And The Beat Goes On (13 page)

Oh. “Okay…”

His hair was in disarray and there was pain in his eyes. “Athena, if you want nothing to do with me, I completely understand. I’m not a good man for you. You deserve someone who will treat you right and doesn’t have a sickness. But I’m willing to try anything and everything to make something work with you. But if you say no, I won’t pressure you or beg you to reconsider. I’ll let you go peacefully.”

I paced around the room because I didn’t know what else to do. Any normal person would ditch him immediately. He lied to me throughout our relationship. I thought he was a sweet man but he turned out to be a sick pervert. But I didn’t want to lose him…Jeremy was still Jeremy. That aspect hadn’t changed. And I loved him. Could I just stop in light of what he told me?

He said he hadn’t slept with anyone when we were together. And that was an accomplishment in itself. And he did treat me like he really cared about me.

But I was still scared. This relationship wouldn’t be easy. It would be hard work. I would constantly have to work with him to keep the relationship together.

“Athena, if you said yes, I wouldn’t expect sex from you. We’d only do that if you were absolutely sure you wanted it. Please don’t think otherwise.”

That was good to know. The pressure was off. He didn’t need me as an outlet to vent his sexual frustration. “I need time to think…”

His eyes coated with moisture. “I understand. Take all the time you need.”

I grabbed my coat then headed to the door. I couldn’t look at him right now. I wondered about all the women before me. Was I really that different? Was I really special? Or was it because I wasn’t easy? Did that make the chase better?

He came behind me. “My driver will take you home.” His voice sounded dead, like he’d died a thousand times.

“No. I can manage.” I walked out without looking at him. I expected him to fight me but he didn’t.

“Athena.”

When I reached the last step, I turned around. “What?”

He stared me down. “Despite all of this, just know I really care about you. I’d do anything to make you happy. I know you believe me.”

I did. But that didn’t change anything.

Chapter Fifteen

♬

Jeremy Clearwater

Athena didn’t call me that week. Every day, I checked my phone excessively, hoping I missed a call or text message. But I never did.

She didn’t want me.

A part of me wished I hadn’t told her
the truth. But I would have felt too guilty hiding it from her. Somewhere down the road, she would have figured it out. And if she left me after I recovered from my sickness that would be a million times worse.

I felt pathetic. The first girl I gave my heart to didn’t want it.

But I couldn’t blame her. There was something fundamentally wrong with me. A sex addict could get their kicks from the same partner, but I couldn’t. It had to be with a different person every time. Perhaps it was because of my past. I don’t know.

When I had my weekly class, I felt extremely nervous. A week had passed and she didn’t reach out to me. She obviously didn’t want anything to do with me. How did I walk in there and act like I was okay? That I wasn’t in pain?

I somehow pulled it off. I didn’t look at her once. That was my trick. I convinced myself she wasn’t there. That she didn’t exist. I never looked at that spot in the room.

When the class was over, I stared at my computer screen and checked old emails. I jus
t needed something to look at. When the door shut for the last time, I knew I was alone. Athena didn’t speak to me.

And I wanted to die.

When I came home, my sister called me. I didn’t want to discuss the pain I was in. I didn’t want to talk about Athena. I answered it anyway.

“Hey.”

“Hey. Guess what?”

Why was she so happy all the time?
I sighed. “What?”

“I’m in London.”

“For your shows?”

“Yep. You’re coming, right?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for anything.” I kept the depression out of my voice but it was difficult.

“Okay. I got you two front row tickets. You should bring that girl you told me about.”

“Maybe,” I said non-committedly.

“Well, I’m staying at the hotel for the night. We just got here. But we’ll do something tomorrow after my show or the next day.”

“Sounds good.”

“Cash’s assistant is bringing you the tickets.”

“Fancy,” I said sarcastically.

“
Jer, is something wrong?”

Damn it. I’ve been caught.
“No. I’m just tired.”

She believed me. “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay. Sounds good.”

“I love you.”

Even though my sister didn’t need me anymore, she still said it every time we got off the phone. But it did make me feel loved. And right now, I needed that. “I love you too.”

