An Amish Match (14 page)

“I'm sorry you feel that way, but I believe it is.”

Aden Ray's hands curled into fists. As his voice rose in anger, his fists did, too. “We don't care what
you
believe! We want our share!”

Joshua couldn't believe that Lloyd's brother would actually try to strike him until the younger man swung at him. Fortunately the blow went wide. Moving out of range, he said, “We can ask our bishops to decide.”

“I can make that decision on my own, and we want our share.” He jabbed out with his other fist.

Again Joshua jumped away and bumped into someone. A glance over his shoulder shocked him. Timothy and several of his own brothers stood behind him. Nobody spoke, but Aden Ray lowered his fists.

This time when Joshua walked away along with his son and brothers, he wasn't stopped. He heard the Burkholders stamp in the opposite direction. Thanking his brothers, who nodded in response before they returned to the auction, he kept walking with Timothy until he had strode past most of the bidders who were so focused on the sale that, praise God, they hadn't noticed his unexpected encounter with Lloyd's brothers.

“Are you okay,
Daed
?” asked Timothy as soon as they stopped.

“I will be. This policy of always turning the other cheek is easier some days than others.”

His son chuckled. “I know.”

“Go and enjoy your game.” As his son started to leave, Joshua called his name. He walked to Timothy and gave him a quick hug. He knew his son wouldn't allow more than that when his friends were watching. “
Danki
, son.”

“Anytime,
Daed
.”

“I hope not.”

They laughed, and Joshua went to find Rebekah. He didn't intend to let the Burkholders—or anyone else—bully her again.

* * *

It was almost, Rebekah thought, like the night of their wedding day. The
kinder
were slumbering in the back of the buggy, including, this time, Timothy, who'd had as much fun as the younger ones at the auction. Their clothes were dotted with mustard and spots of ice cream, and she was astonished none of them had sickened from the amount of food they'd eaten.

Beside her, Joshua watched the road beyond Benny's nose. “I was glad to see the farm stay with an Amish farmer.”

She smiled, recalling how one of the young women had been as giddy as a toddler with a new toy when one of the Tice boys was the highest bidder. “I hope the house and farm have many happy times for its new family.”

“God willing, it will.” He glanced at her as he said, “I didn't expect you'd want to stay for the sale of the farm equipment.”

“Why?”

“Tildie and my sisters only watched when the lots were household items. I assumed women weren't interested in manure spreaders and plows.” He grinned, his teeth shining in the streetlight they drove under. “You don't have to remind me that not all women are alike. Esther often tells me that.”

“No, all women aren't alike, just as all men aren't.” She relaxed against the seat and discovered his arm stretched along it. When his fingers curved down around her shoulder, she let him draw her closer.

All men were
not
alike, and she was more grateful for that truth than words could say.

His thoughts must have been the same because he said, “I didn't realize the Burkholders had such tempers.”

“They do, and it doesn't take much for them to lose it.” She didn't add more.

“I never saw Lloyd lose his temper.”

“I know.” This was the perfect opening to explain about what happened when Lloyd did fly into a rage, but she held her tongue.

Fortunately, his family had left. They discovered they couldn't gain sympathy from the crowd after word spread about how they'd stripped the house of almost everything, which was why there were no household goods for sale. She was glad to see them go.

Forgive me, Father, for not being able to forgive them for their avarice. I try to remind myself that they are a
gut
lesson about the importance of being generous to others.
She smiled to herself, hoping God would understand her prayer was facetious. She wished the Burkholders could find the peace and happiness within themselves.

It was too nice a night to discuss Lloyd and his troublesome brothers. “Timothy seems very interested in that red-haired Yutzy girl. He was hanging on her every word when he talked to her after the ball game.”

“Like
daed
, like son.” He chuckled. “We find redheads catch our eyes.”

She chuckled, then put her fingers to her lips, not wanting the sound to rouse the
kinder
. She glanced back to see Sammy curled up between Levi and Timothy, who had his arm protectively around the little boy.

“Thank you for a
wunderbaar
day,” she whispered. “I can't remember when I've had so much fun.”

