An Amish Match (12 page)

Beth Ann looked up, and her smile vanished. “Is everything okay, Rebekah?”

“Ja.”
She forced a laugh that sounded brittle in her ears. “It's impossible to get comfortable at this point.”

“Are you having contractions?”

She shook her head, sorry she was causing the midwife worry. But how could she be honest? She could not let Lloyd's sins become a shadow over his son as people watched to see if he had inherited his
daed'
s violent outbursts.

As she began to answer Beth Ann's questions, she told herself again,
Think about now.
Maybe if she reminded herself of that enough times, she'd make it a habit and would finally be able to leave the darkness behind her once and for all.

* * *

Joshua had been in places, but not many, where he felt less comfortable than in the waiting room with a group of
Englisch
women who looked ready to give birth at any moment. None of the magazines stacked on the tables interested him enough to page through one until he noticed a sports magazine tucked at the bottom of one pile. He drew it out and almost laughed out loud when he saw it was a year old. The cover story was on baseball, so he began to read. He glanced toward the inner door when it opened, but it was a different woman calling out the name of one of the pregnant women.

“Mr. Stoltzfus?”

At his name, he looked up and saw the midwife who wore the brace and who'd come to get Rebekah was holding the door open again.

“Will you come with me?” she asked with a smile that suggested she knew exactly how eager he was to escape the waiting room.

Joshua had a smile of his own when he entered the room where Rebekah sat on a paper-topped examination table, her feet swinging as if she were no older than Sammy. He went to stand beside her.

After the midwife introduced herself, Beth Ann pulled out a low stool and sat. She handed him a sheet of paper. Scanning it, he saw it was a to-do list for when Rebekah's contractions started, including when to call Beth Ann.

“At that point, I will contact the doctor so he'll be there if we need him,” the midwife said. “As Rebekah didn't have any complications with her first pregnancy, I don't see any reason to expect any this time. God willing, of course.”

He nodded. “We have been praying for God's blessing on this birth.”

“Do you have any questions?” Beth Ann asked.

“Not after having been present at the birth of my three
kinder.
”

“All right,
Daedi
,” she said with a laugh. “You are clearly an expert.”

“I know enough to call for you to come.”

That Rebekah didn't correct Beth Ann's assumption he was the
boppli'
s
daed
pleased him for a reason he couldn't decipher. He didn't want to. He wanted to enjoy the
gut
news that Rebekah and the
boppli
were doing well.

He assisted Rebekah from the table, thanked the midwife and nodded when she instructed them to make another appointment for two weeks from today. He took the small bag Rebekah held. She told him it contained vitamins. While she made an appointment, he went to get his straw hat and her bonnet from the rack by the door.

Cautiously he put his hand on her elbow to guide her on the steps and across the driveway to the buggy. Again he was relieved when she didn't tug away or flinch.

She was quiet as he started the drive toward home. He guessed she was exhausted. Crossing the highway took more than twice as long this time because the traffic was even heavier. When a tourist pointed a camera at the buggy, he leaned into the shadows so his face wouldn't be visible in the photograph. Most visitors understood the Amish didn't want to have their picture taken, but a few didn't care.

Once they crossed Route 30 and drove out of the village, no more cars zipped past them. He waved to an
Englischer
who was driving a tractor. He recognized the man from the charity mud sale at his
mamm'
s house in the spring. From what he'd heard, the
Englischer
was planning to run an organic vegetable farm. Joshua appreciated the man's determination to practice
gut
husbandry.

After stopping to collect the mail, Joshua drove up the driveway. He glanced at Rebekah when she stirred. Had she fallen asleep? He didn't want to embarrass her by asking.

“
Danki
for taking me to my appointment today,” she said.

“You are my wife, and that
boppli
will be growing up in my house.” He felt her tense, but her shoulders became softer next to his as he added, “In our house. I'm sorry I didn't say that first.”

“You don't have to apologize. That house has been yours for years. You can't expect to change old habits overnight.” She flashed him a smile. “I know I haven't been able to change mine, though I'm trying to.”

Was she talking about how she flinched from him? If so, he hoped her words meant she was making an effort to accept him being close to her. Because, he realized, he wanted to be close to her. The sound of her laughter, the twinkle in her eyes when she looked as mischievous as Sammy, the gentleness she used with the
kinder
, the ruddy warmth of her hair...each of these and more drew him to her.

