And The Beat Goes On (12 page)

“No,” she said. “Jeremy, that’s okay.”

I opened the door for her. “Get inside.”

Her eyes softened when she looked at me. Then she wrapped her arms around me and gave me
a breathtaking kiss.

She really was a great kisser
.

“Thank you.”

I grabbed her face and kissed her forehead. “Have a good day.”

She got inside and drove away. I stood on the sidewalk and watched her go, knowing my heart was sitting in the seat next to her.

♫

When I got off work, I went home and analyzed my situation with Athena. I had to end the relationship. I couldn’t give her what she needed. Now I felt like a jackass for making her think we had a future. It was worse than if I slept with her and never called her again. There was more than just a physical attraction between us.

Or I could tell her the truth…

No. That would be worse. Much worse.

It was unfortunate someone worthwhile came into my life, someone that I actually cared about because I couldn’t reciprocate that affection. I was doomed to be alone for the rest of my life, stuck with my disease. I touched myself every chance I got, and to ease my appetite for Athena, I thought about her.

I was disgusting.

After thinking about it for a long time, I was determined to break it off with her. If I were smart, I would have done it earlier when things hadn’t become so serious. I could have just walked away and never called her. She would have gotten the hint. But now the conversation had to be had, the break up conversation.

And I was dreading it.

A few days later, I had my class. Now we were on week five. The past five weeks had been blissfully wonderful. A gorgeous woman came into my life, and instead of getting into my bed, she went into my heart. But now she had to leave.

When Athena took her seat in the front row, she gave me a beautiful smile the
n looked down at her notes. I indulged myself with her looks then cleared my throat.

Like always, all the students hung onto my every word. Even though my desk was in the front of the room, I heard them whisper to one another. Basically, I was the best teacher on campus. I didn’t waste time with busy work or homework. My direct experience was their guide. And they enjoyed the change of scene.

When the session was finished, I returned to my desk and watched the students file out.

And I saw Blondie headed for my girl. I mean, Athena.

“Hey.” He sat beside her and gave her a grin. I wasn’t gay, but you didn’t need to be a rocket scientist to know someone of the same sex was attractive. And Jasper was. I could understand why Athena was interested in him at one point…even though it made me insanely jealous.

“Hi.” She didn’t look at him.

Good girl.
I wanted to intervene and tell him to leave, but I was about to break up with her. And I should leave her alone. If he asked her out, so be it.

“I have tickets to see Prudence Clearwater.
Would you like to come with me?”

Recognition flashed in her eyes, and so did excitement. But she kept her cool. “Thank you for asking but I have plans.”

“I didn’t even tell you when the concert was.”

Bad move, Athena.

“And I know you love her,” he insisted. “Come with me. It’ll be fun.”

It took all my strength not to intervene. I wanted to stand up and claim her as mine. What if I broke up with her then sh
e told him she changed her mind? This guy had been fighting for her since the day I met her. He clearly didn’t just want to sleep with her. He wanted a relationship—something more. He made a mistake and he learned from that mistake.

He was a better version of me.

She’d finally agree and they’d have a great time. Her walls would be up because she couldn’t trust him. But over time, he’d win her over. She’d finally be happy and their relationship would progress. He’d make love to her every night, ask for her hand, and they would get married and have children together, maybe move outside the city.

Where would I be?

With a random girl on my sex swing? Alone in a restaurant? Would I think about her for the rest of my life, wishing things had been different? Would I live in regret?

I didn’t want Athena to be with him. I wanted her to be with me. And that’s when I made my decision. I couldn’t break up with her. I wanted her all to myself. Blondie needed
to back off.

I left my desk and approached him. I placed both of my hands on his desk and leaned close to him. “She said she isn’t interested. Now leave her the fuck alone.”

Athena smiled at me, her adoration bright in her eyes. She liked it when I defended her. She liked seeing me in action.

“Teacher, why don’
t you go back to grading papers?” He looked at Athena and ignored me.

I wanted to grab him by the neck and pull him out of the chair, but I held it back because I didn’t want to give the university a negative label. But more importantly, I didn’t want to put Dr. Yang in hot water. “I said leave her alone.”

