Among Wildflowers (3 page)

Jackie sat staring down
at her cup of coffee. Macy mirrored her across the table, peering down into her own mug.

“Tell me how things have been going, Macy.”

“Everything’s been going really well. I’ve been doing my daily affirmations, I’ve been writing in my journal, I go to the gym four times a week, and it feels good to be home. I’ve just been trying to apply everything I learned at Tall Oaks to my everyday life.” Macy knew she was babbling, but she couldn’t help it. She felt so uncomfortable talking about herself, especially since she had been feeling so much more lost after being released from Tall Oaks than she had anticipated.

“Alright, girl. Let’s be real. Really, how have you been?”

Macy looked up at Jackie, sucking in a deep breath as she measured her words carefully. “Being home isn’t as easy as I thought it would be. I kind of feel like maybe I got released too soon. Everything is stressing me out. It feels like I’m constantly fighting triggers to drink. Everywhere I go something happens that makes me want to do it. Sometimes...it feels like the world is against me.”

“It kind of is.”

“Thanks for the confidence boost,” Macy said with a chuckle.

Jackie laughed. “I’m just telling you like it is. Listen, in a perfect world, everyone would be sensitive and thoughtful about your sobriety. But most people don’t give a crap about anyone else, so it’s up to you to take care of yourself and keep a tight inner circle of support around you at all times. That’s critical.”

“I went to a party last night,” Macy said quietly, avoiding looking at Jackie.

Jackie paused for a moment. “Like a party party?”

“Yeah.” Macy felt embarrassment creep up her cheeks. “At a bar.”

“So, you’re telling me that you went to a party less than one week out of rehab?”

Macy groaned, covering her face with her hands. “I know, I know. I knew it was a bad idea.”

“Then why did you go, Mace?”

“I didn’t want to go. I knew it would be bad to be in that environment, but Logan needed me there. It was a big function for him and he wanted me to go so people would stop speculating about me. So everyone would see that I’m okay now.”

Jackie topped both their cups off with coffee. “Macy…”

“I know. It was stupid of me. But I swear to God I didn’t even take one sip.”

“Macy, I’m so proud of you for not drinking, but that was incredibly selfish of Logan.”

“It’s not that. It’s just that I’ve put him through so much lately.”

“Are you even listening to yourself? Logan has to be one hundred percent in support of your sobriety or it’s just not going to work. You don’t make excuses for yourself and you don’t make excuses for other people. We worked hard on this, Macy.”

“I know. I’m not trying to make excuses for anyone. I’m just saying…”

“You’re trying to people-please again, which is one of the reasons you got yourself in trouble in the first place. There is only one person you should be concerned about right now—yourself. Get yourself right before anything else.”

“I know... I will.”

“I need more than that, Macy. I need you to be solid. You cannot be wavering about anything.”

Macy nodded before drawing in a steady breath. “I needed to
talk to you today. It’s really helped put things back into perspective.”

“Good. So tell me how getting back to work is.”

“It’s fine. I’m actually on a job.”

“Really? That’s great.”

Macy shrugged. “It is good. The only thing is that it’s in Montana and Logan’s not happy I’m going.”

“Why would he be upset you’re going to Montana? He understands it’s just for work, right?”

“He does, but the job is with Ryland Quinn. I think Logan’s
jealous I’m going to be spending a week with him. My colleague, Lane, and I will be staying on his private ranch while we get the story.”

“Ah,” Jackie said. “I see. Well, all of this goes hand in hand. Can you see how important trust is between you and Logan?”

“Yeah, I know. I do trust him.”
Mostly,
Macy thought as her mind flitted to her conversation with Candy at the party. “And I think he trusts me, too. But a lot has happened recently, and it’s just taken a toll on everything in our lives.”

“I know, girl, but you know what? That’s life. It sucks sometimes. That’s why it’s so important that you have a strong circle to lean on. You have to have people in your life you can call when
you’re down. Have that person who will come over at the drop of a hat and offer their shoulder when you need a cry. You can’t be strong all the time, especially if your boyfriend isn’t on the same page.”

Macy nodded thoughtfully. “I know. I’ve got a lot to think about.”

“Yes, you do. And for God sakes, Macy, don’t go to any more
parties right now. And make sure you’re attending your AA meetings. This is a critical time for you. If Logan can’t get onboard, you’re going to have to make some changes. Do you understand
that?”

Macy shifted in her seat. “I do.”

