At First Touch (26 page)

“I’ve only been on a few dates, and they were all really awkward,” he replied thoughtfully. I repressed an urge to growl at the thought of Carey on a date with another girl. “The first two dates I went on, the girl asked me, so we just did whatever she wanted. And the other date, well…” he trailed off and I tried very hard not to search through Carey’s memories of what happened on those dates. After all, I didn’t really want to think about it.

“Hmm,” I said, not sure how to respond. Carey glanced at me and then grinned.

“I didn’t even really want to go on any of the dates. The first two, I just didn’t know how to say no, and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings; she was nice, but I wasn’t really into her. She moved away the next year anyway. And then the other date I was on, that was the weirdest.” He darted his eyes over to me to see how I was taking things. I tried to keep a pleasant, non-judgmental expression on my face, but I think I ended up looking constipated.

“Who was that date with?” I asked, as though I couldn’t just figure it out for myself with a quick rummage through Carey’s corner of my mind. He looked at me in surprise and I sighed impatiently. “Just because I technically downloaded all your memories doesn’t mean I sit and think about them all the time. In order to know that stuff I have to sort of call up the information; I don’t just know automatically,” I explained. Carey looked a little more cheerful.

“Cool. So, that means that I’ll be able to tell you stuff about me that you might not know?” he asked, voice hopeful. I humored him.

“Basically,” I said, stretching the truth a little. Really, I was having to fight off the memories of his dates now because my mind was on it, but it wouldn’t hurt for him to think he could have some secrets.

“Good to know,” he said with a roguish smile. I cocked an eyebrow at him and he just grinned and shook his head. “Well, I mean there are some memories I’d rather you not focus on. You know, embarrassing ones.”

I fixed him with a sharp gaze. “So, who did you date?”

His grin grew wider. “You won’t believe this. Chasisity.”

I gaped, violently fighting off images of my beautiful Carey out on a date with that hag. “Not really!” I cried, aghast at the thought.

“Yeah. I know. Crazy. It was so stupid; everyone kept telling me she had this big crush on me and she was following me around and passing notes all the time and I felt bad, so I asked her out to a movie.” His smile fell a little. “She was, um, really aggressive. It was pretty uncomfortable, especially since I didn’t really like her.” Carey shrugged, nonchalant. “When I dropped her off early she was mad, and apparently went around telling people that I was a terrible kisser for the next few days at school, but everyone forgot about it. We haven’t really talked since then. That was…uh, around the beginning of school last year.” His grin resurfaced and I nearly melted at the soft look in his eyes. “I never actually met a girl I wanted to kiss until you.”

I turned away to hide the emotion in my eyes and stared out the window. I was terrified something would take him away, that I wouldn’t be allowed to be this happy for long.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, suddenly sober. I shook my head and cursed as a tear traced its way down my cheek, betraying my upheaval. “Did I say something wrong?”

“No, not at all; if anything, you always say the right thing,” I assured him hurriedly. “I don’t know why I keep crying. It’s so dumb; even those ASPCA commercials bring on the tears.” I sighed and brushed the moisture away. “It’s just…I mean this is so new for me, and I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, never thought that I could, and…I guess I’m just afraid I’ll mess it up somehow.”
Or that you’ll realize what a freak I am and dump me
, I finished silently in my head.

“I don’t want anything to mess it up either,” Carey murmured, reaching over to take my hand.

We got to the movie just as it started and saw an action film that kept the main character running seventy-five percent of the time. Carey enjoyed pointing out that he could have prevented the nuclear disaster much more easily and probably in about fifteen minutes. I told him not to be such a braggart and snuggled closer against his sweater, feeling utterly content.

It was ten by the time the movie let out, and after an ice cream at the parlor next door, we returned to his car for the drive home. He was really worried about getting me back on time. It was comical to me how nervous Carey was around my Dad when he could have tossed Dad over the shoulder easier than picking up a book. We were halfway home, laughing about one of the more ridiculous scenes from the movie when I became certain we were being followed.

