Always in My Heart (11 page)

“Seriously, Callie—what’s gotten into you?”

She got up from the sofa and went to the kitchen, where she poured herself more wine. She needed it, if for no other reason than to help her fall asleep.

And as the next thirty minutes passed and still no Nigel, Callie felt even worse.

Regret. That kiss—all fire and need—was causing her to wonder how things would have been had she not left Nigel ten years ago.

And yet, Callie knew that there was no point in regretting anything.

Ultimately, that kind of thinking did a person no good. Callie knew better than anyone that wondering how things might have played out differently with Nigel was a recipe for heartache. Just as it had been for her to wonder about her mother all those years. What was done was done, and all she could do now was move forward. And moving forward meant giving her son a chance to get to know his father.

As to why Nigel had kissed her, Callie suddenly knew the answer. He wanted to give her a taste of what she’d missed out on.

And it had been effective, but as Callie headed to the kitchen with her empty wine glass, she was determined not to dwell on the path she hadn’t chosen.

There were more important things to consider, like working out a custody arrangement before she and Kwame headed back to Florida. Thankfully, the school year was about to end in Miami, which meant Callie could spend a couple months in Cleveland if need be. And even if she had to get back home, Kwame could stick around if Nigel agreed. It would be a great opportunity for them to get to know each other better.

And from here on in, Callie and Nigel could work out a custody agreement that would allow him to spend lots of time with his son. A good portion of the summer break, alternate Christmases. Easter. Spring break.

She had meant what she’d said to Nigel. That she would do right by him and Kwame. She wouldn’t rip her son from Nigel’s life a second time.

* * *

Callie had checked on Kwame, who was still out cold, then tried to make herself as comfortable as possible. Just like the spare bedroom in the basement, this one was tastefully decorated in neutral colors.

In the bathroom, Callie found extra packages of toothbrushes, for which she was glad. She didn’t have the night clothes she would normally sleep in, but she found an oversized T-shirt in the drawer in the second bedroom and helped herself to it.

Ready for bed, she glanced at the clock. An hour and a half had passed since Nigel had left. It was after eleven-thirty, and he still wasn’t home.

Callie closed her eyes, but she simply couldn’t sleep. She found herself reaching into her purse and taking out her cell phone. She had turned it off, not wanting any interruptions and not expecting any important calls. But she powered it on now, knowing that she needed to talk to a friend about all that had transpired.

It was late, but she called Tamara’s number, hoping her friend picked up. She was the one person who knew all her secrets.

“Callie?” Tamara said when she answered the phone.

“Hey, girl. Yeah, it’s me.”

“I’ve been waiting to hear from you,” Tamara said, and Callie could hear a tinge of concern in her voice. “How are you?”

Callie knew Tamara was referring to her injuries…injuries that had come about because of Tamara’s husband. “I’m okay. My arm still hurts, and has limited movement, but I’ll survive.”

“Gosh, I feel so bad. Patrick…I think he just doesn’t know how to handle us being apart.”

“Mmm,” was all Callie said, because she wasn’t interested in hearing Tamara excuse Patrick for running her off the road. As far as Callie was concerned, the man was dangerously unstable.

“How did the funeral go?” Tamara asked.

“It was hard. Seeing my Auntie Jean in the casket, knowing I had wasted so many years staying away…” Callie swallowed, went on. “It was hard.”

“What about your sisters?”

“That was the one good thing. Seeing them. And Uncle Dave, of course. My aunt’s funeral put everything in perspective, and we’re now all working at getting over our differences.”

“That sounds great, Callie.”

“Yeah,” Callie said softly. “So far so good.”

“What about Nigel?” Tamara asked. “Did you get to talk to him like you wanted to?”

“Actually, I did.”

A full five seconds passed. Then Tamara said, “Oh no you don’t. You’re not going to clam up now. Tell me the details! How did it go, telling him he has a son?”

“It went pretty well, actually.” Callie’s stomach fluttered, thinking of how easily Nigel and Kwame had bonded. “He wasn’t happy, of course, and naturally he was surprised. But he wanted to arrange to see Kwame right away, and I have to tell you, the meeting couldn’t have gone any better. Nigel accepted Kwame, but more importantly, Kwame accepted him. In fact, I think he’s really excited about the idea of having a dad. His real dad.”

