Angels and Ashes (Heaven's Rejects MC Book 2) (32 page)

Her hand starts to go to the door, but I stop her only to give her a kiss and to press the envelope that I have held for her for months into her hand. 

“When you’ve said your peace, read it.”

She nods and opens the door. Palming my own letter, I wait for her to walk out of sight before reading it. As I finish the letter, I shake my head and look up to the skies.

“Thank you for giving me her, brother.”

After everything that’s happened over the last few months, today seems more daunting than anything I’ve ever faced. I know I should have done this far sooner than I am, but I couldn’t bring myself to come here and face him yet.

Taking a deep breath, I tightly grip the unopened letter and begin the journey. Each step is labored as I walk down the path and continue onto the dewy grass. Everything seems too quiet and pristine here and yet, it rattles me. I walk a few yards further until I stop in front of my destination. I kneel down into the grass, wipe away the dirt from my husband’s gravestone, and press my hand on the marbled edge of the stone bearing his name in boldly carved letters. My fingers linger on the stone, but soon fall into my lap. 

“Hey, baby,” I whisper into the air. I pause as if I am waiting to hear his voice in return like a crazy person. I lay my hands atop my knees as I try to find the words I want to say. 

“I know, you’ve probably got a lot to say to me after watching the shit storm I walked into on your behalf,” I sob out. “I know you’re probably disappointed in me, and I hate that every single day I wonder how you feel about the blood on my hands. About how stupid I was for getting involved with the club, but I did it for you. I couldn’t live the rest of my life in the dark.”

My hand leaves my knee and wipes away a tear from my cheek. 

“I have been angry with you for so long for leaving us and choosing the club over your family, but I understand now. You did it for me and the kids. You protected us in the only way you knew how, with your life. I wish you had told me from the beginning the things you were wrapped up in and maybe I could have helped you, but your stubborn ass had to ride in like the knight in shining armor and save the day as usual.”

More tears stream down my face as I choke out words weighing heavily on my heart today. 

“You are going to miss seeing the boys grow up, and you didn’t even get a chance to see your little girl come into this world. I named her Roxie Belle just like we talked about, and she is so much like you. Even at nearly seven months old, she has your smile and attitude.”

A gust of wind picks up while stray leaves scrape against the gravel road where my car is parked. The chill from the air tickles against my skin as goosebumps form.

“Yelling at you isn’t why I am here today, Brent,” I whisper as I sob. “This shouldn’t be so hard to say to stone, but I am in love with Michael. I never meant for it to happen, but we just collided together after you died. We’ve been through so much already that I know that I’ll likely get my heart broken again, but I want to try with him. Nothing about our relationship and how quickly I fell for him makes any sense, but when we’re together, everything just falls into place. It’s fucked up, I know, but I can’t even describe it in a way that would make you understand.”

Looking down to the letter lying in my lap, I know it’s time to read the last words written by my husband. Gingerly picking it up, I run my finger under the seal, ripping it open. My fingers trace the edge of the envelope before slipping inside and pulling out the folded piece of paper. I take my time unfolding it and finally, after a deep breath, I look down to read the words.

My beautiful belle,

Before I even get out what I need to say, wipe those tears away from that beautiful face of yours. The time for tears is over, baby, and it’s time for your face to shine with happiness again. I know that with Raze handing you this letter that you have finally found someone who deserves you maybe even more than I did. 

I’m sure by now that Raze has told you what got me killed, and I think I need to explain my reason behind my decision to step into the line of fire for the club, and more importantly for him. From the moment that I met him, I saw something that no one else did, a broken man. He fought so hard to make the club legitimate after his dad’s death that he rushed into a marriage to fulfill the dream he always had about having a family. I watched as he went from a good man to a man teetering on the edge of slipping to where his old man had fallen. 

Was it fair for me to give up our family and marriage for his? No, but I couldn’t sit idly by and watch everything we’ve worked so hard for over the last several years be set aside because his wife was a cheating, no good bitch. I wanted to grow older with you and the boys, but that was never in the cards. I knew that I would eventually have to step into the line of fire for him, and I did it gladly. He needed someone to go to bat for him, and with my death, I left him something even better to rebuild the man I know is still in him, you. 

From the day I saw how he looked at you, I knew that he would be the man that grew old with you and protect you after I was gone. He has the fire inside of him to keep that sassy mouth of yours in check and to raise the boys the way I want them to be raised. He’ll be a good dad to them and the baby that will come after me. 

Yes, belle, you read that right. As much as you wanted to keep your little secret, I knew. I found the pregnancy test in the trash the morning I wrote this letter. I didn’t want to spoil the surprise so I didn’t say anything. I know it’s crazy, but I knew our Roxie was growing in your belly. I would have loved to be her father, but she was meant for you and Raze. A chance to have a child that you raise together and as I hope for Raze, a little hell on wheels to have to worry about when she gets older. Tell her that her old man says she can’t date until she’s forty or some shit like that. If I was wrong, and our baby is a boy, then his brothers will raise him to be strong like their mother. 

