Annie's Song (16 page)

“For keeping me in the dark? Treating me like a child?”

“I wanted you to have the chance at a normal life. Be a normal, human boy for as long as you could.”

“The scars on my back, the ones you said were from the accident. That’s where my wings used to be.” Hurting for him, wanting to hold him and hurting more because she couldn’t, Claire nodded. He lowered his head, one hand picking at the latest hole in his jeans. “I helped bring you back.” His revelation startled her. Marcus had never said anything. “There was this heat, this—power, pouring through me. I couldn’t control it.” She twisted her hands together, to keep from reaching out, being rejected. “Can I do what I do—finding things, healing people, because of what I was?”

“A fallen’s power manifests in different ways. Yours are mostly benign, for now.”

His head snapped up. “For now? It’s going to—what? Get worse?”

“Not necessarily.” Claire forced herself to stay calm, to be the one thing in this mad conversation that did not fly out of control. “You may have all you will ever receive.”

“Like a gift.” He laughed, the sound hollow, pushed hair off his face. “Penn said I was a seeker—that they are made by a life-altering event.” Those blue eyes met hers, icy, hard. “I guess this qualifies.”

“Zach.” Panic started to fracture that calm. He looked—God above, he looked like the Zach she met in that house. The cold, furious angel. “There’s no reason for anything to change—”

“Are you kidding?” He stood, using the sofa to get away from her. “I’m a freak, an abomination . . . am I the reason Simon cut you off?”

“No—
no
.” She clasped her hands to keep them from shaking. To keep from reaching out to him again. “He left because of me. I have secrets of my own, Zach, and they make yours look like a tea party. Those secrets made it too hard for him to remain friends.”

“And now—you haven’t changed, but he’s back in your life.”

“Everyone has the right to change their mind. To reevaluate.”

“Does Marcus know your secrets?”

Claire sighed. “Yes, but only because he was there when they were revealed.”

“Will you tell me?”

She looked at him, surprised when he met her gaze, those eyes defiant, and more than a little scared. “If you want to know, yes. It will change things between us, Zach. Even more than finding out who you were, the choice you made. I want you to know, I am proud of you for taking that step, for wanting to change enough to lose everything for it.”

He touched the amethyst. “This was yours. I remember seeing you wear it, remember you giving it to me as—an anchor. To find my way back.” With the knowledge came the loss of innocence. He already sounded older, no longer the inquisitive boy ready to jump into an adventure. “Why did you say yes?”

“When I gave you my grace, we created a connection, and I took the responsibility for what I gave you. For what you became because of it.”

“Is being an angel your dark secret?”

She let out her breath. “I was one of the fallen, Zach.”

His eyes widened. “That makes you—you’re a demon?”

“I was.” Only the fact that he didn’t recoil gave her the courage to keep going. “Something happened—I pulled another demon into a gate to Hell, to stop her from hurting my friends. Because of what I did, or maybe because of who I was before that happened, I now have a soul.”

“So you’re—almost human.”

She tried to smile. “As close as I will ever be.”

“Closer than me.”

“Zach.” She ached at the quiet acceptance, as his world shattered around him. And she could do nothing. “That is not true. These last few months, you have been the most loving, the most human person I have known.”

“Thank you.” He stood, groping for the crutches. “Thank you for telling me the truth.”

Panic broke through the last of her calm, cut at her as she pushed herself up. “Where are you going?”

He stopped in the hallway, not looking at her. “To pack the rest of my things. I need some time, Claire.” She clutched the edge of the sofa, the quiet, cold way he used her name a knife in her heart. “I need to work it out for myself. Without you.”

She forced the tears out of her voice. “Do you know where you will go?”

“I thought, maybe, Annie would let me stay with her for a while.”

“Would you like me to call her?”

“No. I’ll take care of it.” He started down the hall, stopping again before he took two steps. “I’m sorry. I have to do this.”

“Never apologize to me, Zach. Not for this. I understand, more than you know.”

After an endless moment he swung into his room.