Jasper stared at Athena. “Why is this guy obsessed with you?”

“Because he’s my boyfriend.”

His eyes widened. “What…?”

“You heard her, Blondie.”

“You’re fucking a teacher?” he asked incredulously.

“My personal life is none of your business,” Athena said gracefully. “Thank you for inviting me to the concert, but my boyfriend is already taking me.”

I was?

Jasper sighed and shook his head slightly. “I’ve spent an entire month fighting for you. I made a mistake and I wish I could take it back. But I’m giving up.
If you want to be with…a professor…then fine. But if you think he’s good for you, you’re mistaken. This playboy is a million times worse than I ever was.”

If only he knew how right he was.

Jasper stormed out of the classroom and left.

Athena smiled at me then grabbed her bag. “Sorry about that…”

“Don’t apologize. You’re a beautiful woman. I understand that other men will think the same thing.”

She wrapped her arm around my waist and hugged me tightly.

Damn, that felt good.
I liked how possessive she was of me. And when she said I was her boyfriend, she said it with such pride. I felt special and appreciated. I knew she didn’t care for the idea of dating a teacher, but she put that aside for me.

So…I couldn’t break up with her. It was impossible. And that left one other option.

I had to tell her the truth.

Fuck.

Chapter Fourteen

♬

Athena Riley

Jeremy invited me over for dinner on Saturday night. His driver picked me up and took me to his place. It was nice not having to take a cab or the subway. In the backseat of the car, I could lay in peace. It didn’t stink of cigarette smoke, moldy bread, or
a sweaty bum. A light scent of Jeremy filled the car.

And I loved that smell.

We’d been dating for a long time. I wasn’t normally so forward in my relationships, but I loved Jeremy and wanted to take our relationship to a different level. All he ever did was kiss me, but I wanted something…more. And I was going to get it. I appreciated how much he respected me and didn’t pressure me, but I was past that point. That gentleman façade was going to disappear tonight.

I’d get my way.

When I arrived at the door, Jeremy opened it and pulled me inside. “Did he pick you up at the door?” His voice was professional and deep, like he was working.

“Yes. He did a wonderful job.”

“Good.” His hand hooked around my waist and he relaxed. He gave me a gentle kiss then pulled away.

I melted into him, wanting the embrace to last longer.

“Are you hungry?”

“For you.”

His eyes widened but he didn’t take the bait. He could be as chivalric as he wanted, but I knew he was still a man with needs. I felt his erection against my thigh every time we kissed. He wasn’t fooling anyone.

He led me to the kitchen. The table was laid out with the plates and a few candles were lit. It was romantic and thoughtful. Jeremy was always romantic and thoughtful.

He helped me into my chair then sat across from me. “Wine?”

“Yes, please.”

He poured the glasses then placed his napkin on his lap.

The dinner was marinated halibut with greens and potatoes. It was tasty and cooked to perfection. I assumed Jeremy hadn’t cooked it. “Anna?”

He smiled. “I could never cook this.”

“What else does she do for you?”

“She cleans, cooks, goes to the grocery store, and does my laundry. Plus, she keeps my secrets.” He cut his meat with his knife and fork and kept his elbows off the table. He always had impeccable manners. Always.

“She sounds wonderful.”

He nodded. “She has two little girls. They are very cute.”

“I’m sure they are.”

Jeremy must have been hungry because he ate everything on his plate. And he drank more wine than he usually did. Perhaps he was nervous. But why would he be? “What did you do today?”

“I had class.”

“Have you spoken to your father?”

I hated thinking about him. “No.”

He nodded. “He’ll come around.”

Now that I didn’t have a job, I was a little stressed about money. Fortunately, the five thousand pounds Jeremy paid for the paintings would cover me for a while. But it still made me nervous to not have an income. Hopefully, I could start selling my paintings. “What did you do?”

“I worked then headed to gym. I usually go in the morning but I had an afternoon session today.”

“A session?”

“With my trainer.”