“How about the time we went for a canoe ride on the pond and ended up tipping the canoe over?”

She held her breath as she did each time he mentioned a memory that contained Tildie and Lloyd. She had to choose her words with care. This time it wasn't so difficult because she had fond memories of that day, too. “Because you were being silly.” She smiled. “It was a
gut
thing that we could get the mud out of our best dresses.”

“
Ja
. I heard about that for a long time. Lloyd must have, too.”

“That was a long time ago,” she replied, not wanting to admit that she never would have dared to scold Lloyd. The next time he was drunk, he would have made her regret her words. “Joshua, I've been thinking about your adopting Sammy and the new
boppli
after it's born.”

“And?” Anticipation filled his voice. “What's your answer?” He halted her from answering by saying, “Before you tell me, let me say what I should have the night I asked you. Even before your son called me
Daedi
for the first time, he'd found his way into my heart. I love to hear his laughter and watch him try to keep up with the older boys. I've dried his tears when he has fallen and scraped his knee, and I've taught him the best way I know to catch a frog down at the pond. Rebekah, even though he wasn't born as my son, in my heart it feels like he's always been my son.”

She stretched to put a finger to his lips as she whispered, “I know. Don't you think I've seen how you two have grown together like two branches grafted onto the same tree?”

“So what's your answer?”

“
Ja
, I would like you to adopt my
kinder
.”

He turned to look at her, his face visible in the light from the lantern on her side of the buggy. But its faint beam wasn't necessary. His smile was so broad and so bright that it seemed to glow with his happiness.

“That is
wunderbaar
,” he said.

“How do we do this? I'm sure there's a lot of paperwork, but I don't know where to start.”

“We'll start by asking Beth Ann.”

“Why?”

His eyes twinkled like a pair of the stars glistening overhead. “Didn't you know? She has an adopted daughter.”

“I didn't realize that.” She thought back to the drawings that hung in Beth Ann's examination room. They obviously had been done by a
kind
because the bright colors had been created with crayons. “I'll ask her at my next appointment.”

“When's that?”

“On Tuesday. If you have any questions, I'll be glad to ask her.”

“I'll ask her myself. At this point, I don't think you should be driving into the village on your own.”

She heard an undercurrent of anger lingering beneath his words. It halted her automatic response that she could handle matters on her own. When she thanked him, his arm drew her closer. It would be so easy to imagine them riding in a courting buggy he'd built himself, except Levi was softly snoring in the back. She shut out that sound and leaned her head against Joshua's strong shoulder.

His breath sifted through her bonnet and
kapp
as he said, “We'll keep Sammy's memories of Lloyd alive by telling him about his
daed
.”

“We don't need to worry about that now.”
Or ever
, she longed to add, but if she did, then she'd have to reveal how little Joshua comprehended of the man he'd called his friend.

“
Danki
, Rebekah, for agreeing. I should have said that before.”

“There is no reason to thank me. It is what's for the best for the
kinder
.” She didn't add that it was the best choice for her, as well.

God, am I being selfish? I don't want Sammy to suffer any longer for the sins of his
daed
. Sammy deserves to be happy and secure. And so do I.

That last thought startled her. For so long she had listened to Lloyd telling her how worthless she was. Only her determination to remain strong for her son and her faith that God would never stop loving her as Lloyd had, had kept her from believing his cruel words.

Not tonight. She wasn't going to let the memory of Lloyd intrude tonight when she sat beside Joshua while they followed the moonlight along the otherwise deserted road. The steady clip-clop from the horse provided a rhythmic undertone to the chirps of the peepers. Lightning bugs twinkled like earthbound stars, creating flashes of light in the darkness.

It seemed too soon when they entered their driveway and came to a stop by the dark house. Beyond the trees lights glowed in the Grangers' house, but in the buggy they were enveloped in soft shadows.

“Rebekah?”

At Joshua's whisper, she looked at him. His lips brushed hers, tentative and giving her a chance to pull back. She didn't want to. His lips were warm and tasted of the fudge some of the women had been selling at the auction. Or were his lips always so sweet? She pushed that silly thought from her mind as she put her arms around his shoulders and kissed him back.

