Anxious Love (Love Sick #1) (30 page)

I stopped moving. I grabbed a handful her hair. I turned her face toward me. My eyes locked on hers, and they were crystal clear and determined. I kissed her, rough and then gentle, before abruptly stopping and pushing her head down to the bed. She gasped from the sudden movement. My hand remained tangled in her hair as my other hand gripped her hip and pounded into her.

"Oh fuck, yeah. Just like that."

I grunted and pushed into her. I fucked her hard and fast. I gritted my teeth and stared down at her, amazed I could last so long; she was so hot and wet around me. I was distracted, waiting, watching her. I waited for her to freak out all while giving her what she asked for.

How did this happen? How did we get here? How did this woman love me?

"Ryan?"

I had let go and slowed down. She had turned her torso, so she could look up at me as she rested on the bed. My eyes blinked, and I focused on her face. With her hair all messed up, her face flush, and her lips swollen, her beauty blew me away. My expression concerned her, and she tried to push up, but I didn't give her the chance. I pushed into her as far as I could go. She cried out and reached for me. Our right hands found each other, and we laced our fingers together.

"Lay down for me."

She complied as my body covered her. My chest pressed against her back. The sheer volume of my body pressed hers into the mattress. I might have been hurting her, but she seemed relieved and relaxed as our bodies melted into each other. I rested on my elbows, not wanting to crush my Little One completely.

"Am I hurting you?"

She exhaled and long breath and moaned. "Yes." She giggled, so I pressed into her, and her breath hitched.

"How about now?"

"Are you trying to hurt me?"

I leaned into her neck and bit down.

"Oh." She reached back, ran her hand through my hair, and pulled. Not enough to hurt but enough to get my attention. I nibbled on the sensitive skin while my hips continued to move back and forth, grinding my cock into her and hitting her at different angles.

"I don't want to hurt you, Little One," I whispered in her ear. "I want to love you."

She yanked on my hair, and the sensation shot right down to my dick. I grounded out in her, and she gritted her teeth and said, "Then get out of your head and do it."

I roared out my frustration, pushed off her, and stood up. She turned and looked back. I stared down at her, standing at the end of the bed. Naked and sweaty, my cock stood at attention.

I reached down, gripped her hips, and flipped her over on her back. I crawled on the bed, drawing her legs up and over my hips as I lined up at her entrance. I leaned over, grabbed her bottom lip with my teeth, and sucked on it while pushing into her. She moaned into my mouth as I buried my cock inside her.

I stared into her eyes, watching her and feeling that familiar spark in my belly.

Her fingers dug into my side, and she held on as I fucked her and made love to her at the same time. It was a fucked-up and confusing combination of emotions. The conflict was evident in her face as well.

I drew up on my knees and pistoned into her like my life depended on it. When I least expected it, I shut my eyes, lifted us off the bed and roared as my orgasm hit us like a Mack truck. It was explosive and destructive while at the same time restoring and healing.

We clung to each other as the only remaining scraps from a colossal disaster. We held each other with no space and no time between us. It was Leah and me in a moment that defied logic and reasoning. We were one, and we were together, and it was epic.

When I relaxed, I dropped her and collapsed to her side. She sucked in a breath and reached for me. The sudden loss of connection freaked her out, and she scrambled to latch onto me, panic in her face.

"Hey." I panted and tried to control my breathing. "It's okay. I'm here."

"Oh, my..." Her voice faded, and her eyes rolled into the back of her head. Her body shook violently. She instinctively huddled close to my side seeking warmth as she shivered.

I shuddered myself, thinking about her freaking out on the side of the street.

Tears fell from her eyes, but she wasn't making any sounds. She shook, and her lips quivered. I grabbed the blanket and pulled it over us, wrapping my arms around her and rubbing up and down her back.

"Hey, Leah. Baby. You okay?"

She nodded her head, but she continued to shake. I pulled her close to me. I pushed the hair from her face and kissed her cheek.

I calculated what I needed to do for her. Worst-case scenarios rolled around in my brain. Maybe today was too much for her little brain to handle. Hell, it was a lot for me to take, and I didn't have anxiety as far as I knew. How long should I wait before calling Sophie or an ambulance? I had no clue if she took her medicine or if she took enough or too much.

I looked over the bed and found my phone peeking out of my pants pocket strewn on the floor where we had undressed.

I ran my hand down her body and leaned in to kiss her before leaving her to grab my phone, but when I leaned into her, she was no longer shivering. She was . . . snoring. Not in a frantic, panic attack induced way, but peaceful and deep. A satisfied smile turned up the corners of her lips as her body relaxed against my side.

It wasn't the restless, twitchy sleep I had witnessed after her last episode.

I reached between us and felt her heart, pumping slow and steady. My own heart was erratic and working too fast. I willed myself to calm down. I forced myself to lie down, but I couldn't sleep. I watched her, passed out and happy from our reconnection.

I woke up feeling an enormous weight on my chest. I scooted away from it but ran into another solid form, and I wasn't going anywhere. Images from last night—flashes of body parts and sweaty skin and moans and groans and tears—flashed through my mind.

I had blinked a few times before my eyes remained open.

I turned my head up and smiled. I was caught between Ryan's massive hand on my chest and his body heating up the right side of mine. His solid right leg swung over me, pinning me to the bed.

"Hey," I said.

He sighed, and his head dropped down to the bed. His grip on me loosened, and I turned onto my side to face him. "You okay?"

