Another Mazzy Monday (16 page)

“Let’s get this stuff back into the pool house and see what we can do about entertaining you while Drew is gone.”

We decide it’s best to use Austin’s bedroom. Not only does he lock the door he also puts a desk chair under the door handle for added security. No one is getting into this bedroom without a fight.

“As much as I love that sexy little sweater on you,” Austin says. “It’s got to go.”

My heart is racing thinking about being with him again. I’ve never used drugs, but I wonder if this is how a drug addict feels when handed her drug of choice. I’m definitely becoming addicted to Austin.

Just as I’m about to remove my sweater the phone rings. It’s the house phone, which I didn’t even realize we had. Apparently there’s one in each room.

Austin and I stare at each other.

“Should I answer it?” I wonder aloud.

“Drew would call on your cellphone, wouldn’t he?”

I shrug. “I have no idea. He never phones me.”

The phone continues to ring. “I don’t think it’s going to stop,” I add.

“Go ahead and answer it. I doubt anyone is calling for me.”

“Mazzy Olsen?” the gruff male voice says when I pick up the phone.

“Who is this?”

“Is this Mazzy Olsen?” The voice repeats.

“Yes. Who is this?”

“I’m Brent Davis from OutRaged Online. We’re a news blog. We’re going to be running a story tomorrow and we wanted to get your comment on it.”

“Maybe you’d better speak to my fiancé.”

Brent actually laughs in my face. “Believe me, we’ve been trying to do that. We’re going to run with the story whether he comments or not. But since he hasn’t been so good about getting back to us we thought the best way to pull him out of hiding is to get your comment.”

“I don’t have any comment,” I say quickly hoping it will get him off the phone.

But he persists. “How can you say you don’t have a comment when you haven’t even heard what the story is about?”

I wait to see what else he has to say for himself.

“Miss Olsen? Are you still there?”

“I’m waiting to hear about this breaking story you think you’ve got.”

He laughs again. “This is a hot one. I can assure you of that. Two sources have come forward with similar stories. They were both fraternity brothers of Drew Graham’s when he was in college. They both say that they had sexual relationships with him while they were in school. They’re both now openly gay and they want Drew to step out of the closet and be honest about his sexuality. They think it’s awfully convenient that he happens to get engaged when a few media sources started questioning his sexual orientation. They want to publish their stories.”

“I think that’s Drew’s private life.”

When Brent laughs again I want to reach into the phone and punch that stupid laugh right down his throat. “Drew Graham is a public figure. He no longer gets to have a private life.”

“What right do you have to out someone? Shouldn’t that be his story to tell when and if he wants to tell it?”

“Can I quote you?” Brent asks.

“No, you may not quote me. Not now and not ever.”

“There’s a reason we’re called OutRaged. Because we feel it’s our duty to report on the hypocrisy of people in government. When you work for a political party that actively tries to limit the rights of gays and lesbians and you are gay that’s hypocrisy in action. Look, this isn’t just about Drew Graham. This is an equal rights issue. Do you know that 83 percent of employees still feel that they have to hide their sexual orientation at work? In 29 states people can still be fired based in their sexual orientation. Homosexuality is still banned in 77 countries and in five countries it’s punishable by death. As long as people like Drew Graham think it’s okay or necessary to remain in the closet, we will never have equal rights.”

I’m not sure what to say about any of this. It’s way beyond anything I’ve ever thought about. “I don’t have anything to say,” I reiterate.

“So you’re okay with marrying a gay man?” he asks.

I can feel my chest tightening. I knew I’d be in the news when I agreed to pose as Drew’s fiancé, but I never imagined it would be news like this.

“No comment,” I repeat.

“Let Drew know we called,” Brent says before he hangs up.

Before I even have to ask Austin is by my side. “What was that all about?”

I can feel my lips moving but no words are coming out of my mouth. I think I’ve been stunned silent.

Austin removes the phone from my hand and places it on the receiver then takes me into his arms.

As soon as I nestle into his strong chest I start to cry. A big, ugly one.

He doesn’t even try to stop me. He just allows me to sob. Once I seem to have gotten it all out of my system he leads me over to the bed and we both sit down.

