Angel in Scarlet: A Bound and Determined Novel (5 page)

The sound of hooves behind her.

It could be anyone.

She fought the urge to turn and look. Ruby had said it was most important that she keep up the pretense of not being here looking for him. The water shimmered orange as the sun began to rise higher in the sky.

The sound passed.

Had it been him? She risked a look to the side, only to see a dark shape and the sway of a long tail. No way to know.

Another rider approached.

And then another.

Even if he did pass by, would he notice her? Perhaps she should stand?

And even if he did see her, would he recognize her? Didn’t most girls look the same from behind? Her hair could sometimes be noticeable, but in the early light it might look more russet than blond. But, then, this was the exact spot where they had met so often in the past.

He would know it was she. But would he stop?

Why had Ruby not addressed these issues? Ruby had seemed confident that if Colton did see her, he would know her and stop.

Several riders together. The pound on the path loud and unmistakable.

Even if he were there, he would not stop. He’d never want to be caught paying attention to her again. He probably thought that if he glanced at her she’d try to insist they marry.

No, that wasn’t fair to him, but it was how he made her feel.

She’d never given him any reason to think she’d try to push him to matrimony. Yes, she had believed, perhaps quite naïvely, they were heading toward marriage, but she would never have acted if she thought he was unwilling.

Although wasn’t that exactly what she was doing now?

But this was different. He deserved it after the way he’d acted—and she wasn’t trying to actually force him into marriage; she was trying to make it so he desperately wanted to marry her, wanted her. She only wanted justice.

If only she truly believed that was possible.

She reflected on Ruby’s words. Well, if she didn’t believe, she would just have to imagine it.

And then she heard hooves slowing and becoming silent, as the next rider pulled to a stop.

Do not turn. Do not turn. Stare at the water.

Pretend you don’t know it’s him.

But she did know. She might not be able to see him, but there was no mistaking the prickle on her neck or the sudden breathlessness that took her. It pulled her back in time even as she fought it, made her want to turn and rush to him, a happy smile upon her lips.

Colton drew on the reins; for the barest of moments his heart felt light. She was back. He stared at the blond hair lit by the early-morning sun and remembered the mornings when he could not hurry here fast enough, when he dreamed of nothing but her welcoming smile, when he wondered what foolish adventure she’d partaken in, when…

And then reality returned.

What on earth was she doing here? Was Angela stalking him? Did she somehow imagine that she could lure him back to their past relationship?

No, that was preposterous. She had brought her maid. Maggie, looking as uncomfortable as ever, sat on a bench and glared at him, clearly wishing him to hell.

And why did he care?

He should just ride on.

Only he wasn’t going to. He knew himself well enough to be honest about that. He swung a leg over the stallion and slid to the ground, keeping the reins in hand.

He walked over and stood behind Angela, allowing Goliath enough lead to munch at the low grass.

Angela continued to look out at the water.

Why didn’t she turn to him as she used to, her face aglow with morning light? She knew he was here. He’d seen her shoulders tense as he approached, and she would have had to be deaf not to hear him draw near.

He stood quiet.

She did not speak.

A duck suddenly took off and Goliath started. He held firm on the reins, and the massive horse settled again.

“Are you truly going to pretend I am not here?” he asked.

“I should say that I was enrapt by the view, but in truth I simply do not know what to say.” She turned and glanced up at him, her skin pale and her blue eyes shining mysterious and dark.

“Did you come here looking for me?”

She bit down on her lower lip, quite hard judging by the indent. “I should say that I often come to look at the quiet waters in the morning mist, but you probably know I have not been here since last we met. So, yes, I came looking for you….”

Angela had always been honest to a fault. He’d forgotten that about her, but then neither had he remembered quite how tempting that mouth was. “Should I ask why you are seeking me?”

“I was not exactly seeking you.”

“I thought you just said that you were.”

Her eyes moved down to her hands, which were worrying the heavy twill of her skirt. “I said I was looking for you, and, yes, I know that is the same as seeking, but ‘seeking’ sounds so much more…so much more…more active. I merely wanted to give us a chance to speak—and I do remember how you like your ride as the sun rises over the water.”

