Amelia's Story (Box Set the Complete Series Books 1 & 2) (7 page)

Despite having friends at the home, something was always missing and I still felt like my life was a lonely and futile existence. I loved my school, but hated the fact that it was a constant reminder of what I did not have and made me long for it even more. I felt so different from all the other girls at my school, and all the other girls treated me like I was different, not in a bad way, just different. My life had been steeped in drama ever since I could remember - a normal, quiet life was all I wanted.

One particular day on my arrival from school I saw an ambulance outside the main entrance of Breeton House. I watched as the medics hurriedly lifted a stretcher into the back, quickly closing the doors, but not before a female member of staff climbed in the back. All the other kids were talking about Cindy; she was probably the most mixed up child in the whole place (and there were many). She had taken a razor blade to her wrists and had obviously been very serious about killing herself.

The staff found her in the bathroom on the floor with blood everywhere - Cindy was only 13-years-old. I felt a chill run through me after hearing the sad details of Cindy’s past. She was unhappy and hated being alive, she spoke often of death. Her history -involved sexual abuse by her step-father, and beatings by her mother, to her at 13-years-old life was not worth living. We heard later that evening that Cindy was stable and on suicide watch for the next 48 hours. Following that incident, Cindy was never returned to Breeton House instead she was sent to a psychiatric hospital for evaluation.

The following day there was a new female arrival at Breeton House called Angela, she was 11-years-old, very pretty with beautiful raven hair and deep blue eyes. She would not look directly at anyone or barely lift her head up to speak. I discovered several days later she was pregnant.

“Pregnant,” I said.

“How can this be possible?” I asked.

The member of staff watching over her advised the rest of the children to give her lots of space as she was in a delicate way. This in itself was enough to raise the curiosity of all 30 children residing at Breeton House. Her father had systematically abused her for years and I remember the chilling shock I felt about her pregnancy – I did not think children could get pregnant.

Almost as soon as she arrived she was gone again, just like that. This sort of thing happened a lot, but I just could not stop thinking about Angela for a long time. The haunted look in her eyes; she was like a frightened child, too scared to move. All I kept thinking about was how could that happen. It horrified me and scared me. Sadly, stories like this were all too common place in children’s homes.

There was soon to be a case review, which was held every six months for each child in care. My case review was next on the list and I prayed so hard most nights running up to my review for approval to be sent home. I could not bear to think what Jake was going through. These meetings were held to determine your future going forward. They never asked me how I was doing and how I was getting on, are they treating you well at Breeton House? They just weren’t interested in what I had to say.

At the case review meeting there would be my headmaster, from Mount Pleasant Girl’s School, my 2N form teacher, my Social Worker, Gary the head of Breeton House and a member of staff. I dreaded these case reviews as this was where everybody got to talk about you and your life - except you. Did it not occur to these people that having a little input from the child they were discussing would make life so much easier for all concerned, as everyone would understand the child so much more, then maybe, just maybe, the child would be better placed going forward. This would have been far too logical for them and don’t forget, I was living in times where the child should be seen and not heard.

After my case review I was called to the office.
Gary asked me to take a seat and he proceeded to tell me that it had been decided that I was to return home for a trial period only. This was a huge shock and despite praying for this decision, I was not sure how I felt. I felt excited at the prospect of being with my brother Jake and my sisters Jenny and Susie once again, but a part of me felt dread - yes I longed to be with my family more than anything in the world. However, I had not missed the complexity of daily life with my mother.

All those emotions must have poured out through my face as
Gary looked at me very confused and said, “I thought you would be happy Amelia.”

“I am,” was my response
, not quite telling the truth. I then asked myself why did I say that and why didn’t I just share my fears with him? More importantly, why didn’t I ask him whether mother wanted me home, was this at her request or was it the sole decision of the case review panel? This was very important as this would determine how life would be for me once I had been released into my mother’s care for the umpteenth time. I wanted to share with him the real reason for my wanting to go home so desperately, but I just couldn’t in fear that I would scupper this opportunity put before me.

Broughton Estate (Back H
ome)

I was back at home once again. My Social Worker walked me up the path to the front door, I’m sure my heart skipped a beat when the door bell rang. As the door opened Jake ran up to me with arms open wide and with a big smile on his face. He was delighted at seeing me and mother seemed quite pleased too, but I sensed an atmosphere between us and I’m sure my pleasant greeting from her was for the benefit of my Social Worker. Mother asked the Social Worker to come in and made her a cup of tea. They chatted for a little while then my Social Worker left.

