Always in My Heart (4 page)

Callie closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. “That’s why I’m here now. What happened to me was a huge wake-up call, and thankfully the worst didn’t happen. Thankfully, you can now forge that relationship with your son. I’m here, Nigel, ready to do the right thing. But if you don’t want to be a part of your son’s life—”

“Don’t you dare say that to me,” Nigel said. “You’re the one who took my son away from me. You took away my choice to be a father.”

“I’m sorry. I…”

“I know. You were hoping I would give you an excuse.” When she met his eyes with a questioning expression, he continued. “Give you an excuse to run again.”

Callie said nothing, and Nigel nodded. “I know you too well, don’t I?”

“I’m here because I want you to get to know your son.”

“How generous of you.” Nigel turned, began to pace. He needed to move. He needed to do something to help calm his frayed nerves.

He heard the soft breath that escaped Callie’s lips, and hated himself for even feeling a measure of empathy for her. He knew how hard it was for her to be here, admitting the truth. But the bottom line was,
she
was the one who had lied to
him
.

Ten years ago, if she had made a soft little sound like that, he would have curled her into his arms and held her until everything was all right.

But there would be no holding her now.

“I’m sorry,” Callie said.

Nigel faced her again. “Yeah, well, that apology is ten years too late.”

He began to pace again, and silence fell between them, the only sound in the room their heavy breathing.

When he faced her again, he saw that her eyes were filled with tears. And damn it, there was that empathy again. Empathy that she didn’t deserve.

Pausing, Nigel drew in a deep breath, one he hoped would help calm his ire. “Look, you can’t show up nine years after our son was born and expect me to jump up and down at your news.”

“I didn’t say that,” Callie said softly. She wiped a tear that had fallen down her cheek. “You think this is only hard for you? Being here is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. In many ways, it would have been easier to keep you in the dark. But I
know
how wrong I was, and that’s why I’m here now, realizing that you’ll likely hate me forever for what I did. Yes, it took a life-altering event for me to realize exactly what’s important in life. And I know that now. My son has a father. It’s time he get to know him. What I need to know is if you’re willing to get to know Kwame.”

“Of course,” Nigel quipped. “I have a son. I won’t turn my back on him.”

Callie nodded. “I know you’re angry. I also know that I have to deal with whatever reaction you have to this, because this is completely my fault. But I’m figuring you probably need a day or two to let this all sink in, and then maybe we can set up a time for you to meet Kwame—”

“Today. I want to meet him today.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Nigel said. Then he groaned. “Damn it, I completely forgot that I have court this morning. Then I have to work this evening. Today isn’t the best day.”

“We can set up another time,” Callie said softly.

“I’ve missed nine years of his life. I need to meet my son as soon as possible.”

Callie nodded. “Good. Because I’m not sure when I’m heading back to Florida, but it’s fair to say that time is of the essence. And I’d like for Kwame to spend as much time getting to know you before we leave.”

“When’s his birthday?” Nigel asked.

“November twenty-eighth.”

Nigel processed the information. That would make Kwame’s birth just about six months after Callie had disappeared from his world.

“Does he know about me?” Nigel asked.

Callie didn’t look at him as she spoke. “No. Not yet. I wanted to wait to see what you would say before I told him.”

“And if I didn’t want to see him, you would let him continue to live in the dark? Not know about me?”

“No,” Callie said slowly. “If you didn’t want to see him, then I would have found a way to explain that to him. But I didn’t want to get his hopes up about you and the fact that you lived in Cleveland if you didn’t want to see him.”

Nigel was silent for a long moment, weighing the validity of her answer. He stared at her, and she held his gaze, not flinching.

“Fair enough,” he finally said. “As much as I want to meet him today, it’ll have to be tomorrow morning. Around ten? If you’re going to spring it on him that I’m his father, he might need a little time to process the information. Maybe it’s best that I won’t have adequate time until tomorrow.”

Callie nodded. “Sure, we can come by at ten.”

“Good.”

Callie offered him a weak smile. Then she turned toward the door.

“Your tea,” Nigel said. “You didn’t drink it.”

“Um, I’ll be fine. It’s probably best I get back to the house, talk to Kwame.”

