Alone (12 page)

'Anna!' The man shouted anxiously as he rushed towards the main computer screen and cycled frantically through a program. The man looked even more frustrated though as the program wouldn't let him gain access. He glanced desperately back towards the open doorway leading out into the main corridor and yelled out Steffi's name in disgust.

'STEFFI.'

Clutching his chest and struggling to breath even more, the man rushed as fast as he could manage back down the corridor and towards the control room, towards Steffi.

From the computer screen I continued to watch in a confused daze of shock and awe, I didn't know what to think or what to make of any of this madness. It was like a bad, bad dream. But I knew as I glanced over at the skeleton remains that this wasn't going to end well.

The man staggered, breathing hard, but looking more disorientated now than ever as he clambered into the control room to see that Steffi had crawled all the way over from her semi unconscious position on the floor towards the working flight deck computers.

'Steffi.' The man screamed. 'What the hell have you done?'

Steffi had collapsed though on top of the computer keyboard as she too desperately struggled for her breath. Her work seemingly done here or maybe still uncompleted as she could barely lift her fingers anymore. The man approached Steffi and roughly pulled her up by the hair to face him.

'What the hell have you done, you bitch.'

'You took someone I love away from me...' Said Steffi smiling out and wheezing for breath. 'Well right back at you.' She continued to grin weakly. 'None of us are going home anymore. None of us.' The man placed his hands tightly and firmly around Steffi's neck and squeezed with an insane fury, squeezed with all his might. Steffi was too weak to resist and it didn't take long at all to drain the final ounce of life force from her body as he squeezed, tighter and harder. Steffi's lower body flopped softly away beneath him, completely and utterly lifeless. The man then began sobbing uncontrollably as he hugged Steffi into his chest, hugging her and holding her with all the love and warmth he could muster. He continued to sob in despair for a few more moments before picking Steffi up in his arms and carrying her to the row of three seats on the flight deck. Here he sat her down peacefully upon the last chair facing her towards the massive viewing window with the space and stars swarming outside. He then backed away and returned to the nearby computer system which Steffi was using to control the shuttle's power and oxygen levels and frantically began typing. A password protection screen flashed up in big, bold letters and the man let out a frustrated cry of defeat.

'NO, NO, NOOOOOOOO!' The man raged. 'What the fuck did you do you stupid bitch. FUCK!' And in a further fit of frustrated anguish, the man who looked like me picked up the computer screen and threw it violently down upon the control room floor, shattering it into peaces while letting out a deafening roar.

I continued to glue my eyes to the screen as the man staggered back down the corridor towards the pod room, struggling to breathe at all. In the pod room he barely managed to balance himself upright as he approached Anna's pod. Wildly frustrated, he banged furiously upon the glass, before reaching down for the emergency lid release button, hammering it continuously with his fist.

The pod opened and as quickly as he could manage, the man picked up the unconscious Anna from her pod and placed her into the nearest free one and closed the lid down upon her, sealing her inside. He then staggered around uncontrollably, losing all balance and co-ordination in his body as he struggled to gain control of his oxygen restricted senses. Suddenly he fell off balance against the near wall, falling down onto the floor below and smacking his head hard. Trying his best to shake it off he staggered awkwardly back up onto his feet and clambered inside the nearest free pod. Once inside he pressed desperately down upon a green button by his side and after a few seconds the pod lid closed down securely upon him, putting him into a deep and dark comatose sleep.

