Angel of Redemption (80 page)

Brayden gets a huge roar and some serious screams
when his name is announced. I can see Dean holding his breath, most likely
waiting for the kid to pull some kind of crazy-ass stunt. I know because I
thought Logan would do the same thing. Luckily he didn’t. Brayden glances in
our direction, smiles, and accepts his diploma. Dean lets out his breath.

“Dude, I can’t believe I actually graduated,”
Logan booms, bouncing over to us after it’s all over. He lifts Claire off the
ground and swings her around before planting a kiss on her mouth. “I love you!”

“I love you, too,” Claire giggles. Setting her
down, he moves on to me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

“Thank you,” he whispers. I choke back my tears
and nod. Logan lets go and grins, looking over at Dean next to me.

“Dean,” he greets him seriously.

“Logan. Congratulations.” Dean offers Logan his
hand.

“Thanks,
” Logan says, taking it. After a
second, Dean pulls him into a hug.

“Good job, kid.”

I reach for Dean’s hand as Logan makes his way
through the rest of the group. When he reaches Matty, I watch carefully. They
stare at each other for a minute before Logan grabs him and pulls him into a
tight hug, and then pushes him away again, ruffling his hair.

“God, I hope they survive this,” I sigh, resting
my head on Dean’s shoulder.

“They will. Aiden and I survived much worse. I’ve
got Matty set up with the therapist for Thursday.”

“Does he know?”

“Yes. He seems okay with it. I mean, he’s not
thrilled, but he didn’t whine about it. I guess time will tell.”

“I guess it will.”

Brayden walks over with Caitlynn. He has lipstick
all over his face. I try to keep a straight face.

“Say cheese,” Emily chirps from behind my
shoulder. Brayden puffs out his chest and puts his arm around his girlfriend
while Emily snaps a few photos. “Now, wipe your face and let’s get a
presentable one,” she laughs.

“What?” Brayden looks confused. Emily holds the
camera up to show him the picture. “Ah, man,” he groans. “I look like a total
douche! Baby, that was mean.” He scrubs his gown sleeve over his face and
Caitlynn wipes away what’s left, giving Emily a perfect picture.

We spend the next God-knows-how-many minutes
taking pictures, and then head back to the house for a celebration. Dean says
it’s good for the rest of the kids to see their brothers succeeding. Logan
brings Claire. Dean assures me that the boys have all been warned not to harass
her. And although they stare
—a lot—they are polite. She and
Caitlynn spend most of their time giggling at the younger boys as they try to
impress them.

While everyone makes their way toward the
kitchen, I approach Logan and hand him a couple pieces of paper. Dean hangs
back with me, watching.

“What is it?” Logan asks.

“That is the court order granting you custody of
yourself. Your guardianship to the state of Minnesota has been rescinded. You
are officially emancipated.”

He stares at the papers.
“Really?”

“Really. And now, since you’re simply my little
sister’s boyfriend, I can give you this.” I hand him a card. Inside is a check
for two hundred and fifty dollars. “I know it’s not a lot in the grand scheme
of things, but
…”

“It can buy us a crib,” Logan says quietly,
without looking up. “Is it enough to buy a crib?” I can feel my lips curve
upward into a smile, but they’re trembling, and my eyes are starting to sting.

“Yeah, Logan. I’m pretty sure that’s enough to
buy a crib.”

“A good one?” He lowers his voice. “Claire’s used
to good stuff. I want her to have a nice one.”

I don’t answer. I can
’t. I’m afraid that
if I open my mouth, I’ll start bawling.

“You’ve got plenty of time for that, Logan,” Dean
says. “Go eat. Have fun.”

“Okay.”

“And put that in a safe place,
” he yells
as Logan walks away. “You all right?” Dean asks when I sniffle.

“I’m fine,” I assure. “I just don’t know what to
make of him these days. Last night he apologized for the way he
’s been
acting, and today he’s thinking about the future and how he’s going to take
care of Claire and the baby.”

“He’s been thinking about that for awhile. He
just needed to figure some shit out.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “Why do I get the
impression he didn’t figure it out on his own?”

“I just pointed him in the right direction,” he
laughs. “He found his own way there.”

When the party starts winding down, Logan,
Claire, Caitlynn, and the rest of the boys make themselves comfortable in the
den to watch a movie. Matty, who’s been missing for a good portion of the
evening, walks into the kitchen as I’m helping Dean clean up.

“Hey,” he says, looking around.

“Hi,” we respond in tandem. He goes to the fridge
and pulls out the milk to pour himself a glass.

“You ready for this?” Dean whispers.

“No, but I don’t have much of a choice.”

“You want to use my office?”

I smile, but it’s halfhearted. “That would be
great, Dean. Thank you.”

Dean pulls out his keys and hands them to me.

