Ashes to Ashes (21 page)

There is a stunned silence. “What? Why not?”

“I came to the pool today—to tell you—” I can't stop crying. “To tell you I know what you did to that girl.”

Anguished, he says, “What girl?”

Mary whispers, “Big Easy.”

“B-B-Big Easy,” I repeat. I can barely get the words out, I'm crying so hard. “She died because of you.”

I hear a sharp intake of breath, and he chokes out, “Alex told you, didn't he?”

“You're a b-b-bully. You bullied that poor girl to death. I can't—I can't be with someone so heartless. I can't. I'm sorry.”

“Cho, please just listen to me—”

“It's over, Reeve.”

“But what about today?” he whispers.

“That was to say good-bye. So—good-bye, Reeve.” I hang up and power off my phone. “I did it,” I gasp. “It's over. Is that enough for you? You'll leave him alone now, won't you, Mary?”

She nods. “But, Lillia . . . I'll always be here; I'll always be watching. If you ever go back on your word again, Reeve's life is over, and his blood will be on your hands, not mine.”

And then she disappears.

*  *  *

It takes me hours to clean up the mess, but I finish before my parents and Nadia come back home. I'm tired but I can't sleep. At first it's pure adrenaline—every time I hear a noise,
my whole body stiffens and I'm bracing myself, my heart racing out of my chest. But then the terror fades and I'm just thinking.

Thinking, thinking, thinking . . .

Thinking about what I know to be true and what I know to be impossible. It is impossible that Mary is dead. That she's been dead all along. But it's also true. My friend Mary is dead. She's dead, or I'm going crazy.

I'm not crazy. I'm not. If I'm crazy, then so is Kat. Kat's not crazy. So I can't be either. This is really happening.

If I look back far enough, I can see that everything that's happened up till now, it's because of Mary. Because of that day in the girls' bathroom. The revenge, Reeve getting hurt, Rennie dying, Reeve and me falling in love. Everything could have been different. Everything was
supposed
to be different.

Reeve and I were never meant to be. If not for Mary, we wouldn't have looked twice at each other, not in a million years. Not like that. But here we are.

Before Mary, I couldn't stand him. So I can't even regret it. I can't even say that if I could go back and do it all differently, I would. Because if I say that, then I erase the love I feel for him in my heart, I erase every perfect moment, every time he looked at me like I was the only girl in the room. In the world.
I can't do that. I wouldn't have done one thing differently, because what I did gave me him. What we had was perfect, and it was finite in the way that all good things are. Nothing gold can stay. I take off the necklace Reeve gave me and then I cry until the sun comes up. For what could have been and what will never be.

H
ONESTLY, IT'S A GOOD THING
that Lillia's so in love with Reeve and vice versa. It makes this whole plan so much easier. Threaten his life and she'll do anything I ask. Have Lillia spear him in his most vulnerable place and it's an instant mortal wound. Better than anything I could inflict, because it cuts him deepest.

I will myself to Reeve's bedroom, and when I get there, it's empty.

But then I hear a thud. And another. And another. They get harder and harder, these thuds, constant and steady like a
metronome. They are so hard they vibrate through the bedroom, shake the change on his change plate, rattle the cup of pencils on his desk.

I follow the beating to just outside Reeve's private bathroom.

The water is on, and steam billows out past the partially open door. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help myself. I walk inside.

Reeve's shower has glass doors. They are rippled and frosted, so you can't see straight through them. But I can definitely make out his shape on the other side. The color of his skin. The shape of his butt. His fists pounding against the tiled walls.

I climb up onto the toilet, sit on the tank, and listen as the water falls. He punches and punches, and then, when I'm sure his fists must be so tender, he sink down and begins to sob.

I could almost feel bad for him, but I won't, because this is just the beginning.

D
ADDY WAKES ME UP WITH
a knock on my door in the morning. I don't remember falling asleep. “Lilli,” he says. “Reeve's outside.”