Claire lowered herself to the sofa, arms wrapped around her waist, the pain so huge it lodged the tears in her throat. She told the truth, like she promised.

And she lost him to it.

*

A
nnie opened the door, and pulled Claire into her arms.

“Are you okay, honey?” It was a stupid question. Claire looked devastated, like someone who had survived a disaster, and not sure they wanted to go on from it. “Come in.”

“Is Zach here?”

“He’s out with Eric. I wanted some time alone with you.” She sat Claire on the couch, handed her the tea she prepared in advance. “How much did you tell him?”

“Most of it. Enough for him to understand why he doesn’t remember his past, why he’s manifesting these gifts.” She stared into the tea. “Enough for him to hate me.”

“Oh, sweetie, he doesn’t hate you. He’s confused, and angry. He’s more than a little mad at me, since I knew as well.” Claire looked up at her. “Hey, you came clean. I figured I should. Give him some time. He’s welcome here as long as he needs a place. Home is with you, and in his heart he knows that. Just let him find his own way back to it.”

“I feel empty, Annie. Lost. He has become the center of my life. How did that happen so quickly?”

“Family is something you never had, Claire. It was easy for you to accept that, accept him, and create your own. He knows you love him, that you chose him to be part of your life. And he’s a good kid. Trust him. Trust what you gave to him.”

Claire leaned against her. “Thanks for the pep talk.”

“Any time. Now drink your tea. It’s not every day I brew that chamomile crap.”

A smile touched Claire mouth. “If you gave it a try—”

“As much as you forced it on me, tried. Still hate.” She wrapped one arm around Claire, let some of her power slide out to soothe her friend, watched her sip the tea. “Better?”

“Your power is coming back.”

“Enough to do small things. It helps counteract whatever elemental mojo is still roaming around my system.” She touched her wedding ring, and felt the now familiar warmth wrap around finger. It kept a constant bubble around the baby, protecting it while she healed. “This helps—a side benefit I’m sure Eric didn’t know when he bought it.” She was still bowled over by what he did, going out and getting her a new ring on such short notice.

“I wish I could help with that.”

“Hell, Claire, you’ve done more than enough for me. This too shall pass, as Simon would say.”

“Have you seen him since we returned?”

Annie nodded. “He came by to say goodbye. Seems he’s taking the term leave of absence seriously. He is on his way to—”

“Asia.” Claire smiled. “He came to say goodbye to me as well. I will miss him, but I understand that he needs time, and distance.”

“Yeah, I thought the same thing, and look what happened.”

“No more blaming, Annie. What happened was no more your fault than Zach’s.” She set the cup down. “And thank you, for taking Zach in at a moment’s notice.”

“Hey—he’s family. There is always a place here for family.”

“Speaking of that—how is the baby?”

Smiling, Annie rubbed her stomach. “Growing, and always hungry. I can’t seem to eat fast enough. I’m thinking I’ll give Zach a run for his money in the appetite department.”

“I should go.” Claire eased out of her embrace and stood. Annie didn’t argue. There was no point. “Can you . . . never mind.”

“I will tell him, Claire. He’s already gotten an earful from me. He may run back home in self-defense.”

She walked Claire to the door, watched her head to the beach. Annie knew she always found a sense of peace there. She would need it now. Zach was one angry teenager, and it would take some time to unravel that anger from the love she knew he had for Claire. Annie figured she was up for it, considering it practice for the future.

“Keep yourself busy, honey. I’ll make sure your son finds his way back to you.” It was a promise.

And she always kept her promises.

~*~

Reader’s Guide to the Claire Wiche Mythology

As a fiction writer, I do take liberties, but I always start from a point of truth, or mythology, depending on the subject. Because I pulled from so many different sources, I decided to add a reference guide. Now you can see where I started, and where the mythology for the book took off. Happy reading!