The days that followed included the occasional visit from our step-father Robert. I even remember he and his boyfriend taking us all on a week’s holiday to Rhyl in North Wales, a good holiday too - the only one I ever remember going on whilst in my mother’s care. Mother did not come with us, she enjoyed a week off, but little did we know she was lining up hubby number three already. I already knew she had a boyfriend. Jake had told me previously, “Amelia mother’s got a new boyfriend, I don’t like him very much because he’s a bit moody!” I told him not to worry, it probably would not last as mother had lots of boyfriends who came and went.

Kieran was a violent alcoholic an unemployed man, doing the odd bit of labouring on the side when he was sober. My mother was very smitten with him and hung on his every word. We children always took a back seat when she had a man in her life. Kieran and mother were a bad combination as they were both alcoholics and they both encouraged each other to drink. They would get so drunk that some days our mother would forget to unlock our bedroom doors in the morning; I would be banging on the wall to get her attention and rouse her from a deep sleep. She would then stagger to my bedroom door, unlock it, and tell me to let the others out and go downstairs. “Do not make a sound,” she would say.

All four of us would sit in the front room watching the “Saturday morning picture show,” followed by, “Champion the wonder horse,” and then there would be a Saturday morning movie, usually a “Norman Wisdom” one set in black and white. Everyone only had three channels back then, BBC1, BBC2, and ATV - not very many people had colour TVs on the estate as this was reserved for the better off. Jake and I would make breakfast for us all and we would all sit together with our bowls of ready brek or cornflakes, still in our nightclothes watching TV. We were very careful not to make a sound, and kept the TV on very low, so as not to disturb our mother and her new boyfriend.

They would surface around lunchtime, with bad headaches and bad moods. Mother would start her day shouting at Jake and me for making a mess in the kitchen and not putting the cereal boxes away, and then we would be told to get dressed and go outside to play and leave them in peace. Jake and I would take our younger sisters out for a walk. We would take a pushchair each and take them to the big dip, this was a great place that all the kids used to go to play at weekends, and we loved it. The big dip was a large green with a great big hole in the middle, steps had been made down the side of the dip by the council and at the bottom there were slides and swings, lots of trees and bushes, and this was a huge playing area for the local children. However, when we had Jenny and Susie with us, it proved a challenge to get them down to the bottom with the pushchairs especially with Jenny, as we had to be so careful and mindful of her disability; her capabilities were not as ours were. Jenny loved being taken out for walks by Jake and me there were nearly always tears when we had to return home.

We spent as much time as possible outside of the house as being at home was akin to being in a war zone. Mother and Kieran were always fighting, only this time mother had a boyfriend who gave as good as he got. They would beat each other all around the house without a care in the world for us children, who would be cowering in a corner wherever we could, observing the violence before us.

One particular occasion they had an almighty fall out following a drinking session that Kieran had been on alone. He had spent all his wages and had nothing left for food. Our mother was livid and she jumped on him and started punching him in the head with her fists. Kieran immediately responded and we were all screaming in fear. Kieran smashed a glass over our mother’s head and she fell to the ground, he then ran out of the house. Mother called the police and told them she wanted Kieran formally charged. The police very quickly picked him up and kept him in a cell over night. The following day, once he was released, he made his way straight home. Mother would not let him in and so he started banging on the doors, shouting and screaming to be let in.

Mother locked us all in the living room, Kieran had got into the back garden and he pressed his face against the living room window, shouting that we were all going to die. We all started crying louder. I was calling for our mother and Kieran screamed, “She can’t help you, I’m going to set fire to the house, there’s no way out for any of you now.” He started a small fire. Mother had escaped to a neighbour’s house to use their phone to call the police and it was not long before the police arrived and arrested Kieran once again. I truly believed we were all going to die that day.

He was again charged, but for reasons unknown to me, mother dropped the charges with promises from Kieran that he would change and would no longer drink. It was like they could not function without each other, they seemed to enjoy all the drama they caused around them on a daily basis. Mother tried to convince us that he was a changed man and that he wanted to be a proper father to us all, that he was going to get a new job and all would be well. Jake and I said nothing - there was nothing we could say but go along with her wishes. We knew it wasn’t true, nothing would change, it never did, and things continued to get worse this was our abyss.