“Good.” Jackie reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “Hang in there.”

“I will,” Macy said smiling. But inside she didn’t feel quite so optimistic.

***

“Two reporters are coming out here?”

“Yep.”

Michael rocked back on his heels. “That such a good idea, Ryland?”

Ryland shrugged. “Got no choice in the matter really. It’s either this or let what’s left of my career goes down the toilet. I’m pretty shocked there’s even a magazine that’s interested in doing a story about me at all.”

“Sure they’re just not coming out here to the get inside scoop of how Ryland Quinn has really gone off the deep end?”

“Thought crossed my mind.”

“Then why are you doing this?”

Ryland shrugged again. “Don’t really know, to be honest. I guess I just feel I should do something to start getting my career back on track.”

“Well, a big piece of that is to get back into the studio.”

“Yep.”

“So why aren’t you?”

Ryland kicked at the ground with his boot. “Don’t really have anything to write about.”

Michael took his hat off and slapped his thigh with it before slamming it back down on his head. “Jesus, Ryland. It’s not like you had to be a musical genius to write
It’s Time to Party
. You have got to get your ass back in that studio.”

“I know and I will.”

“When?”

“I don’t know... soon.”

“Damn it, Ryland. How long is this going to go on for? It’s been two years.”

Ryland towered over Michael. “Don’t you think I goddamned know that? Don’t you think I count the days? Don’t you think I watch the clock, counting the hours, the minutes, the seconds since… she left?”

“Yes, Jesus, calm down. Of course you do. I’m just trying to say…”

“What exactly are you trying to say, Michael? I would love to hear it right about now.”

“You know what, Ryland?” Michael pulled his hat down over his eyes. “I’ve done my best to stand by your side throughout everything that’s happened. I’ve done everything in my power to help. I smoothed things over when you canceled your tour. I’ve been the middle-man talking to the producers when you never showed up. I’ve done everything I can for you. You’re like a son to me and I love you. But you’ve been acting like a jackass lately, and a man can only take so much bullshit.”

Ryland shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans and stared at the ground.

“Listen, maybe this will be a good idea. But you also need to start actually working on your music or this story is just going to be about why you’re a has-been. Get it?”

Michael headed for the house. Ryland watched as Helen greeted him on the front porch. They exchanged a few words, glancing over in Ryland’s direction before disappearing inside.

Ryland wandered to the barn and let himself in. The noises of the horses as they neighed to one another and stomped their hooves brought him comfort. He approached one of the stalls and found Belle munching on some hay.

“Hey there, pretty lady,” he said softly, patting her neck. The horse regarded him briefly before returning to her meal. “What do you think I should do, Belle?” She snorted in response, shaking her head back and forth a few times. “Yep... I guess it’s now or never, isn’t it, girl? Time to stop hiding.”

Ryland pulled his cowboy hat off and ran a hand through his shaggy hair before turning on his heel. Back at the house, he found Michael and Helen standing in the kitchen. Their animated conversation abruptly stopped when he entered the room, and Ryland could easily guess what they had been talking about. Helen turned to him, wiping her hands on the dishcloth and offering a warm smile.

“What can I get you, Ryland? Something to eat?”

“No thanks, Helen. I just have something I want to say.”

“Oh?” Helen said lightly.

Michael leaned against the kitchen counter, arms crossed over his chest, his expression frustrated.

“I know I haven’t been easy to get along with. And I’ve made some pretty stupid decisions. Michael, I know you’ve been trying your best to clean up the mess I’ve made of my music career. The only reason I haven’t been dropped by the label is because you’ve worked your ass off for me. But I realize I’m teetering dangerously close to the edge and I’ve got to get my shit together. I want to thank you for everything you’ve done for me, and I swear to God I’m
going to make it all worth it for you because I’m going to pull this off.”

Michael’s expression softened slightly, but his only response was a tight nod.

“And, Helen. I’ll try not to be such a grumpy cuss.”

She chuckled and pulled him down into a tight hug.

“Well, thank goodness for that.”

***

Later that evening, when Helen was making a start on dinner, Ryland snuck away to his office. Hesitantly, he picked up the cordless phone that sat on his desk and dialed. The line only rang twice before a deep voice answered.

“Ryland.”

“Hey, Daddy.”

John was silent for a few painfully long moments before responding. “Didn’t expect to hear from you, son.”

“I know, Daddy. I’m sorry I haven’t called much lately.”

“Me too,” his father said.