“Hey, Matty,” I say softly. “Come with me, I want
to talk to you about something.”

Once in Dean’s office, I sit down behind his desk
while Matty takes a seat in front of it, but I feel awkward with the furniture
between us and move so that I’m sitting next to him.

“So, we need to talk about a few things,” I
begin.

Matty sighs, leaning back into his chair.
“Logan?”

“He’s part of it, yes.
” I nod. I hear him
muttering under his breath, but don’t catch what he’s saying. “Look, Matty. I…I
can’t be your worker anymore.”

His eyes widen. “Why?”

“Do you know what a conflict of interest is?”

He nods slowly. “I think so.”

“It means that I’m involved with you as more than
just your social worker.”

“I don’t get it.”

“You aren’t just one of my cases, Matty. With
Logan not only dating Claire, but the two of them having a baby
…”

“So I get fucked over again?” he cries, his voice
cracking. His eyes well up with tears. “He does stupid shit, and I’m the one
who ends up paying the price?”

“Matty
—”

“Fuck that, Kayla. I’m so tired of this shit. I’ve
spent my entire life following him from foster home to foster home because he
can’t stay out of trouble. I’ve never complained ‘cause he’s always kept me
safe, but
…” The tears stream down his face.

“Matty, sweetie. I need you to calm down.”

“No! It’s not fair,” he wails.

“I know it seems that way.”

“He has no idea. I don’t even think he cares
anymore. It’s all about him and Claire and that stupid baby.”

Matty keeps going, and I let him get it out. He
needs to vent. I don’t understand some of what he’s saying, but it doesn’t
matter. By the time he’s done, his cheeks are flushed and tear-stained, his
eyes red-rimmed.

“Who’s gonna be my worker?
” he asks
softly.

“My coworker, Dana. She’s in my unit and is
really nice. She’s been doing this for a long time.”

“But what if she moves me?” he cries. “Then I’ll
never see you again.”

“Of course you will. It doesn’t matter where you
are, Matty. I will always be in your life.” I grab his hand. “As much as I don’t
approve of what Claire and Logan have done, there’s a positive aspect.”

“What?” he mumbles, disbelieving.

“We’re family now. That baby is part of both of
us. You’re going to be its uncle. I’m going to be its aunt. Trust me, honey.
You’ll be sick of seeing me.”

“But you’re not gonna have a say in what happens
to me?”

I sigh heavily. I’m sad that this has to happen. “Dana’s
a good caseworker. She’s going to take care of you.”

He looks down. “Can’t you just adopt me or
something? I mean, if we’re already family
…”

I smile sadly. “As much as I would love to,
Matty, that’s not the way it works.”

“Never mind. It was a stupid idea,” he rushes
out.

“It’s not a stupid idea. It’s just
…” I
take a breath. “Look, sweetie. I’ll bring Dana by to meet you in a few days. Or
maybe next week. You’ll like her.” He stands up and makes a face. Despite the
somber conversation we just finished, I smile because he looks so damn cute.

As we’re heading out of the office, Matty shakes
his head. “I’m gonna teach that kid every bad word I know,” he grumbles. I
laugh
lightly. I’m glad he seems to be taking this in stride, but I can tell that
something is off, and it worries me. Matty melts down when he holds in his
emotions. He’s been doing so well, and I really don’t want anything to
jeopardize that.

Dean

“Dean. It’s good to see
you again. Did you have a good week?”

I nod and fight back a smile as I shake hands
with Colin and flop down in a chair. “Yep.”

“Good. Why don’t you tell me about it?”

I recount the week and then the weekend, leaving
out the sex. He doesn’t need to know about that shit. I’m sure he can put two
and two together.

“Sometimes it’s nice to get away. Helps clear the
mind and improves focus. It sounds like it was relaxing.”

“It was,” I agree, but apparently there’s
something in my voice Colin finds suspicious. He tilts his head and watches me.
I squirm a little in my seat.

“Good. Well, let’s get started. I’d like to know
what you want to focus on first. We’ll get to everything eventually, but
sometimes there are things weighing on our minds that overwhelm and intrude
upon the healing process. Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”

I don’t answer at first
. I know that this
is exactly why I chose to go to therapy, but it’s not easy to admit my
stupidity. There’s something about Colin, however, that makes me want to spill
my guts.

“I let my ex-wife move into my apartment,” I
blurt out.

“Okay. Is this something you’re worried about?”

“Yes,” I say adamantly. “I’m not living there
anymore, but I haven’t told Kayla, and I’m afraid she’s gonna flip the fuck
out.”

“So, you allowed your ex-wife to move into an
apartment you don’t live in, and you’re concerned your current girlfriend won’t
understand.”

“Right.”