That’s why he was so in shape. I didn’t see the goodies under his shirt, but I knew it was a sight worth seeing.

“Do you work out?” he asked.

I laughed. “No.”

“Really? You seem very…fit.”

I smiled. He was such a gentleman. Any other guy would have phrased that differently.

When we were finished with dinner, we stared at each other across the table. Jeremy held my gaze for a moment then dropped it. He normally stared at me blatantly, but he was different tonight. Something was off.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” he said quickly. “Why?”

“You seem distracted.”

“I’m just stressed…” He avoided my look then carried the dishes to the sink.

I knew something was wrong. But if he didn’t want to tell me
, I couldn’t force it. I helped him place the dishes in the sink. When I turned on the water to wash them, he turned it off. “Don’t worry about the dishes. I’ll take care of them later.” The command in his voice didn’t make me question him.

He grabbed our wine glasses then carried them into the living room. We took our usual seats on the couch. Jeremy grabbed the remote and turned on classical music. It was so faint, it could barely be heard. But at least it wasn’t extremely loud.

I sipped my wine while I stared at his perfect features. He was too gorgeous to not have women throw themselves at him all the time. I was surprised he was so reserved from fooling around with me. He was so flawless that I questioned his presence entirely. He was too good to be true.

He placed his hand on the back of my neck and rubbed me gently. The touch, however innocent, made me excited. I’d wanted h
im for a long time and I was tired of waiting. Jeremy probably didn’t want to pressure me after I told him the story of Jasper. But he didn’t need to treat me like I was fragile. I didn’t just want to kiss his lips. I wanted to kiss him everywhere.

I put down my glass then grabbed his. As soon as I put them on the table, his breathing increased. He was nervous. And he was never nervous.

I straddled his hips, feeling my dress rise up. His hands immediately gripped my hips as he leaned back on the couch. I pressed my mouth against his and devoured him. I cupped his face and placed my other hand on his shoulder. He responded with the same desire.

And I felt his hard cock through his slacks. And it was big.

That was good for me.

His hands moved up my back until they were in my hair. He touched me gently but with a powerful aggression. I felt like he was fighting himself, holding back when he didn’t want to. I could almost feel him shake.

I grabbed the zipper on the back of my dress and pulled it down. It came undone and fell forward, revealing my breasts in my bra. Jeremy flinched then looked down, seeing the cleavage. His breathing increased even more.

I like
d the desire in his eyes. And that fueled me forward. I unclasped my bra then pulled it off. My tits were in his face and the darkness settled on his eyes. I knew he liked them.

His h
and gripped my bare back and his lips closed over a nipple. Aggressively, he took it into his mouth and sucked.

And it felt so good.

He held me firmly as he switched to the other breast and did the same thing. He slightly moved under me, his cock rubbing against my clitoris through his clothes. When a moan escaped his lips, he pulled away.

His eyes were closed and he wouldn’t look at me.

What was going on…?

“Athena, please cover yourself.”

What?
“Why?”

“Please do as I ask.” He still wouldn’t open them.

But he enjoyed them. I just saw him kiss me a second ago. “You don’t need to hold back for me. I’m ready.”

His voice came out angry. “Athena, I won’t ask you again.”

Whoa…he never got angry before. I pulled my bra back on and adjusted my dress. When I was covered, he opened his eyes.

“Thank you.”

I moved off him because I was humiliated. Why didn’t he want me? What was his problem?

“No.” He grabbed me and pulled me back. “Athena, don’t get upset.”

“Why don’t you want me?” I blurted.

He took a deep breath while he looked into my eyes. “I need to tell you something. It isn’t easy for me to say and it won’t be easy for you to hear. I’m sorry.”

No. He was breaking up with me.
That was why he didn’t want to do anything serious… This couldn’t be happening. I was so happy.
Please don’t take that away from me.
“You’re ending this…”

“No,” he said quickly. “Not at all.”

Oh. That was a relief. Then I could handle anything else. Maybe he had a kid from a different relationship. I was so in love with him that I didn’t care what he had to say. I wasn’t letting him go. “Then what is it?”