He walks over to my window. I get out of bed and follow him. Down on the street, in front of our house, is Reeve's truck. He's sitting inside the cab, eyes looking up to my window.

I take a big step back.

Awkwardly Daddy says, “I saw him when I went out to grab the paper. I invited him in for breakfast, but he wouldn't come. I think he's been out there all night. Did you two have a fight?”

“We broke up.”

Daddy's eyes widen. “Are you all right? Do you, um, want me to call your mom in here?”

“I'm fine,” I tell him. “Can you tell him to go?” My dad nods and leaves.

I stand at the window and watch my dad send Reeve away. Then I turn my cell phone back on. It explodes with text messages, and each one breaks my heart.

Please don't do this.

I'm coming over.

Outside.

I'm not going anywhere. I'll wait here all night if I have to.

Cho, please. I love you.

And finally . . .

You're killing me.

No, Reeve. I'm trying to save you.

I watch him drive away. But the relief I feel is short-lived, because my phone rings again, and it's Reeve. I hit ignore, and I get back into bed. I lie on my side and cry and cry.

Nadia comes in at one point and climbs into bed with me. I keep my back to her, and she snuggles up against me. “Just talk to him,” she says. “You guys love each other. Whatever it is, you can work it out.”

But we can't. Not if I want him to live.

We both fall asleep, and then I hear my phone ring and I grab it and check to see if it's Reeve. But it's not him; it's Kat. She must be back from Uncle Tim's boat. I want to tell her everything so bad. She's the one person who would understand. But I'm terrified that if I make one false move, this whole thing will come crashing down and Mary will just kill Reeve.

The phone stops ringing, and then it buzzes. A text from Kat.

Ahoy! Land ho! Did ya miss me? Call me so we can hang.

I can't see Kat, not yet. Kat will question me, she'll press me for details, and I'm a horrible liar. She'll know right away that something's not right. I'll just have to avoid her until I figure out what I'm going to say.

T
HE FIRST DAY BACK AFTER
spring break, I go looking for Lil as soon as I get to school. I can't wait to show her how sick my tan lines are. But before I find her, Ms. Chirazo stops me in the hallway and says, “We have a situation.”

“Huh?”

She takes me by the arm. “Come with me.”

I follow her quickly to her office with a terrible feeling in my stomach. “Is this about Oberlin?”

“Yes, I'm afraid it is,” she says, closing the door behind me. “Have you heard anything from admissions?”

“No.” It was such a bummer. Alex docked the boat, and I just had this feeling that I'd come home to news. But there was no letter, no e-mail. “I mean, I haven't checked e-mail yet today, but—”

“Here. Use my computer.”

I sit down and check, and there's nothing.

She bites on the arm of her glasses. “That's good. That means they haven't rejected you yet.”

“Yet?” I run my hands through my hair.

Then Ms. Chirazo has me log in to the Oberlin website and check the status of my application.
Incomplete.

“Incomplete? What the f—”

“Katherine,” she warns.

“I don't get it. I sent in everything they asked for.”

“I checked your files today, just on a whim. And thank goodness I did. We never did get a hard copy of your recommendation letter. And I just had this feeling.”

“I don't get it. Danner said she'd send it in after the benefit.”

“Did anything happen that would make her rethink giving you a recommendation?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?” she asks again, all distrusting.

“I swear, I've been a freaking saint. A perfect volunteer.”

Ms. Chirazo leans back in her creaky chair. “Between this
and the smoking, it's almost like you're trying to sabotage your chances at Oberlin.”

I shake my head emphatically. “No! I want off this island more than you know.” Except, when I say the words, I know that's not true. I mean, I'm going to college, obviously. But after spring break, I don't know. I was actually excited to see Jar Island again, to be home with Pat and Dad, to come to school today.

It's crazy.

“Well, you're almost out of time, Kat.” She points at the calendar. “That letter needs to be postmarked today if you want it included in your application. They make all their final decisions by April fifteenth.”

Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

“Okay,” I say. “I'm on it.”

W
HEN
I
DROVE INTO THE
school parking lot this morning, there he was. Waiting for me right out front by the doors. He looked for my necklace, which I wasn't wearing. I tried to hurry past, but he stopped me and begged me to talk to him. To let him try to explain. I kept shaking my head, and by the end of it we were both crying. Alex walked by, and I could tell he was wondering what was going on, but he kept going. The bell rang and Reeve finally let me go, but then when I walk out of first period, there he is again.

“Cho, I'm begging you,” he says. “Please, for God's sake, talk to me.”

“I already told you I don't want to talk to you.”

He throws his head back in frustration. “Fuck! I love you, Cho. And you love me, so let's just—let's just go somewhere and figure it out!”

People are slowing down and looking. They're looking at us. I grip my books harder. “There's nothing to figure out! Just leave me alone!” I start walking away, and Reeve runs in front of me and blocks my path. “Get out of my way,” I say.

“No. Not until we talk!”

“You never want to talk, and now all of a sudden you want to talk. Well, it's too late, okay?” I try to move around him, but he blocks my way again.

I see Alex walking in our direction, and I think he's just going to keep going, but then he stops short. “Dude, let her go,” he says.

Reeve's eyes practically go black. “It was you, wasn't it? You told her. You shady piece-of-shit motherfucker.”

“What are you talking—”

And then Reeve punches Alex in the face, so hard that Alex goes stumbling backward.

I scream, and then I run over to Alex. His nose is bleeding freely, he's holding his arm to his face, and the blood is soaking through his shirt. “Oh my God, Alex. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry,” I say. My hands are shaking as I fumble in my bag for a
tissue, and then I try to wipe up his face, but he moves away from me.

“You're crazy!” he yells at Reeve.

Mr. Mayurnik is already hustling Reeve away to the principal's office.

“I'm so sorry,” I keep saying, over and over.

F
OR THE REST OF THE
day, the fight is all anyone can talk about. I roam the halls, eavesdropping on whispered conversations, looking over the shoulders of people writing texts. Reeve sucker-punched his former best friend. Obviously Lillia was involved somehow.

But no one can figure out why.

There are plenty of guesses. Reeve cheated on Lillia. Lillia cheated on Reeve with Alex. Her father said he wasn't good enough for her.

Every guess is bad. But not as bad as the truth.

*  *  *

Ashlin always asks to go to the bathroom near the end of her senior English class, which is the period right before her lunch. I know because I've been watching her for a few days. You'd think Mr. Malone, the teacher, would wise up or at least tell her no when he's in the middle of discussing a passage, but he never does. I think he has a crush on her. Whenever he has the students read quietly at their desks, I've caught him peering over his newspaper at her. And one time, as he was walking up and down the aisles handing back a quiz, I swear I saw him peek down her shirt.

Gross.

Anyway, Ashlin spends a good fifteen minutes at the mirror fussing with her hair and touching up her makeup. She wants to make sure she looks her best, because the second the bell rings, she's off to meet up with Derek at his locker so they can walk to the cafeteria together.

She's in love with him. I know it because of the way she acts around him, nervous. I can feel her heart beating faster whenever he's near her, fast like a hummingbird's. And her speaking voice gets a lot higher pitched. And because her notebooks are full of his name, doodled over and over again. Ashlin is very good at bubble letters.

Unfortunately for her, Derek doesn't feel the same way
about her. He flirts with her and holds her hand, and he'll sometimes carry her books for her. But I also know Derek sneaks notes to other girls in school, mainly freshmen and sophomores. He gets lots of texts from other girls too, but deletes them right away. I wasn't sure why, but then I saw Ashlin take his phone and check it once, when he went to get a drink.

Derek is shady. Just like Reeve.

Which makes Ashlin and me kindred spirits in a way.