Always in My Heart (13 page)

* * *

Callie and Nigel didn’t have much time after making love to get ready to get Kwame. In fact, Callie’s clothes were all still wet, because neither she nor Nigel had put them in the dryer before they’d ended up in the bedroom. They hadn’t even stopped to check if the power had come back on.

It had—which they’d discovered once they’d realized they couldn’t spend the entire afternoon in bed if they were going to get Kwame in time. Which left Callie with a quandary. Either head back to the birthday party wearing Nigel’s clothes, or stay at his house and wait for her clothes to dry.

Callie opted to wait for her clothes to dry. She didn’t want to confuse Kwame by showing up wearing Nigel’s clothes.

He was gone now, and since Callie was down from her sexual high, she felt awkward. Because she had just made love to the man she had once been crazy about. And she didn’t even know if he liked her anymore, much less loved her.

Had they simply gotten caught up in the emotions of the situation? She’d been crying and in distress and Nigel had reacted as he always had in the past, trying to comfort her.

That comforting had led them to the bedroom.

But good Lord, what an experience! Callie didn’t remember their lovemaking ever being so hot and frenzied. But perhaps it had, and she had simply forgotten. Whatever the case, sleeping with Nigel had proven to her once again just how great they were together in bed.

But what next?

Had they simply scratched an itch, satisfied their curiosity? Because Lord knew, they’d always connected in an amazing way between the sheets.

Callie wasn’t sure what to think. She only knew that things had changed in a way she hadn’t expected.

But had they changed for the better, or for the worse?

Chapter 13

T
wo more days passed with Callie and Kwame spending much of their time with Nigel. Two more days in which Callie felt more and more awkward.

Ever since Nigel had returned home with Kwame after the birthday party, they hadn’t spent a moment alone together. She and Nigel hadn’t really talked. Not about what had happened between them, in any case. And Nigel certainly hadn’t interacted with her like a man who’d taken her to the heights of pleasure in his bedroom.

In fact, he was back to being somewhat closed off. He had made sweet love to her—and then it was back to business as usual.

Which only had Callie feeling angry with herself for hoping that it would have been any other way. She hadn’t come back to reconcile with him, but that one sweet taste of him had caused her priorities to get screwed up.

This morning, Callie had dropped off Kwame and then left. Nigel said he wanted to take Kwame to the police station. Callie went back to her uncle’s place to spend some time with her sisters. They’d spent hours shopping and talking about how they could go about finding out about their mother’s past. Callie knew she could ask Nigel, but didn’t feel right about asking him for anything. Especially not now. She still remembered his comment about irony. She had once hated cops, but now needed them in order to feel like she could get on with her life.

It was shortly after four when she got to Nigel’s house. She knocked, but got no answer, so she tried the door and found it unlocked. Inside, she heard no sound, and headed downstairs, figuring Kwame and Nigel were perhaps in the home theater. But once she got to the basement, it was even quieter.

So she went back upstairs and wandered into the kitchen. And that was when she spotted them through the back window. They were sitting at the patio table, talking.

Callie stopped in her tracks, struck by just how sweet this moment was. Father and son, together, having a simple conversation.

She could see the joy in her son’s eyes, even from her vantage point. And it was this joy that had her biting her tongue every time she thought she would suggest he spend more time with other family members, not just his father.

Kwame turned, saw her. And then he jumped up from his chair and ran to the patio door.

Callie met him as he was opening it. “Hey, you.”

“I had an awesome time at the police station!” Kwame exclaimed.

Callie met Nigel’s gaze. He looked at her briefly, then glanced away. “Is that so?”

“Dad even took me for a ride in a police car.”

“Sounds like you had an awesome day.”

“I did.”

Callie was still hugging her son when she noticed movement at the side of the yard. And then a young boy came into view.

“Nathan!” Kwame exclaimed, releasing her and running down the deck’s steps.

“Who’s that?” Callie asked.

“My neighbor. He’s an only child. Once he learned Kwame was my son, he was very happy. He’s got someone to play with.”