“And then you didn’t—speak, that is.” He couldn’t hold back the edge of a chuckle.

Her eyes flashed up at him. Her lips pressed tight for a second and he could see that she remembered the laughter of other mornings, but then the look was gone and she spoke, each word quiet and precise. “I know. I have already said I don’t know what to say. I think I believed you would have words and would tell me what to do, what to say. You always were so good at that.”

Was she goading him into an argument? She’d never backed down from one in the past—until she began to back down from all of them.

He walked in front of her, his boots crunching on the grass. There was something so powerful about standing above her as she sat small and delicate on the grass before him. “Is that what you want, for me to tell you what to do?” His voice was heavy and low as he filled each word with meaning, waiting for her response.

Angela’s eyes dropped to her lap, his words pushing the smart reply from her mind. Was that what she wanted, to have Colton tell her exactly what to do? Angela shuddered at the thought. She’d always teased him in the past when he grew too bossy, but the night in the garden had changed things. She could not deny that she felt the first flicker of an ache between her legs at his tone. She might not want to like it, but it had been exciting when Colton had given her direct commands on what he desired at the ball. Her mouth grew dry. She swallowed—and then again. Somehow this was moving faster than she had anticipated—and they’d barely spoken a few sentences. “I admit that I am unsure how to proceed from here. It is why I came to you the other night. I want you to teach me. How can I know what to talk about, what to ask you, when young women are taught nothing?”

She could feel him stare down at her, feel the warm heat that grew wherever his gaze stopped. Her eyes stayed fixed on her hands. Ruby would have looked up with a flirtatious smile and leaned back to reveal a hint of bosom, but Angela was finding even speaking difficult.

He edged closer, his boot tips entering her field of vision. “Look at me.”

Without thought, she followed his command and tilted her chin up. Pretend. Pretend that she was someone else. She leaned back, resting on her hands, imagined her breasts lifting toward him.

His hair was windblown and his cheeks flushed from the ride. His eyes flicked to her breasts and then returned to her face. “What exactly do you wish of me?”

“I thought that I had made that clear. I want you.” She was sure she was redder than a late-summer tomato. Pretend. She must pretend. Why was it so hard?

He continued to stare down at her, his face unreadable.

“I don’t know what more you want me to say,” she said after a moment. “I am not sure what you are looking for in my answer.” She closed her eyes, sought to put herself in a place where she could play this game with ease, tried to imagine that he was already her lover, that she was awaiting his touch.

“Honesty.”

“I have been honest.” And that was true, for the most part. She didn’t think anything she’d said had been an actual lie. She had just left out major pieces of the story.

“I used to believe that, but how do you explain this sudden change in attitude?”

Think about the truth of what she had said. She did want him. She might not want to, but she did—and with that did come a desire to learn more, to know more, to feel more. “Why do you doubt me? I have never given you any reason to suppose me dishonest. It merely took me time to understand what I wanted.” This was not going the way she had pictured. She tried pulling in a deep breath, hoping to attract his attention to her breasts.

Again his eyes moved but then returned to her face. “So we are back to my original question, Angela. What exactly is it that you want?” He stepped aside and the sunlight blinded her.

She blinked, her eyes gradually adjusting, and tried to let anger fill her, tried to remember her purpose. She met his gaze, held it, let a slow smile spread across her face, let her shoulders soften, let her breasts rise and fall with each breath. And then she dropped her gaze, looking down shyly. “I do not understand why this is so difficult. You did an excellent job the other night. I am not sure that I have ever felt so alive. I had forgotten the glory of taking a risk, of doing exactly what I wanted.”

She peered back up at him.

“You liked that?” He sounded surprised but also intrigued—and this time when his eyes moved to her breasts, they lingered.

She imagined her nipples hard and wanting, stretching against the fabric of her bodice, imagined that she was waiting for him to bend down to her, to…She licked her lips. “I don’t know that ‘like’ is the right word, but it did something for me. It made my nerves sing. I felt so free, even though I knew I was putting myself at risk. You have made me feel that way from the first moment that we met. There has always been danger, but still I find myself drawn ever closer. Do you remember that first time we were actually introduced? I was trying to flirt with Mr. Wilkes, and then Lady Perse brought you over. I don’t think I heard a word poor Wilkes said after that. I just looked into your eyes and felt as if I’d found a soulmate.” And that was all the truth—every single word.

