Always in My Heart (6 page)

Chapter 6

N
igel and Kwame spent the next few hours talking and getting to know each other. The talking portion didn’t last very long, because once Nigel asked Kwame if he liked to play basketball, and Kwame said that he did, Nigel suggested they head out to the driveway and shoot some hoops. Nigel had a basketball net set up over the garage door, something that hadn’t been there when Callie had been dating him. Nigel got her a folding chair from in the garage, and she sat and watched as her son and her former lover bonded over basketball.

They took turns shooting the ball into—and at—the hoop. Kwame’s laughter was easy, his bonding with his father well underway. Callie had no doubt that there would be challenges to come; she didn’t expect everything to be one-hundred-percent perfect and easy. But for now, Nigel and Kwame were making leaps and bounds toward becoming father and son.

Callie smiled as she watched Nigel lift Kwame to the basket so that he was able to dunk the basketball. Releasing him onto the ground a moment later, Kwame turned to give him a high five.

And again that smile. Kwame was happier than Callie had seen him in a long time.

“Mom,” Kwame said, turning to face her. “Do you want to try?”

“Oh gosh, no.” Callie waved off the suggestion. “I’m not good at basketball.” Not that she couldn’t try, but this was about Kwame and Nigel. About them bonding. And they were definitely doing that. It was much more than Callie could have hoped for.

As she watched Nigel interacting so easily with her son—
their
son—she found herself wondering what life would have been like had they all been together from the start. Would they be a happy family unit? Would she and Nigel be deeply in love still?

Callie emitted a shuddery breath with the thought. There was no doubt that Nigel was a man she could have loved forever. He’d had such control over her heart that she’d known she had to put physical distance between them in order to try to evict him out of her heart.

Because though they’d had a deeply passionate relationship, Callie had come to doubt if he would love her forever. Her life experience had taught her that just because people were supposed to love you forever didn’t mean that they would.

People like her mother.

So to begin to raise a family with Nigel, only for differences to tear them apart…Callie had known she wouldn’t be able to deal with that. Emotionally, she wouldn’t have been able to handle him breaking her heart.

So she had run before things got worse between them, believing that she had no choice but to keep their child a secret from him. It was the only way she had been able to ensure that Nigel would no longer be a part of her life.

But what if she had stayed? What if they had been able to resolve their differences? What if Nigel had been a part of Kwame’s life all along?

Just thinking about her former relationship with Nigel had Callie’s stomach fluttering, and she tried to push thoughts of the past out of her mind. She wasn’t the type of person who believed in what-ifs and could-have-beens. What had happened was a reality she couldn’t change.

She watched Nigel do a little dance with the basketball and get past Kwame, who was trying to block him. Beads of sweat were covering Nigel’s skin. His forehead, his arms.

His body beneath the T-shirt.

And God, what a body. She hadn’t touched him, held him in ten years, and yet as she looked at him, she noticed the way his loose T-shirt was now clinging to parts of his slick torso.

Nigel was a beautiful specimen of a man.

He always had been. His gorgeous looks and his easy smile, in addition to that incredible body, had led her to being one of the many women who had found him attractive in high school, and had vied for his attention. He was a year older than she, and when she had first seen him playing basketball on the court in high school, she never thought she’d ever have a chance with him.

But as luck would have it, she later got to see and meet him when she joined a students’ group called SFA—Students For Action—where students got together to deal with injustice. The injustice ranged from bullying to students being left out by classmates and even to kids who were being mistreated by teachers on occasion.

Nigel’s face had drawn Callie in, but she’d fallen for his sense of consciousness. Both of them had been passionate about causes greater than their own. Nigel graduated high school first, and went on to continue to fight against injustice while in college. Callie, joining him at Cleveland State a year later, did the same. They had become involved with citywide organizations, lending their voices to support causes that mattered to them.

One case that had really hit close to home for Callie was about a mother of three who, having left an abusive husband, was going to be evicted from her apartment because she didn’t make enough money to support them on one income. Without a home, child services would place her children in foster care. Once Callie heard the story, she knew she needed to get involved. Both she and Nigel were active in petitioning to help this young woman. Petitioning soon led to fundraising. They washed cars and went door-to-door collecting money. One night, as Callie had lain in bed with Nigel, she told him that she wanted to do something even bigger to help this woman. For Callie, the idea of this mother losing her children—a mother who
wanted
her children—was too much to bear. She knew that it was entirely personal for her on a level that had more to do with the fact that she had lost her own mother. But she empathized with the mothers willing to do everything they could to save their children.

So she had suggested to Nigel that perhaps they should organize a five-mile run to help raise funds. Nigel had agreed. They brought the idea to their group at Cleveland State, and the next thing they knew they were taking pledges, planning for the big date and getting a lot of media attention. The media was impressed with the students who cared so much that they were willing to go above and beyond to see that this woman did not have to lose her home or her children.

Callie’s gaze went back to Nigel. It was hard to forget just how much they’d had in common back then. How much she had loved him. Two people united against injustice.

Callie got up from the chair and went back into the house. The day had warmed up considerably, and Kwame and Nigel could certainly use a drink.

As Callie walked through the house and into the kitchen, she again took in everything she could. If Nigel had a girlfriend, there was no sign of her in his home.

Callie opened the fridge and found a carton of orange juice. She poured two tall glasses and brought them outside.

As she was making her way down the steps, she stopped midstride, noticing that Nigel had taken off his shirt.

And it wasn’t so much his beautiful form that had her catching her breath. It was the scar down the middle of his chest.