“Can you tell me what led to the decision to
allow her to move into the apartment?” I tell him about Stephanie’s situation.
“When you extended the offer, what did you hope would happen?”

I shake my head, not really sure how to answer.
“I don’t know. That she’d finally get herself together. That her kids wouldn’t
grow up in the system.”

“What will you get out of it if she succeeds?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? At all? Would you feel proud
of
her if she succeeded?”

“No. Not really.”

“Then why would you risk your relationship to help
her?”

“Because
…I guess I still feel like I
failed her. Like I wasn’t good enough for her to change. If I can play even a
small part in her getting clean, maybe that feeling will go away and I’ll feel
good enough for Kayla.”

Colin leans forward. “You have to come to terms
with something, Dean. You cannot control what other people do, and if you try,
eventually you will be disappointed.”

“So what do I do?”

“You stop basing your view of yourself on other
people’s actions. Whether or not Stephanie succeeds has absolutely nothing to
do with you. She makes her choices just like you make yours. We can blame
whomever we want for our decisions, for our vices, but at the end of the day,
we are the ones responsible for whatever road we take.”

“Do I tell Kayla?”

“That’s up to you.”

“I hate that fucking answer. You know that,
right?” I scoff.

Colin smirks. “What I’m saying, Dean, is that how
you decide to conduct your relationship is one of those things that you have
control over. Obviously, it’s been bothering you,
” he surmises. I nod.
“So, what will make it stop bothering you?”

“Telling her.”

“Okay.”

“What if she gets pissed?”

“Be honest with her. Tell her what you’ve told
me.”

“I’m not good with words. I end up saying shit
wrong.”

“Is this something new?” he asks. I shake my
head. “She’s aware of it and she loves you anyway?”

“Yeah. I think so.”

“I know how important she is to you, Dean. If she
doesn’t understand, bring her here with you. It’s something I don’t usually do
until a few visits in, after we’ve established a good rapport and have really
begun to get into the heart of the matter, but I can make an exception.”

“Thanks. I appreciate it,” I mumble.

We talk a bit more about Steph and my issues with
trust. I tell him about how Kayla and I started our relationship and how I feel
about her. I also tell him about my dream.

“How did you feel when you woke up?”

“Weird. I knew it was a dream, but I had to feel
her stomach just in case. I don’t know why.”

“And when you confirmed she wasn’t pregnant?”

I sniff and scratch the back of my neck. “After I
found out Abigail wasn’t mine, I didn’t want kids. I would have gotten a
vasectomy, but my brother talked me out of it. Being a father isn’t on my
radar.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I know I have
to be honest with him. “Kayla’s different. I’m kind of glad Aiden didn’t let me
get snipped.
”

“Well, you have time to make those decisions. Let’s
focus on one thing at a time.
”

“She’s taking care of her little sister now. And
probably a baby soon. If I’m going to be with her, I have to accept that
helping her take care of them will be my responsibility, too.” Colin nods, not
in agreement, but for me to continue. “I’m okay with that. At first I was kind
of freaked out by the idea, but when I got to thinking about it… I don’t
totally suck at taking care of kids.”

As I’m leaving his office, I consider what we
talked about in regards to Stephanie. He’s right. I can’t control the outcome
of her case and it’s time to focus on what’s important in my life: Kayla,
Claire and Logan, the boys, Wyatt House
—my family.

* * *

With the kids all out of
school, my life suddenly becomes much more chaotic. The morning after
graduation isn’t bad. They all sleep in until after ten, but when they wake up,
the increased noise level makes my splitting headache ten times worse. I have a
feeling this is going to be a really shitty day.

I try to help Logan and Brayden start packing up,
but they’re far more interested in fucking around. When they both get sucked
into an old nudie mag Brayden finds underneath a stack of books in his closet,
I decide to let them do it themselves.

Just after lunch, Aiden gives me a break and
takes the boys to the skate park while I try to take a nap. It doesn’t happen.
I can hear the fucking phone ringing in my office every five minutes. I finally
give up, get up, and answer it.

“This is Dean.”

“Hey.”

Goddammit. I should have just ignored it. “What do
you want, Steph?”

“I need help. The pipes are all backed up and
this place smells fucking disgusting. I tried covering it with those air
freshener things, but it isn’t working, and my worker is coming today.
”
So, she’s obviously living in the apartment.

“What?”

“The pipes, Dean. The garbage disposal isn’t
working and the sink is, like, overflowing. And the toilet won’t flush,
either.”

“What did you try flushing down it?”

I can hear her scoff. “Nothing, you dick. I’m
still clean. I don’t know what happened.”

“Call the super. That’s his job.”

“I did. But he told me I’d have to blow him
before he’d do anything. Considering I’m trying hard as fuck to get out of that
line of work, I thought I’d ask you first.” I growl. This is just my fucking
luck. I just decide to stop focusing on helping her and then she calls me up
out of the blue needing help.