“Ah, well, I saw that coming.”

Callie frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Kwame always got attached really easily to the guys you were dating. Not that there were a lot of them, but it was clear that he was looking for a father figure. So to find his real father now, I expected no less than for him to accept him wholeheartedly.”

Callie thought about her friend’s words. Tamara was right. Kwame did get attached easily, which was why she was very careful about not introducing many men into his life. There had been only two, the most recent being a couple years ago, and indeed, Callie had stayed with Philip longer than she normally would have simply because she saw how much Kwame liked him.

“Well, he was even more excited with Nigel than he ever had been with Philip.”

“Of course,” Tamara said. “Because this time, he’s met his real father.”

Callie said nothing, her stomach twisting. In a way, this was all so surreal. She and Nigel had reconnected when she had never thought she would ever see him again, and Kwame had fallen for him instantly.

“It’s been two days back-to-back that we’ve gotten together with Nigel,” Callie said. She paused before saying, “In fact we’re at his house, right now.”

“This late?”

“We were watching a movie, and Kwame fell asleep, so Nigel figured it’d be best to just let him sleep… We’ll leave in the morning. No big deal.”

“No big deal?”
Tamara repeated, her tone saying she thought Callie had lost her mind. “You’re at Nigel’s house at this hour, and Kwame is asleep…heck, why are you talking to me?”

“Nigel’s not here,” Callie said. “In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was off at his girlfriend’s place.”

“He’s got a girlfriend?”

“I…I don’t know for sure,” Callie admitted, and again she felt a sense of unease at the very idea.

“Well what did he say? Why did he leave you there alone at this hour?”

“He—he didn’t say anything. He just left.”

“Why?” Tamara asked. “What am I missing?”

Her friend was missing a couple of dots she needed in order to connect the whole picture. “What you’re missing,” Callie began, then sighed. “Nigel kissed me. He kissed me, and then he left me.”

“What?”
Tamara shrieked. “You and Nigel—”

“Nigel and I nothing.”

“
Nothing?
You kissed him. You can’t call that nothing!”

“What I’m saying is that it didn’t mean anything. I think it was just…I don’t know. A reaction to the situation.”

“Put the two of you within reach of each other, and there are always fireworks.”

“Tamara, please.”

“Come on, Callie. This is me you’re talking to. I went to college with both of you, remember? I knew how much you were in love with Nigel. You think I’m surprised to hear the two of you kissed?”

“And you’re already thinking that we’re on the road to reconciliation, and I’m trying to make it clear to you that we’re not. In fact, I think Nigel was trying to make me feel bad by kissing me.” When Tamara scoffed, Callie forged ahead. “He was making it clear to me what I missed out on, not telling me he wanted me back. Seriously, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was in another woman’s bed right now.”

“I would.”

Callie ignored the comment. “Look, Nigel was great with how he dealt with me, which I definitely appreciate. He wasn’t happy with me for my deception, which was to be expected. But he’s welcoming Kwame into his life with open arms, which is the best possible outcome in the situation.”

“Sounds like he’s doing the same with the mother,” Tamara commented.

Callie rolled her eyes. She shouldn’t have told her friend about the kiss. That had been a mistake.

Yes, Tamara had known both her and Nigel and had known that their relationship had been hot and intense. But that was a long time ago. “I didn’t tell him about his son for ten years. I think it’s safe to say that even if he’s accepting Kwame, there’s no chance of him really wanting to start up a relationship with me again. The kiss was…meaningless. Trust me, he made that clear. Which is fine by me, because I’m not here to rekindle a relationship with Nigel. I know I burned that bridge a long time ago, and I’ve made my peace with that. In fact, for the longest time I’ve always thought I would just be a single mother forever. I’ll probably be one of those women who meets someone when she’s sixty. Once I’ve raised Kwame and he’s out of the house, and I’m satisfied that he’s okay, then I’ll worry about me.”

“That’s no fun.”

Callie sighed softly. “Tamara, I know you mean well, but I really don’t want to talk about me and Nigel. You’ve got to understand why.”

“I do. But what you just told me makes it sound like the feelings are still there between the two of you. After all you didn’t tell me how
you
felt about the kiss—only that it meant nothing to Nigel.”