“Now tell me who that was and what they wanted.”

I take in a deep breath and tell him everything Brent said.

“Wow.” He can’t seem to stop shaking his head. “I have no idea what to say.”

“We have to phone Drew and let him know what’s going on. The story is supposed to come out tomorrow.”

“As will my brother apparently whether he wants to or not.” It’s a feeble attempt at humor and it falls flat in the tension filled room.

“We’re going to have to let my parents know,” Austin adds. “I’ll let Drew deal with that.”

“Do you mind phoning him? I’m still shaking I’m so upset.”

He nods. “Sure.”

He grabs the phone and dials. As calm as Austin is trying to be while he explains the situation I can hear Drew screaming on the other end of the line.

After he finally hangs up Austin says, “We’d better get dressed. They’re coming right over.”

“Who is
they
?”

“Drew and George. Who do you think he’s with when he’s not with you?”

“I need to take a quick shower.”

He raises an eyebrow. “I’d offer to hop in there with you…”

“Another time.” I give him a quick kiss on the cheek. “We’ll never be ready when they get here if we take a shower together.”

Ten

Austin

Mazzy and I sit in silence waiting for Drew and George to arrive. I can’t seem to stop my legs from bouncing nervously and Mazzy is anxiously playing with her thumbs.

Our nervous antics stop the minute we hear the sound of car doors slam. It only takes a few seconds before Drew and George hurry into the house.

George takes a seat on the easy chair next to the television while Drew just paces back and forth in front of me and Mazzy on the couch.

“Maybe I can get some kind of court order to stop them,” Drew throws out.

“On what grounds?” I ask. “Is there anything untrue about what they’re going to publish?”

When Drew stops and looks at me I can see lines on his forehead that weren’t there just a day ago. And he’s got dark circles under his eyes. It’s like all of the youth was drained out of his face and left an older and sadder man in its place.

He heaves a sigh. “It’s true.”

“I don’t see any way you’ll be able to stop them,” I reply.

Drew starts pacing again. Then he stops and looks at George and then at me and Mazzy. “I’ll just have to get ahead of the story.”

“What are you saying?” Concern lines George’s face.

“I’ll call a press conference and come out.”

“But you’re supposed to be engaged,” George reminds him. “To a woman.”

Drew nods and then puts a finger to his chin. I’m sure he’s trying to think of a way he can spin the story so he can still stay ahead in the polls. After a few more paces by the couch he says, “Everyone loves a good underdog story. I lied because I didn’t think people would accept me as a gay politician. I didn’t think the people of New Jersey were ready to elect a gay governor.” Then just like the politician my brother is he gives us a camera-ready look of the utmost sincerity and says, “I hope you’ll prove me wrong. I hope you prove to the country that New Jersey will elect the person who is best suited for the job. Period.”

We all look at Drew in stunned silence. Could it really work? Could he really pull it off?

Then George says, “If you tell the people of New Jersey that you’re gay, they’re going to want to know if you’re in a relationship. What are you going to say?”

For the first time in my life I actually see some genuine emotion on my brother’s face. He sits down on the footstool in front of George and asks, “What do you want me to say?”

George shakes his head. “It’s not just you coming out of the closet, Drew. You’re forcing me out of the closet too.”

“I know,” Drew replies.

“My mother goes to Mass every day.” George looks defeated. “She thinks being gay is a sin.”

“Your mother loves you, George. She adores you. I really don’t think that’s going to change.”

He nervously bites the inside of his cheek. “I hope you’re right.”

“Speaking of parents,” I pipe in. “What about Mom and Dad?”

“Will you go with me when I tell them?”

I’m not sure how to respond. My perfectly put-together brother has never asked me, his messed-up little brother, for anything in his life.

“Okay,” I say finally.

“And I’d like you there too, Mazzy,” Drew urges. 

When I glance over at Mazzy her eyes are wide and she looks like she’s still in shock. I’m sure my brother hasn’t even considered how this will impact her. Her name is going to be pulled through the mud. The media will either accuse her of being ignorant because she didn’t realize she was engaged to someone gay or they’ll accuse her of being involved in some kind of cover-up. Either option will make her look bad.

