Always Conall (Bitterroot #2) (23 page)

Following the funeral, I helped David and Lily clean out Jacob’s house. I helped get the ranch equipment itemized, along with other assets, to assist with settling the estate.

And I started packing up the cabin.

And, through all this, I barely saw Sage, although, truth be told, I didn’t get much time to dwell on it.

But I really needed to talk to her.
Soon. We needed to sit down and have a long discussion. A discussion I dreaded because I could see her really freaking out. I didn’t want to scare her, but, if the past was any indication, it would. It would terrify her.

As luck would have it, though, my long, hectic days at the ranch seemed to be just opposite of her long, hectic shifts at the hospital. We were like two ships passing in the night. I stayed at her apartment, needing the close contact with her and Mattie.
Needing to fall asleep with Sage in my arms, even if I woke up with her gone.

It wasn’t like she was avoiding me. But we suddenly weren’t really talking.
Nothing below the surface. Nothing above and beyond the basics to make sure Mattie was taken care of and when we would and wouldn’t be home. It was almost like radio silence. And in those short few days, her silence stayed with me. It haunted me. It confused me.

I hoped it was the shock of the situation. The time constraints we suddenly faced. In a few days, Jacob’s kids would be heading home. They’d been working with his lawyers and things were going smoothly. The realtor was already gathering paperwork to put the ranch on the market. Most everything else could be done through mail and phone calls.
Maybe a quick trip back to sign on the dotted line.

And once they left, once things were pretty much set into motion and my time was freed up, maybe then I could talk to Sage.

Sage

All so dry and clinical. So legal and stark and unfeeling. I sat there for a minute as this robot of a woman discussed arrangements for our daughter as though she was a piece of property. And the more she talked, the more ill I felt.

In the days since Jacob passed, I’d become a bit of an emotional recluse, locked up in my fears. Knowing Conall had something he needed to tell me. Afraid because I knew what it was.

So I feigned sleep when he got to my apartment. If I could avoid the conversation, maybe it wouldn’t come to fruition. Maybe he’d stay. Every night, I could hear him come in. I felt him pull me into his arms and hold me tight.

Almost like he was saying goodbye.

And I’d lay there, wondering how much longer he’d have before he left. Wondering if he’d come back for leave. As his body would relax into sleep, my tears would begin to fall. I’d cry quietly in the night, mourning the loss of him before he’d even told me he was leaving.

Then, Conall had sent me a text that he wanted to meet me before mediation this morning, and my heart seized. This was our final mediation. We were essentially signing the paperwork that made it all official.
Sharing custody. Child support.

All things that would change, though, if he was leaving.
Because it was based on us each having Mattie half of the time.

At the last minute, he texted me again.
Something came up, another meeting he couldn’t really get out of. He’d try to get to the mediator early so we could talk, though. Because it was very important.

But he didn’t make it early. In fact, he was late.

Robyn suggested we get started. Today was really a formality after all. It was really just about getting the signatures. She pushed a stack of paperwork my way. I could only stare at it for a moment, wondering if I should say something about Conall and the Army. Except that, as far as Conall knew, I had no idea. So I said nothing. Robyn opened up the documents to a spot I needed to sign, holding the paper flat to allow my signature. My breathing felt scant and shallow.

“Miss Nichols?” I glanced back at her questioning eyes. “Here
’s a pen.”

I took the pen from her hand with a nod. And, almost as if I were watching myself from across the room, I positioned it over the paper and pressed it down, trying to be strong.
Willing my hand to move in the smooth arch and squiggle of my signature.

I heard a commotion in the hall, and Robyn’s door burst open. Conall rushed in, looking a bit dazed.

“Wait,” he interrupted, “something has changed.” His dark eyes were watching me closely, studying with warmth and concern. “Stop, Sage. I’m not going to sign this.”

“Why?” I asked, bracing myself for the discussion that was to follow. Tears clouded my eyes as the quivering fear in me began to grow. “What’s changed?”

“My circumstances are vastly different,” he began. “This whole thing, it’s not right. Not now.”

Conall

I turned to Robyn. “This plan won’t work anymore,” I said emphatically, pushing the stack of papers back towards her. Turning to Sage, I sat in the chair beside her and turned her chair to face me. “I don’t want to scare you,” I began. “I don’t want to freak you out. But what I’m about to suggest might do that.”

“Conall—” Sage started, but I ignored her protest and kept talking.

“Just hear me out. I haven’t really been a fan of this parenting plan for a while. Ever, really.”

“Mr. McAllister,” Robyn interjected with her brows drawn together. The woman was rather intimidating with her dark-rimmed glasses and no make-up and severe hairstyle. “I can guarantee that, if this went to court, you would be responsible for a great deal more. Ms. Nichols has been extraordinarily lenient in her demands.”

“That’s just it,” I frowned at the mediator. “She’s been far too lenient. And, quite frankly, I’ve gone along with it because it’s been kind of nice not to fight with her for once. More than kind of nice, actually.” I glanced back over at Sage who sort of looked like she was waiting for the sky to fall. “But then all this shit with Jacob happened, and I’ve barely seen you these past few days. And I wasn’t sure how to talk to you about this because I figured it would freak you out.”

“
So we write up a new agreement,” Sage began. “Things have changed, and you have even less reason now—"

“Fuck that. These agreements,” I growled, jabbing my fingers down on the stack of paperwork, “are crap. Just fucking pieces of paper that tell me when you get her and when I get her and who pays her doctor bills and who can pick her up from school. I have hated this idea since its inception. I was going to do this for
you
. But, Sage, I can’t agree to this anymore. I want to be…
we.
We
get her.
We
pay her doctor bills.
We
pick her up from school. You and me, together.”