Damn.
Tamara was right.

As though she was well aware that she had scored the winning point, Tamara backed down. “I’m glad things are going well. And please tell Nigel I said hi.”

“Sure thing,” Callie said. “How are you? I didn’t ask… .”

“I’m okay. Still no sign of Patrick.”

“That’s both good and bad,” Callie said. “Good that he’s not harassing you, but bad that he hasn’t yet been apprehended. I’ll only feel safe when I know he’s behind bars.”

“Maybe he’s actually going to leave me alone.”

Callie wouldn’t bet on it. “I just hope the police track him down sooner rather than later and you can finally be rid of him.”

“Yeah,” Tamara said softly, but Callie got the sense that her friend was already having second thoughts about leaving her abusive husband.

It was no surprise why Tamara was all excited about the idea of her and Nigel reconnecting. Tamara was a hopeful romantic. She was married to Patrick, and even though she knew in her heart she was better off without him, Tamara often fell for his crazy excuses and took him back. Callie had a feeling that the abuse in the relationship went far beyond what Tamara had told her about.

This time, however, with the charges against Patrick—including attempted murder for running her and Kwame off the road—Callie hoped he would be a nonissue in Tamara’s life from here on out.

“Listen, Callie, I’m gonna get some sleep. But keep me up-to-date, okay?”

“Okay,” Callie told her.

And as she ended the call, she glanced at the clock.

Nearly two hours, and still no Nigel.

Chapter 11

“W
ell, it’s good to know you’re alive.”

Nigel, who had just wandered into the kitchen, met Callie’s eyes. He had gone to his favorite bar and chilled with some other cops and Marshall, then crashed at Marshall’s place for the remainder of the night. The look on Callie’s face said she thought he had spent the night in a brothel.

“I hung out with some cops at a local bar,” Nigel said by way of explanation, wondering why he had to explain himself. He had been gone from the house for one night. Callie had been gone for ten years.

Then he went over to Kwame, who sat at the kitchen table with a plate of scrambled eggs and toast in front of him, and put an arm around him from behind. “Morning, son.”

Kwame looked up at him, his smile as bright as the sun. “Morning, Dad.”

Callie withdrew two coffee mugs from the cupboard. She placed them on the counter audibly, and Nigel got the sense that she was trying to get his attention.

“I hope you don’t mind that I got up and started making breakfast,” she said. “We couldn’t wait on you forever.”

Nigel sauntered over to Callie, suppressing a smile. “Sounds to me like you missed me last night,” he couldn’t resist saying.

The look she leveled on him was lethal. “I was simply worried that something may have happened to you,” she said in a lowered voice.

Or had she spent hours remembering their kiss, as he had?

That was a road Nigel didn’t want to go down, even if the heat he’d felt as he had kissed Callie last night was more intense than anything else he’d experienced.

Except, of course, for the last time he’d kissed her… .

Not going there,
Nigel told himself. So he said something certain to diffuse any sexual tension. “I was gone for one night. You were gone for ten years.”

Callie’s eyes widened at the comment, then narrowed.

“What?” Nigel went on. “You didn’t think I worried about you?”

Callie said nothing, but he could tell by the expression on her face that he’d made his point.

“Mom thought you went to see your girlfriend,” Kwame chimed in.

Callie’s eyes bulged in mortification. “Kwame!”

“What?” Kwame asked innocently. “When I asked where Dad was, you said you thought he went out to see his girlfriend.”

“I—I said
maybe,
” Callie sputtered. She didn’t meet Nigel’s gaze.

So she cared. That knowledge caused an odd stirring sensation in Nigel’s gut.

“Help yourself to coffee, and the rest of the scrambled eggs,” Callie told him.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” Nigel asked.

“I’m fine with the coffee,” she said, her tone clipped. She still didn’t meet his gaze.

Oh yeah, she cared. That was clear to Nigel.

“What are we gonna do today, Dad?” Kwame asked.

“You’re going to head back home, get showered, spend some time with your aunts,” Callie interjected. “I’m sure your father has things to do.”

“I’ve got all day,” Nigel said.

“Well I’m sure you…there must be things…I’m sure.”