He slanted her closer to him, holding her tenderly. He kissed her cheeks, her eyelids, her nose before finding her lips again. Her fingers sifted up through his hair, discovering it was just as soft as she'd imagined. But she'd never imagined how
wunderbaar
his kisses would be while they lit the dark corners of her heart, banishing the fear and the contempt. Joy danced through her and she melted against him.

At the sound of the
kinder
stirring in the back, he lifted his mouth from hers. She curved her fingers along his face, savoring the variety of textures. She had so many things to say, but not when the youngsters were listening.

She couldn't wait until she had a chance to tell Joshua of the state of her heart and how she had come to trust him as she hadn't thought she ever could trust any man again.

Chapter Thirteen

“D
o you want us to carry those bags?” asked Debbie when the buggy stopped under the tree at the edge of the yard early the following Friday.

“I'd appreciate that.” Rebekah struggled to smile as the little girl handed a bag of groceries to her brother before picking up the other one.

Last night Rebekah had been awakened by a low, steady ache near the base of her spine. Whether she shifted to her side or her back, she hadn't been able to find a comfortable position. Sleeping had been impossible, so around midnight she'd gotten up and worked on mending more of the
kinder'
s clothing. It was something she could do quietly and without much light, because her fingers had guided her stitches around a hem or a patch.

Now she was so exhausted it felt as if she were wading through knee-deep mud with each step. The idea of getting out of the buggy seemed too much. All she wanted to do was crawl into bed and nap away the rest of the day and maybe tomorrow and the day after.

Nonsense! The best way to stay awake was to keep busy. Otherwise she might not be able to sleep again tonight.

And maybe tonight there would be a chance for her and Joshua to talk. Every other evening since the auction, either he or she had been busy. Sammy had started resisting going to bed without her being there until he went to sleep. He was frightened after what he'd witnessed with Lloyd's brothers. She thanked God that her son wouldn't have to have much to do with that family from this point forward.

As she got out of the buggy, she motioned for Levi to follow his sister and Sammy into the house. “Go ahead. I'll take care of Benny and the buggy.” She glanced at the clouds building up along the western horizon. “Will you ask Sadie to bring in the laundry? And please ask Debbie to cut up some of the fruit we bought and make us a salad with the berries you picked yesterday.”

He nodded. She was grateful for Sadie's help because she was finding it more difficult with each passing week to hang out the wash and take it down. Last time she'd done laundry, three pieces of clothing had fallen on the grass, and she'd had to ask Sammy to collect them. It was impossible to find the basket by her feet.

Her feet? She almost laughed. She hadn't seen them in so long she doubted she'd recognize her own toes any longer.

She unhooked the horse and led Dolly toward the barn. She wasn't sure how bad the storm was going to be, and she knew Dolly didn't like getting wet. She'd put her in a stall until the rain passed. After that Levi could let the mare out into the pasture. The horse had taken a liking to the boy and vice versa.

The air in the barn was heavy. She made sure the horse had plenty of water, and she thought about having a lovely cold glass of lemonade.

She shut the stall door and turned to leave. Sunlight glinted off something on the floor near a discarded horse blanket. She went to check, not wanting one of the horses to pick up a nail in a hoof.

She started to bend to check the shiny object, then laughed. Hadn't she been thinking that bending was impossible? Squatting was almost as difficult without something to assist her to her feet. She considered calling one of the
kinder
to help her, or she could wait until Joshua came home.

Her eyes were caught by the extra wheel leaning against the stall's wall. She could use it to help her. Checking that it would not tumble over when she grasped it, she chuckled.

“Lord, you keep me humble by reminding me that I can't do everything.” She chuckled again and put her hand on the wheel. She hunkered and reached for the glistening piece of metal.

Her laughter disappeared as she realized it wasn't a piece of metal, but a metal can. Connected to five other metal cans. A six-pack of beer. A brand that must be popular among
Englischers
because she'd seen large trucks with the beer's name passing through Paradise Springs.

Her stomach heaved, and she feared she was going to throw up. Lloyd had hidden his stash of beer in the barn. Icy shudders thudded along her, battering away the happiness and contentment she had felt seconds ago.