He took a deep breath then closed his eyes for a moment. When he reopened them, the professional look was there. “I’m not who you think I am. Or better yet, I’m not the type of man you think I am.”

Okay…

“I’ve never been in a serious relationship. Ever since I hit puberty, I’ve been sleeping around. Unable to hold a connection wit
h someone, I started having one-night stands. But the preference became addicting.

“Over time, I started to need it on a daily basis. Instead of having the same partner over and over, I need
ed a new one every time. Now I pick up women in bars, tell them I just want to fuck them, and then I never see them again.”

Oh my god.

“Athena…I’m a sex addict. And I’ve been one for a very long time.”

I did not expect him to say any of that. It was so shocking that I didn’t know what to think.

“When you walked into my classroom, you were no different. I had my eye on you and wanted to fuck your brains out. I was hesitant because you were one of my students. After I had my way with you, I’d have to see you every day. It wasn’t going to work. But I couldn’t resist you.

“I arranged different ways of running into you. I knew you’d be at the art show so I showed up
and bought your painting because I wanted to get close to you. But when you told me how you felt about meaningless sex, I realized I would never get what I wanted out of you. But something else happened…

“I decided to stay away from you but I couldn’t. You deserved someone so much better than
me, a man that actually respected you, but I couldn’t keep you away. I kept coming back to you, wanting to see and talk to you. And when I kissed you…I’ve never kissed anyone like that before.

“Instead of telling you the truth, I decided to break up with you. But the idea of you being with anyone but me is too…hard. I don’t want that. And I haven’t done anything physical with you because I didn’t want you to feel used or regret me later…at least until I told you the truth.
”

My mind was blown.

“I tell you this now because I can’t hide it anymore. And I’m hoping...if you’re willing…we could try to be something serious. It’d be a lot of work on your part and a lot of forgiveness. If you had no interest in me anymore, I completely understand.

“All I know is this. I don’t want to lose you, Athena. I could have slept with you and never called you again but I didn’t. I hope that proves how much I care about you.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and processed everything he said. Jeremy had been so amazing that it was hard to believe this. But he wouldn’t lie to me. The idea of him having sex with anything that moved disgusted me. I’d only been with one man my whole life, and he’d probably been with over a hundred. And when he first laid eyes on me, I was another number to add to his list.

What did that mean? The entire time we were together, he was fucking random women because he wasn’t getting any from me.
The idea was so hurtful, I felt the tears emerge. The entire time I was falling in love with him, he was inside other women. God, it was too much. I stood up and moved away from him.

“Athena...”

“I never want to see you again.”

He took a deep breath and his eyes started to turn red. Tears didn’t fall but the moisture accumulated underneath.

“I can’t believe you’ve been sleeping with other women this entire time.” I couldn’t help it. The tears fell. “I trusted you.”

“What?” He stood. “I haven’t slept with anyone since the moment we met. I haven’t touched anyone.”

“Really?”

“Of course.” He reached for me
but I automatically stepped back.

“But if you’re an addict…there’s no way you could have gone for a month without it.”

He looked ashamed. He averted his gaze and put his hands in his pockets. “I’ve…touched myself a lot.”

Oh. I guess that made sense. “How often?”

I could tell he didn’t want to answer. “Five or six times a day.”

Holy shit. That was a lot.
“How do I know you aren’t lying?”

He looked hurt. “I have no reason to lie, Athena. None, whatsoever.”

I suppose. I still didn’t touch him because I was so confused.

“Athena, I’m sorry. I know this is a lot to take in.”

“Then what do I mean to you?” I asked. “What do you want from me?”

He ran his fingers through his hair. “The more I’ve gotten to
know you, the more I’ve…fallen for you. I’ve never cuddled with someone before, kissed someone on the forehead, or cared about someone the way I’ve care about you. This is a first for me. I just don’t want to lose you. I know that much. And I don’t want to sleep with other people.”

That was romantic in an odd way.

“But, I am scared about something…”

“What?”

“I’m afraid I’ll stop caring about you after I sleep with you. That’s why I’m so hesitant to do it. Because I’m really happy with you and the way things are.”