Damn it, watching her sputter, Nigel could feel the sexual tension between them. And he knew that Callie felt it too, which was why she was so hell-bent on getting out of here as soon as possible now that he was here.

He wanted to kiss her again, make it even more clear to her that she’d blown a good thing by leaving.

Or was he really interested in having one more taste of her?

Because certainly he wasn’t interested in resuming their relationship. Sexually, his body was reacting to her, but emotionally, he could never trust her with his heart again. Not after what she’d done the first time.

“If Kwame wants to hang with me, it’s fine,” Nigel said.

“You mean just you and Kwame?”

“Sure. Why not?”

“Oh.”

“Please, Mom?”

“I guess…I guess I could go to Uncle Dave’s, get freshened up, then come back here with a change of clothes for Kwame.”

Kwame leaped from his chair and moments later, was throwing his arms around his mother’s waist. “Thanks, Mom!”

Warmth spread through Nigel.

“All right, then,” Callie said. “I’ll be back later.”

* * *

Later was around noon, and only because her sisters had encouraged her to give Kwame time with his father. It had surprisingly been hard to do. Not because she didn’t trust Nigel, but because she wanted to be there to see her son through this first phase of getting to know his father.

When she entered the house and followed Nigel into the kitchen, she saw that Kwame was wearing a pair of Nigel’s shorts and T-shirt, both too big on him. But there was something endearing about seeing him wearing his father’s clothes.

Then Callie noticed the very same thing she had at Uncle Dave’s—the house was hot.

“Is the power out here too?” she asked.

Nigel nodded. “Yep.”

“That’s why we’re eating the ice cream,” Kwame said. “Before it melts.”

Nigel shrugged sheepishly. “Not the best lunch, I know. But we did have turkey sandwiches first.”

Callie wasn’t about to complain. “Any way to stay cool in this weather. Good Lord, I don’t remember it being this hot in Cleveland.” Callie was fanning herself with a hand, which was practically pointless.

“The whole neighborhood’s without power. The hydro company said it’d be a few hours—at least—before the power comes back on.”

“It sucks,” Kwame said. “Dad and I went to the store, and he bought a Kinect, and we haven’t been able to even try it yet.”

“You bought a Kinect?” Callie asked. “He’s got a Wii. We could have brought it over here.”

“But he doesn’t have a Kinect,” Nigel said, making it clear that he was going to spoil his son with gifts.

He was entitled, wasn’t he?

“Gosh, I could use a bowl of that ice cream,” Callie said. “What a day to lose power. They say it’s going to be a scorcher.”

“You should be used to this in Florida,” Nigel said.

“With air conditioning,” Callie stressed. “We couldn’t survive in Florida without AC.”

For the end of May, this weather was bizarre. Callie was used to hot days in Florida, but the heat here in Cleveland was just as intense, and it was much farther north.

Kwame, who had just eaten a bowl of ice cream, slumped forward, looking miserable. “I’m hot.”

“I know, baby. But you won’t be hot for long, because guess what?”

“What?” Kwame asked.

“One of Uncle Dave’s nephews is having a birthday party today. He’s turning six, and he’s going to a big indoor play place. I know you might think you’re a bit too old for that, but I’m sure it will be air-conditioned, and you’ll be able to cool off. And it will be a way for you to get to know some of the other kids in the family. What do you think?”

“But I was having fun with Dad.”

“And you’ll see him as soon as the party is over,” Callie pointed out. “This is a great time to get to know some of the family you’ve never met.”

“Your mother’s right,” Nigel said. “And hopefully, once the party is over, the power will be back on around here.”

Kwame shrugged. “Okay.”

Callie couldn’t help thinking about what Tamara had said, that Kwame was extra attached to Nigel because he had finally met his real father. Clearly Tamara was right, because Callie had never known her son to say no to a birthday party.

Callie looked toward Nigel. “The party’s at two. If you’re not free to take us, I’ll call a tax—”

“I’ll take you.”

Callie wasn’t sure if Nigel’s voice sounded a little annoyed, as though she should know that he would take her, but she didn’t want to expect things of him. “Thank you,” she said. “I think this will offer the perfect solution for Kwame to get out of the heat. And then you can come back here and spend more time with your dad.” Callie looked toward Kwame who seemed content with the plan.

