At First Touch (27 page)

More confused than ever, I bid Carey goodnight, struggling to with all the roiling emotions and frantic, half-cocked plans bubbling around in my brain. When I finally lay in bed, my eyes were wide open glaring at the ceiling, one major thought prominent in my mind. Did I love Carey? Was the weak-kneed trembling I felt when he smiled love? Or the half-terrified, half-hungry sensation when he touched me, was that love?

I wasn’t sure. In the past four years I had downloaded so many people, some of whom had believed themselves to be in love. I could remember their feelings, the sheer volume of their thoughts about the objects of their affection, but I still didn’t know what being in love felt like, and while tonight’s kiss with Carey had been unsettling in a number of ways, I wasn’t any closer to an answer.

The last conscious thought I had was whether I could love, or if my mind and heart belonged to too many others to ever be given away.

Carey refused to go home all the next day, claiming he had a change of clothes in his car. Of course, I knew he simply did one of his quick little trips home to shower and change when he pretended to get stuff out of his trunk. He was back in less than two minutes. Sometimes I was tempted to ask him to make a run to Tony’s Pizzeria in Chicago for my favorite deep dish, but I managed to keep the urge to myself.

Dad and Carey walked on eggshells around each other, being extra polite and never meeting each others’ eyes. I had spoken to Dad in the morning just after Carey had refused to leave and asked him not to make a big deal out of it. He finally agreed, acknowledging that since I’d probably never see Carey again, we could have what time was left together. He did put his foot down on me attending the Halloween party that night, claiming that it was simply too dangerous and not worth the risk. I wasn’t so sure; after all, it was probably the last opportunity I’d ever get to act like a normal teenager.

“I guess I can see that,” Carey said when I told him about the party. “There will be too many people there for safety, at least, from his point of view. Of course, I could take care of you.”

“I know you could, but it might put you in danger as well. You don’t seem to understand. Carson is interested in me at the moment, but if he saw you doing any of the things you can do, you’d be snatched up in a second.” I put my hand up as he tried to protest. “Trust me Carey, you don’t want to find out what that would be like.”

He was quiet for a bit, and I was glad that he took my warning seriously. He had a tendency to assume he was invincible. Finally he just shook his head and changed the subject. “What about V.J.? Are you going to get to say goodbye to her?”

I was surprised at the tightening I felt in my throat at the thought of V.J. She was the only real friend I’d ever had, or at least started to have. “I don’t know; I’m not sure how to without raising suspicion. Maybe I can leave a letter behind for you to give her,” I suggested.

Carey just nodded absently, his mind clearly elsewhere. I sighed as I took a peek in his thoughts; he was outwardly acting as though he had accepted my imminent departure, but his mind was full of ideas for how to keep me in Pound. Closing the connection, I just shook my head and left it. There was no point in trying to convince him that I was doing the best thing for both of us.

It was, therefore, a rather volatile environment that Agent Thrasher walked into that morning. The knock on the door sent all of us through the roof, though I swiftly recovered when I recognized Thrasher’s thoughts,
“Man, how many times am I going to knock on this door and have no one answer?”

Keeping the connection open until I could determine his intentions, I let Thrasher in. He pulled his obligatory sunglasses off as he entered the darkened hallway and looked down at me, his long face serious and hard to read. As I listened to his thoughts I couldn’t repress a smile; he was trying so hard not to think of anything important that little snippets kept popping up, alerting me to his state of mind.

“Carson is off the grid?  That can’t be good,” I said nonchalantly, taking a perverse pleasure in watching Thrasher open and close his mouth in an attempt to protest. Finally he just gave me his best G-man glare and I put up my hands playfully. “Don’t shoot, officer!”

The agent looked angry first and then just puzzled. “You’re mocking me?” he asked, incredulous.

I grinned. “Just a little.”

He cocked a deliberate eyebrow and fixed an icy stare on me. His lips twitched. “You think it’s wise to mock an FBI agent who knows all your secrets?”