I remained seated where I was directly in front of the silent computer screen. No more movement could be seen from any of the cameras. I didn't know what to think or how to react to this. All I could do was continue to stare at the screen in a frozen shock and daze and a belated awe. What had I done to those poor people. How could I have been such a monster. Yet here I sat, unable to remember a single thing about these past actions, although no doubt, at some point in the future those memories would all come crashing back to confront me with a vengeance. In fact I could almost feel them bulging behind some gigantic dam wall in the deepest and darkest regions of my mind, ready to burst those quickly eroding dam walls down, any time. I couldn't help but think about Mark and how he would feel and react to all this when he saw it... If he saw it! I anxiously corrected myself. And there I was previously more concerned about Mark finding out about my recent antics with Anna, his wife and my sister. Were these past events even worse I wondered? I couldn't really decide. To me, no, because I had no memory of killing these innocent people and didn't recognise the man who looked like me in the slightest. He was indeed a stranger to me right now and so were his horrific actions, but to Mark no doubt about it, we were the same person. I had to get rid of the footage and fast. I quickly glanced all over the screen at some option that would help me do this and then I found it. A small option in the top left corner to delete files. I entered it and studied the next array of options hard. Delete selected footage. Delete all footage. I had no other option but to delete all of it and deal with the consequences later.

CHAPTER eleven

I continued to sit in front of the computer screen. I had no idea how much time had passed since I 'd deleted all the recorded footage but it seemed like an age. I didn't mind though as I'd found a new hobby now, watching the live present footage of the shuttle's cameras. In particular everything that both Mark and Anna were doing. I watched as Mark washed and cleaned Anna in the shower. Anna was so submissive and passively silent as she let Mark lead her into the running water, letting him wash all of the blood away from her pale and fragile body which no longer looked attractive, sexy and appetizing to me. In fact her whole body disgusted me more than ever and I'd rather Mark didn't even wash those blood stains away from her. I watched as Mark then led Anna out of the shower and dried her down, before leading her back into the twin bedroom all cleaned and washed and helping her into bed. Mark then crouched down beside her and stroked over her forehead and hair with his hand and firm fingers.

'I am so, so sorry my love.' Mark said softly.

Anna remained silent though, completely un-reactive. After a few more seconds of this Mark stood up straight.

'Just get some more sleep my love and I'll be back to check up on you soon okay. I love you so much baby.' I watched as Mark was about to turn and leave the bedroom when Anna unexpectedly spoke, but without turning to face him.

'Was that...' She said pausing for a brief second before continuing in a soft, despairing tone. '...Was that... our baby?'

Mark paused where he was, he looked sad and uncomfortable and seemed to be struggling to find the right words, if any.

'...I'm sorry Anna.' He finally said and turned away from her bedside to leave.

I changed the camera view to the one from the kitchen corridor and watched as Mark made his way back down towards the control room where I was based. My heart felt like it was racing around my entire body as I tried desperately to think of something to do or say to him when he came in and asked about 'how I was getting on with the footage.' Which he always asked. I panicked and quickly stood to my feet, backing away from the computer screen in the corner of the room. I made my way down towards the viewing window at the front of the control room and gazed outside, focusing all of my attention upon a small group of distant stars that reminded me of the face of a bearded man. I heard Mark enter the room, but I didn't turn to face him. I heard him walking closer towards me, approaching from behind. Did he already know what I'd done I thought, was he coming to grab me now, to hit me, to stick a big long sharp needle deep into my throat, just like I had done to Steffi. Whatever happened I thought I wouldn't resist his actions. He was right behind me now and came to an abrupt halt. Finally he spoke.

'How are you getting on with the footage? Found anything interesting yet?' He said, but it wasn't in an interested tone, it was more like a 'making conversation' tone.

'Nothing!' I said just above a whisper and turned to face him. 'Nothing at all.'

'It's boring work, no.' He said smiling. I remained silent. His facial expression said that he had something else to say to me, something more important to him than catching up on the mundane task he'd set out for me.

'Look David!' He said more serious. 'I'm sorry about shouting at you back there. It was just a bad situation that's all. I'm really sorry if I scared you or upset you okay.'

I gently nodded but remained silent. Mark then gave me a warm reassuring tap on my shoulder before turning back towards one of the nearby computers, luckily not the one I was previously working on.

'Jesus, I really need to find out where the hell we are and just how far away we are from home.' Mark sighed.

'How is Anna?' I asked.

'She's not good David. She's not good at all.' Replied Mark grimly. 'She needs help and medical care, much more than what's available to her here.'

