suddenly I knelt down onto one knee. 'Marry me?'

Steffi exploded, but in a controlled rage as she tried to keep her voice down.

'Are you serious David.' Steffi snapped. 'What the hell is wrong with you? We were meant to be having a little bit of fun, that's all. A little bit of no strings sex, that's what we agreed. And now you want to get fucking married? Has someone been tampering with your oxygen levels?' Continued Steffi with a look in her eye that said there was no hope at all for any of my love to be returned back to me. So Steffi had rejected my love. I had declared my love for someone who I thought I could be with forever and that she would want to be with me in the same way too... But she had shot it right back into my face.

'Wake up David for Christ sake. I AM married. I don't want another bloody husband.' She said even more annoyed, but in an angry whisper. I remembered now that I was gutted, absolutely gutted and speechless in this moment, while only moments before I had been feeling so joyful and happy. Like I was completely invincible after declaring my love, but now I was falling deep and hard into the pits of darkness and despair.

Steffi finally turned away from me again, back to her computer screen, back to her important work.

'Please just go David.' She said coldly. I was still on one knee, frozen in hurt by her words and rejection.

'I... I don't know what to say to that.' Was all I could muster and mumble from my lips.

'Please... just don't say anything David. Just go and get ready for your sleep okay.' She replied without turning.

'Why are you saying these things now? After everything we've done together. All those times we've been with each other.'

'Because...' Steffi turned furiously to face me once more. '...You keep pushing this and pushing it David, and I thought that if I could just wait for us to get back home then I could just... I don't know, not see you for a while once we go back to our own lives and our own cities and eventually we would just... forget all about each other.'

'You don't want to see me again... Ever! Are you kidding me??' I was completely distraught. The dark pit of despair was never ending.

'That's the way it was always going to be David! Jesus, I can't believe we're talking about this now.' Replied Steffi, pulling at her hair in frustration. 'Yes, I wanted to see you again, you were a good fuck. The sex was good, but that's all!'

'I was a good fuck... that's it.' I said lacking all emotion.

'Why do I sound like the man here David? You're the young fit alpha stud. I was suppose to fall for you. I'm the one who's ten years older. You were suppose to be the one who told me that we wouldn't be seeing each other again once we got back home. You were suppose to be the one to break my heart.' Steffi was speaking. Words were coming out from her vile mouth, but I wasn't listening to them anymore. I gazed down at the floor.

'Just a fuck?' I said coldly and once again lacking in emotion.

'Yes. And in all honesty David, you're not even the first person I've been with in a situation like this nor will you be the last. Every new journey brings a new crew together. These journeys between planets can be long and tedious... and things can just happen if the right physical chemistry is involved. But also things that would or could never happen outside of this Shuttle.'

'So you kind of led me on then?' I said.

'No... Well maybe a little David, but you're a good kid.' She replied giving me a comforting touch on the shoulder. '... But now you're coming out with all this love crap and neediness bullshit... I don't want this David please, I don't need it. And to tell you the truth it's a little bit pathetic.' Steffi then moved her hand away from my shoulder. 'Go to your pod David and sleep... please.' Steffi turned away from me again, but as she was in mid turn I suddenly pulled her back around to face me. I felt so determined to win her heart that it was overwhelming me to be physical with her.

'I love you Stefani. When I look in your eyes... I see an unbreakable bond between us. I see my future. I want to be with you.'

Steffi wrestled herself free from my hold and began pushing me violently away, so violent that I fell back off my knees and had to reach my hand out behind me to support me.

'Just fuck off from me David all right.' She snapped. 'Get the hell away from me, right now, I bloody well mean it.' She paused for a moment and calmed herself down from her angry state. 'Just go... Please... Just go and get ready for home.'

I was silent. She really did want nothing more to do with me. Our brief fling and love affair in space was finally over. I gradually stood back up onto my feet feeling and looking completely distraught and heart broken. I stared hard at Steffi but she refused to meet my gaze... I then backed slowly away from her and finally left the Shuttle control room.

Back in the here and now present I continued to sit down against the far wall of the dining area, deep in thought, pondering long and hard over these new memories and revelations. So I had loved and longed after Steffi with all my heart and soul, but those feelings meant absolutely nothing to me now. Ian had been her husband and my captain, my leader, yet grumpy, hostile and lacking in conversation in our past life. Now he appeared to me as some tormentor to me, a tormentor who only I could see, toying with me and playing with my vulnerable feelings. Implanting suggestive thoughts and images into my mind like he was playing some sick and twisted game for his own agenda. And then there was Anna, my sister, my twin sister and fellow work colleague. She was deeply in love with Mark and they were going to have a baby. I was going to be an uncle... when we finally reached home that is. But something had happened on the way, perhaps while we were in our pods. Some people had died and now we were lost and stranded in this never-ending twinkling darkness called space.

Suddenly the control room lights flickered on and off once more before coming back on brighter again and this time staying brighter. This was followed by a low humming noise that surged through and all over the shuttle. Did we have the main power back now? I heard Mark whopping out in a delighted and buoyant tone from the insides of the control room.

'We have full power Woo Whoo.' He continued to cheer.

After a long few moments Mark stuck his big smiling head through the kitchen doorway and glanced in at me as I remained seated and deep in thought at the back of the dining area.

'Hey buddy...' He said softly but cheerfully.

I glanced back at him with a blank stare, I was in no mood for smiles and cheerfulness right now. 'We got the main power back.' He continued. I gently nodded. 'I'm just gonna check up on Anna then hopefully we can get started on the digital records. You still wanna help me out?'

'Sure.' I replied numbly.