“Come on, Dean. Please? She’s supposed to be here
in an hour. I swore to her this wasn’t a complete shithole, but with that smell
…
I’m fucking desperate here.”

I let out a huge breath and think about my
conversation with Colin. I know I’m not going to be able to save her. But maybe
this is my chance to finally end it.

“I’ll be there in twenty.”

“Thank you.”

I hang up, grab my keys, wallet, and sunglasses,
and lock my office door behind me. Before leaving, I pick up Bill’s tool bag.

“Where are you going?” Emily asks.

“To my apartment.”

“I thought you gave it up.”

“I did.”

“So why
…?”

“I gave it to Stephanie.”

Emily stares at me for a second before her mouth
drops open. “Oh my God. Are you kidding me?”

I shake my head.
“I wish I were.”

“When? Why?”

I sigh heavily. “It’s a long story. I don’t have
time right now.”

“Does Kayla know?”

“No, not yet, but she will.”

“Does Aiden?”

I shake my head. “No one knows. It was a spur of
the moment thing. I haven’t been there since she moved in.”

“Then why are you going now?”

“For closure.”

“That is so fucked up, Dean,
” she says,
her eyes wide and disapproving.

“I know, okay?” I snap. “I know. I’m dealing with
it tonight.”

Emily presses her lips together and nods.

When I get to the apartment building, I make a
quick stop by the super’s place. I have a few stern words with him about his
proposition to Steph before heading upstairs. Regardless of the fact that I’m
about to walk away from her, that shit he tried to pull is not okay. I get to
the apartment and Steph opens the door for me. I scan over her. She’s wearing a
pair of cutoffs and a dirty sweatshirt. Her feet are bare and look clean. That’s
a good sign. When she was doing heroin, she used to shoot up in-between her
toes. Her face is heavily made up, but her eyes are still clear.

“Are you done examining me?” she snaps. I’m about
to open my mouth to say something back when I inhale.

“Oh, shit!” I groan. She
’s right, the
place fucking reeks.

“Yeah, exactly. I’ve got all the windows open,
but it’s not helping. Make it go away.”

I roll my eyes and set to work. It only takes me
a few minutes to figure it out. It’s actually two separate issues. The toilet
is an easy fix. The float is stuck, making the toilet run and not flush. The
sink is a much more difficult problem. A fuse for the disposal has shorted out,
and I need to rewire it. It’s happened before, so I know how to do it, but it’s
going to take a good half hour and we’re quickly approaching the time when
Steph’s social worker is supposed to be here.

I run downstairs and ask Rubin to turn off the
electricity in the apartment so I don’t electrocute the shit out of myself.
When I finish, I cross my fingers and hope it works. It does and all the nasty
shit in the sink flows down easily. When I start packing up, Stephanie is
shifting.

“Just spit it out,” I mutter.

“I need to talk to you.”

“About what?”

“About us.”

I can’t help it, I laugh. “There is no
us
.”

“There will always be an
us
, Dean,”
she mocks. “We were married for almost four years.

“I was married. You were
—”

“Oh my God, really? You’re really gonna fucking
go there?”

“Hey, you’re the one who brought it up.”

“And I brought it up for a reason. Now shut the
fuck up and let me talk. Here.” She hands me a stack full of papers. “I’m still
clean.”

I hand them back to her without looking at them.
“Okay. Great.”

“I’ve seen the kids, too,” she continues. “They
want to come home. I told them I got a new place that’s clean.”

I look around. The apartment is not clean, which
gives me an indication of what kind of place they were living in before. Steph
must read my expression.

“Go ahead and judge, rich boy. You don’t know
what’s it’s like.”

“I do know, Steph. I was there with you,
remember?”

“Yeah, but you didn’t have to be,” she bites
back. “You knew at any point you could go home and live in your parents’ fancy
house and eat whatever the hell you wanted. I never had that choice. It was
sell myself or starve.”

“And the drugs?”

“I didn’t want to feel anything!”

“You’re so full of shit. You had
me!
I gave up everything to be with you,
to take care of you. I was your husband and you fucked me over like I was just
some stupid john.” Her jaw clenches, her gaze shifting to the side. “Or maybe
that’s exactly what I was.”

I know she used me. I know she manipulated me,
but I never considered that she put me in that category. At some point in my
life, this realization probably would have hurt. It would have pissed me off.
But now, it doesn’t. I feel
…relieved, like a huge fucking weight has
been lifted from my shoulders. I thought I knew what I was going to
say—essentially repeat the shit Colin and I talked about. But I don’t
feel the need to say it anymore. I chuckle and turn to leave.

“Dean.”

“What?” I sigh.