Azazel
– there are several stories about Azazel, depending on the religion. In the Hebrew Bible, in the rite of the scapegoat, a goat was sent “to Azazel” in the desert, with the sins of Israel on its back. This rite was performed every year on The Day of Atonement. Azazel was the desert demon, the spirit of desolation and ruin, and the source of all impurity. In the Book of Enoch, Azazel is listed as one of the leaders of the Watchers, the angels who bred with women and created the Nephilim. They taught men the art of warfare in the time before the flood, and taught women to beautify and adorn themselves. For these sins, he was bound hand and foot by the archangel Raphael, and cast into darkness. He is also referenced as one of the three leaders of the fallen angels.

For my purposes, Azazel is a fallen angel, and sits at the right hand of Lucifer in Hell. Claire was his first, his Lieutenant, his most trusted. Until she began to care about the humans she was supposed to torture. For this, she was banished to earth, to wander among those humans, alone. Azazel not only protects her when she returns to the gates of Hell, he gives her what he considers a gift – a wall to block the power of the demon, to allow her and her new soul to live as much like a human as possible. And now, with her grace gone, she is human. Or is she?

binding spells
– what it sounds like – a spell used to bind someone or something. It can be an incredibly invasive spell, and there are so many forms and so many versions available, it’s a crapshoot finding one that will actually do what the wielder intends.

The binding spell Annie use is real – and not complete, purposely. For me, this goes so far out of my comfort zone I had to do quite a bit of research to even find what I needed. The unbinding Diana uses to free the elemental is a corruption of the original spell used to bind Zach.

crystals
– crystal healing has been popular for centuries, and has been documented as far back as 1550 BC, in an Egyptian medical document known as the Ebers Papyrus. References to them are found across religions and in everyday society. For every health issue, physical or mental, there is a crystal that can help. Lapis for boosting the immune system, helping with depression, and a host of other ailments. Hematite for mental clarity and confidence, along with blood cleansing properties. Rose quartz for self-acceptance, self-love, and personal worth.

Claire has been tied to amethysts for decades – partly for the calming, healing aspect, and partly because it ties her to her true self. The angel she was, before pride had her exiled with Lucifer. Once again, the amethyst becomes important – this time for Zach.

death spells
– spells to do just that – cause death. Though the spells I found were not instant death, but a spell to cause illness or failing health, causing the victim to die. Included were warnings galore – including the fact that if the spell was mis-cast, and reverted itself on the caster, it could not be undone.

Just researching this one gave me an incredibly uncomfortable feeling. I was surprised at the number of spells available from a simple online search. I wanted to portray the death spell as something that could ruin lives – in the end, it was defeated, but just how much damage did it leave behind?

demons
– ah, demons. Here is the universal definition of a demon: something not human, and that is almost universally malevolent. Hebrew mythology calls them “workers of harm,” beings that entered the body and caused all sorts of ailments, depending on the demon or spirit. The only cure was to draw them out by using incantations and talismans. Christianity has had demons in their mythology for centuries. The modern Roman Catholic Church has sanctioned exorcists, who perform exorcisms on the possessed, using prayer – a modern form of incantation. Throughout literature, fallen angels are considered demons.

Claire is one of the fallen, banished from Heaven for siding with Lucifer in his rebellion against God. By giving her grace to Zach, she is the closest she will ever be to human, but is the demon still lurking under her shiny new soul?

elementals
– these are the spirits of the elements, and each has a creature representing that element: gnomes for earth, sylphs for air, undines for water, and salamanders for fire. Elementals are considered the fickle, mischievous spirits of these elements. They are a lower type of nature spirit, and are governed by archangels.

In this book, my fire elemental becomes the antagonist, pushing Diana to release it. Much more powerful than the little elemental Annie raised, it wants freedom. Zach’s presence, and what he was, helps Annie keep it contained while she finds a way to defeat it.

fallen angels
– here is an interesting fact: the term “fallen angel” does not appear anywhere in the Hebrew Bible or the New Testament. It was adopted because of the interpretations of the Book of Revelation, Chapter 12. The Jewish faith took their interpretation from the Book of Enoch (see Azazel). The most prevalent belief is that these angels “fell,” or were cast down, because of their rebellion in Heaven, either against Michael or God.