“I just wanted to let you know I’m coming out there.”

“You’re coming out to Georgia?”

“Yeah,” Ryland said. “I’d like to spend some time with you guys, if that’s okay.”

John cleared his throat. “Of course it’s alright. We’ve been missing you, son.”

A voice in the background said, “John, who’s on the phone?”

“It’s Ryland, Martha.”

“Ryland?” Suddenly his mother was on the line. “Oh, Ryland.
It’s so good to hear from you. I wanted to call again… but I’ve been afraid… you keep telling us you need your space and I’ve been trying—”

“I’m sorry, Mama,” Ryland said thickly, his voice wavering.

“Oh, baby,” Martha said. “Don’t be sorry.”

“He could have called us more, Martha,” John said.

“Be quiet, John.”

Ryland couldn’t help but smile. “I know I should have, Daddy. I’m sorry.”

“Ryland said he’s coming home for a visit,” John said.

His mother started to cry. “You are?”

“Yes, Mama. I know there’s a lot of things I haven’t been taking very good care of lately, including you guys.” Ryland paused, drawing in a quaking breath and pinching the skin between his eyes. “I miss you.”

“Oh, sweetie, we miss you, too. You know you can come home anytime.”

“Thanks, Mama.”

“When you coming?” his father asked.

“Soon, real soon. It’s going to be a quick trip because I need to get back here for work, but I need to come home, at least for a bit.”

“We can’t wait to see you, can we, John?” his mother said.

It made Ryland happy to hear her sounding so upbeat again. “I can’t either. I love you guys.”

“We love you too. See you soon.”

Ryland hung up and stared at the receiver for a few minutes before gently setting it back in the cradle. He was going to go home for the first in time in what, almost three years? He felt ashamed about staying away for so long but, just like so many other things in his life, he’d pushed his parents away. When he was on tour he told them he simply didn’t have time to visit, but the truth was he just didn’t feel like making time. Then… later… he just couldn’t face them. He had just wanted to be left alone.

There was a knock at his office door.

“Come eat, Ryland,” Helen said.

“Okay, Helen.”

Ryland stood, stretched, and then walked over to the window that looked over his property. Maybe this was a start. A small start, but it was a start at getting his life back.

“Can you believe it?
Sexy Ryland Quinn,” Lane said.

Macy rolled her eyes and continued flipping through articles about the singer on her laptop as their plane waited on the tarmac.

“Tell me you’re not at least a little excited to take pictures of that smoldering cowboy,” Lane said, fanning himself with the emergency pamphlet from his seat pocket.

“I’m not really that into country. And I’m certainly not turned on by a knuckle-dragging hillbilly like Ryland Quinn.”

“God, you sure have turned into a grumpy bitch,” Lane said with mock annoyance.

Macy laughed and swatted Lane’s arm. “Shut up, I’m doing research.”

“Research about hunky Ryland Quinn, maybe? Maybe about those gorgeous baby blue eyes and gigantic biceps?”

“You’re creepy,” Macy said, unable to contain her laughter.

“Whatever, you just wait ‘till we see him in person. You’ll get all gaga, and I’ll have to drag you away kicking and screaming when it’s time to go home.”

Macy shook her head, still smiling as she plugged her headphones into her laptop and clicked on a YouTube link. Ryland Quinn’s hit single ‘Time to Party’ began to play. Ryland appeared on the screen, shirtless on the hood of his truck with a beer bottle in his hand, cowboy hat firmly planted on his head, stupid cocky grin plastered on his face.

Been workin’ like a dog

Quittin’ time’s almost here

I’ve worked my fingers to the bone

Just to make a dime

And there’s only one thing on my mind -

Time to crack open an ice cold beer

It’s time to party

It’s time to party

Girl, I’ve never seen anyone

Wear blue jeans like you do.

It’s time to party

It’s time to party

Girl, I can’t wait to get you in the

Seat of my pick-up truck.

Gotta call my boys

Let them know it’s time to roll

I’ve been waitin’ -

Macy grimaced and hit the ‘X’ on the video window, shutting her laptop with a shudder. “Ugh,” she said, shoving the laptop in back in its case.

Lane rolled his eyes, shook his head, and went back to his book.

Macy fished out her iPhone and turned on the calming playlist she had created at Tall Oaks. She put the playlist on shuffle and closed her eyes, leaning back in her seat. The plane was high in the sky now, and she knew she needed to use this time to relax before meeting Ryland Quinn. She was going to need every ounce of patience and grace she had inside her being to survive the next week. ‘Waves’ by Mr. Probz came on and she closed her eyes, letting the music wash over her and calm her nerves, just like she’d learned to do at Tall Oaks.

