An Ordinary Me (9 page)

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Reese, it does matter.”

“I’m fine that is all that matters.”

I already knew who did this. I just wanted to hear it. I could tell she was going to start crying again. Her nose was wrinkling up, and I wanted to lean in and kiss it. Instead, I hugged her and she broke down.

“I just don’t get it… I cannot read a sign from a guy if he was holding one up in bold letters. I keep getting it wrong.”

I didn’t say anything because really I had no answers. I just hugged her and lightly rubbed my hand on her shoulder. She smelled so good and she fit perfectly in my arms.

“I can walk you home.”

“No, you don’t need to do that. I am fine. “

“I'll walk you.”

“Only to the end of the street otherwise I’ll get grounded. My parents will flip. I was supposed to be staying the night at Autumn’s.”

“Okay.”

I walked her to where she asked and I left her but stood on the curb for a few minutes making sure she was okay. There were so many things I wanted to say to her but things I didn’t understand. Why would I be feeling these feelings for her when I barely know her? We are from two different worlds. How could I ever bring her home to my house to meet my mother in the condition she is in? Sure she might be good today but I don’t know how she will be tomorrow. It was a like playing Russian roulette. Most importantly why would she want to stick around once she knew what I was? She was innocent and I could tell she was going to be the real thing. She was going to be the girl to hold back and wait until she was in love. A girl who was way out of my league, I just wish my heart got the message. Maybe if I can just be a part of her life as a friend it will be enough... it would have to be at least that was what I kept telling myself.

Reese

The house was dark and I had to knock. Not a light was on and I know the consequences are not going to be good. Dad answered the door and looked furious.

“Reese, what is going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“Autumn called here looking for you. Said you left and walked home without telling anyone.”

“That is not exactly how it happened.” I can’t believe she called my parents!!

“How did it happen then?"

“Can we talk in the morning? I am so tired and it has really been a long night.”

“Yes, we can talk in the morning. We can talk all weekend because you’re grounded.”

“For what?”

“For walking home late at night. Anything could have happened. You should have called. You could have been killed or kidnapped or raped… God knows what could have happened.”

“But Dad I am fine.”

“Thank God your fine. Go to bed.”

I walked up the stairs to my room and broke down crying. I was lost. The only thing that made any sense to me was Garrison and he didn’t do anything but push me away.

I text him to tell him thank you.

Reese:
Thank you for walking with me tonight.

Garrison:
Anytime…I’ll be here for you.

Reese:
Friends then?

Garrison:
Friends. I’m just complicated Reese…

Reese:
I’m grounded so it will be a long boring weekend for me.

Garrison:
At least your parents care enough to ground you. Mine are never home.

That was a weird text. What does that mean?

Reese:
I guess
.

Garrison:
I know.

Reese:
You know, I’ve waited a long time for a social life, and now I don’t know what I was waiting for. It has sucked so far.

Garrison:
How so?

Reese:
Well… Let’s just say I can’t read signs, which you already know. Tonight was no different. Apparently I am a “slow mover.”

Garrison:
I don’t know about that. I think the right guy won’t care.

Reese:
Ya, well I hope I meet him before I graduate… Or die for that matter.

Garrison:
What if you have already met him?

Reese:
I doubt that… I am just lost…

Garrison:
No you’re not. Maybe you just got yourself in a bad situation.

Reese:
Maybe…

Reese:
I’m going to bed. Thanks for being there for me.

Garrison:
Anytime my beautiful Reese.

What? Beautiful? Hardly… Do friends say that?

Chapter 7

Garrison

Cannon Walker has his locker near mine. What this means to me is I get to listen to his shit talk about what girl he landed or what other lies he made up. I knew for a fact the majority of the actions he claimed did not take place but yet no one has called bullshit on his lies.

I had called him out one time, and that didn’t work out so well. He was talking trash about one of my friends and spreading rumors ruining her reputation. She wasn’t innocent by any means, but he started so many rumors she ended up being hated by most of the class when we were sophomores. Her parents removed her from school and home schooled her. It was so screwed up. It totally destroyed her. She even attempted suicide. I had hated Cannon from the first time I saw him. He was cocky and didn’t appreciate a damn thing. Cannon cared about one person and that was him.