She hung up. I listened to the line go dead before I put down my phone. Then I drank my scotch and drowned in my own misery. An hour later, a man dropped off the VIP tickets. Holding them in my hand felt odd. I couldn’t believe my sister was a famous musician. She’d come so far, and my parents had no idea.

I couldn’t even explain how proud I was. And I’m thankful she had a husband who loved her for her, not her money. She would be happy and taken care of. That’s all I ever wanted for her.

Athena came into my mind. I knew she wanted to see this concert. I said I would leave her alone, but only after she rejected me. She hadn’t done that yet. So I decided to make one last attempt. She might t
ake the bait because she wanted to go to the concert, and that would give me an opportunity to convince her to take a chance on me.

I was desperate. Being without her made me realize how much I wanted her.
No, needed her.

I gave my driver the specific instructions. He would bring the note and ticket to her apartment. I would wait
in a limo outside on the night of the concert. If she came, we’d have a good time. If she didn’t, that meant she wanted nothing to do with me.

And I would die.

♫

The night of the concert, I sat
in the back of the limo. I got here at exactly seven. The traffic passed me on the street. The tinted windows hid my nervous face from view. I said I’d wait for a half an hour. And I would.

I just hoped it wouldn’t be in vain.

At 7:15, my hope dwindled. She probably wasn’t coming. Our relationship was over. I ruined it because I was disgusting. Now I’d go back to my previous life and wonder how she was living hers. It was depressing just to think about.

When the door opened, I flinched. I wasn’t even paying attention. Otherwise, I would have opened it myself.

Athena sat in the seat next to me. She wore tight jeans with flat boots. A loose fitting sweater hung around her body and a scarf was around her neck. Golden earrings dangled from her earlobes. And my heart stopped beating.

She looked at me in the darkness but didn’t speak. And neither did I. I was so stressed about her showing up that I didn’t prepare
for our actual meeting. What should I say?

She kept her hands in her lap. Her hair was curled around her face. She looked more beautiful than she ever had. But maybe that was because she wasn’t mine anymore.

‘Thank you for coming,” I whispered.

“Thank you for inviting me.”

The driver pulled away from the curb and headed to the coliseum.

“I was afraid you weren’t coming.”

“I almost didn’t,” she answered.

She was still uncertain about our relationship. That was understandable. “You look beautiful.”

She tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Thank you.”

I wanted to touch her, to kiss her, but I didn’t. I behaved myself and stayed away.

“What did you do this week?”

“Just worked and stayed home,” I answered.

“Did you go out with anyone…?”

I realized what she was really asking. “No. I didn’t see anyone. You can ask Anna if you don’t believe me. There’s only one girl I want.”

She looked out the window and fidgeted with her hands.

“How was your week?”

“Pretty quiet. I painted a lot.”

“Do you like your tools?”

She nodded. “They work great.”

“I’m glad.”

When we arrived at the stadium, my driver opened the door. I got out first then helped Athena out. Our hands touched for a moment, making me feel warm like it always did. As soon as she was out, she dropped her hand.

Ouch.

When we approached the line, I handed over our tickets. We were immediately ushered from the line and directly inside. An usher took us to our seats in the front row. A fence separated us from the rest of the stadium. When I looked behind me, I marveled at the number of seats. Prudence was more popular than I thought.

Athena sat beside me and didn’t look at me. It seemed like she hated me.

“Did you just come for the concert?” My voice wasn’t angry. I was prepared for the possibility. She may never speak to me again when this was over. And seeing the front row seat would tempt anyone.

“No…”

I breathed a sigh of relief. “Can we get dinner afterwards?”

She didn’t answer my question. After a full minute, I didn’t think she would. “Yes.”

My heart clenched when I heard her voice. She didn’t reject me. I still had a chance.

After the seats were filled, the show began. A small band opened for Prudence. I didn’t care for them. I didn’t even get out of my seat. When Prudence came out, the entire crowd screamed like crazy. Athena jumped up and hopped around
, clearly excited about sitting so close.

Prudence looked beautiful like she always did. I was pleased to see she wasn’t dressed like a slut. It seemed like all female musicians wore less clothes than they should. I was glad Prudence put her foot down and refused to let that happen. I’m sure Cash didn’t like the idea of his wife showing her goodies to a room full of strangers.