My smile widened. “Only when that FBI agent is completely on my side, and has a burning desire to see the dirty agent hunting me behind bars,” I replied, voice thick with amusement.

He finally relaxed with a boyish smile that contradicted his tough-guy persona. “Am I that easy to read?”

“Thoughts don’t lie, Agent Thrasher,” I said, losing a little of my humor. There were times when I could do without the unrelenting honesty of people’s thoughts.

Thrasher’s expression darkened and he studied me thoughtfully. “Life must be very difficult for you,” he observed. I just shrugged and headed back to the living room, gesturing for the agent to follow, knowing he would.

Dad and Carey were sitting glumly on the couch, watching the doorway with identical expressions of unease. “Agent Thrasher’s here,” I announced unnecessarily, since the man in question was standing next to me. Dad stood up and shook Thrasher’s hand, then rubbed both hands on his jeans uncomfortably. I knew how he felt; it seemed so wrong to willingly invite the FBI into our home. Carey nodded at him warily and Thrasher gave me a questioning look.

“Carey knows the truth about me,” I said shortly and he nodded, eyeing Carey with significant interest. I felt a pang of concern until he spoke.

“You must be an extraordinary young man for her to have trusted you,” he said unexpectedly. “What’s your take on the situation?”

Carey glanced at me for confirmation and I waved my hand at him to say it was ok. “Well, uh, sir, I want to do whatever I can to make it possible for Liz and her Dad to stay here in Pound.” He paused and focused his drowning blue eyes on me with fervor. “Whatever it takes.”

Despite the tense atmosphere I smiled warmly at Carey. His features were sharpened by the morning light striking through the slits in the curtains, highlighting his curved, full lips and the deep set of his eyes. A shiver that had nothing to do with the FBI agent standing next to me ran down my spine as I met Carey’s eyes. His gaze was like a physical touch and I felt stronger for it and trembling at the same time.

I tore my eyes away from him finally when I realized the silence in the room had stretched to a breaking point.

“So you’re thinking of leaving?” Thrasher asked blandly, his face a blank mask hiding the turmoil of his thoughts. To sum things up, he disapproved.

“Yes, of course we are,” Dad snapped, his usual iron control near the edge. “Carson has been stalking her. Again last night. It’s obvious he knows something, and given your suspicions about him, I don’t think it’s safe for us here anymore.”

Carey stared at the floor, balling up his fists and clenching his jaw. I repressed an urge to laugh, cry, and scream all at the same time.

“I can understand your concern, but I disagree.” Thrasher took a seat in the worn armchair and leaned his elbows on his knees. I took my place between Carey and Dad on the couch, leaning back with exhaustion. Dad and Carey simultaneously tried to put their arms around me, shifting awkwardly when their hands touched behind my neck. After a silent tussle that Thrasher watched with obvious amusement, Carey won out and pulled me close

“It’s really not your decision, Agent Thrasher,” Dad retorted, radiating anxiety. I knew it was driving him crazy that we were even talking about another option than just running away.

Thrasher kept his voice cool and expressionless. “I realize that, Mr. Hannigan, but I think you both know that this has gone past the point where you can just pack up and leave with no consequences.” He cocked an eyebrow. “Do you really think Carson will let up long enough for you to sneak away?

Dad was quiet for a moment and then turned to me, eyebrows raised. I shrugged. “He’s got a point, Dad. We may have to wait a little longer, give him a chance to back off or lose interest.”

He shook his head violently and turned an angry glare on me. “Liz, you’re not thinking straight. We don’t know what his plan is! If he’s working for the secret department of the FBI, he could just be waiting for some backup before grabbing you. Or maybe…” he said quietly, a desperate plea in his eyes. “Maybe he’s attached to the Coalition.  We know they want you back, but…there’s also the chance that you’re more dangerous to them alive.”

We all sat in silence for a moment. I couldn’t really argue with Dad’s logic; however much I wanted to believe that Carson was working alone, it was hard to accept that he had known what I was all this time and not told anyone.