"I am now." His voice sounded tired but relieved. "You kind of passed out on me, and I thought..." His eyes blinked with moisture threatening to spill.

"You thought?" I reached up and touched his cheek. I recalled the massive orgasm that shook my whole body and left me gasping for breath. I leaned in, buried my face between the bed and his chest, and laughed.

"What’s so funny?"

"I don't think you can fuck me into a panic attack."

He lifted my chin. He wasn't laughing or smiling. I leaned up and kissed his face.

"That's not funny." He leaned into my kiss cradling my head as he kissed me back.

"I'm sorry. I'm fine," I said as I continuing to giggle and place short, sweet kisses all over this neck and chest. "Last night was intense."

"That's one way to describe it," he said and grunted as he collapsed onto his back. I rolled away to give him some room, but he snaked a hand around my waist and pulled me toward him.

I rested my chin on his chest.

"You starting to feel yesterday's game?" I pushed myself up, not wanting to hurt him.

"Maybe, but I don't want to let you go yet."

I stared in his eyes, and he was way more serious than the situation called for. He pulled me close, protective and possessive. I gave in and laid my head back on his chest. It was what he needed right now.

"What happened?" I asked.

"You don't remember?"

"I remember everything?" I traced the contour of the muscle on his chest. "I especially remember the most earth-shattering orgasm of my life."

"I'm glad that's all it was. It was intense to watch."

"I remember." I reached up and rubbed the bandage between his eyes. "I thought you were going to pop a stitch."

He pushed my hand away and sat up, swung his legs over the side of the bed, and winced as he pushed himself to stand. "It's fine."

The chill in the air swept over my body. I covered myself with the blanket and rolled onto my stomach reaching for him. Not liking the distance between us after what we shared. Obviously, he felt something different.

"I'm going to jump in the shower."

"What just happened?"

"Nothing." He turned back to me. "Why?"

"I don't know. I'm lying here, naked, sore, and blissfully happy after having the best sex of my life, and my boyfriend is acting like he lost his best friend. I don't understand what happened."

"I don't know either."

I sat up on my knees and reached for him. "Then let's try and figure it out together."

He didn't take my hand but kneeled down on the side of the bed. I watched him gnaw on the side of his cheek. He flexed and unflexed his fingers over and over. I wanted to reach out and stop him, but he needed his space. His shoulders were tense, but he exhaled and looked up at me.

"I love you." The words fell from his mouth and poured into my heart. The world stood still, and I held my breath. Not wanted to make any sudden moves for fear I didn't hear it correctly or that he would take it back. He was hurting. Loving me caused him pain.

His fingers grazed my knee. "More than you can imagine."

"Oh, I don't know. I have a pretty active imagination," I whispered.

He smirked. "I'm sorry."

"About what?" I pushed the words out over the lump forming in my throat.

"I didn't know it was going to feel like this."

"What does it feel like?"

"Scary as fuck." His words strained to come out. He laid his head in my lap. His messy hair tickled my skin.

I ran my hands over his scalp, tugging on the little strands. He sighed, and I continued to massage him. I reached around and tugged on his ears, and then leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I'm scared, too."

I lifted his head and stared into my eyes. A smile appeared, and then disappeared, but it remained in his eyes. They shined bright with love.

"What scares you?" I asked.

"Disappointing you?"

"That's my line."

He laughed and stood up, taking my hands in his. "So what do we do about it?"

I scooted off the bed and led him toward the bathroom. "Well, first, we take a shower."

"Okay."

"Then after we get clean..."

"Yeah?"

"Well, that's as far as I've gotten. We'll figure out the rest as we go along."

"For someone who has their entire life planned, regimented, in an orderly fashion, your plan sucks."

I turned on the shower and tested the water temperature. "Well, I learned a few things about myself since I met you."

"What's that?"

"Well, one, danger isn't lurking around every corner to take me out." I reached for him and he took my hand. "Sometimes that thing chasing you down the street could be the best thing that has ever happened to you."

"What's number two?"

"I’d rather put myself out there and fail knowing that you have my back than to not try at all."

"I do, you know." He rubbed the side of my cheek. I nodded. "Did you really mean it when you told my uncle you wouldn't miss another game?"

I stopped, my eyes grew wide, I smiled and turned away.

"Oh, no. You're not getting away that easy." Ryan turned me back to face him.

"Did I say that?" I tilted my head up and stepped under the spray. Ryan followed.

"You did, Little One." He grinned and looked up as he allowed the shower spray to cascade over his head and down his body.

I watched a trickle of water make its journey down his neck and over his shoulder, down his chest, and between the contours of his abs, to the little V of his torso and drop down to the ground. I traced the journey, relishing the connection as the journey came to a certain end. "I'll make you a promise."

"What's that?"

"I will try?" I asked, and he cocked an eyebrow, and I braced myself as I caught him rubbing his fingers together seconds before reaching up, grabbing my face and pulling me toward him.

My heart thumped out of my chest as his lips landed on mine. He kissed me with the same intensity as before, but with the knowledge we were together, and we were okay, the kiss took on a whole new meaning.

No longer would I be carefully calculating the probability of my decisions in my routine life.

Being with Ryan meant many unknowns in my future, but as we stood in the shower, clinging to each other, I never felt more normal.

For the first time in three years, I welcomed the chaos.

The End

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Sydney Aaliyah Michelle is a Contemporary Romance writer, a voracious reader and movie fanatic who hails from Texas.