Ashes and Ice (10 page)

“Oh yeah, that’s easy.” I lean over again and type another address into the browser. “You can just type it here and it should pull up an answer. If there is more than one option then it usually just lets you pick.”

She slowly nods and brings her fingers to the keyboard. For a second, I think I see the same vulnerable expression on her face I saw last night when she stood below my window. When I glance again, it’s gone and I wonder if I just imagined it.

“Improbus es?” I ask, seeing the words in the search box. As soon as she clicks “send”, the answer appears. Jade sucks in her breath.

“Jade, are you okay?”

At first, she doesn’t respond. Then she relaxes and she smiles at me. “Okay. I’m all done. Let’s get out of here.”

I raise an eyebrow before starting to stand up. “Latin, huh?” I look at the search results translated from Latin to English. “‘You are wicked?’ That’s morbid. Where did you see that?”

“Oh, I just read it somewhere.” She shuffles to her feet and is nearly out the front door by the time I click off the computer.

“What?”

“Most girls plan their weddings, not their funerals.”

“Well, I’m not most girls am I? I’m also not girlfriend material, let alone marriage material.”

“Why not?”

I shrug, my shoulders heavy from the weight of the questions. “Too weird. Too much baggage.” I wink. “Too morbid.”

“That doesn’t mean you’re…” he pauses. “You’re not girlfriend material.”

“Just trust me on this one,” I say. “I’m not.” I don’t try to sound bitter, but an inkling of hurt edges my words and I wonder if Connor notices.

“If you say so,” he says. “But I think that a lot of guys would like to date you.”

“Like who?”

“Like,” he shifts his weight as he stands in front of the engine. I feel my body tense for his response. I’m not sure why. “I dunno,” he says finally. “You’re funny. You’re smart. You’re p-pretty.” I see his face blush while he says that and he keeps his eyes intent on the engine. “And you don’t take crap from anyone.” He wipes some of the oil from his hand on his jeans.

“That doesn’t mean anything.” I say. “Other than it just means that you’re a good liar.”

He starts to protest, but I just plow through. “So, how long do you think it will take to get this truck up and running?”

“I think with some work today and tomorrow, it should be good to go.”

“Excellent.” I say, “So do you think we can go on Wednesday?”

“Yeah, don’t see why not.”

“Perfect.” I smile wide. More answers aren’t too far away. At least, I hope not.

“So, um, Jade?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to stay for dinner?”

“Sure, will your family be around?”

Connor rubs his brow. “Unfortunately.”

“What are you talking about? They seem great.”

“No, my mom is great. My uncles…” He shakes his head. “Are something else.”

I smile. “I’d love to be part of your family dinner.”

He glances at me with a sheepish smile on his face and nods. “Great.”

I hear a car drive up and look down the driveway to see an old, blue Honda making its way toward us.

“Oh, that’s my mom.”

I stand up from the grass.

As she parks, Connor makes his way to the car and opens the door for her.

She’s beautiful. Golden curls, warm skin, and a gorgeous smile. She could be a bit of sunshine all on her own. “Hey, sweetheart.” She kisses Connor’s forehead as he leans down to give her a hug.

They embrace for a moment, a long moment, as if they are clinging to each other, as if every moment is precious. It ignites something inside me, warms me from the inside out and I feel my breath hitch.

Connor’s mom pulls away from him and she gives me smile. “So, Connor, who is this lovely lady?” I can’t help but smile at her calling me “lovely.” It almost feels true when she says it.

Connor motions to me. “This is Jade. She’s new at school. And, Jade, this is my mom.”

I step forward and reach to shake her hand. “It’s wonderful to meet you, Mrs. Devereaux.”

She pushes my hand aside and wraps me up in a hug. “Oh, hon. Just call me Desi.”

“So I hear you got my boy to start working on this old truck?” She says, placing a hand on the peeling paint. “I’m impressed. I thought this thing was going to become front lawn decoration.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

“No problem, love.” She kisses his forehead again. Looking back at me she asks, “My boy asked you to stay for dinner, right?”

“Oh, yes. Is that fine?”

“Absolutely. We rarely get to meet Connor’s friends. I’m so happy you can stay.” Desi looks at Connor. “And don’t you worry. I’ll tell the boys to behave themselves.”

“That doesn’t guarantee anything.”

She laughs. “Sure doesn’t. But it’s worth a try.”

Jesse eyes me as he wipes his mouth. Harry and Wade both file in after him. Both look at Jade, to me, and then back to Jade.

“Company again, eh, Connor?” Wade says, smirking. He is the one I am worried most about, for good reason.

“Nice to see you again, dear. Jade, was it?” I don’t worry at all about Harry. Also, for good reason.

“Nice to see you too!” Jade reaches to shake their hands.

“Are you staying for dinner?” Harry asks.

“Yes, Desi and Connor invited me.” She says, “I hope that’s fine with you all. I don’t want to intrude on your family dinner.”

“Nonsense. It’s lovely to have you.” Harry says, “Right boys?”

Both smile and nod and mumble uh-huhs.

“Thanks.” Jade smiles and goes back to finish washing her hands.

“Dinner is on the table everyone!” Mom calls from the dining room and we all file in. I take a deep breath before showing Jade to a seat.
Here we go.

Dinner goes well. In fact, I am surprised at how smooth it carries on. All that’s left is dessert and I can’t imagine the past hour being ruined in fifteen minutes.

“Give me some of that sweetness, sugar.” Wade bangs his fork on the plate. Maybe I’m wrong. I’m surrounded by savages.