“Carey, don’t look now, but that car has been on our tail the whole way home,” I said, my voice strangely calm. Carey looked at the rearview mirror, startled, and then over to me.

“Are you sure? I mean, this is pretty much the only way to Pound,” he said, clearly not convinced.

“Yes, but I’m sure that car was parked across from yours in the lot and that there was someone already in it who pulled out right after you. Plus, he’s keeping a deliberate distance from us, never getting close enough for me to get a look at his face,” I said, wishing Carey had the power to turn his car invisible as well.

He glanced up at the mirror again. “Hmm. You may be right. He looks kind of familiar. How did you notice that? I never would have.”

I shrugged. “I have to,” I said simply. There wasn’t any other explanation.

We rode the rest of the way in silence, both of us nervously watching the car in the mirror, which stayed two lengths behind us the entire way. Carey really started to get nervous when the car pulled into my development and then idled two houses down from mine.

“I don’t know if you should get out, Liz,” he muttered worriedly, eyes fixed on the car. “I’m pretty sure it’s that agent from the FBI, Carson. Why would he be following you?”

A chill ran up my spine. “For no good reason,” I said, biting my lower lip.

“Maybe I should stay over tonight,” Carey said slowly. I looked at him in astonishment.

“Why?”

“Well, I could just stay on the couch and keep an eye on things. I mean, if anyone tried to get in, I would hear them before they could get to you or your Dad,” he explained. A surge of happiness pushed through me at the concern in his voice; he really cared about what happened to me and my Dad.

“I don’t know, it’s probably not necessary. But still, let’s talk to Dad and see what he thinks.”

We got out of the car, Carey keeping an eye on the darkened vehicle down the road, and we hurried in, locking the door behind.

Dad was watching TV on the couch when we came in and looked up with a tolerant smile until he saw our faces. “What? What’s happened?”

I explained about Agent Carson and Dad’s expression darkened. “He must know something about you. Maybe he’s aware of your file, or he could even be connected to the Coalition.” He sighed and stood up, fixing me with a sympathetic look. “Sweetheart, I know you don’t want to hear this, but I think we’re going to have to leave.” Next to me I felt Carey stiffen with shock. “I know that you hoped we could make Pound a more permanent home, but there’s just too much attention on us here. It’s not safe. I’m sorry. Maybe you can keep in contact with Carey when things become safe again.”

Disappointment rolled in waves over me, but deep down I knew Dad was right. We had gambled and lost; it was no longer safe for us in Pound, and my presence could endanger Carey’s secret if I were being watched so carefully. The last thing I wanted was for the Coalition to find out about him. I didn’t know what Carson’s purpose was, but it was obvious that this went far beyond a normal investigation. With a sigh I nodded and tried to keep my voice even.

“You’re right. We never would have stayed this long if I hadn’t pushed it. It’s too dangerous,” I admitted, defeat clear in my voice.

“What? No! You can’t leave,” Carey protested vehemently, gripping my shoulders tightly enough to hurt. “This is crazy, you have to stay. I’ll figure something out to make him leave; we can fix this!” My chest hurt as I listened to Carey; I didn’t want to go, I really didn’t want to leave him, but there was nothing left to do.

I turned back to Dad. “We’ll have to wait a day or two. I’ll send out for our new identities tomorrow and tell Jax to put a rush on it. It’d be best if we left during the middle of a school day. He’s less likely to be watching me then.” Dad nodded agreement and sighed. I knew he had entertained hopes of making a real home as well; he was hurting too.

“Carey, I’m sorry. When it’s safe again I’ll be able to contact you as long as we’re really careful. Maybe we can even see each other sometimes,” I offered, though I couldn’t really put any heart into it. It would be better for both of us if we just broke all contact, but I couldn’t bring myself to say that to him.

He just stood there shaking his head. “No, you’re not leaving. I’ll figure something out. Why can’t you just wipe his memories of you, like you did with Fitz?” he asked desperately.