Even from her vantage point several feet away, she could see that the scar was serious looking. It started a couple of inches beneath his collarbone and was probably around five inches long.

Nigel, who had the ball, either sensed her or saw her in his peripheral vision, because he paused to look at her.

And then Kwame said, “Come on, Dad!”

Emotion threatened to overwhelm Callie.
Dad.
One word, but it meant so much.

“Your mother has some refreshments,” Nigel said, indicating Callie with a jerk of his head.

“One more shot,” Kwame said in a pleading tone.

“Have something to drink first,” Callie said. She knew her son well enough to know that he didn’t care about hydrating when he was having fun.

“Let’s take a break, have something to drink and then we can get back to the game,” Nigel said while he began to walk toward Callie.

As he did, Callie stared at him. Her eyes took in the long, dark scar that had formed a keloid. The scar was in the area of his heart.

What had happened to him? Something to do with his job? Had he been hurt in the line of duty?

Nigel reached for one of the glasses of orange juice. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Callie told him. She passed the second glass to her son. Then she said, “You know, don’t let him tire you out. He’s got the kind of energy that will last for hours on end. If you need a break, feel free to say so.”

“I’m okay,” Nigel told her.

He didn’t quite meet her eyes, which reminded Callie of just how awkward the situation was. She wanted to ask him about his scar, if it had something to do with his work, but she didn’t feel she had the right.

Because it was Nigel’s decision to join the police force—to cross over to the dark side, as she had seen it then—that had been the start of much of their problems.

Back when she’d been in Cleveland, Callie hadn’t trusted the police, and Nigel hadn’t trusted them all that much, either. There had been far too many cases of young black males who had been beaten while being arrested, or even shot. Cases of what clearly constituted overzealous police officers arresting black males who had gotten into trouble. Yes, some of these youths were clearly acting out, but there had to be a better way to deal with them.

Then came the day when Callie’s college friend was out at the mall with some of his buddies, and a store owner complained about the group being too rowdy and called the police. According to the witnesses there, Jeremiah, Callie’s friend, had stood up to the police for what he thought was harassment. The college kids were not out to cause trouble, simply hanging out at the mall to pass the time. Somehow things went horribly wrong and an officer struck Jeremiah, who resisted any attempt at being unlawfully detained. It wasn’t the smartest thing to do on Jeremiah’s part, but he certainly did not deserve the horrific beating that followed. One that landed him in the hospital.

He’d been beaten so badly that he was in a coma with significant brain damage. Brain damage that the doctor said would result in him never living a normal life again. Callie had cried with the family when Jeremiah’s parents made the decision to take him off life support. Four days later him, Jeremiah succumbed to his injuries.

Callie had not only been devastated, she had been livid. Members of her college organization, including Nigel, had protested loudly at city hall. In front of police headquarters. They wanted charges drawn against this officer who clearly went too far. They were united in their anger over the fact that something like this could happen in their community to someone who had never even committed a crime. That a young man had to die because of such injustice.

Then, Nigel had done the unforgivable. He had told her, not more than a month after the tragic incident—when after an investigation, no charges were laid against the cop who had taken Jeremiah’s life—that he had submitted an application to the police force.

Callie had felt betrayed. How could Nigel join the very group of people who had attacked Jeremiah? Nothing he had said to explain it had made any sense to her at all. As far as she was concerned, good people had likely joined the police force every day, only to be corrupted when given power. And she had no doubt that Nigel would become just like the others, forced to tow the party line. Because the truth was, even after Jeremiah had been killed, the officers who’d witnessed the attack did not take a stand against the officer who’d overzealously beaten him. They had instead defended the cop.

Nigel had decided to join a group of people whom he would have to lie to cover for, even if he himself didn’t become one of the bad ones. And Callie hadn’t been able to accept that.

She didn’t care that his rationale had been that he was trying to make a difference. And that joining the police force was the way he saw fit to affect change. All she saw was that he was becoming the enemy.

They’d had heated arguments over his decision—and then Nigel had done something she hadn’t expected. He’d questioned her as to the true nature of her relationship with Jeremiah.

Are you really that upset because I want to become a cop?
he had asked her.
Or was there more to your relationship with Jeremiah? Because I understand being upset about what happened, but to not want me to become a cop—that seems over-the-top.

You’re becoming the enemy!
Callie had shot back.

The enemy who killed Jeremiah—yeah, I know. I heard you the first time. Tell me, Callie—was there more going on between you two than you’ve told me? Were you sleeping with him?

Callie had been too indignant to answer. And too crushed that he would even think that. Especially because at the time, she had just discovered that she was pregnant with his child.

Everything had gone downhill between them lightning fast. But the accusation…Callie remembered thinking at the time that if she’d told Nigel she was pregnant, he might not believe the baby was his.

Looking back on it now, she could see that she was young and had acted immaturely by just leaving. But she had been so angry. Suddenly, she and Nigel were fighting all the time, which had been a stark change to their formerly loving relationship. Callie had begun to fear that she’d made the wrong choice in a partner. If they couldn’t agree on the issue of him becoming a cop, how could they ever agree on raising a child?

Her decision to leave had been a knee-jerk reaction. She could see that now. Added to that were her sisters’ problems—over a man who couldn’t be faithful—which Callie had been forced into the middle of. She had started to feel a huge sense of anxiety, that perhaps trusting anyone with her heart was a foolish thing to do. With the exception of her uncle Dave, she didn’t know very many good men in the world. Men who you could trust to love you and cherish you forever.