“Sure, Darlin’.” Mom pulls out a spatula and begins carving out a slice of the apple pie. “There is nothing as sweet as apple pie,” she pauses while she deposits a piece of pie on Wade’s plate, “apple pie and Eskimo kisses.” She smiles. Mom and Dad always gave each other Eskimo kisses when they made up after a fight. Then, it seemed ridiculous, now it’s a prized memory.

“Eskimo kisses?” I look up at Jade’s question. She looks confused.

“Eskimo kisses.” Mom declares happily.

Jade pinches her eyebrows together, “What’s different about how Eskimos kiss?”

“You don’t know what they are?” Mom’s shock seems as if the lack of knowledge of Eskimo kisses is a small sin requiring penance.

Jade shakes her head. She leans in with raised eyebrows and waits for mom to divulge the mystery. I smirk to myself. This is ridiculous.

“Well,” Mom smiles, “you bump your nose with someone else’s…”

Jade’s eyes widen, “Oh! Like this—” she grabs my chin and pulls me toward her. She bumps the tip of my nose with hers in a short, abrupt, and slightly painful motion. I grab my nose in defense.

My mom giggles. Harry let outs a bellowing laugh, “No one would look forward to that.”

Jade slightly purses her lip, eyes still wide, her whole face washed over by a hint of embarrassment. It’s one of her rare vulnerable moment and I cherish it. She looks like she needs to be hand-held while discovering the world… and I want to be her guide.

“No, no, no,” my mom manages between giggles. “Connor, show her.”

I’m paralyzed, eyes wide. Initiate closeness? I can barely look Jade in the eyes. The room goes quiet, awkward. Jade peers at me, waiting.

Silence.

“Uh,” I finally say, but even that one syllable breaks.

“C’mon Connor,” Wade moans.

“Yeah. Show me.” Jade chirps.

I nod dutifully like a good southern boy should. I lean in closer to her face, our noses side-by-side, our lips only a tiny space apart from each other. I quickly, but gently brush my nose across each side of hers and sit up, never before exhibiting such perfect posture.

“Yes. Like that.” Mom says, “Perhaps a little more kindly, a bit more finesse, but yes, like that.”

“So like this?” Jade cups my chin again, but leans in slowly, thoughtfully. All I can think about is how her lips seem to be descending on mine, but then she turns her head slightly and brushes her nose against mine softly – one, two, three, four times. It’s prolonged. And sweet. I hold my breath so when she releases me, I let out a small gasp – horrifyingly loud enough for everyone to hear. I can already hear the laughter before it finally collides with the air and I want to disappear under the hardwood floor.

“Very good,” Wade chides, “Well that is as far as Connor will get to losing his virginity. I’m not sure he could survive pretty ol’ Jade here asking him how to butterfly kiss. Maybe, in a few more years, our boy here will be a man.” He slaps me on the shoulder. I despise him. I wish I could turn his apple pie into strawberry shortcake so he would break out in hives from the allergic reaction.

Jade’s eyes shoot up inquisitively and I can almost make out her lips asking, “What are butter—”

Mom interrupts to scold Wade. “Wade, hush now. None of that ill-mannered nonsense around the dinner table.” She shakes her head and returns to her plate, “And in front of a guest, no less.”

“Sorry about my family.” Connor’s voice pulls me out of my lull, my unrelenting curiosity of it all. I almost forget he is walking next to me, he is so silent.

“What are you talking about?” I say. “Your family is great!”

He shrugs. His presence seems to intrude upon me as I become more aware of the mass of him—his height, the width of his shoulders, the stride that looks a bit off, but is graceful when is in full motion, the hair that hangs over his eyes, how his arms swing, nearly grazing my own. He kicks over a rock and draw up his arms, crossing them across his chest. The whole of him so close, yet he feels so far away. Like he is a world away and there is something missing in him, something sad lingering about him. It reminds me of his mother, so alive and gorgeous, but with something very different simmering under the surface that only the occasional watery glaze of her eyes would reveals right before she blinks the wetness away.

“Your mother is beautiful.” I remember how the light caught on her hair but how that light was nowhere near the grace and brightness of her smile.

“You’re…” I barely hear him speak and turn my head toward him. But he just shakes his head and doesn’t finish whatever he was about to say. He clears his throat. “I think Jesse has a crush on you.”

I laugh nervously. The feel of Dominic’s cool arms around me comes to mind. I crinkle my nose. The thought of someone being attracted to me brightens my insides in a strange, unfamiliar way, but it dissipates quickly. No one could be attracted to me. Not someone as wretched, no, as wicked, as me. “Doubt that.”

He shrugs again. “Listen, Jade. I am sorry about last night. You came to me and needed help and I didn’t give it to you.”

“No worries.” I smile. “I mean, you didn’t even have a truck with wheels on last night. How can you feel badly about that?”

“Yeah, but, you looked, so, I don’t know… worried.”

Nanan’s lights are on. Connor’s pace slows slightly. We walk up the pathway and I feel a strange pull backward as if Connor is a magnetic force willing me to slow down, for the evening not to end just yet. But I don’t know why. We reach the door and I raise my hand to stick the key below the doorknob.

“Um.” Connor says and clears his throat. It seems awkward, rehearsed.

I look at him. He wearily shifts his weight, head down, his hands stuffed deep in his pockets. “Were you going to say something?”

“I—uh no.” He shakes his head. He exhales loudly, sounding defeated. About what? I don’t know.

“Thanks for walking me home.” I say turning the key.

“No problem.” He says. “Thanks for putting up with my family.”