“I’m still not really sure how I did that in the first place, or how long it will last. And just look at all the trouble it brought. It’s too dangerous,” I said, not without regret. It would be so much easier if I knew what I was doing and could just eliminate any incriminating memories of me that Carson had, but I knew there was no way I could just isolate the important ones and leave the rest, which would be the best solution. I simply didn’t know how.

We argued for a while longer, never coming to any real consensus. Around midnight I gave up and said I had to go to bed; Carey insisted he was going to stay on our couch to make sure we were safe. After another pointless back and forth with him, Dad finally threw his hands in the air and told me I could take care of him. It seemed like their tentative friendship was losing its momentum.

Eventually Carey settled on the couch with a blanket and a pillow; he barely spoke to me and I was convinced he was really angry until he grabbed my arm and pulled me down next to him.

“Liz, I’m sorry. I’ve been really difficult tonight, haven’t I?” he said, voice soft. I relaxed a little and curled up next to him on the couch.

“Maybe a little. But I understand. You’ve only just gotten to know someone else with an ability, just gotten to be honest about yours for the first time. You’re disappointed,” I replied, trying to shrug it off.

He gave me an incredulous look. “That’s what you think I’m upset about? No, no that’s not it. I mean, yes, it was exciting to find out there was someone else like me and I can be myself with you like I’ve never been able to with anyone else, but I’m upset because I’m crazy about you, and I don’t want to lose you!”

I just sat staring at him for a moment, unable to process what he had said. It had never really occurred to me that Carey cared about me that much; I mean, I knew he cared, and I knew he was attracted to me and everything, but not to this extent, where tears were blurring the brilliant blue of his eyes.

He took my silence for disbelief and gripped my hands, pleading with his eyes. “Listen to me, really listen, Liz. I don’t want to lose you.”

I opened our connection and his mind poured into mine bracingly, making me feel like I’d been dunked in the middle of swiftly moving water. It took me a moment to sort out the confusion, but finally I was able to grasp that Carey’s whole focus was on how much he cared about me; he was even wondering if he might be in love with me. His feelings were intense, and swiftly became overwhelming. I was left in no doubt that his distress at me leaving was more than disappointment over losing a fellow weirdo.

I broke the connection and moved away a little bit. I was confused by Carey’s feelings, in more ways than one. I was surprised by his fervor and a little afraid. My life since the accident had been a series of towns and cities, nameless faces that blended into one great mass of unfriendly humanity, never trusting, never even giving myself a moment to think of connecting with someone, much less falling in love. I had known that Carey felt strongly about me, but I had never really believed it was more than a mutual attraction and a fascination for someone who was different like he was. I had also had doubts about how much his infatuation had to do with my sparkling personality and how much it had to do with my dilemma.

But now, I was able to see clearly what I hadn’t before: Carey cared deeply about me, more than he had for anyone before, and I had no idea what I felt about him.

“Liz, what are you thinking? I can’t read your mind. You have to be honest with me,” he said gently. I sighed, knowing he was right.

“I’m thinking I don’t want to go. I like it here, I have friends here, a life. I have you.” My throat seemed to swell, making it hard to speak. After a few beats, I swallowed and went on, voice shaking. “But I don’t know what else to do. You don’t understand; before we came here, the incident with Fitz would have been enough to make us pack up and leave, not to mention the police and FBI agents trolling around, wearing Nixon masks.” I shook my head and smiled dismally. “This thing with Carson, it’s inevitable. What I feel about it doesn’t matter.”

Carey tried to say something else but I just dropped a kiss on his open lips, unable to bear conversation any longer. He seized me suddenly, his unassailable strength breaking off any protest I might have had, and all my thoughts went out the window as he returned my kiss.

We’d kissed before, but never with this passion, this ferocity. There was an element of desperation, as though Carey were trying to convince me what we had was worth fighting for. By the time he released me, I was convinced.