Had Joshua hidden it here so she wouldn't suspect that he drank as Lloyd had? Her stomach twisted again. She'd thought she'd smelled liquor on Joshua's clothing while doing laundry. Since that day she'd convinced herself that she hadn't really smelled it, that it'd been her imagination or one of the lacquers Joshua used at the buggy shop.

Was this all the beer or was there more?

Rebekah shoved the six-pack under the blanket and then pushed herself to her feet. At the best speed she could manage, she went to the house, not even pausing to answer when Sadie called out a greeting. The
kinder
looked up when she came in. She rushed past where Debbie was slicing fruit and the boys were watching with eager anticipation.

“Are you looking for something?” asked Levi.

“Ja,”
she replied.

“Can we help?” the ever-helpful Debbie asked.

“Watch Sammy. Make sure he eats with a spoon, not his fingers. I'll be right back.” She threw open the cellar door. “I need to get...” Her brain refused to work, stuck on the image of that beer in the barn. Shaking herself, she said, “I need to get a couple of bottles of your
grossmammi'
s pickles for supper.”

“Let me carry them up for you.” Levi stuck out his thin chest. “
Daedi
asked us to help you when Sadie is busy doing something else.”

Tears flooded her eyes. She longed to put her arms around these darling
kinder
and hug them so tightly while she kept the evils of the world away from them. To do so would create more questions. Questions she couldn't answer until she had more facts. Accusing their
daed
of being as weak as Lloyd would hurt them as deeply as it had her.

“
Danki
, but I think I can manage. I'll call if I need help.” She hoped her smile didn't look as grotesque as it felt.
“Ja?”

“Ja,”
he replied, but she didn't miss the anxious glance he shared with his sister.

Thankful that Sammy was too young to take notice of anything but his sandwich, Rebekah hurried down the stairs before one of the
kinder
could ask another question. She picked up the flashlight from the shelf by the steps and went to the shelves where fresh jars of fruit had been stored in neat precision along with the ones she's brought from Lloyd's farm. A gasp sent a pain through her. The only sanctuary she had from another alcoholic husband was that farm and now it was gone.

Why, God, did You let me discover
this
after the farm was sold?
The pain burst out of her in a single, painful blast.

She couldn't blame God for a man's weaknesses. She did, however, blame herself for not seeing any signs that Joshua hid beer as Lloyd had. Even looking back over the past months, she couldn't recall a single clue that would have tipped her off. Other than that Joshua had been Lloyd's best friend, and they'd spent time together fishing and hunting. Had they been drinking together, too?

Spraying light over the shelves, she looked but didn't see anything that wasn't supposed to be there other than a few spiders. She lowered the flashlight, so the beam narrowed to a small circle on the concrete floor. There were other places where beer or a bottle of liquor could be hidden, but she couldn't squeeze past the shelves to reach them. At that thought, she aimed light through the shelves. She saw tools and what looked like cast-off furniture against the stone foundation, but everything was covered with a thick layer of dust. If it had been disturbed recently, she saw no sign.

Looking up at the ceiling, she wondered if there was a place in the attic where cans or bottles could be hidden. Lloyd had put his beer there once. A cold snap had frozen the beer and shattered the bottles, making a mess that he'd refused to clean up. She recalled the ignominy of washing the floorboards on her hands and knees while pregnant with Sammy. Rather than being grateful, Lloyd had walked out and hadn't come back for almost a week, lamenting how he'd run out of money.

Tears rolled down her cheeks. She wrapped her arms around herself and her unborn
kind
.

God, I thought Joshua was a
gut
man. I dared to let him into my heart, believing that You wanted me to share his life. What do I do now?

There was one more place to check. Lloyd often put his beer in the well house because the water stored in the tank kept it cold.

Her lower back ached more with each step she took up the stairs, but Rebekah didn't slow when she reached the kitchen. Again she was aware of the anxiety on the
kinder'
s faces. She wished she could say something to comfort them, but she wouldn't lie to them.