* * *

They didn’t last more than another thirty minutes in the house. It was simply too hot. So Nigel headed to a Best Buy and allowed Kwame to shop for as many movies as he wanted.

“You don’t have to spoil him,” Callie had said.

“I haven’t been able to buy him anything in nine years. This is hardly spoiling.”

Callie had put up her hands, knowing this was an argument she couldn’t win.

A dozen DVDs later—and a couple more games for the Kinect—they were finally en route to the birthday party. It took about fifteen minutes to get to the establishment where the party was being held.

It looked too small to house any sort of play place. But once Callie went inside with Kwame, she saw that looks were indeed deceiving. There were climbing structures and bouncy castles and slides—a total funland for kids. Children were screaming happily as they were climbing, jumping and running around to their heart’s content.

“Are you going to stick around?” Nigel asked.

Hiding her shock, Callie turned around to face him. She didn’t even know he had exited the car, and certainly hadn’t heard him come up behind her.

“I can, I guess.” She shrugged.

“If it’s all right with you, I wouldn’t mind if you came back to the house with me. I know it’s hot but…but I figured this might be a good time to talk.”

Maybe that was exactly what they needed, to talk. Because after that kiss last night, today had been awkward to say the least. They had been walking on tiptoes around each other, and clearly Nigel wanted to resolve some things. Perhaps set up some boundaries.

She nodded. “Just let me get Kwame into the party, and I’ll head off with you then.”

Several minutes later, after meeting Uncle Dave’s side of the family and saying hello and promising to be back within two hours, Callie left the building and climbed into Nigel’s black Buick LeSabre.

They drove in silence for a while, the only sounds in the car that of the radio station, which was currently playing an old-school mix. It was the kind of music that brought Callie right back to when she had been dating Nigel, which was something she knew she was better off forgetting.

After a while, Callie said, “I wonder if I should have stayed there with him. He doesn’t really know anyone.”

“He’ll be fine,” Nigel said. “This will give him a chance to get to know the extended family. There are kids close to his age, so that’s great. And the party’s only going on for a couple of hours.”

Callie nodded, knowing it was true. She wasn’t against Kwame spending time with Uncle Dave’s side of the family. What really bothered her was the fact that she would now be alone with Nigel.

The moment they were alone last night, she had felt uneasy—and with good reason. Because he had ultimately kissed her.

Which had only clouded the issue—and the issue was that they were supposed to become friends again in order to better parent Kwame.

Callie sensed Nigel’s eyes on her and looked in his direction. And darn it, just one glance at him had her heart beating out of control.

She jerked her gaze away, and instead looked out the passenger window. Clearly, it would take some getting used to Nigel being in her life again. Her body had to forget all the pleasure he had given her as a lover, because now they were going to be just friends.

Callie glanced at Nigel again, noticed the firm set of his jaw. Something was bothering him. Her heart deflated. How silly she had been to be thinking of the kiss, because it was suddenly obvious that he didn’t have anything amorous on his mind.

He was still upset with her. She got the sense that he was going to give her a piece of his mind about her deception.

Callie swallowed. She had resolved to let Nigel express any feelings he had, unsavory or not. She deserved to deal with whatever he had to say.

But Nigel stayed silent. And no sooner than he pulled onto the highway, the sky opened up and the rain started to come down.

“Well, I saw that coming,” he commented as he peered upward through the windshield. “With the incredible heat, these sudden downpours are to be expected. The earth is simply too hot, and the rain has to cool it down.”

So they were going to talk about the weather. “That’s Miami in the summer,” Callie said softly. “There’s a shower practically every day. But I love the rain. Like you said, it cools things down, so that’s always nice.”

“You like it in Miami?” Nigel asked.

“I love it. The first year I went there, it was so nice to not have to live through winter. Something as simple as not being weighted down by a heavy coat is more liberating than you can imagine. I’m not sure I could get used to winter in the north again. I’ve been so spoiled.”

“Hmm.”

At the sound, Callie looked at Nigel. And frowned. She suddenly got the sense that he had asked her that question for another reason—to gauge if she would be willing to move back to Cleveland.

He wouldn’t really ask her to do that, would he? It was something she hadn’t even considered. Uproot her son and herself?