Amphibian (27 page)

When Mrs. Wardman got to the word
two
, she said, ‘I have two eyes, two ears, two arms, two hands,' and that's when Gordon said, ‘Two boobies.' He didn't say it very loudly, but I heard him because I sit right next to him. I don't think he actually meant to say it either. I think it was like when I screamed ‘
Mo chreach
' and then ‘Fuck off, you shithead fucking fuckface asshole' at Lyle. It just kinda popped right out of his mouth like that popped out of mine. After he said it, his face turned really red and he wouldn't look up at Mrs. Wardman, who was standing right next to our desks. The other kids didn't seem to hear him say it, but I could tell that Mrs. Wardman did. Even though she didn't say anything to Gordon, it took her more than a few seconds to think up a sentence for the next word, which was
too
.

The fun thing about today was that after lunch we went on a field trip to O'Dell Park. We do that every spring when it gets nice out. We had to take the bus there and Bird and I got to sit together. Once we were all in the bus, Mrs. Wardman went over the bus rules. They are:

1. Stay in your seat.

2. Talk quietly.

3. Don't eat or drink on the bus.

4. Listen to the bus driver.

5. NEVER put your head or arms out the window.

6. Know where the emergency exits are, but don't play with them.

7. Don't throw things.

When she got to rule five, she told us the same story from the beginning of the year when we went on a field trip to pick apples.
She said that she knows of a person who had his hand out the window of the bus when all of a sudden the bus tipped over and landed and skidded on his hand so that he had to have it amputated. She said that even though it was amputated, it pained for all of his life after that.

I told Bird that I once looked up why that kid's hand still hurt after it was amputated. I found on
Ask.com
that there's a part of the brain that makes pain for the hand and it doesn't always turn off like it should when the hand's missing. That's why he still feels like he has a paining hand. It's called ‘phantom limb.'

Bird said, ‘Wow, that would really, really suck,' and I agreed.

‘Maybe Lyle has phantom brain,' said Bird. That made me laugh really hard.

When we got to the park, we had an awesome time. We walked the hiking trail, which took us almost an hour. We had to walk slowly because some of the kids aren't very fast walkers but it was still fun. It was even more fun than usual because Lyle had to walk beside Mrs. Wardman at the front of the line and Bird and I were at the back.

We took turns closing our eyes and walking. This meant I had to trust Bird and he had to trust me not to lead him right into a tree or a swamp or off a cliff or something. Once Bird pretended that I was close to a cliff and that he was going to let me go over it, but I trusted him. In harsh environments, you've got to have at least one good friend you can trust.

Usually we go to the farmers' market first thing Saturday morning but today my mother said how about we get our rubber boots on and go to the amphibian park instead? She said there's a spring cleanup and volunteers are going to pick up garbage around the trails. They do the cleanup after the snow melts so that the park is healthier for all the frogs, toads and salamanders that live there. I ran and got my rubber boots on right away.

When we got to the amphibian park, there were about nineteen other people there, including six other kids. A tall woman named Caroline told us all thank you for coming and that our work this morning is very important to the wildlife at the preserve. Then she gave us each a big garbage bag and some garbage pickers that looked like big lobster claws, and broke us into groups assigned to different parts of the trails around the ponds.

My mom and I got assigned to a group with Caroline and a woman who looked to be about my grandmother's age. She was so old that her face looked like an apple ring after it has been in my grandmother's dehydrator. She said her name was Beth. She talked with a British accent, which made me think that everything she was saying was really smart and super important.

When we started off toward one of the ponds, I walked behind Caroline and Beth, and my mom walked behind me. She kept grabbing my pants with her garbage picker and I kept swatting her away. Did I ever mention that my mom is a big teaser? Never give a teaser a tool that's more than a foot long because then they can irritate you even from a distance. My granddad used to do that to me too but with a really long blade of grass, which he'd use to tickle the back of my neck as we walked in the field.

When we got to our pond, we could see where the beavers had built a dam on the other side. Caroline told us that if we came back at dusk, we might actually get to see them hard at work. There were so many animal sounds – like frogs and birds and squirrels – that it was hard to believe we were so near the city. The only sign of humans was the garbage – and there was lots of it: Tim Hortons cups, plastic bags, beer bottles, even an old car tire that Beth, who's really strong for such an old woman, lugged out onto the path so we could roll it back to the road.

As we worked, Caroline explained that there are sixteen species of amphibians found in our province and that the amphibian park is home to most of them, including seven different types of frogs. The one that's of most concern is the grey tree frog. Although it's not on the Red List of Threatened Species, there
aren't very many of them left in our province. Caroline told us that grey tree frogs can turn many different colours from white to black to green. The ones that stay grey are the ones that are either dead or in aquariums. That made sense. It also made me think of Cuddles but I didn't have time to feel sad because there was so much work to do.

We worked for over an hour and then it was time to head back. At one point, Caroline took us off the trail into the woods and lifted up a few big stones. Under one was a yellow-spotted salamander. She told us some things I already knew but that I like to hear about, like that salamanders belong to the
Amphibia
family, along with frogs and toads. They eat things like insects, worms, snails and slugs and use their sight and smell to find their food because they can't hear, although they can feel the ground vibrate with their legs and jaw. They can actually regrow a leg if it's bitten off by a predator like a bird.

We looked at the salamander for a few seconds, but we didn't pick him up. Not only would he not like it, but human skin has oil in it that is toxic to the salamander. Caroline then put the stone down next to him but not on top of him because he had moved and doing that would squish him.

Further up the path, Beth pointed out some deep purple trilliums. She said that the nature preserve is also home to different types of rare plants too, including red milkwort and narrow-leaved gerardia. She said years ago women ate milkwort to help produce more milk for their babies.