Sadie was bringing in a basket of laundry and nearly collided with Rebekah. Waving aside the young woman's apology, Rebekah hurried around the side of the house to where the small well house contained the diesel pump and a holding tank for water. The walls were built with slats so fumes wouldn't build up inside.

After going in, she waited for her eyes to adjust. As soon as they did, she saw sunlight glinting off more metal. She leaned against the slatted walls and wrapped her arms around her belly as if she could protect her unborn
kind
from what was right in front of her eyes.

Five six-packs of beer.

She'd never seen such a collection. Lloyd seldom had had more than two or three six-packs on the farm at any one time. Or at least as far as she knew. Why would Joshua want enough beer for a dozen people?

Her eyes widened. What if the beer didn't belong to Joshua? Maybe she was jumping to conclusions about her husband. What if the cans belonged to Timothy? The teenager was so moody, leaping from cheerfulness to sullen scowls in a single breath. Lloyd had been like that, too, especially contentious when his head ached as he suffered yet another hangover.

She looked down at the six-packs. Timothy went out by himself in the family buggy on Saturday nights. How easy it would be for him to retrieve the beer and hide it beneath the backseat so even if his
daed
or another adult stopped to talk to him the beer would go unnoticed. She had no idea how many members were in his running-around gang, but she knew the gatherings often included a mix of Amish and
Englisch
teens.

So whose beer was it?

Rebekah waited impatiently for Joshua and Timothy to get home. As soon as they did, she went out into the shimmering heat to meet them. Her husband waved as he led Benny into the barn because the slow-moving storm seemed ready to pounce on them.

“Timothy,” she said as the teenager started across the yard in the direction of the Grangers' house, “I need to talk with you.”

“It'll have to wait. I'm already late.”

“Late for what?”

He stopped and frowned. It was the expression he usually reserved for his
daed
, but she wouldn't let it halt her from saying what she must.

“Timothy, it'll take only a second.”

“It'll have to wait.” His voice got louder on each word until she was sure their neighbors could hear. “I'm going out with friends. I told
Daed
last night. He said it was okay for me to go out on a Friday night as long as I get my chores done tomorrow. Why are you grilling me like I'm some sort of criminal?”

Rebekah hardly considered a single question an interrogation, but her voice had been forceful. All she could think of were those cans of beer. She needed to know the truth. She'd heard about boys racing their buggies when they were intoxicated and how they ended up paralyzed or worse.

“Timothy—”

“Leave me alone!” He stamped away.

* * *

Joshua came out of the barn and looked in the direction of his son's angry voice. What was distressing Timothy
now
? When he saw his son striding away with Rebekah trying to keep up with him, he was astonished. Timothy had never raised his voice to her before. Not like this.

They stopped and his son jabbed a finger in Rebekah's direction. His gut twisted when he noticed how she didn't flinch away as she did too often when he reached toward her.

Timothy stepped back when Joshua approached. Fury twisted his son's face, and Rebekah's was long with despair.

Joshua didn't get a chance to ask what was wrong because Timothy snapped, “She's your wife. Tell her to stop trying to run my life. She's not my
mamm
, and even if she was I'm sixteen and I don't need her poking her nose into my business.” He stormed past Joshua and into the trees that divided the two houses.

Joshua started to call after him but halted when Rebekah said, “Let him go.”

“Why? He owes you an apology for speaking like that.”

“No, I owe him one.”

Her words kept him from giving chase after his son. “Why?”

“I wanted to ask him something, and I pushed too hard. He's right. I'm not his
mamm
.”

“But you are my wife. He should respect that.”

“He's sixteen, Joshua.”

“A
gut
reason for him to know he needs to respect his elders.”

Her smile was sad, and she stared at the ground. “And there's the crux of the problem. He doesn't think of me as his elder. Oh, sometimes I'm sure he thinks I'm too old to recall what it's like to be sixteen. At other times, he thinks I'm too young to be his
mamm
. Either way, he doesn't believe I have the right to tell him what to do.”

“I'll talk to him.” He started to put his arm around her, but she flinched. As she had when she'd first come to live at his house. He watched in disbelief as she widened the distance between them. She hadn't acted like this since the auction. What had changed?