He turned from her and gazed out over the water. “I think that is somewhat of an exaggeration. And why should I indulge you?”

Have faith in yourself.
She leaned a little forward. “No exaggeration. When I looked at you, I felt as if you really saw me, saw all the pieces, good and bad, and just accepted them. And you should indulge me”—she lowered her voice—“because you want to, because you want me; you want to know where this is going.”

He swung back to her, letting his gaze settle upon her as if weighing her every word. “Sure of yourself, are you?”

No, not at all, but she was trying. “It is more I am sure of what men want.”

“If you are sure of that, why do you need me?”

Curses sounded in her mind. She had gotten ahead of herself, and she still had not talked about everything Ruby had told her she must. “I need you because there is a difference between reading a book and experiencing something. I want experience, and I have known from the start that you are the man to teach me. You have always pushed me as no other man ever has, made me want things that no other man ever has. You were my first kiss, my only kiss, because I had never longed for the feel of another man’s lips.” She dropped her gaze again. “In many ways I would like to turn to another man, but you are the one my body wants.”

“And that is all that you want.” His voice was hoarse.

Had she unsettled him? Were her words getting to him?

Honesty.
He wanted honesty and she would give it. “It is hard for me to know what I want. I am scared of what I want. I am not sure that I want to lose my virginity.” She looked away, staring at the trees that bordered the gravel path he had been riding upon. “I am not saying that I don’t. But I know there are other things we can do. I would like to try those and then see.”

“You are aware that these ‘other things’ can ruin you as surely as actual fucking if they become known?”

Did he need to be so crude? Was he trying to give her vapors? “Yes, but I do not see why they should become known. I do not imagine you will tell.”

“And what if I say no? Will you then change your mind and find some other man to indulge you in this matter?”

Honesty
. “I don’t know. I have not thought about any man but you.” Another truth—as far as it went. And yet she could sense him slipping away. “But I might. After the other night I do know that I want more. I want to feel that again, to feel that longing, that need.” Now, that was the truth, if a hard one to face.

His face suddenly grew dark, his brows coming together, his tone harsh. “You should wait for a husband.”

“I do not want to wait, and from what I understand there is no promise that a husband will make me feel the same way you did.”

He turned to gaze out at the water for a moment, then looked down at her again. It was hard to detect any hint of emotion on his face, his features held flat and regular. “Very well. It is clear you will give me no peace until I give in.”

“I don’t want you to do it because you have to.” She let her breasts swell once again, leaned back, and made a little moue with her mouth. “I want you to do it because you want to.”

“We will not even define what ‘do it’ means.”

Was that the hint of a smile? She rather thought it was.

“I guess we will just have to leave it to my imagination, then,” she said, trying not to show her glee at his acceptance.

“Why am I not sure that is a good idea? Now, give me another smile to show your delight.” The horse stomped behind him, pulling at the reins.

She peered up at him from under her lashes and gave him the smile he desired, parted her lips, filled her chest with air. “As you wish, my lord.”

She almost laughed when his eyes once again dropped to her bosom. Perhaps this would not be so hard. “It is good to see you again, Colton. I have missed our morning walks. I always enjoyed being with you before the city was fully awake.” His eyes grew serious and she hurried on, not wanting to make him reconsider. “I daresay Maggie feels differently.” She glanced back at the maid.

His lips curled in the faintest grin. She had missed that look. She tried to shake off the feeling. She didn’t care if he was happy; she was not trying to make him smile—or at least only as much as the game required.

His face grew solemn again, as if he read her thought. “I will meet you tomorrow evening at Madame Rouge’s. I trust I do not need to advise you to hide your identity.”

She gave him a nod. “I will manage. Do you care to suggest a time? I must admit I have little desire to stand about by myself waiting for you.”

“I am having dinner with my mother. Shall we say eleven?”

“I will see you then.”

Without another word, he turned and walked away.

She’d done it. She’d actually done it. She’d gotten Colton to take the lead.