She made her way to the front door, and Nigel followed her. His heart was beating a mile a minute, he realized. But how could it not be? His life had just changed, in an instant.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” Callie said as she opened the door. “We both will.”

“Sure. Now, are you going to tell me what else is going on?”

Callie’s eyes widened. “What are you talking about?”

“Call it a cop instinct,” he said.

Callie didn’t speak right away, just looked at him with that wide-eyed expression. He’d been a cop for nine years, and over that time had honed his senses. Every sense within him told him that Callie was keeping something from him.

“Besides, I don’t believe you came here simply because you had an attack of conscience,” he added.

Callie wrung her hands together, a sign that he was right on the money. But she didn’t speak.

“Does it have to do with the fact that your arm is in a sling?” Nigel asked. “Because that’s what my senses are telling me.”

“Your senses are off in this case,” Callie said. “My aunt died. Like I said, that’s the reason I’m here. It made me realize life is too short.”

Nigel shrugged. If that was how she wanted to play this, then fine. Why should he care whatever personal mess she might be in?

What mattered was that he had a son.

A son… The gravity of the situation hit him anew.

The woman he had loved more than any other had not only left him, she’d left him and kept their child a secret.

Nigel had always believed that Callie had loved him, loved him as deeply as he loved her, but it was glaringly clear now that she hadn’t loved him that much at all.

Chapter 4

A
fter Callie left Nigel’s house, her heart beat furiously the entire walk back to Uncle Dave’s place. Her stomach was so upset, she actually felt pain.

Telling Nigel that he was a father had been the hardest thing she had ever done. The look on his face, one of utter devastation, still haunted her. At first, he had been bewildered, but the stunned look on his face had quickly morphed into devastation as he had accepted the truth.

Then had come the anger.

He had a right to be angry, absolutely he did, but Callie couldn’t imagine how things would go between them from here on out. Clearly, they would have to spend time together in order for Nigel to get to know Kwame. But if how she felt now was any indication of how awkward she would feel when she brought Kwame around, she wasn’t certain she could handle it.

You can,
she told herself.
If you can handle Auntie Jean dying, you can handle this. If you could handle your mother disappearing, you can handle this.

This was just another hard thing in her life that she had to deal with.

Her mind replayed her meeting with Nigel. He hadn’t been easy on her, which she understood, but some of his comments were uncalled for. It was clear he was automatically thinking the worst of her, despite the fact that she had come to rectify a wrong. Yes, her actions ten years ago had been despicable, and she supposed he simply couldn’t trust that her motives now were altruistic. Too much time had passed for her to expect him to know her anymore.

He did, however, seem to sense that there was something more going on with her, as evidenced by his asking more than once about her injuries. Callie hoped her lie would satisfy him, because she didn’t want to get into the real reason of why her arm and head had been hurt. Her friend Tamara’s plight wasn’t his problem. And the last thing she wanted to appear to be doing was using Tamara’s dilemma to gain any sympathy from him.

She supposed she should be happy that he’d let her into the house, allowed her any time to speak.

Her stomach tickled as she recalled the first sight of him after ten years. He still looked good. She had always loved his tall frame, and his six-foot-two body was now packed with more muscles than when she had last seen him.

He had been attractive then, with his easy smile, bright eyes and that chiseled jawline. But good Lord, he was even more handsome now.

Callie frowned as she turned onto the street that would lead back to her childhood home. Was she actually feeling a stirring in her gut? A pull of attraction for the man she had once loved?

It was insane, wasn’t it?

And yet when she thought of him again, wearing only an undershirt, and the sight of his strong, hard muscles and that smooth dark skin…

She was insane. Clearly, she was. How could she feel any morsel of a reaction to his looks after all this time?

The answer to that was clear. She may have put time and distance between them, emotionally cutting him off, but her body still reacted to him as a woman.

* * *

As Nigel headed toward the courthouse, he couldn’t even force himself to think about the murder case where he was about to give testimony. Instead, his mind was on Callie and her bombshell.

There he was at home, getting ready for work as usual, and before he’d left his house he had learned that he was a father.

A father… He had a son.