He assisted her out of the buggy, teasing her because she was getting almost too wide for the narrow door. He started to suggest that he grill some hamburgers for their supper tonight so she could rest, but halted when he saw Sammy running toward them with Debbie on his heels. The
kinder
were barefoot, and their clothes were spotted with water above the wet hems.

“
Daedi
, come see!” yelled Sammy. “Froggie!”

Joshua couldn't move as Lloyd's son called him
Daedi
again as he tugged on Joshua's hand. This was a complication he hadn't seen coming. What should he do?

He didn't look in Rebekah's direction, fearing he would see pain and grief on her face when her late husband's son called another man
Daedi
. An apology burned on his tongue, but what could he say even if he let the words out? He wouldn't apologize for loving the
kind
, especially when Sammy reminded him of his own boys at that age. Curious and excited over the most mundane things, filled with joy and eager to share his happiness with everyone around him. Even something as commonplace as a frog was a reason for celebrating.

“Daedi!”
Sammy's voice tore him away from his musing. “Quick! Froggie jumping.”

“We're coming,” Joshua said. “Go ahead. We'll be right behind you.” As the
kinder
raced toward the stream beyond the barn, he began, “Rebekah...” Again words failed him.

She gave him the same gentle smile he'd seen her offer the
kinder
when they were distressed. It eased the tightness in his gut.

“It's all right, Joshua. He needs a
daed
, and if you're willing to be his, that's
wunderbaar
.”

“Are you sure?”

“
Ja
. I think you'll be the very best
daed
he could have.”

“Now, you mean.” He didn't want to be compared to his best friend when Lloyd had no chance to prove he would be a
gut
daed
for Sammy.

She nodded, but her gaze edged away. She was hiding something, but what? He was certain if he could answer that question, so many other puzzles would be solved, too.

Chapter Eleven

T
he day was beautiful, and that morning before going to the shop, Joshua and Timothy had finished stringing the new clothesline out to the maple tree. Rebekah gazed at the puffy clouds as she hung a wet sheet that flapped against her in the breeze. She saw no sign of a storm, which meant she could do another load of laundry and have it dried and folded before she needed to leave for her scheduled appointment with the midwife. She'd persuaded Joshua that she was fine to go on her own. He relented only when she reminded him how his
Englisch
client would be stopping by tomorrow to collect his fancy carriage, and Joshua wanted to check it from front to back one last time to make sure he hadn't overlooked something.

“Are you Rebekah?” A cheery voice broke into her thoughts.

She looked around the sheet and saw a woman close to her own age walking toward her. Glancing past her, she didn't see a buggy. Had the woman walked to the house?

The woman's dark brown eyes sparkled in her round face. Rather short, she was what Rebekah's
mamm
might have described as pleasingly plump. Not overweight, but her plain clothes didn't hide that she had softer curves than what the
Englischers
deemed ideal.

“Ja,”
Rebekah replied. “I'm Rebekah.”

“I'm Sadie Gingerich. Your husband asked me to stop by to talk about working for you.” Her gaze slipped along Rebekah. “That
boppli
is coming soon, ain't so?”

She laced her fingers over her belly. “No secret about that. Let's go inside and sit while we talk.”

“Sounds
gut
,” Sadie agreed, but Rebekah quickly discovered that Sadie's idea of a conversation was doing most of the talking herself.

They'd no sooner sat at the kitchen table than Debbie and Sammy came from the living room where they'd been playing a game. Rebekah was pleased to see how quickly Sammy hoisted himself into Sadie's lap while she explained what work she did for a family before and after a
boppli
arrived.

Even though she didn't get a chance to ask many questions, Rebekah decided Sadie would be a great temporary addition to their household. Sadie, though she was unmarried and had no
kinder
of her own, had helped raise her eleven younger siblings. She'd started hiring out after her
daed
died and clearly loved the work she did. Whenever she spoke with Debbie or Sammy, her smile broadened, and she soon had them giggling.

“When can you start?” Rebekah asked.

“I have another week at the Millers' in the village, but I can begin after that if that works for you.” She bounced a delighted Sammy on her leg as if he were riding a horse.

“That would be
wunderbaar
. Oh...” She abruptly realized they didn't have an extra bedroom for Sadie.

When she explained that, Sadie waved aside her concerns. “If Debbie doesn't mind, I'll share with her. I have almost a dozen sisters and brothers. Sharing with one other person will seem like luxury.”

“Say
ja
, Rebekah,” the little girl pleaded before turning to Sadie. “I've been praying the
boppli
is a girl because I want a sister.”