She let the music consume her as she repeated her favorite mantra over and over again inside her head. ‘Waves’ had become one of her favorite songs while she was at Tall Oaks. Something about the melody made her feel lighter. During her stay at the center, she’d learned that she had terrible coping skills. There had been numerous events during her childhood that had been upsetting, traumatizing even, and she’d never learned how to deal with those things properly. Aunt Suzy had been the only person who had cared enough to try and give Macy a better life and offer her a loving home. She was perhaps the only person who saved Macy from ending up on the streets.

“Mama, what happened to your eye?”

Macy’s mother stooped down to Macy’s level and kissed her cheek. “It’s nothing, baby. Mama just hurt herself.”

“It was that bad man,” Macy said, tears rolling down her face and her lower lip trembling.

“You’d better watch that girl’s mouth,” the bad man said, stepping out of her mama’s bedroom.

“Shhh, Macy. Don’t say things like that.”

“But, Mama…” Macy said, wrapping her arms around her mother’s neck. She whispered in her ear. “He’s mean and I don’t like him. Tell him to go away.”

“I told you to watch her goddamned mouth!” the man yelled, taking two long strides towards them. Raising his hand he brought it down across her mother’s face, sending her tumbling down to the floor and launching Macy from her arms.

Macy hit the floor hard on her elbow and began to wail. “Mama, Mama!”

“Connie, you’re a stupid whore. You can’t do nothing right and that girl’s going to end up just like you when she grows up.”

“No, she won’t. She’s going to be smart and get a real job.”

The man laughed, shaking his head. “You’re even stupider than I thought.”

“Shut up, Peter. Just go home and leave us be,” her mother cried.

The smile faded from the man’s face and he sneered. “Don’t you talk to me like that,” he said, raising his hand for another blow. “You talk sweet when you want some more crystal, but once you get your fix you’re right back to being a selfish bitch.”

“Macy,” her mama cried out as she tried to protect her face with her arms. “Go to your room and lock the door.”

“No, Mama, I want to stay with you.”

“Go!” her mother yelled, shoving Macy towards her bedroom roughly.

Crying, Macy ran to her room and slammed the door shut behind her before locking it. Then she backed away, covering her ears with her little hands. Sinking to the floor with her legs folded beneath her, Macy rocked back and forth, humming loudly to herself in an attempt to block out the sounds coming from the living room.

Macy hadn’t even realized that she’d dozed off when the landing gear slammed onto the ground at Helena Regional Airport, making her startle awake, gripping her armrests tightly. She gathered her carry-ons and waited beside Lane to disembark. After
navigating out of the gate and down to baggage claim, they were met by a middle-aged man holding up a sign that said
CELEBRITY NEWS
.

“We’re with Celebrity News. I’m Lane and this is Macy. We’re here to see Ryland Quinn.”

The man smiled politely. “Excellent to meet you two. I’m Michael. Right this way.”

Michael led them outside to a waiting town car and opened the door, motioning for them to climb in.

“I’m Ryland’s manager. Are you the photographer?” Michael asked Lane.

“Oh no.” Lane put up his hands and laughed. “She’s the talented photographer here. I’m just the reporter.”

Macy smiled and nudged her shoulder against Lane’s affectionately.

“So will we be able to start interviewing tonight?” Lane asked.

“No, actually Ryland’s out of town tonight. He’ll be back the day after tomorrow.”

Macy and Lane exchanged looks.

“He’s not home?” Macy asked.

“He had some business that he needed to take care of. He told me to send his apologies. I thought perhaps you could get some shots around the ranch. I’m sure your readers will be interested in what his home is like.”

Lane settled back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest, obviously disappointed.

“Seems a little rude to skip town when we were scheduled to arrive today, don’t you think?” Macy said, unable to contain her annoyance.

Michael shrugged. “Like I said, he had some business that he needed to take care of. It was important and he’ll be back the day after tomorrow.” He pulled out his phone and proceeded to ignore both Macy and Lane for the rest of the car ride, leaving them to shrug at each other and look out the window.

It wasn’t a particularly pretty drive, mostly shrub oak and flat terrain, Macy noted.
Boring.
But then Macy remembered that this assignment would help get her career back on course again. It was a way to redeem herself for her unfortunate mistake. Ryland Quinn has fallen from grace. It was up to them to find out why he seemed to have turned away from his music career.