Nigel was experiencing a whole host of emotions that he couldn’t make sense of. He thought he would only feel anger and betrayal, but there were other emotions in the mix.

And of those, the overwhelming emotion was fear.

He was a father.

Tomorrow, he would meet his son for the first time.

This was wrong. A man shouldn’t meet his son for the first time at nine years old. He should meet him in the hospital, the moment he is born.

Nigel’s hands felt jittery, and he clenched the steering wheel of his unmarked police car to steady them. Had he ever been this anxious? He was scared to meet his child, and that was wrong on so many levels.

Perhaps scared was the wrong word. But he was definitely nervous. Because nine years was a long time for his child to have not known him. What if he didn’t like him? What if he rejected him as his father? Those were very real possibilities, all because Callie had selfishly lied. He didn’t care if they had broken up at the time. She had to know that he was the kind of man who would have done right by his child, no ifs, ands, or buts.

She’d taken away his right to be a father, and that was unforgivable.

As the downtown courthouse came into view, Nigel drew in a deep breath hoping to calm himself. He was angry, yes. But he knew he had to find a way to move past the angry feelings, because they would not be constructive in this situation.

Because the bottom line was that he was father. In an instant, he had learned that he was responsible for the rearing of a human being.

* * *

Callie had planned to go directly to Uncle Dave’s house, but instead she kept walking. She strolled the streets of her old neighborhood, marveling at how different it looked. As a teen, the streets had seemed so big and almost intimidating. But as an adult, they were so much smaller.

As she walked, her mind was on the pressing situation at hand. She would have to talk with her son. She would have to explain to him that he had a father, and that he was going to meet him very soon.

All night, Callie had been concerned about Nigel’s reaction to her deception. Now, she was worried about her son’s reaction. The son she had always told to tell the truth no matter the consequences, would no doubt be hurt to know that she had not been truthful with him.

She could only do what had to be done, and hope that her son understood.

She made her way back to the house, where upon entry, she could see everyone was in the kitchen at the back. Kwame was seated at the table with Natalie and Uncle Dave, while Deanna was at the stove, tending to a pan of sizzling bacon. Kwame was chuckling about something someone had said.

“Naw, not really,” Kwame said.

“I don’t believe that,” Natalie responded. “I’m certain you’re very popular at your school. I know your mother’s going to have to watch over you like a hawk. All those girls who’ll want to date you…”

Crossing her arms over her chest, Callie entered the kitchen. “Hiya, everyone. Exactly what are you all talking about?”

“We were telling your son how handsome he is,” Natalie explained, running a hand over his head.

Deanna, who was at the stove cooking, grinned at her. “And we were finding out the skinny on if he has any girlfriends.”

“Girlfriends?” Callie asked, surprised. “He’s nine.”

“Times have changed,” Uncle Dave said.

“That’s for sure,” Natalie agreed. “Love blooms younger than that these days. I have friends who tell me that their five- and six-year-olds are talking about who their girlfriends and boyfriends are in their classrooms. Obviously it’s all very innocent at that age, but still.”

“I’m certain my son has no girlfriends,” Callie said. And she was happy to keep it that way, as her son was too young for that nonsense.

But when Kwame actually flashed a nervous look, then glanced downward, Callie couldn’t have been more surprised.

Did
he have a girlfriend? Obviously not a girlfriend in the true sense of the word, but someone that he liked?

She made her way over to him and sat at the table beside him. “Son? You—you have a girlfriend?”

“Well, I do kind of like this one girl in my class. Felicity.”

“Felicity?” Callie repeated, stunned. Her son had never mentioned this to her.

Kwame shrugged. “Kind of. A little.”

Callie knew that he and Felicity liked to study together, and she was one of the girls in the neighborhood who lived close enough that they could hang out sometimes. But to learn that her son actually had a crush on her…

Well, she supposed everyone had their secrets.

“Help yourself to coffee,” Deanna said. “We waited until Kwame woke up to start breakfast, so your timing is good. The scrambled eggs and bacon are almost done. And there are fresh biscuits in the oven.”

The kind of breakfast Auntie Jean used to make on a weekend morning. Callie’s stomach growled but, although she was hungry, she knew she was too anxious to eat. “I’ll just have some of that coffee for now.”