Nathan was holding a soccer ball, which he promptly dropped, and he and Kwame began to kick it. Callie stood and silently watched, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I think this is a good time to talk,” Nigel said, finally speaking to her.

Callie looked at him, her pulse speeding up. “Sure.”

Nigel gestured to a chair. “Sit.”

Callie could only imagine that he finally wanted to talk to her about what had happened between them. “What’s on your mind?”

“I was thinking that you and Kwame should move in with me.”

Callie’s eyes bulged. “What?”

“You should move in with me.”

“But—but what about your job?”

“What about it?”

Move in with him? Callie’s breath was suddenly coming in harsh spurts. Because she was thinking of spending nights in Nigel’s bed once Kwame was asleep… . “There’s no need to move in with you. We’ve been here every day. We can schedule our lives around you, be around when you need us.”

“I need you around all the time.”

Callie shuddered at the words, her mind suddenly venturing to something else, thinking of a deeper meaning behind what he’d said. She knew, however, that Nigel was not speaking about anything that would involve her and him.

Because if he was, he would have shown some sign of affection toward her in the last two days. Instead, he seemed to be avoiding her.

“We’re close by, Nigel. We can come over any time. And you’re probably returning to work any day now…”

“I’ve taken extended time off of work. I had vacation coming anyway, but I’ve got some flexibility because of my position, seniority and the fact that I pretty much don’t ever take a vacation. So I booked several weeks off. I would very much like to have Kwame living with me, because…well, because I’d really like that. And obviously, I’m figuring you would want to be here, as well. In fact, being able to give him two parents might be nice.”

Callie closed her eyes briefly. Oh yes, she knew that would be Kwame’s dream—a home with two parents. “So you want me to move in with you?” Hearing herself, she quickly corrected her words. “I mean, me and Kwame.”

“I have missed out on nine years of his life. I can’t see any better way to get to know him than to live with him day in, day out. We can be like a family. I think it will be good for him.”

But what about for me?
was the thought that popped into Callie’s mind. How good would this be for her?

She wanted to ask him about them, to at least get an idea of what he was feeling. If he thought that having sex with her was a mistake that should never happen again, shouldn’t he just say so?

But with Kwame and his new friend playing not even fifty feet away, this wasn’t the right time to broach the subject. So she said, “How about I think about it, get back to you?”

“It would mean a lot to me,” Nigel said, his voice holding a note of something Callie hadn’t heard in a long time. A hint of vulnerability? It tugged at her heartstrings.

“All right,” she finally said. “I see your point, and I agree—it’ll be good for Kwame. We’ll move in with you. But it’ll be tomorrow, okay? Because my sisters want to take Kwame out tonight.”

“Sounds great. You can get your belongings together, and I can come pick you up.”

He made it all sound so easy, which she supposed it was when your heart wasn’t on the line. He had made love to her, but it had simply been about comfort and familiarity, and perhaps a biological need to get laid.

Yet for her…

For me, nothing,
Callie told herself. She had fallen into Nigel’s bed, a familiar and exciting place. But that was all. She wasn’t naive enough to forget that they hadn’t been getting along when she had left him. No, she shouldn’t have deceived him about their son, but it wasn’t as though she’d run out on him when he had been a perfect partner.

But they could live together. No big deal.

“And hey,” Nigel began, leaning forward and speaking in a quieter tone, “what happened between us—let’s not read anything into that. It just…happened. I’m willing to move beyond it if you are.”

Callie’s heart plummeted, though she didn’t know why. She had thought the very same thing, hadn’t she? That they’d had sex, but it didn’t mean anything. Yet hearing Nigel say the words left her feeling slightly unsettled. “Sure. I can move beyond it.”

“I think it’s best. If we’re going to be living together. We don’t want to cloud the issue.”

“Right. Of course.” And for good measure, Callie forced a smile.

No more hot sex. She could handle that.

But a voice in Callie’s head called her a big fat liar.

* * *

Later that night, after a trip to a laser gaming establishment where Kwame, Callie and his aunts played to their heart’s content, Callie broke the news to her son that they would be moving in with his father.