Perhaps Ruby was right and she could do anything if she just believed—believed in herself.

Angela pushed to her feet and strode over to Maggie, her mind already plotting excuses to explain her absence the next evening.

Colton spurred his horse along the path. That had not gone well. He knew he had come off as something of an ass. He’d not been able to contain himself when Angela indicated she might be willing to experiment with another man. He’d felt a flush of anger such as he had rarely known and was not sure he had hidden it well. But perhaps that was for the best. It was clear that Angela had not the slightest idea what she was getting herself into and he must somehow persuade her to abandon the dangerous game that she played. It was far more dangerous than she realized. Not all men were as well intentioned as he.

That thought almost made him laugh out loud.

Well intentioned?

Well, he had been. He had parted ways with Angela as much for her own sake as for his. He truly had meant it when he said they were not well suited. When her spirit had faded, so had his interest.

He must admit, though, there was great temptation to take her up on her offer: When she smiled up at him, her eyes filled with mischief, it was hard not to remember how happy she had made him before it had all faded away—and it was all too easy to remember how she’d looked in the garden, her breasts bare and swollen, her face indicating her willingness to follow his every command.

And just now, when she’d sat on the grass before him, it had been hard not to imagine her rising to her knees, her lips parting…

Blast, “hard” was exactly the problem.

He slowed Goliath. If he wasn’t careful, he’d unman himself. There were some moments when a good cockstand was not desired.

Plans for getting rid of Angela should be filling his mind, not thoughts of exactly what he would like her to do if he ever gave in to her desires. He’d withstood temptation before and done the right thing. It might be difficult, but he would do it again.

Now, what would make the chit back away? Certainly it would take more than a simple appointment at Madame Rouge’s. This would require some thought and planning.

“Angela, is that you?” her mother called as she entered the hall.

What was her mother doing awake and downstairs? Normally her mother didn’t show her face until well after noon. And she was yelling, or at least speaking in a loud tone. Her mother never called from one room to another. She considered it the height of bad manners, something only the lower classes would ever do.

Knowing better than to raise her voice in answer, Angela walked rapidly to the back parlor, her mother’s favorite room.

“Yes, I am home,” she said, entering the room.

“Where were you? I was most surprised to find that you had already left. I needed to talk to you. Where could you possibly have gone at such a disagreeable hour?”

“I was restless when I awoke. I merely went for a walk. I didn’t wish to wake anyone else.” She could only hope her mother would not question her further. Something important must be going on to have her mother acting so out of character.

“We have received an invitation.”

“Oh.”

“Is that all you can say?” Her mother rose from the small breakfast table and began to pace about the room with small, even steps.

From the queen?
It was hard to imagine anything else that would have gotten her mother into such a state. “I am not sure what else I am supposed to say.” Somehow this was far too reminiscent of her earlier conversation with Colton. She was beginning to fear that she might be the problem.

“You could express some excitement.”

Angela sank into a chair opposite the settee her mother had just vacated and swiped a piece of toast. “I am sure I will be excited if you tell me whom the invitation is from.”

“You must not have been listening. Lady Perse has invited us to a house party.”

Angela felt a pit open in her stomach. “Lady Perse?”

“Yes. I know you were disappointed that you didn’t find a husband, like all the other girls whom she invited to tea. I do believe she’s decided to try again with you. Perhaps she saw you in that red dress the other night and realized you must be getting desperate. Or perhaps it was the flush of color in your cheeks. Ah well, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that she’s invited us, and you know what that means….”

Eligible men. Yes, Angela knew exactly what that meant. Blast. It was Lady Perse who had introduced Angela to Colton. And it was Lady Perse who had first made her believe that they belonged together. And it was Lady Perse who had made her feel a failure for not having a proposal weeks ago. No, the last thing she wanted was to have Lady Perse try to find her another man. She had no desire to attend another party, pretending to search for a husband, and certainly not one that would have her stranded in the country. “Oh, isn’t that wonderful.”

“I knew you would be delighted, dear.” Her mother smiled gaily, her shoulders relaxing. “You’re coming back to being yourself. I have been worried. I am happy to see your eyes spinning with hidden plans again. You’ve been faded for so long.”