“Here we are,” Michael said, breaking Macy out of her thoughts.

“Great,” Macy said, taking in her surroundings as she climbed out of the car. She shivered at the chilly November evening and pulled her sweatshirt tighter around her shoulders.

A stunning wood cabin home with a wrap-around porch sat on a sprawling piece of land. Not far from the house was a large barn surrounded by several corrals. She began walking toward the barn, automatically pulling her camera out and snapping photos of the horses grazing near the fence. They were beautiful. The one closest to her was a soft gray color covered in white speckles. She’d never really been around horses before, and they were much bigger than she’d imagined.

“What’s that smell?” Lane whispered.

She couldn’t help but laugh, turning to Lane. “I don’t know, smells like a farm I guess,” she said with a shrug.

“Uh, it’s not a farm,” Michael called from where he was standing by the car. “This is a ranch.”

“My mistake,” Macy murmured over her shoulder as she continued to snap photos.

“Would you like to see where you’ll be staying while you’re here?”

“Sure.” Macy shoved her camera back in her bag.

Michael grinned and tipped his head toward a dirt path. Macy and Lane followed his gaze and spotted a tiny cabin at the end of the trail.

“What is that? A shed?” Lane asked.

“That would be the cabin you’ll be staying in. Care for a tour?”

“Please,” Macy said pleasantly.

Macy looped her arm through Lane’s and they followed Michael down the path to the small wooden shack. He stuck a key in the lock and swung the door wide open for them.

“Here you are. It’s not exactly The Four Seasons, but it’ll do.”

The cabin was a small space containing a set of bunk beds, a small sitting area with a table and two chairs, and a very tiny bathroom.

“It’ll do just fine,” Macy said, smiling warmly at Michael. “Thank you. If it’s okay with you, we’d like to unpack and get settled in.”

“Absolutely. If you need anything I’ll be in the main house. Helen will be preparing dinner soon. If you walk around the back of the main house to the patio, there’s a door that leads to the indoor pool and gym. Feel free to use either one while you’re here.”

“Sounds lovely. Thanks again, Michael.”

With a tip of his head, Michael turned and headed back towards the house.

“You’re laying it on a little thick, aren’t you?” Lane said, throwing his bag on the top bunk.

Macy sighed and sank onto the bottom bed, sprawling out. “After my little comment in the car about Ryland being out of the town when we got here, Michael was clearly annoyed. I can’t risk pissing anyone off. This is my chance to redeem myself.”

“Yeah, I hear ya, girl. But this place blows.”

“Yep. But it’s only for a week. Let’s just get through it.”

“Remind me again how I got roped into coming along with you on this trip?”

“Because we’ve always been partners in crime and do
everything together?”

Lane chuckled and nodded, playfully tossing a pillow at her. “Oh yeah. Hey, Mace, remind me to get a new partner.”

Macy laughed and rolled over onto her side, getting a glimpse out the window. She wondered what the property would look like during the summer. Through the pine trees that grew around the perimeter, she could just barely make out a meadow. She imagined it was beautiful during the warm months, with flowers pushing up through the green grass. When Macy had been little, she and Aunt Suzy had loved to hop into the old station wagon and find a good hiking spot to see the flowers. Aunt Suzy loved flowers. Even before Macy had gone to live with her, Suzy would come for a visit and pick the flowers in the front yard with her. Closing her eyes, Macy could almost hear Aunt Suzy’s voice.

“What are you doing outside, sweetie?” Suzy knelt down beside Macy on the ground, avoiding the crabgrass and weeds.

“Mommy said to wait outside while her friend visits.”

Suzy looked to the house and then back at Macy, giving her a warm and reassuring smile.

“Does Mommy have lots of visitors?”

Macy nodded, squinting up at Suzy.

“Well, then. I guess we’ll just have to play outside while we wait, won’t we?”

Suzy got on all fours and began gathering up the buttercups and marigolds that were sporadically growing around them. She made a small bouquet and handed it to Macy.

“You know, Macy, a man named Henri Matisse once said, ‘There are always flowers for those who wish to see them.’”

“What does that mean, Aunt Suzy?”

“It means that life isn’t always perfect. Sometimes things happen that we didn’t choose. But we have complete control over how we react to those things...how we look at life. We can always find the flowers if we want to see
them.”