Prudence was…amazing. There was no better way to describe it. She had a perfect pitch, her instruments were always on cue, and she rocked the stage. Most of her songs were about love and loss. I assumed it came from her experience of being separated from Cash. At least the heartbreak made great material.

The glow on Athena’s face was the best part. She was so happy to be there. I watched her instead of my sister most of the time. I loved knowing I made her happy. That I was the reason she was jumping up and down and screaming.

When the show was over, Athena was still in a whirlwind. “She’s so awesome!”

I smiled. “I know she is.”

“I love her! I have to get a t-shirt.”

“Good idea.”

One of the security men came to us and tapped me on the shoulder. “Mrs. Matthews wants to see you.”

Did she change her name?
I guess she kept Clearwater as her stage name. Cash probably insisted on making her legally his. When I thought about Athena, I realized I’d do the same thing. “Lead the way.”

“Who’s Mrs. Matthews?” Athena asked.

“You’ll see.”

We were led to the back where everyone stood. The band wiped the sweat from their faces and drank their water.

Athena grabbed my hand and gripped it. “Oh my god…I can’t believe this is happening.”

I looked at our joined hand
s. “I know.”

When we reached the dressing room, I knew Prudence would be inside. Athena was going to flip out.

I knocked and waited outside.

“Come in,” Prudence said.

When we walked in, Prudence was wearing a different outfit. She wore jeans and a plain t-shirt, back to her usual self. Her makeup was still on and she looked different without it. Cash sat on the couch and eyed his wife.

Prudence’s face lit up like the fourth of July when she saw me. She ran into my arms and hugged me tightly. Athena stepped back while my sister embraced me. I didn’t realize how much I missed her until I felt her in my arms. It was weird not seeing her every day.

“Thank you for coming,” she said into my ear.

“I never miss a show.”

She didn’t release me and I didn’t pull away. “Did you like it?”

“You kicked ass—like usual.”

She finally pulled away and smiled at me. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too.”

Prudence spotted Athena beside me. “Hello, I’m Prudence.” She extended her hand.

Athena stared at it with a dropped jaw.

I smiled. “She’s a big fan.”

“Is this the girl you told me about?” Prudence asked.

I nodded.

Prudence gave her a hug then stepped back. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“This is Athena,” I explained.

Athena finally found her voice. “I’m sorry. I just wasn’t expecting this.”

“It’s okay.” Prudence was sweet to her, which I appreciated. “This is my husband, Cash.” She pointed to him on the couch.

Cash stood up and shook her hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too,” Athena said politely.

Prudence stared at Athena for a moment, not saying anything. It started to get awkward.

“We’ll let you go,” I said. “You must be tired.”

“No,” Prudence said. “Let’s have dinner.”

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Yeah.” She glanced at Athena again.

I turned to Athena. “Is that okay?”

“Of course,” she said.

“Alright,” I said. “We’ll meet you at the restaurant. I’m sure you have a few things to take care of.”

“Let’s go to Bailey’s,” Prudence said.

It was her favorite.

“I’ll get us a table,” I offered.

“Great.” Prudence stared at Athena again.

“We’ll see you soon.” I ope
ned the door and let Athena exit first.

“Wait a second.” Prudence shut the door then looked at me. “
Jer, this is the first girl I’ve ever seen you with.”

“Yes…”

“Is she the one?” She waited for me to answer. Cash stared at me too. They were both on the edge, waiting for me to answer.

“Yes.”

She covered her face and took a deep breath. “I’m so happy for you.”

“It’s not that simple,” I said quickly. “I’m not sure if she wants to be with me.”

“Why wouldn’t she?” Prudence said defensively. “You’re perfect, Jeremy.”

“We’ve been dating for over a month and I finally told her the truth about…how I am. She didn’t take it well. I’m trying to win her back.”

Cash sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“What does that matter?” Prudence said. “Are you like that with her?”

“No. But I haven’t slept with her.”

Prudence’s eyes softened. “She’ll realize how wonderful you are, Jer. I know it.”