“If you’re going to come out I think you need to pay Mazzy more.” I stare at my brother for emphasis. “You know the press will rake her through the mud. She deserves a lot more than what you’re paying her.”

My brother nods, “Of course.” Then he turns to Mazzy. “I’m really sorry about all of this. And it’s not your fault. I’m one hundred percent responsible and I’ll make sure the press knows that. I’ll tell them you’re completely innocent in all of this.”

That seems to calm Mazzy down a bit. At least she no longer looks like she’s going to cry at the drop of a hat. I want nothing more than to take her into my arms and hold her, and that makes me realize that I’ve been living a lie as well.

I glance over at Mazzy and I ever-so-slowly try to reach for her hand. It’s a test. To see if she wants to make our relationship public and stop lying about how we feel about each other.

I hold my breath waiting to see how she’ll respond. Half of me thinks she’ll pull her hand away. Not that I’d blame her. The entire situation is completely messed up.

To my surprise she doesn’t pull away. On the contrary her hand grabs on to mine like a magnet. And when I glance at her she smiles and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Since we’re all being honest and putting everything out there,” I say. “I also have a confession.”

When Drew turns his attention back to me his eyes land right on our laced hands. “I know.”

“You know what?” I probe.

“About you and Mazzy. It’s pretty obvious the two of you are crazy about each other. You can’t keep your eyes off of each other.”

“I know too,” George adds.

“Is there anyone who doesn’t know?” Mazzy asks.

“Mom and Dad,” Drew and I say in unison. We may not agree on much, but we both know our parents.

***

Drew and George furiously dialed everyone on their campaign team to make sure they were aware of the news and asking them for their support. They also enlisted the help of their PR team to arrange a last minute press conference and help Drew craft the perfect message.

Once all of those details were taken care of it was time to visit our parents.

“I’m going to let you do most of the talking,” I tell my brother as the four of us approach the front door of my parents’ house.

“And how is that different than any other time in our lives?” Drew jokes.

I’m glad to see my brother has retained his sense of humor even if he’s never been all that funny.

When I take Mazzy’s hand I ask, “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”

“I don’t want them to think I’m some kind of slut.”

I smile. “I don’t think you can be a slut when you’ve had sex a few times with the same person. It’s kind of the opposite of that.”

“Your mother is going to hate me.” There’s genuine concern in her voice.

“Join the club,” I offer.

Drew takes in a deep breath before he rings the doorbell.

When my father opens the door I’m surprised to see that he’s a bit disheveled. That’s not like him. He’s usually completely put-together just like Drew. Maybe someone in the media has already gotten to him too.

“Come in.” His tone is clipped as he steps back to make room for us to enter.

My mom doesn’t look much better. She’s not wearing any makeup and her normally well styled hair is a bit askew.

“Why don’t we sit down in the living room,” my dad suggests.

As we follow my parents I try to remember the last time I was in that creepy room. The antique furniture and decorations they selected for the room always made me think of a funeral home. I wouldn’t go anywhere near it when I was a kid.

It’s not much better as an adult. The room is cold and sterile. It doesn’t feel lived in probably because my parents rarely use it.

Mazzy and I sit on a small loveseat and Drew and George take seats on the couch. My parents both sit in high-backed chairs on either side of the loveseat.

After a few moments of uncomfortable silence Drew begins, “I’m sure you’re wondering why I called this meeting.”

“Let’s cut with the crap,” my father interrupts. “We all know why we’re here. We want to know what you plan on doing about it.”

Drew looks completely struck, like my dad just slapped his face. And I guess he did verbally. It takes a moment for Drew to regroup before he says, “What exactly do you know?”

“Your mother and I got a phone call. From some blogger. He said he was going to run a story about you and your extracurricular activities in college. He wanted us to comment.”

Drew’s face has turned pure white and he looks like he’s going to be sick. For the first time in my life I actually feel bad for my perfect brother, who maybe isn’t so perfect after all.

After he takes in a deep breath Drew says, “This obviously isn’t how I wanted you to find out.” He sounds like he’s in agony. I never thought I’d live to see the day when my brother expressed an honest emotion. It’s definitely not as satisfying as I thought it would be. I feel bad for him.