'Good stuff.' Mark smiled. 'I'll see you in the control room in a few minutes then.' Mark headed back out into the corridor and I listened carefully as he made his way up towards the bedroom at the far end of the corridor. I quickly stood to my feet and made my way over towards the dining area exit doorway and kept myself hidden from view as I poked my head slowly out into the corridor so that I could get a better listen to Mark's conversation with Anna. Which, if it was like any of his other previous attempts then it would be pretty much strictly one sided.

Mark double tapped the door. It slid open and he stepped just a little way inside the bedroom. I could just about see the small figure of Anna who was curled up in a ball on the floor and against the far wall, in between the two beds. She also appeared to be holding at her stomach, but didn't seem to be in any kind of distress or pain.

'Hey...' I heard Mark say. 'How are you feeling?'

Anna did not answer him though. Mark then crouched down where he stood, trying to level himself up with Anna's view.

'I know you must be feeling really scared right now Anna.' Continued Mark but I could barely make out his words as he let out a deep sigh. 'But you'll get better I promise... You will start to remember again I swear... And you will remember that we were happy together once upon a time... We were so happy.'

Again Anna did not answer in her numb, zombiefied state and just continued to stare out obliviously at nothing in particular.

CHAPTER nine

Mark was sitting at one of the main computers inside the control room while I stood wearily behind him, just watching him work, but trying to act as interested as I possibly could in his now mundane actions. Of course I had been very interested in Mark's actions when he first started working on the computer. I really was keen to re-learn these skills that I'd somehow forgotten, but I was carrying too many dark and conflicting thoughts inside my mind now. Too many old memories were coming back to me that I still couldn't make head nor tails of. And I guess I kind of felt a little more dead inside too with every conscious second I spent in this place.

'...After I got the main power back online the whole ship reset itself.' Said Mark staring blatantly into the computer screen. '...So I don't think I'm gonna be able to find out what date it is or even how long we were in those hibernation pods for.'

I leaned over Mark's shoulder and stared blankly at the scrolling images on the computer screen with my faked interest. '...And there's not even any present day records to compare them too.' Mark continued.

'Does it really matter what the date is or even how long we were sleeping for anymore?' I said without even thinking. 'I mean time doesn't really seem to effect this place.'

'Of course it matters' Snapped Mark. 'I need to know what to expect when we reach home. We could've been drifting out here for years.'

The computer screen continued to cycle and scroll through thousands and thousands of hours of empty recorded digital footage from every single room on board the shuttle and from all four of the main corridors and cargo bay.

'How long will this take?' I asked. I think I was trying to hint to Mark that his time would be better spent on other skilful tasks around the shuttle and I was more than happy to take over his tedious duties of cycling through the thousands upon thousands of countless hours of shuttle camera footage. I actually didn't care one bit about what Mark would find riffling through the footage before we went into the pods, but for obvious reasons I sure as hell didn't want him stumbling across any footage of me and his wife, Jesus, me and my own damn sister even, being intimate with one another all over the shuttle. I couldn't predict in the slightest how he would react, but I didn't think it would be good.

Mark continued to watch the screen.

'I was hoping only just a few hours, but with all the time and date files being reset. My God, this could take forever.'

'Oh!' I said not wanting to be too blatant as he'd already suggested before that I could do this task for him.

'Here!' Said Mark getting out from his seat suddenly. 'Sit down and I'll show you how to work this, it's pretty simple. It could give you something to do for a while.'

I sat down in Mark's seat as he showed me how to work the recorded footage playback system, which was all pretty much just about touching the screen with my fingers and making certain gestures with my finger tips, left and right, while touching the screen. Once Mark thought that I was confident enough to be left on my own, he gave me a comforting pat on the back and left me too it.

***

I continued to cycle through the digital footage of the shuttle's main computer. After a short while of this repetitive mundane nonsense, it was beginning to get easy for me to cycle through it faster and faster. All the screen seemed to show was a continuous array of footage of empty rooms and corridors all around the shuttle. The corridors were dark and empty. The bedrooms were all dark and empty and the hibernation pod room was dark and still, with every pod lid closed firmly shut.

Mark entered into the control room once more and made his way over towards me.

'Found anything interesting yet?' He asked upbeat.

I continued to look at the screen in a morbid state.

'Nothing! Absolutely... nothing.' I replied.

Well I'm gonna grab some food and water for Anna. Do you want anything?'

'No.' I said softly keeping my eyes fully focussed upon the screen.

'Okay, I'll leave you to it.' Said Mark as he turned away from me, leaving my side. Suddenly, just as Mark was about to leave the room again, Anna's distant but horrific chilling screams could be heard shrieking out from along the corridor on the other side of the shuttle.

Mark turned to me for a brief second, almost as if he wasn't believing what he was hearing. I quickly turned to glance back up at him, both of us looking completely startled by this unexpected shrieking.

'Anna!' Said Mark anxiously. Quickly he bolted through the control room exit doorway and out into the main corridor. I too stood up from my seat and hurriedly made my way out into the corridor quickly moving in the direction of Anna's shrieks and hollow sobs along the kitchen corridor. I saw Mark running desperately into the shower room just up ahead where the sound of Anna's frantic cries were coming from. Finally I reached the shower room and came to a sudden halt right beside the doorway only to be brutally confronted by a bloodied and hysterical Anna at the far end of the room. Blood was smeared all over and down her inside thighs and groin. Her hands were also covered in blood as she cradled her stomach in pain right next to the toilet.

'Oh my god! Oh my god.' Said Mark equally hysterical as he rushed to comfort Anna who continued to scream and sob out hysterically herself. Mark hugged into her hard and stared down at the toilet seat and bowl which was also smeared with much blood. He then scrunched his eyes and turned painfully away from the toilet.

'Oh Christ!' He cried. 'Oh Jesus Christ.'

'What's happening to me.' Anna sobbed. 'WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME.'

'It's okay my love, it's okay.' Said Mark hugging her even tighter.