Archie's Unbelievably Freaky Week (3 page)

‘Miss Humber,’ said Archie. ‘There’s a spider in here.’

On the other side of the room, Miss Humber was showing someone how to cut up a pineapple.

‘Just pick it up and put it out the window,’ she called back. ‘There’s no need to be frightened of spiders!’

‘Oh,’ said Archie, ‘all right,’ and he was reaching into the bag, when Cyd appeared beside him.

‘I think you should leave it alone,’ she said, ‘until I’ve looked up what it is.’

Cyd went to the class laptop, tapped at the computer for a moment, then pointed to the screen.

‘Hmmm,’ she said. ‘That’s the one, isn’t it?’

The picture she had found did indeed look exactly like the spider sitting on top of the bananas in Archie’s bag. The writing beneath said that it was a Brazilian Wandering Spider.

‘It’s wandered quite a long way from Brazil,’ said Archie.

‘It’s sometimes known as the banana spider . . .’ Cyd was reading the information from the screen, ‘ . . . because that’s where it likes to hide.’

‘What are the red pouches on the front?’ asked Archie.

‘Those are the poison sacs,’ said Cyd. ‘It says here that it’s the most venomous spider in the world.’ She looked up. ‘I think you’d better tell Miss Humber.’

Miss Humber took the news quite well, considering. She went a bit pale when Cyd
explained
that the spider’s bite could paralyse and even kill small children, but then she pulled back her shoulders, walked over to the bag and carefully peered inside.

‘I can’t see anything,’ she said.

Archie looked as well, and found the spider had gone.

‘Perhaps it’s burrowed back down into the bananas,’ he said.

‘Or it could have climbed out while we were talking to you,’ suggested Cyd.

‘Well, we can’t afford to take any risks,’ said Miss Humber, and she strode to the front of
the
classroom. ‘Listen carefully, everyone! It’s possible we have a poisonous spider in the room and, as we don’t know where it might be hiding—’

‘It said on the computer . . .’ interrupted Cyd ‘ . . . that it likes to hide in places that are dark and warm. Like people’s clothing.’

‘Thank you,’ said Miss Humber. ‘Anyway, as I said, we don’t know where it might be, so I want you all to put down whatever you’re doing, and go downstairs to—What? What is it?’

There were twenty-three children in the classroom and they were all staring in silence at Miss Humber. Or, more precisely, at her trousers.

Miss Humber was wearing a pair of bright pink trousers and there was a bulge partway up one of the legs that seemed to be moving. Miss
Humber
stared down as the bulge travelled further and further up. At first she seemed frozen to the spot, but when she did move, it was with an impressive speed.

She reached for the waistband of her trousers, and had pulled them down and thrown them to one side quicker than you could blink.

‘Is it still on me?’ she asked, peering down at her legs.

Reassuringly, the only thing to be seen on Miss Humber was a large pair of underpants, decorated with pictures of assorted sweets.

‘It’s all right,’ said Cyd. ‘It’s over there.’ She pointed to where Miss Humber’s trousers had landed, just in front of the door. The spider was sitting on top of them.

‘Keep back, everyone!’ said Miss Humber. ‘Keep well back!’ And twenty-three children moved hurriedly to the opposite corner of the room.

‘How are we going to get out, Miss?’ asked one boy, nervously. ‘We’re trapped, aren’t we!’

And he was right. The only way out of the classroom was through the door and the spider was now sitting directly beneath the door handle. Someone would have to get very close to the spider to open the door, then push it to one side . . .

‘We could shout for help,’ suggested someone.

‘It said on the computer,’ said Cyd, ‘that loud noises make a Brazilian Wandering Spider more aggressive.’

Someone else suggested they all climb out of the window and down a drainpipe, but Miss Humber thought that wasn’t safe. They were still debating what to do when the door swung open, pushing the spider and the trousers towards the wall, and Mr Gunn came in.

‘I thought I’d see how things were going,’ he said, ‘in case . . .’ His voice trailed off. ‘Miss Humber? You’re not wearing any trousers!’

‘No,’ said Miss Humber. ‘I’m afraid we have a situation here, Mr Gunn. Archie has found a spider.’

The Head Teacher frowned. ‘A spider?’

‘A Brazilian Wandering Spider,’ said Cyd, and she explained about it being poisonous, how its venom could paralyse and kill small children and how, if threatened, it could move faster than a leaping tiger.

‘I see . . .’ Mr Gunn took a deep breath. ‘And where is this spider now?’

‘It was in my trousers,’ said Miss Humber. ‘That’s why I took them off.’

She pointed to where they lay on the floor
at
the Head Teacher’s feet. He looked down, and then moved hurriedly away.

‘We need to get everyone out of here,’ he said, ‘and then somewhere safe. We’ll start with you, I think, Archie. If you’d like to move towards the door . . .’

Now that the door was open, it should have been quite easy to leave, but Archie had only taken a few steps forward when he heard a gasp from twenty-three voices behind him, and then heard the Head Teacher’s voice saying, ‘Stay where you are, Archie! Don’t move!’

‘Why? What is it?’ he asked, though a part of him already knew.

‘It’s on your back,’ Cyd told him. ‘I don’t know how it got there, but it’s crawling up your shirt.’

‘Hang on!’ said Mr Gunn, ‘I’m going to try something . . .’

He picked up a bowl of chopped strawberries from the table beside him and threw the fruit at Archie’s back. Unfortunately most of the fruit missed the spider, and the pieces that did hit it only succeeded in making it angry. It reared up on its back legs with a hissing sound.

Mr Gunn looked round the classroom. ‘Anyone got any other ideas?’

‘Yes,’ said Miss Humber. ‘I have.’

Because Archie was facing the other way, he didn’t see what happened next, but Cyd told him afterwards that it was one of the most amazing things she had ever witnessed. The
spider
was still climbing up Archie’s back and was almost on his neck when Miss Humber stepped forward, reached out her hand, and grabbed it. With the legs waving and wriggling through her fingers, she calmly carried it over to an empty saucepan, dropped it inside, and put the lid on.

‘Oh, bravo, Miss Humber, bravo!’ said Mr Gunn as he crossed the classroom to join her. ‘But . . . are you all right?’

‘I think so.’ Miss Humber opened the hand that had grabbed the spider and stared down at it. There were two small punctures at the base of her thumb. ‘I don’t think it had time to inject much poison before . . . before . . .’