Am I Boring My Dog? (17 page)

Which is understandable. Dogs tend to invade your personal space, and even the most malodorous don’t take hints or even direct instruction about bathing. But not all dogs smell bad. Short-haired dogs and lap dogs, for example, need fewer baths than long-haired breeds who enjoy romping outside in disgusting debris, or than retrievers and other pups with oily, water-repelling coats that get, well, rancid.

So bathe your dog regularly if you like—with a few caveats, noted later. Just don’t delude yourself that you’re doing it to make her happy.

Bathing is, at best, a messy process. The larger the dog and the more unwilling she is to get wet, the messier it will be. To avoid shampoo residue from remaining in your dog’s fur and drying her skin, you need sufficient space and water pressure for a proper rinsing. A small indoor plastic tub won’t cut it.

Some people have enough room and enough disposable income to build separate washing and rinsing bays for their dogs. Others manage to lure their pups into a shower, fit them into a sink with a showerhead attachment, or hose them down in a backyard. A lot of pet stores now have self-service bathing stations, and many cities even have dedicated dog washes (the one in my neighborhood is called Dirty Dawgs).

Wherever you decide to shampoo your dog, remember the rinse cycle is key. Be aware, too, that your dog will shake herself vigorously after these ablutions. No matter how well you’ve toweled her, flying water will be involved.

Assuming you’re doing this at home, lay out the shampoo—don’t forget that the human variety can cause doggie dandruff and other skin irritations—and old towels in advance.

Have two or three towels available, lest you end up even wetter than you’re likely to be anyway. Here’s a key to the proper size for your needs:

Brush the tangles and small creatures out of your dog’s coat first, clipping out intractable mats and sticky stuff such as tar or bubble gum.

Wet your dog thoroughly before applying shampoo. Work in small circles near the skin so as to avoid hair tangling. Then rinse, rinse, rinse, making sure all the soap residue comes out. Try not to get any water in the ears.

Pat your pup down well with towels, then let her air dry (but not in the yard or anywhere near dirt; it’s a well-known fact that there’s a magnetic attraction between just-washed dogs and soil). You can use a doggie dryer or a human one that doesn’t employ heat—never, ever use one that does—but unless your dog is very small you’ll be exhausted by now. Your job is done. Let nature take its course.

As needed—let your nose guide you. Monthly is fairly standard. Washing more than once a week is unhealthy—though not necessarily for your dog, if you do it correctly. Rather, too-frequent canine bathing suggests you’ve got a cleanliness fetish. Find a hobby or take your germ-phobia out on your house.

I’ve already discussed the need for dental care in Chapter 4 (see question 50). Paws and ears are also prime grooming targets.

Not all dogs need their nails trimmed. Some file their own nails by walking or running on hard surfaces. Pups that don’t pound the pavement, however, and small breeds that don’t weigh enough to successfully self-file need pedicures. Overlong nails can get caught in carpets or clothing, or become ingrown and infected. They can also throw off a dog’s gait—which, for older pooches, can exacerbate arthritis pain.

A dog’s nails should be trimmed about once a month to just short of reaching the floor.
⁴⁶
It’s not a bad idea—theoretically, anyway—to combine trimming with bathing because nails are softer after being submerged in water. Of course, your dog might not want to put up with two annoying procedures on a single day.

Nail trimming is neither easy nor risk-free, especially for dogs that have black, nontransparent nails. Clip off too much and you’ll literally cut your dog to the quick—the pink, tissue part of the nail that contains nerve endings and blood vessels galore.

Clippers, which come in scissors- and guillotine-style varieties, were the most common way to trim nails until recently, when electric files came on the market. These strike me as less potentially dangerous—especially than the Marie Antoinette-model clippers—because you have to proceed slowly. On the other hand, your dog may not take kindly to being approached by a mini buzz saw.

I’m not going to go into detail about trimming your dog’s nails because I don’t want you try this on your own the first time; ask your vet or someone experienced to show you. That said, if you’re going to ignore my advice, have a styptic pencil or a Kwik-Stop powder on hand to staunch the blood flow in case you hit a vein.

But nails aren’t the only paw parts to require your attention. Don’t forget to check your pup’s footpads. Dogs often get burrs, stones, or other foreign objects caught between their toes. Carefully remove everything that doesn’t belong. Dry, cracked pads, which may be caused by walking on hot concrete, should be treated with a moisturizer (or prevented with shoes; see question 60) but not yours, because your dog will try to lick it off. Ask your vet or a pet supply store to recommend a safe one.

Floppy eared dogs and dogs that don’t shed are particularly prone to ear infections, the former because germs like to breed in the dark, moist areas created by those big flaps; the latter because hair growing in the ear canals often mixes with wax and forms unwanted earplugs. Constant pawing at the ears
⁴⁷
may be a sign that your dog has a health problem (or that he wants you to turn down the stereo). By the time your dog’s ears smell bad and ooze, they’re already infected and require professional care.

No matter what type of dog you have, peer into his ears at least once a week. Many preventative powders and cleaning solutions are available for breeds that are predisposed to ear problems; ask your vet for recommendations. Do not, I repeat
not,
stick Q-tips in your dog’s ears. Think of the damage that people manage to inflict on themselves with these swabs, and then consider that your dog won’t be able to tell you if you’ve reached down too far—or that he might suddenly turn his head, which could have the same effect. A punctured ear-drum is far worse than an ear infection.

Removing hair from a dog’s ears is not dissimilar to removing it from a human’s ears;
⁴⁸
plucking and trimming implements are required. As with nail-trimming, this is a procedure best left to a groomer or attempted only after you have been instructed by a professional.

Most dogs get a little crust in the corner of their eyes, just like we do when we get up in the morning. They can’t remove it with their paws like we can, however. I—and, if we’re being honest, many of my dog-owning friends—just pick the stuff off with our (clean) fingers, but it would be wrong for me to suggest something less than hygienic, so use a moist cotton ball. This is also the treatment for the tearstains to which many small, light-colored dogs are prone. Reddened, swollen, or itchy eyes, on the other hand, might be caused by allergies, conjunctivitis, or parasites; if the whites of your dog’s eyes aren’t, be sure to get them checked.

And—sorry, but yuck—jowly, wrinkly pooches such as Chow Chows, Bulldogs, Basset Hounds, and Shar-Peis need to have their skin folds wiped out regularly to prevent dermatitis or fungal infections. Use baby wipes or cotton swabs with hydrogen peroxide, then dust with unscented talcum powder.

Anyone with a water source and a pair of clippers can put out a dog-grooming shingle in many states, no license required. But these seemingly benign professionals—after all, groomers aren’t practicing medicine, right?—can pose grave dangers to your dog.

Among the things that you should look out for:

Similar to clothes dryers without the rotation, cage dryers are glass-fronted boxes into which your dog is enclosed and blasted with air; some units offer separate cages for more than one dog. They’re good for groomers, who can increase the volume of their business by working on other dogs while yours is drying, but not so good for the dogs, who can’t escape (and who can’t sweat; they can only pant to try to cool themselves off). If the temperature is turned up too high and your dog is left in too long, she can dehydrate and die.

As a result of several canine fatalities, a few states are trying to outlaw cage dryers.

Some reputable groomers contend that they use only the unheated fan option, even going so far as to remove the heat coil. Others say they never set the temperature above 80 degrees and never leave the room. Maybe so, but why tempt fate? At the least, these enclosures are likely to frighten the bejeezus out of your dog.