'Why was she screaming like that? Was she in some kind of pain.' I asked. Of course I knew the answer but I wanted to hear it from Mark's own mouth. I wanted to know what he knew. Again Mark let out a deep sigh as he glanced over at me, but not directly at me. He seemed to be focussing on the stars outside, just as I had done.

'She was pregnant.' He said quietly. 'She was pregnant with our baby.' Mark took a deep breath. I thought for one brief second that he was going to start sobbing, but he never did. 'And now she isn't carrying our baby anymore.' Mark sat back in his chair and folded his hands and arms up behind his head in silence. I turned back around to face the beautiful and hypnotic array of stars outside in the blackness of space. No more words were exchanged between us for the time being.

***

I had left Mark to his own work and tasks in the control room and slowly wandered up the windowed corridor towards the rear of the shuttle, stopping for a brief moment at a section of the corridor near the tiled trap door. Here in my ever increasing, morbid state of mind, I stared coldly at my reflection in the window and in particular my beard which had grown about another inch from when I had last previously noticed it. For a brief moment I prodded and pulled at the beard. I liked the way it felt as my fingers stroked through it, almost soothing to the touch, but the reflection of the back corridor leading up towards Anna's bedroom and the pod room soon caught my eye and I turned around to face it.

I reached Anna's bedroom door which was closed and double tapped the small panel. The door slid quietly open and I carefully and quietly made my way inside. Anna was still lying on her bed with her back turned towards both me and the door. I couldn't tell if she was sleeping or even breathing for that matter, so I cautiously approached and crouched down right beside her bed.

'Anna...' I whispered. She remained silent not even flinching at the sound of my voice.

'Anna are you awake?' I asked again this time in a raised whisper. Again Anna remained silent.

'Anna please...' I said more desperate, but then thought to just give up with this pestering persistence. I was about to stand up and leave her side when she suddenly spoke.

'What do you want?' She said coldly.

'I just...' I mumbled out, a little caught off guard that she had finally replied. '...I... I just came to see you... See how you were? See if you were okay?'

'Well I'm not okay. I'm anything but okay.' She replied sterner and colder than before.

'I'm sorry.' Was all I could mutter back.

'You make me sick!' She continued and without even turning to look at me. 'Just to hear your voice it sickens me to the pit of my stomach... and the feel of your presence near to me disgusts me to my very core. I don't think I will ever be able to look at you again.'

I didn't know what to say to that. All I could do was lower my head in shame.

'I didn't know who I was Anna. Who you were! I still don't. I told you I'd seen things! Things that were only meant to exist inside my head, but I saw these things right out in front of me like they were so real... but they were not real.' I paused for a brief second to catch my breath. There were so many things I wanted to say to her, but didn't have the slightest incline on how to word it. 'I think I'm delusional...' I continued. '...or maybe it's a side effect from sleeping so long inside those damn pods.'

'We are both filthy and impure creatures.' Said Anna interrupting me with a bitter disgust. 'Filthy and impure and nothing will ever change that.' I kept my head and eyes down as Anna continued. I swear I heard a slight whimper from her, but only slight. Like she was trying her utmost to stop herself from sobbing. '...And now my child that I knew nothing about is dead...' She continued. '...And now I wish that I was dead.'

'Please don't say that Anna.' I replied. 'Please.' I so desperately wanted to reach out and touch her, hold her, comfort her, but I knew better to do so. It would only upset and infuriate her further to feel my touch upon her skin and I couldn't handle any more of her shrieking screams.

'Go away now, please.' She said. 'Go away and never ever come near me again.'

'Anna please I just want...' I said pleading with her, but she interrupted me, screaming out in that raging, shrieking voice of hers that I had only come to know all too well.

'GOOOOOOO! GET OUT!' She roared. 'GET OUT.'

'Okay, okay, I'll go, I'll go! But please Anna, can I ask you just one thing. Just one thing and then I'll never come near you again.'