He continues. “I don’t think I should keep my sexual orientation a secret anymore. I don’t think I can even if I wanted to. And I don’t think I want to anymore.”

“It’s not a secret,” my mother says. “We’ve always had an idea…”

Drew’s jaw drops. Another first. He’s completely let down his guard and is actually responding like a human being rather than a robot programmed for political success.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Drew stares at our mother.

She heaves a sigh. “We thought you’d have an easier time in politics if you weren’t gay. So we never mentioned it.”

“Did you think being gay would just go away?” Drew’s voice is laced with bitterness.

My mom just shakes her head. She looks like a balloon that has been completely deflated.

My dad’s lips are pursed so tight he looks like he just sucked on a lemon. “This will ruin your political career.”

“I hope not,” Drew says. “I’m going to be completely honest. I’m going to tell the people of New Jersey why I lied and ask for their forgiveness. And I’m going to continue to run as an openly gay candidate.”

“And you think the party will support you?”

“They won’t have a choice. I’m not going to resign.”

We’re all quiet for a few moments while it all sinks in. Then my mother clears her throat and finally speaks. “Is George your—um …” 

“George is my partner, Mom. He has been for five years.”

That doesn’t seem to surprise my mom as much as I thought it would. She nods. Then she says, “What about Mazzy?”

Drew responds quickly. “She is completely innocent in all this. She had no idea I was gay. I never told her.”

“Not completely innocent,” Mazzy says and then she looks at me.

“Mazzy and I are together,” I admit.

My mom, the woman who never shuts up, doesn’t say a word. She just nods and looks down at her slippered feet.

“When is the press conference?” my dad asks.

“Tonight. Eight o’clock. I’m sure everyone is wondering why I’m calling one so late. They’ll assume it’s big news and it’ll probably be packed. But I’ve got to get ahead of the story.”

My dad nods. We all sit in uncomfortable silence for a few more moments until my dad says, “Your mother and I will be there for you. We’ll support you.”

Drew frowns like he doesn’t actually believe it. “You will?”

My dad nods. “I’m not going to pretend that I understand it. And it will take me a while to get used to it. But you’re my son and I’ll be there for you.”

I’ve never seen Drew cry, but I can see his eyes are getting wet. He does his best to blink back the tears.

“Now let’s practice your speech,” my dad says. “You’ll need to get just the right tone if you expect this to work.”

I can’t help but smile. My dad and my brother truly are politicians in every sense of the word. They can’t let something like my brother finally coming out stand in the way of winning the election.

***

Mazzy and I decide that it’s best if we don’t hold hands at the press conference. The media will have enough fodder with my brother’s announcement. We don’t need to add our relationship into the mix. But we both stand next to my brother at the podium, along with my parents and George, for support.

The small hall is packed with reporters. When Drew takes the microphone all eyes are on him. I notice a small bead of sweat roll down his temple. My brother has never looked so nervous in his life. Things are definitely changing.

The crowd grows silent when Drew takes the stage. He clears his throat before he begins his speech:

I’m sure you’re all wondering why I called this press conference. First and foremost I want to apologize. I lied to the people of the great state of New Jersey and for this I am truly sorry. I also lied to my family. And I lied to my fiancée, Mazzy. I’ve lived a lie my entire life. I’ve lived a double life for far too long. And I’m tired of lying. Being in the closet can make a person do things he wouldn’t normally do. One of the things I did was pretend to be engaged to a woman so that voters would approve of me and accept me. I didn’t think voters would accept me for who I am. No openly gay person has ever been elected into office as governor, or President of the United States for that matter, and I didn’t think you’d elect me if you knew I was gay.

By remaining in the closet, I gave the impression that being gay is something to hide. By refusing to be honest with my constituents about who I am I was sending a message that being gay is something to be ashamed of. I no longer want to hide who and what I am. I thought I was being strong by staying in the closet, but now I realize it shows much more strength to come out. I thought I was doing the right thing by remaining quiet about my sexual orientation, by keeping it private. But I now realize as a public servant I no longer have a private life. And I realize the right thing is to tell the truth. I am gay. I have been in a monogamous, loving relationship with another man for several years, and I’m very proud of that relationship.