Kwame had no reservations at all. In fact, he was far more excited than Callie had known him to be before. “Nothing’s really changing,” Callie said. “We’ll just be spending more time with your dad.”

“But this will be better, because now we’ll be a family.”

Callie looked at her son and smiled softly. Then she stroked his cheek. “Kwame, I think it’s important for you to remember that your father and I have not been together for ten years. He’s getting to know you, which is great. But we’re not going to be a family—not in the sense of a mom and dad who love each other.” She wanted to make sure that he understood that. “We are, however, getting along, which is great. You and Nigel will always be family. He’ll always be your father. And because I’m your mother, I am also forever connected to Nigel. We want to be the best parents we can be to you, which is why we’re going to live together for a while. But it’s not about being a
real
family. Understand?”

Kwame nodded. But Callie got the sense that he wasn’t pleased by her words. He was hoping for the whole fairy tale. A father and a mother who were in love—the kind of family life that he had never gotten to experience.

Callie leaned forward and kissed her son on the temple. She understood why he was hopeful. What child didn’t want to see his parents together? Even if that child had not known his father for the first nine years of his life, it completely made sense that Kwame wanted the instant family—the kind of family most of his friends at school had.

Kids didn’t like to feel different, and Kwame was no exception.

Her son’s disappointment also made Callie feel a tiny bit sad for the fact that she couldn’t be the be-all and end-all for him. She had tried to be both mother and father, and had done a pretty good job balancing both roles. But she still wasn’t a substitute for both a mother and a father.

“You and Dad were in love once,” Kwame said, his expression hopeful. “Maybe you can be again.”

Callie opened her mouth to protest, but thought better of it. She didn’t have to burst her son’s bubble of hope.

Not yet.

* * *

“What?” Marshall said, staring at Nigel as if he’d grown a second head.

Nigel had gone in to the station to do a little research and tie up some loose ends, and after learning that Big Boy—Jaleel Thompson—had been apprehended for the murder last week, he had told Marshall about his plans to have Callie move in with him.

“You heard me,” Nigel said.

“You’ve got to be careful, man,” Marshall said. “I like Callie, but she ran off the first time. She’s got a life in Miami now. Who’s to say she won’t take off again?”

“For one thing, I know about Kwame now. There’s no reason for her to run off again. Besides, this time around we’re not involved romantically.” Nigel’s jaw tightened as he thought of that hot afternoon they’d spent making love. Something Nigel had regretted afterward. Not so much regretted, because he had enjoyed the experience, but he’d had to remind himself that letting his guard down with Callie again would be a foolish thing to do.

Besides not being certain he could totally forgive her deception, there was another big concern. She had yet to talk to him—really talk to him—about why she’d left. Nigel had his own suspicions, and knew that her mother abandoning her had affected her in a negative way. If Callie hadn’t gotten over her personal demons, she would never truly be free to give her heart completely.

“But you two are playing house,” Marshall said. “And I know you—you always burned a torch for her. And your ex Angie—she didn’t stand a chance with you because your heart was still with Callie. So I think that it’s likely you might start having some real feelings for her again.”

“What should I do?” Nigel asked, a hint of exasperation in his tone. “Pretend that I don’t have a son? Send her back to Miami? I’ve got to do what I’m doing. I’m making the best of a tough situation.”

“I’m just saying, be careful. You know, try to keep your heart out of it this time.”

“You really ought to give me more credit than that,” Nigel said as he logged off of his computer. “I’m the one who dealt with losing Callie. I’m very well aware of the fact that she ran the first chance she could. So if you think I’m going to let myself fall for her again, you’re out of your mind. What I’m doing right now is getting to know my son. Because like it or not, I have a child with her.”

Marshall suddenly gave him an odd look. “Wait a minute. Have you and Callie…” His eyes narrowed.

Nigel rose. “I’m leaving.”

“Oh, man. You have, haven’t you? I know you, remember? And I can tell you’re keeping something from me.”

“Goodbye,” Nigel said. And then he wiggled his fingers over his shoulders, not daring to look back.