Be good to each other, Darcy, and learn to love again. Life isn’t as sweet without someone to love, and I am leaving you with just that.

I love you.

Brent

P.S.

Please thank Matteo for delivering the first letter for me. I knew he would find it and deliver it when the time was right. 

“You okay?” Michael sweetly asks. He stops next to my kneeling form and lays his hand on my shoulder. My tears slow as I reach up and take his hand.

“Yeah, I guess so,” I reply wiping back more tears. “You were right. I did need to come see him.”

“I know it seems weird, but it helps far more than you know. Even if you look like someone who escaped from the loony bin talking to a stone in the ground.”

“It does help,” I mumble “But it also brings back all the painful memories of the past year.”

Michael kneels down onto the ground next to me and takes me into his arms. “Sometimes, the most beautiful things come out of the ashes of destruction, Darcy. We live through the pain as a reminder that each happy day that we are granted on this Earth is something we need to cherish.”

His words break down my control as I cling to him in uncontrollable sobs. He tightens our embrace as I cry until I have no more tears left inside of me. He kisses the top of my head and rubs his hands down my back trying to soothe my emotions. I pull back and look up at the man who’s knelt next to me and realize exactly what Brent was talking about in his letter. Michael has been through far greater hell than I have and here he sits holding me while I cry out my pain and frustrations. He is the piece that holds me together and the man who has walked through the valley of the shadow of death by my side. He is my future, and it’s time for me to let go of Brent’s ghost and cling to Michael. 

“Did you read the letter?” he asks just before laying a chaste kiss on my forehead.

“I did.”

“How do you feel after reading it? Better? Did he explain his reasoning to you?”

I sigh as I hand him the letter and watch while his eyes scan the pages. The corner of his mouth ticks upward in a smirk as he reads.

“You could never put one past him, could you?” he asks referencing the bombshell of him knowing about my pregnancy. “He left one for the man you moved on with, you know.”

“He did?” I squeak. “Do you have it with you?”

He smiles as he pulls a folded piece of paper from his pocket and lays it in my hand. He rises from the ground and dusts the dirt off his jeans before turning to walk away, giving me space to read his letter.

To the son of a bitch who’s in love with my wife:

Who am I kidding? I knew it would be you, Raze. I knew from the moment that my expiration date was stamped on my life that you would be the man to put Darcy back together. You needed her just as much as she needed you after I was gone. You were dealt a shitty hand in the romance department and it’s time you finally have something good in your life. 

Take care of her and my kids. Give them the life and love they all deserve, and if you don’t, I’ll kick your ass the next I see you. 

Jagger

P.S.

Lead the club and keep the goals you had set in mind when you took over for your bastard of an old man. Give our brothers the leader they need and put aside all the petty bullshit of the past. Too many of us have died righting the wrongs and it’s time for peace. 

Maybe it’s the sense of knowing that he knew that Michael and I would take care of each after his passing or the love that swells in my heart seeing the sweet side of my badass biker, but a calming peace fills my body.

Leaning forward, I press my lips against the cold stone, giving Brent one last kiss.

“I love you, Brent, and thank you for giving me Michael.”

Today has been a long time coming. The day we finally get both of our families together and celebrate all of our trials and tribulations over the past two years. The loss and pain of our lives has only been compounded by the fact that in the darkness, we found each other. My parents, of course, thought Michael and I were moving way too fast, but trying the dating thing from a distance was never going to be in the cards for us. To make us work, we needed to be with each other, and it only made sense to rip off the Band-Aid and blend our two families together.

I would like to say that it’s been easy, but change never is. The boys were ecstatic to gain two new siblings while Ky and Harley initially bucked at the idea. They were so attached to the memory of their mother that they couldn’t look at me in any other way than being a usurper. It took many months and many nights of being around each other before they finally relented and accepted Michael’s and my relationship. I doubt they’ll ever call me Mom, but I’m okay with that. I may not have given birth to them, but I will raise them as my own just as Michael pledged to do with my kids. Our family may be roughly stitched together and have frayed edges, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Are the burgers ready for the grill, darlin’?” Michael asks, popping his head in the patio door of our new home. We decided a few months into our relationship that having two houses associated with so much pain wouldn’t be conducive for a new relationship so instead we bought our own together. It took over two months before we finally found the perfect one. A modest two-story brick home with six bedrooms, a large den for my home business and his, and a spacious yard with a pool for the kids. We paid far more than we should have with not selling our two houses to compensate the purchase, but now it feels more like home than anywhere else.

“Here,” I say, handing him a plate of formed patties. “Is Dad giving you any grief?”

“Nah, darlin’. Mitch has been wrapped up talking to my mom about how us living together without being married is a sin. They’re keeping themselves entertained while your mom fusses after Roxie.”

“You’re kidding about Dad, right? I’m not exactly a virginal debutante anymore.”

“He worries about his daughter, darlin’. They grew up in a far more traditional time than we have,” he says with a wink. “I mean, if he knew what we did on that patio table the night we bought this place, he’d probably have burned it by now.”