“I'll be your practice sister.” Sadie looked at Rebekah. “If that's okay with you.”

“It sounds like a
gut
solution.” She'd have to explain to Sadie eventually that Joshua had his own room upstairs, but that was a conversation she wanted to delay as long as possible. It wasn't that she was ashamed of the situation. She felt... She wasn't sure what she felt about it. She simply knew she didn't want to discuss it.

They spoke a while longer, then Sadie said she needed to return to the Millers' house. She left on a scooter like the ones the
kinder
rode to school, which explained why Rebekah hadn't heard a buggy approach.

Rebekah couldn't wait to tell Joshua that Sadie Gingerich had agreed to help. That made her smile even more as she went back outside to the clothesline. Lately, the idea of sharing events of the day and telling him funny stories about the
kinder
seemed natural. And she liked that they were becoming more and more a part of each other's lives. Their marriage wasn't a perfect love story, but it was getting better each day.

Once she'd finished hanging the rest of the laundry, Rebekah picked up the basket and went into the laundry area off the kitchen. She started the washer and dumped in detergent. Of all the conveniences they enjoyed from the solar panels on the roof, having a washer that wasn't run by a gasoline motor was her favorite. She'd despised the raucous noise and the fumes, even with an exhaust pipe stuck out a window, from the washer in Bird-in-Hand.

She went to the pile of light-colored clothes waiting to be washed. The
kinder
brought their dirty clothes to the laundry room, saving her extra trips up and down the stairs. They tried to sort them properly, but she occasionally found a dark sock in with the whites. She picked up each garment and shook it to make sure nothing hid within it.

When she lifted one of Joshua's light blue shirts to put it in the washer, a familiar odor, one she'd hoped never to smell again, swirled through her senses, stripping her happiness away as if it'd never existed. Her nose wrinkled. She knew that odor...and she hated it. The scent of alcohol. She'd smelled it too many times on Lloyd's breath and on his clothes.

Where was it coming from?

She sniffed the shirt. No, not from that. Dropping it into the water filling the tub, she held another piece of clothing to her nose, then another and another, and drew in a deep breath with each one. She identified the musty scent of sweat and the tangy sauce from the casserole she'd made two nights ago. The unmistakable scent of horse and another of the grease Joshua used at the buggy shop. Green and earthy aromas from the knees of the pants Levi had been wearing when he helped her weed the garden and harvest the cabbage and green beans.

But the scent of liquor was gone. Had she actually smelled it? Maybe the combination of laundry detergent and heat in the laundry room had created the odor she dreaded. After all, though she'd watched carefully, she'd never heard Joshua slur his words or seen him unsteady on his feet. He never struck her or the
kinder
.

Was the smell only her imagination? It must have been.

But what if it wasn't?

She leaned forward against the washer and whispered, “Help me, God! Help us all.”

* * *

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Rebekah couldn't help taking a deep breath every few minutes. The odor of alcohol, if it'd existed at all, had vanished. It was impossible to forget the stab of fear in the laundry room. Even at her appointment with Beth Ann, she'd struggled to focus on the midwife's questions and suggestions. She'd managed little more than a faint smile when Beth Ann had congratulated her on hiring Sadie Gingerich.

The comment reminded her that Joshua was paying the expenses for Lloyd's
kind
. She shied away from the idea of selling the farm. Even after the house had been stripped clean by Lloyd's relatives, there was enough farm machinery to sell to cover the costs of the delivery and Sadie's help. How could she hold on to the farm when Joshua worked so hard to provide for the family?

By the time she returned home, her head was pounding. She must have looked as bad as she felt, because Debbie urged her to rest. She hesitated until the little girl reminded her that Joshua had volunteered to bring home pizza to celebrate finishing the work on the carriage.

Sleep eluded her. The
boppli
seemed to have acquired a love for step dancing, and her thoughts were strident. Each time she tried to divert them by praying or thinking of something else, she was drawn right back into the morass.

Usually she loved having store-bought pizza with its multitude of toppings, but she could barely tolerate the smell. She picked at a single piece while the rest of the family enjoyed the treat and the celebration. Somehow she managed to put on a
gut
front, because neither the
kinder
nor Joshua asked if something was bothering her. In fact, the whole family seemed giddy with happiness.

She wanted to feel that way, too. Was she going to allow a single scent, which might not even have been there, ruin her whole day? Again she prayed for God's help, adding a silent apology for spiraling into the terror that had stalked her during her first marriage.