“You’re not eating?” Natalie asked.

Callie shook her head. “Not yet.”

Natalie held her gaze for a beat, then nodded. She was clearly curious as to how the meeting with Nigel went, but she knew she would have to wait to ask.

Callie went over to the coffeepot and poured herself a tall mug. She hadn’t had the tea at Nigel’s place, and she needed this.

“It really is nice to have you all here,” Uncle Dave said. “You’re filling this house with warmth, now that your Auntie Jean’s gone.”

Taking a seat between Uncle Dave and Kwame, Callie patted her uncle’s hand. Not for the first time, she thought about how she had always hoped to marry a man who loved her as much as Uncle Dave had loved her aunt.

“It does me good, having you here with me,” he said. “It’s been too long.”

“I know,” Callie said softly. “I know.”

She was going to tell Kwame that they needed to talk, but no one had eaten yet, so Callie decided to wait until he’d finished his breakfast. She had a second cup of coffee, but nothing else. She couldn’t eat when she was anxious.

There was more laughter during the breakfast conversation, but at one point there were also tears. Each day, Auntie Jean’s passing would get a little easier to bear, but she knew there were still many tears to come.

After Kwame was finished, Callie pushed her chair back and stood. She placed her hand on his shoulder and said, “Son, we need to have a talk.”

Kwame looked up at her and concern. “Is everything okay?”

Given that she hadn’t eaten, Callie knew he would be concerned. She preached the value of eating a good breakfast. “Yes,” she told him, patting his shoulder. “I’m fine. It’s just…I need to have a private talk with you about something.”

Kwame looked at her with curious eyes. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, son. You didn’t do anything wrong. We just need to talk, that’s all.”

As she left the kitchen, Callie looked over her shoulder. Deanna gazed at her and nodded, silently giving her encouragement.

Though Deanna and Natalie had spoken in general at breakfast, Callie noted that they hadn’t truly spoken to each other. There was clearly still awkwardness, which she supposed was to be expected, given the rift that had been between them.

But that was an issue Callie would have to worry about later. For now, she had to deal with breaking the news to her son that he had a father.

Walking with him upstairs, she led him to the bedroom, then sat him on the bed. She took a seat beside him and covered his hands with hers.

“What is it, Mom?” Kwame asked, his eyes wide with concern.

“I have something important to tell you.” She sighed. “And it’s not easy for me. But I want you to know that whatever questions you have, I’ll answer. Okay?”

Kwame nodded. “Okay.”

Callie paused a moment, gathering her courage, then forged ahead. “Remember how when you asked me who your father was, and I told you he was someone from my past? That I had my reasons for leaving him and didn’t want to say much more?”

Kwame nodded. “Yeah.”

Callie had known that her son had more questions, but he had respected her. He was sensitive that way. She guessed that he assumed she would tell him more when she was ready.

“Well, I want to tell you about your father now. He lives here, in Cleveland.”

She watched as his eyes grew as wide as saucers. “He does?”

“Yeah.”

A long beat passed. Then Kwame softly said, “I always thought my dad was dead.”

“You did?”

“Uh-huh. I thought…I thought if he was alive, you would have told me about him.”

Callie smiled softly. Of course. In his young mind, he had come up with a reasonable explanation for his father’s absence in his life. Because Kwame knew other kids whose parents weren’t together, but they still had a relationship with both their mother and father. He had clearly figured his father was dead for him not to know him at all.

The fact that Kwame had assumed his father was deceased made Callie feel even worse for her having kept him in the dark all these years.

“He’s definitely not dead,” Callie said. “And what I’m going to say may be hard for you to hear. I only hope that you know that it wasn’t my intention to hurt you.”

Kwame nodded.

“Your father and I…before you were born, we’d had our differences. Differences that led me to believe that raising you alone was the best thing. I didn’t even tell him I was pregnant.” Callie paused, noted that her son was looking at her with interest and compassion, not judgment. He was wise beyond his years.

“It was the wrong decision, honey. And a big part of me feels embarrassed to admit this to you, but I don’t want you to be mad at him.”