Then Beth talked about how many, many plants – including those used to make drugs to treat things like cancer and
AIDS
– are at risk of going extinct because we're destroying the forests and other natural habitats. So basically we're destroying the very things that can be used to heal us.

‘My grandfather had a Gaelic expression for that,' I told Beth. ‘It was
cac sa nid,
which means
shit in your own nest
.'

My mom said, ‘Phin!'

But Beth and Caroline just laughed.

Our team collected four bags of garbage. When we added ours to the other teams', altogether there were twenty-three bags. That's a lot of
cac
.

When I got home from school today, my mother came out of her study with an envelope in her hand. She said, ‘Phineas William Walsh, have you committed some crime we need to talk about?'

At first I didn't know what the heck she was talking about. Then she handed me the letter and I saw the address of the environmental lawyers on the front. I tore open the envelope as fast as I could. This is what I read:

Dear Phin,

My name is Julius Crandle and I am one of the lawyers working to help save the woodlot. I got the victim impact letters and pictures you mailed to us, and I am amazed and impressed by the quality of both what you wrote and the accompanying artwork.

I think that your words and pictures speak very well for wildlife. I would like to run your work in the local and provincial newspapers as a way of making people aware of the consequences of developing the natural areas we are trying to protect.

We would like to discuss this further with you and your parents and ask you to please give us a call at the number above.

Yours most sincerely,

Julius

I could hardly believe what I read and had to read it again to make sure I saw all the words properly. My mother was standing in front of me waiting for me to explain. I was a little nervous to look up at her face because I wasn't sure she'd be happy or mad.

‘Well, Phin, what is the letter about?' she asked.

‘Do you really want to know?' I asked.

‘Yes, of course.'

‘Really, really? Even if it's not good news?'

‘Yes, Phin!'

So I told her about how I'd written victim-impact statements for the animals of the wetlands and sent them to an environmental lawyer.

Her mouth hung a little bit open and she didn't say anything right away, so I said, ‘Actually, Mom, you gave me the idea when you said I should write a victim-impact statement to Lyle.'

‘Oh, don't credit me with this, Phin!'

I didn't say anything.

‘So, what … ? Is the law firm writing to thank you for your letters?' asked my mom.

I handed her the letter and watched her face as she read it. At that moment I wished I was a chameleon whose eyes tell his brain what colour to turn – or at least had on a shirt the same colour as the wall.

After a minute, she looked up at me. Then finally she said, ‘What do you think about what they're asking, Phin?'

‘Awesome?' I said but kind of asked.

My mother looked at me like she had just noticed something different about my face. Then she looked down to the letter and back at me again.

She said, ‘Okay, Phin, if this is really something you think is important and want to do, then it's all right with me.'

When she said that, you could have knocked me over with a feather. Really. Truly. With a teeny weeny little black-capped chick-adee feather!

I jumped up ran to the phone to call the number on the letter to tell Julius Crandle he could use my pictures in the newspaper!

When Bird and I were walking home from school today, it started to rain. Bird started to walk really fast, saying, ‘Hurry up, Phin, we have to get out of the poison.'

‘What the heck are you talking about?' I asked, looking up at the sky.

Bird said he heard on the news last night that chemicals that make female hormones have been found in the rain and snow.

‘What do you think would happen if we got too many female hormones?' asked Bird.

‘Well, I think we'd likely have higher-pitched voices and maybe grow breasts,' I told him.

‘What do you mean?' yelled Bird. ‘Really? You think it could make us grow boobs?'

‘Yep, among other things,' I said. What I didn't tell him is that scientists have also found that human boys' penises are getting shorter because of chemicals in plastics.

‘Arghhhh!' howled Bird.

We decided we won't catch the raindrops on our tongues anymore like we used to.

When we got to Bird's house, I asked him if he's worried about what's happening to the environment now.

He said, ‘Yep. I don't want boobs. My mom says a good bra is really expensive and I'd rather spend my money on video games.'

I figure that if the people like Bird, who doesn't get worried very often at all, are now starting to become worried, then that's a good thing – even if it's only because of boobs.

When I got home from school today, Mom had a big smile on her face and a newspaper in her hand.

When my mom and I met Julius at his office last week, he said that likely my pictures would be on half a page, but they were on an entire page! Julius Crandle put all three animal victim impact pictures and statements in the paper at the same time, and they took up a whole page. The entire page!

I was really excited and talked super fast and Mom laughed at how excited I was and helped me scan the page to email it to my grandmother and my dad. I also emailed it to Bird, who must have
been sitting at the computer because he wrote me back right away. He wrote, ‘Thats wicked!!!!!!! your famus and we could be even more famus if we tell everyone about how we tried to rescue cuddles!!!'

I wrote back that I didn't think it was a good idea, but I don't know how long I can keep him quiet about that.

The next day, Mrs. Wardman brought my pictures into school to show everyone. Then she posted them up on our Morning News board. That was kind of funny to me because of how my Earth Day picture didn't even make it onto the Earth Day wall. But I was feeling too good to let it ruin my day.

I was feeling so good that outside at recess when Lyle started bugging me, I wasn't even bothered, at least not at first. I reached in my pocket and rubbed my worry rock and tried to ignore him.

But then Lyle said, ‘Your pictures sucked, froggie boy. You're nothing but a little fucker,' and then he shook his middle finger in my face.

Maybe it was because I was feeling so good that I said what I said. I said, ‘I sure hope
you
never become a fucker.' A reproducer is the last thing I want Lyle to be. Then I stared back at him and tried not to blink. Bird tugged on my arm so I stepped back a bit.

And then Lyle said, ‘What are you talking about, you fuckface froggie fucker?' and stepped toward me with his face all scrunched up like he was trying to turn it inside out.