The feeling of a worthless weight being lifted from her shoulders brought back her smile...and her appetite. Rebekah finished the slice of pizza and then had two more. She smiled when Timothy and Debbie began to tease Levi about a girl he'd been seen talking to several times during the past week while working with
Onkel
Daniel. As he turned the tables and jested with his sister about fleeing from the chicken coop and a particularly mean hen that had chased her halfway to the house, Rebekah joined in with the laughter.

After they finished their treat, Joshua volunteered his and the boys' help to clean up the kitchen. She started to protest, but he insisted. Grateful, she went with the younger
kinder
into the living room and sat next to the sewing basket where her hand mending was piled. No matter how often she worked on it, the stack never seemed to get smaller. She took the topmost item, a pair of Levi's trousers that needed to have the hems lowered...again! The boy was sprouting up faster than the corn in the fields.

It didn't take Joshua and his sons long to redd up the kitchen and join them. The boys sat on the floor, and she assumed Joshua would read to them as he did each evening.

“I have something else for our celebration tonight.” He smiled at Rebekah. “A birthday gift.”

“Joshua, it's not my birthday,” she replied.

“Who said it was for you?”

She stared after him as he walked out the door. Hearing a muffled giggle from Debbie, she saw the little girl had her hands clamped over her mouth. Her eyes twinkled with merriment. Levi wouldn't meet Rebekah's gaze and Timothy, for once, was grinning broadly. Only Sammy, playing with his blocks on the braided rug, seemed oblivious.

What were they up to?

Her answer came when Joshua returned to the living room. He placed a cradle by her chair.

She gasped when she ran her fingers along the cradle's hood. The wood was as smooth as a rose petal, and it had been polished to highlight the grain. Maple, she guessed, because it had been finished to a soft honey shade. Not a single nail head was visible, and she saw dovetail joints at the corners. Her eyes widened when she realized it had been built with pegs. Only an extremely skilled woodworker could have finished the cradle using such old-fashioned techniques.

“What do you think?” Joshua asked, squatting on the other side of the cradle. “As a birthday gift for the
boppli
? Like I said, it isn't for
your
birthday.” He chuckled and the
kinder
joined in.

Rebekah was speechless at the magnificent gift and even more so that Joshua had gotten it for her. A warmth built within her, melting the ice clamped on to her heart.

She whispered the only word she could manage,
“Danki.”

“I hope you like it. Jeremiah built it.”

“It's beautiful.”

“He does
gut
work.”

She stared at the cradle and knew that
gut
was a feeble description of the lovely piece. Jeremiah must have spent hours sanding the wood and staining it and polishing it until the grain was gloriously displayed. She couldn't imagine the amount of time it had taken to cut the corners to fit together so smoothly.

“Do you like it?” Debbie asked, inching across the floor to run her fingers along the wood.

Before she could answer, Levi began a story about how Joshua had asked them to keep the secret until the cradle was finished. Even Timothy added to the tale.

Looking at their animated faces, she smiled at her family.

Her family
.

Sometime in the past weeks, this house had become home and these
kinder
as much a part of her life as Sammy. And Joshua? She couldn't imagine her days without him being a part of them. His gentle teasing, his solicitude, his joy when Sammy called him
Daedi
.

Because Sammy loved him.

And, she realized with a start, she wanted to let herself fall in love with him, too. Really in love, not this make-believe marriage. She wished they could share a love not overshadowed by fear and uncertainty.

“It's lovely,” Rebekah said to Debbie, giving the girl a hug. “
Danki
for letting this be a surprise.”

“
Daedi
said you didn't have a cradle for Sammy, and we wanted you to have one for my little sister.” She winked as Levi insisted, as Debbie had hoped he would in response to her teasing, that the
boppli
was a boy.

Joshua glanced at his
kinder
, then said, “I'm glad you like it, Rebekah. I was surprised you didn't have one for Sammy.” His gaze slid away from hers, and she wondered if he thought she wouldn't want him speaking poorly of Lloyd.

Hoping to ease his abrupt discomfort, she said, “Lloyd told me that he intended to get Sammy a cradle, but then I guess he didn't have the money for it.” She ran her fingers over her belly. “This little one won't have to sleep in a drawer.
Danki
, Joshua.”

Before she could think about what she was doing and halt herself, she leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

* * *

Joshua wasn't sure who was more surprised at Rebekah's kiss, him or her. She pulled back so quickly and turned away to say something to the
kinder
that he couldn't guess what she was thinking.