“But we aren’t we,” Sage whispered painfully.

“Why can’t we be?” I retorted.

“Conall…” Sage’s voice shook. Her shoulders trembled. Her teeth caught her lip. Her eyes filled with tears. “You’re not making any sense.”

“Mr. McAllister,” Robyn tried again, “you don’t want this to turn into a legal battle. Think about your daughter. About Sage. About yourself.”

“That’s exactly who I
am
thinking of,” I growled at the stern-looking mediator.

Robyn glared right back at me. “Do you think that things will really be better for you financially if you fight this?”

“That’s not why I’m fighting this,” I replied and looked back to Sage. “If we’re together, what’s to mediate?”

Sage looked totally bewildered.
“Together?”

“
All three of us under one roof,” I said with a firm nod. “I was going to see about moving in with you and Mattie.”

Suddenly, her face twisted in confusion. Her brows drew together and she tilted her head a little, as if she couldn’t quite wrap her brain around what I was saying.
Or trying to say. Very, very badly, apparently.

“You want to move in with us?” Sage asked as she shook her head slowly from side to side incredulously.

“I did. Past tense.”

“So you don’t want to live with us now?”

“I want to live with you more than anything in the world,” I tried to explain. “I want you to move out to the ranch with me.”

Sage’s eyes suddenly became wide as saucers, and her mouth fell open. “What?” she
squeaked. “Conall… Have you lost your mind? Jacob’s kids are selling the ranch.
You
won’t even be living there.”

“I just met with their lawyers about the estate, Sage. He left me the cabin.”

Sage

You could have knocked me over with a feather.

“The cabin,” Conall continued, “and a little over fourteen-hundred acres. It’s like a quarter of the ranch.”

Actually, I don’t think the feather would have even been necessary.
Maybe a purr from Mattie’s kitten. Or the faint tickle of air from a hummingbird’s wings.

“But the Army…” I whispered with a hoarse and timid voice.

Conall narrowed his eyes at me. “The Army? What about the Army.”

“You’re leaving,” I continued. “At the hospital, you were talking to David… about the ranch and your plans. You said,” my voice caught and I swallowed hard, “you said you had a plan B.”

“And you thought that meant I was leaving?” he asked, shaking his head in wonder. “Sage, I think I’ve been pretty clear that I’m sticking around this time.”

“Yeah, you’ve told me that over and over. But then I saw the letter, Conall, in your truck the other night.
The letter telling you how to re-enlist.”

“And you thought I was going back into the Army?”

“Well, yeah. You are losing your job, your home. I thought that was your plan B.”

“Sage,” he said slowly, quietly… focusing all his attention on me in a way that made me feel all warm and gooey inside, “you were my plan B.”

Oh.

My.

God.

I was the plan B.

He continued on, gifting my shocked expression with a warm, tender smile. “I didn’t tell you about the letter because I never, even for a second, thought about it. You and Mattie are the most important things in the world to me. I’ve lost five years of you. And all of Mattie’s life. I. Can’t. Leave.”

My breath started to come in breathless rushes, my heartbeat fluttered up through my chest, down my arms through my fingertips, spreading through my whole body. I couldn’t talk as my eyes burned with the threat of tears.

“Sage… I love you. I’ve loved you as long as I can remember. I know I haven’t always shown it well, and I fucked up royally when I left. But I want you and Mattie with me. Together. All three of us. And I think you really want that, too.”

“Um, excuse me,” Robyn cut in. “I’m not sure this is really wise.”

I looked over at her. “You’re going to get paid for your time anyway, so just don’t.”

Her jaw snapped shut indignantly, and for a moment she just stared at me before turning back to Sage. “Miss Nichols, I really—”

“You and me and Mattie?” Sage whispered, and I nodded hopefully. “But Conall, what if we do this and we start fighting. That’s not good for her. What if—”

I pressed two fingers over her lips, instantly quieting her. “Honey, every fight we seem to have is about whether or not we’re going to be together. I’m not saying we’ll never disagree, but don’t you think it is important to show Mattie that we can disagree, but stay together? That we can fight fairly and still love each other? That you don’t throw in the towel at the first sign of trouble?”

She swallowed hard and looked down at her hands. A tremble coursed through her body as I placed my fingers under her chin, tipping her face back up to mine. Her eyes had filled with tears, and her trembling lip was caught in her teeth.

“I should have never left in the first place,” I said. “There aren’t any guarantees, and nothing I can say will make that nagging fear inside you really go away. No matter how many time I promise you, and I do, that I will
never ever
leave you again. All I can do is show you, every day, how much I love you, Sage.”

My mind whirled as I watched her. I couldn’t breathe.
The thought of her, every night and every morning. Of Mattie having the family she really truly wanted.

“Okay,” she finally breathed.

For a second, I almost thought I was going to faint.

Damn, how manly would
that have been?

But, honestly, I swear I saw stars for a second. My breath left me in a powerful rush, and a shot of adrenaline ripped through me, leaving me feeling weak and dizzy in its wake.

“Okay?” I rasped.

Sage nodded almost imperceptibly. “Yeah, okay.”

With a rush, I stood, pulling Sage to stand with me. I clasped her cheeks in my hands and lifted her lips up for my kiss, sweetly thanking her for taking the leap. The first touch of her lips set fire to my soul. Everything about the kiss was completely inappropriate in this stuffy office setting, but, fuck it. I enveloped her with my body and kissed her hard and thoroughly. As I slowly pulled away, her eyelashes fluttered and her tongue grazed her tender lips. As she slowly emerged from her dreamlike state, she ran her fingertip along my jaw and gifted me with a beautiful, tremulous smile.