“Pardon me for disagreeing again, but I don’t think that’s likely,” Thrasher piped up, shaking me out of my grim musings.

“What do you mean?” Carey asked eagerly, ready to hear about anything that might provide a different option.

“Well, I’ve learned a few things since last night; things I put together with earlier suspicions I’ve had, and I’m pretty sure Carson isn’t with this secret department you’re talking about. At least not anymore, if he ever was. He’s been under investigation from Internal Affairs for over a year since his partner’s death. There’s no way a security risk like that would be acceptable in an undercover department. Trust me on that. And if he’s an agent of this Coalition, I don’t think he would have given you up just yet.” He gave me a steady, reassuring look. “I’m quite certain they would want you alive; your…talent is far too valuable to waste,” he said apologetically.

“How do you know this?” Dad asked interestedly. I glanced over at him in surprise, but he gave me a quelling look and returned his attention to the agent.

Thrasher told us he had done some investigating on Carson and discovered that the agent was suspected in the death of his former partner, and his financials didn’t quite add up. There was a monthly stipend that was far beyond what he earned as an agent. IA hadn’t been able to track down the source yet, but I had a sinking feeling I knew where it came from.

“He’s with the Coalition,” I said, absolute certainty taking hold. Dad blinked at me and looked unsure. “No, listen. It makes sense. We’ve always suspected that the Coalition had ties to the government, otherwise they wouldn’t be able to operate unseen so effectively. And based on what I downloaded from their agents, we know that they sell their research to the highest bidder, which is probably frequently the Department of Defense or the CIA, FBI. It follows that they would have at least one contact in every government agency.”

“I tend to agree, Liz. Based on his behavior and the questions surrounding his partner he’s a dirty agent at the least, and according to his financial records it’s likely he’s passing information to someone,” Thrasher said thoughtfully

I shivered and looked at Dad, whose expression had become grave. Even Carey looked sobered. My mind was simply racing and I had to tune out Thrasher’s thoughts for a moment; my head was beginning to feel stretched and fuzzy with the effort.

“Listen, I know you two have been through a lot, and I realize you have no good reason to trust me after what the FBI has done, but I take my job and my oath to protect and serve very seriously. If my partner is dirty, I want him caught. And if there is a shadowy organization that exploits children and does dangerous and unethical research, I want them taken down. Let me help you. Please.” Thrasher was sincere and his thoughts told me that clearing the FBI’s name was vitally important to him.

I was torn in every direction. Thrasher wanted my help, Carey wanted me to stay, Dad wanted to flee, and me? I wasn’t sure what to do.

“Um, can I make a suggestion?” Carey said out of the blue. We all turned startled eyes toward him and he flushed under the attention. “Well, what if we catch Carson doing something illegal and then use it to make him give us information about the Coalition?”

“And how would we do that, young man?” Thrasher asked, tone skeptical. Carey glanced at me and I sighed, opening my mind to his again. I listened to his plan and thought for a moment, feeling a sudden thrill. With a faint smile I nodded at him and he laid out his proposal.

The idea was that I would go to the party, wearing a wire and accompanied by Carey. Thrasher would be stationed strategically to keep an eye on me and watch for my would-be abductor. At a designated time, Carey and I would fake a fight and I would wander off alone, giving Carson the chance he needed to grab me. Thrasher would follow us if and when Carson tried to carry me off.  Thrasher would break in and neutralize Carson, giving me the chance to try to wipe his memories of my location. Carson would at the very least be arrested and if we were lucky, he could give us information on the Coalition. Thrasher would keep my location safe from the FBI and do his best to recover my file, allowing me the chance to live in Pound, free.

“No. Absolutely not,” Dad yelled, getting to his feet. “There is no way you are using my daughter as bait for some rogue agent who might do anything when he grabs her. What if he checks her for a wire? What if he just knocks her out and doesn’t talk at all? What if something goes wrong and he…” Dad broke off with an agonized look in my direction.