Today was turning to total crap, and it wasn’t even 8:30 yet. I walked up on hearing Cannon tell his friends how he was “breaking Reese in.” I made sure I had eye contact with him and smiled shaking my head knowing he’s making it up.

“You got a problem, Garrison?”

“Yeah, I do, it’s you.”

He got right in front of me trying to intimidate me.
Yep, not working
. He may be more built than me but I was just as tall, a little taller actually, so he had to look up to me.

“Like I give a shit what you think of me? You gonna beat me up with your drumsticks, drummer boy?”

“You wouldn’t get up in my face if your friends weren’t here to have your back. Just like you had Ryan’s back when you let him take the blame for your failed beer run when the cops showed up. Or plenty of other times you did shitty things and didn’t take responsibility about.”

I hear Ryan grunt like he was agreeing. Cannon just had a blank stare on his face.

“So, screw you, Cannon. Why don’t you start talking the truth about what happened with you and Reese and not tell a shitload of lies like you did with Michelle.”

Cannon decided to fire back to get his point across. “Oh I mean what I say about Reese. I will break her in just like I did with Michelle.”

I wasn’t the least bit impressed.

I knew I couldn’t get in another fight with him, or I wouldn’t walk across the stage at graduation. I had to walk away. With anyone else it was easy but with Cannon it wasn’t. He was playing a game with Reese and I didn’t like it one bit.

I closed my locker and walked away. As I get down the hallway I hear, “That’s what I thought.”

I stopped in my tracks and then I saw Reese closing her locker in the sophomore hall.

She is one person that can keep me focused on not wasting time on losers like Cannon. I just wish she would get the message of what a douche he was before it was too late and she got hurt. Like really hurt. Maybe the night she walked home was enough.

There were many things that made me despise Cannon but one of the top ones was he hated the band or musicians. He made fun of us in any way he could. He was a bully all the way around. He never bullied me but instead just tried to compete with me when he could. If we liked the same girl, he made sure to get her attention. If we wanted to try out for the same thing, no matter what it was, he did everything in his power to beat me. He was just one of those guys who thought he was the shit.

My father had that same persona. When my dad was high, he would slap me around. I learned exactly how to deal with it and had gotten used to keeping my mouth shut. Sure, there were a few times I lost it and confronted Cannon, but it never went to the point of us being in an actual fight. I honestly think he was scared of me. I have been told that I get a crazy look in my eye and scare the crap out of people when I switch into that mode. I’ve only been in one fight in my entire life, and I don’t regret it for a single second.

Two years earlier

“Hey, drummer boy.”

“What?”

“Do you think your dad can get us some weed?”

I acted like I didn’t hear him and tried to walk off. I tried so hard to ignore the request that had me gritting my teeth. He was asking for drugs but he was also letting me know he knew what my dad did.

Cannon then did something he shouldn’t have done. He grabbed me by the shoulder and turned me around. I turned to face him and had my fists up immediately ready to punch his face.

“Come on, can’t you hook us up?” Ryan and Cannon were looking back and forth at each other knowing they were adding fuel to the fire.

“Don’t ever ask me to help you get drugs.”

“Why the fuck not?”

“Because I don’t have anything to do with that stuff.”

“You’ve never smoked up? You don’t know what you are missing? I thought all musicians toked.”

I was watching the way they were standing around me and their body language trying to see what they were going to do next. What I was planning to do next.

Then just when I let my guard down Cannon tripped me and started to laugh. I caught myself from falling and got up swinging. I punched him in his nose and blood starting gushing out everywhere. I didn’t stop there. I continued to swing away on his face, and he turned and turned trying to get away. Ryan was trying to get me off of him, and I finally let him go.

I held him up by his collar furious. “Don’t you EVER, EVER ask me about my father or drugs again!” And then I walked off trying to cool down.

Reese

For the first time in my life, Monday couldn’t come fast enough. I did nothing the entire weekend but read, help Mom clean, nap and text Garrison.

I was making my way to my locker when Cannon comes up to me and puts his arm around my shoulder.

“Hey, baby.”

I pushed his arm off my shoulder. He has some nerve!

“Hi.”

“I’m sorry about this weekend.”

“You are?”

“I didn’t mean to pressure you.”

“You didn’t? You know I walked home Friday night all by myself?”

“Ya? I didn’t know. I could have taken you home but you ran out of there so fast.”