It was soon to be announced that they were to marry. Mother was trying hard to encourage us to call Kieran “dad” but this did not sit well with me at all - I didn’t want to call him dad. He was a very strange man with dark hair, big sideburns, and a temper that could match the devil himself. He was still drinking and although the fights were less frequent, they still fought and when they did it was monumental. Kieran was weary of me. He was not in the least bit happy that I refused to call him dad. I had no intentions of doing so as he was not worthy of the name dad as far as I was concerned. Mother was on a short term high as she had found someone to relieve her of some of her daily duties. If she needed to get away or needed a break, we would be left in his care. He was not very good with us and often slapped us around or gave us the belt. This very soon formed part of our every day life.

Mother would often humiliate Kieran and goad him on purpose in public like a mad woman and he always retaliated with a beating. He would snap in an instant. They were two peas in a pod, she would also give as good as she got and throw pots and pans at him, yelling, screaming, and swearing all the while shouting at us to stand back. She never did this out of our earshot. They sometimes attacked each other with kitchen knives causing minor injuries to one another.

She always involved us and there were many times when we got caught up in the cross fire. I remember one particular time Jenny ended up in hospital for a few days and we were again thrust into Social Services care. By this time my mother was on a watch list as a person of great concern with the Social Services. The sad thing was that my mother could not be reasoned with at all; she was beyond reason, if anyone tried to point out where she was going wrong or even dared to advise her on parental issues, she would fly into a maniacal rage beyond anyone’s belief.

She had lashed out at Social Workers in the past and even the police; no one was above her attacks. It really had to be seen to be believed. I am sure she would have frightened the devil himself. As the oldest of four children, I was the one that faced her wrath often and even if she thought I looked at her the wrong way, she would jump on me and start hitting me like a madman. The word eggshells just did not cover the ground I had to walk on daily.

Whilst sleeping one night, we were woken by screaming coming from downstairs. Jenny and Susie were crying in their rooms, I sneaked out of my room and crawled round to Jake’s room; he was awake and banging his head on the pillow in an attempt to block out the screams. I told Jake to come to my room; I gathered Jenny and Susie also.

Mother and Kieran were having the battle of all battles - he was drunk beyond belief and punching our mother rather repeatedly. Jake and I went downstairs screaming at him to stop. Mother was swearing back at him goading him further, but finally Kieran’s temper took a step further and he picked up the heavy yellow telephone and smashed it over our mother’s head. Jake ran towards him to stop him but Kieran just threw him to the side, we were all crying by now and Kieran ran out of the house.

As he left the neighbours came in. They immediately rang an ambulance for our mother when they spotted her lying on the floor with blood gushing from her head. Then they phoned the police. Mother’s head was covered in blood; it was everywhere and she was rushed to hospital. Marge, a kind neighbour, took all four of us kids in; she was so lovely and made us all hot milk. We all slept on makeshift beds on the floor that night.

The following day mother was released from hospital and came home. We were all very concerned and did everything we could to make her feel comfortable. The police came round to take her statement - soon after
, Kieran was arrested and sent to Shrewsbury Remand Centre. I can safely say that we were not at all upset to see the last of him.

Over the next week things were relatively calm and mother was recovering well. She informed us that she would have to go out for the whole day soon and stated that when we came home from school, we were to go to Marge’s house until she returned. When we returned home from school on the said day, Marge made us all a delicious dinner, a beautiful hearty stew and we all sat down quietly, savouring every last bit of the meal. When we had all finished our meal we sat down to watch, “Alastair and Crystal Tips” on television. It was getting rather late and our mother had not returned as expected. I noticed Marge and her husband were getting anxious and constantly looking up at the clock on the wall. It was after dark when a knock came at the door. We all jumped up thinking it was our mother, but standing tall at the door were two policemen.

Marge beckoned for them to enter; we were ushered into the dining room. We waited and waited until the door opened and the two policemen came into the room. They told us that our mother was not coming home that evening as she had been detained at Shrewsbury Remand Centre. They went on to explain that there was a Social Worker on the way and that we were going to have to spend some time at Breeton House again.

Later on that same evening the Social Worker arrived and took us on the long journey to Breeton House. We all snuggled together in the back of the car wondering what had happened to our mother this time. We later discovered that she had made her way to Shrewsbury Remand Centre, on the pretence she was visiting her husband Kieran, in the hope of
reconciliation. She waited for him to be escorted to the visitor’s room, then on sight of him, immediately pulled a kitchen carving knife out of her clothing and lunged for him stabbing him in the arm. She was herself remanded in custody to await trial.

This was the beginning of a new road for Jake, Jenny, Susie and me as following these events, a section 11 order was placed on all four of us until the age of 16-years-old. We were now permanently wards
-of-the-state and placed on the “at risk register” She was deemed an unfit mother not capable of taking care of her children.