“You freaked me out, Cannon. I’m not that type of girl.”

“What type?”’

“Obviously the type you are used to?”

“I get it. I won’t try anything again until you tell me you are ready.”

“Cannon, we have only hung out what three times?”

“So?”

“So what made you think I would just be okay with it?”

“Most girls are. Hell Autumn is. She and Ryan have…”

I cut him off, “Well, I’m not most girls or Autumn.”

“Ten four. I get it.”

I didn’t really have much more to say. I didn’t believe anything that was coming out of his mouth. I smiled at him to get him to leave and then made my way to class hoping Garrison would be the next face I saw.

I had already talked to Autumn and she said she was sorry too. She thought I was going on the porch to cool off. She didn’t seem bothered by the fact I walked home by myself probably because she will walk places by herself all the time. Again, she lived a different life then I did.

~ ~ ~

After knowing that Garrison lives just a couple of streets away I started to walk by his house. Sometimes he was home, sometimes not. He had become my best friend even more than Autumn. He listened to me and when Autumn would tell me whatever I was feeling wasn’t normal he always just listened. She wanted to debate about why I  wasn’t ready for things and lately, every conversation with Autumn became a disagreement.

He started to play some of his new music for me, and I loved to listen. Even when I talked about Cannon, he would listen and just bite his lip. I know how badly he disliked Cannon. I just didn’t know why. It wasn’t something he was going share with me and I had come to accept that.

I had never seen his mother or his dad. I thought it was pretty weird since I had been over quite a few times. We always sat on the porch and talked never going into his house.

“Your parents’ home?”

“No, why do you ask?”

“I was just curious. They never seem to be home. They must work a lot.”

“Yeah I guess.”

I started twirling my hair around in a circle with my finger like I always did when I was anxious. 

“Cannon asked me out again. What do you think?”

“You’ve never asked my opinion before about it. Or took my advice…”

“I know, but you’re one of my best friends now. I just wanted to know your thoughts.”

“About?”

“Cannon.”

“My opinion won’t change on Cannon but that’s for me to deal with, not you.”

“I heard someone talking today about how you asked out Andrea today.”

“And who did you hear that from?” He won’t look up to see my face, and I wasn’t about to look him straight in the eye.

I paused.

“Ahh, I know who told you. Asshole. Anyway, I figured why not? I don’t have much time left here at school and haven’t gone out for a while between the band and school…”

“Are you going to take her to the Winter Ball?”

“Not sure yet.” He changed the subject looking uncomfortable. “Hang on a sec, I want to get something for you to look at.”

“Okay.” He walked in his house and came back with a notebook.

“This is a song I have been working on, the lyrics. I have a tune in my head but haven’t played it out yet with the band. Normally, I don’t sing much but this song just popped into my head late one night, the night after I walked you home. I stayed up writing it.”

I started to read the words and tears filled my eyes. They were the sweetest words I had ever heard. There was a part of me that had hoped he had felt this way about me at one time but he had made it clear that he didn’t have that interest in me.

“When you love a girl from a distance, you want to touch her cheek so badly, bring her close when she is suffering, and protect her from heartache. Be the only one that gets to love her and promise her a forever.

“Dreaming of a future with her that won’t exist when my mask falls and she sees the real me because I am not half as good as she is. Maybe this one girl can heal my stubborn heart and teach me love is worth it.”

He looked up at me as I finished reading it and my heart skipped a beat. I was trying to close my eyes and blink a couple of times to keep the tears prisoner in my eyelids. We were face to face and he moved a little closer to me. I held my breath with hope and nervousness at the same time. I just knew he was going to kiss me but again instead he pulled back looking away. Whoever this girl is that he loves, she is one lucky girl. I hope someone loves me that much one day. I know who my someone is, too bad they don’t feel the same way.

Reese

Garrison met me two days later at his driveway when I was taking Foxy, my dog, for a walk. Well, she wasn’t originally my dog. Natalie wanted her for her birthday last year but quickly got bored with her, which meant she became my dog. She was a big pain in my butt until she became an excuse for me to see Garrison. I had never been consistent with walking her but now… I thought why not just walk in front of his house on the way to the small dog park a couple blocks away. I would walk by his house and just hope he would be home. He must have started to look for me too because almost every time I walked by he was on his porch.