Autumn Fire (19 page)

Dustin smiled as he closed the door. “Well, my Wednesday’s just fine, but my Thursday is going to be exciting.”

“Oh?”

Dustin tried to refrain from blushing, before giving up after realizing it was an involuntary response. “I’ve got a date.”

“Oh?” Jason pushed himself up into a seated position. “So...tell me...who is he?”

The blush must be turning his face scarlet by now, he could feel the heat. “His name’s Alex. I met him this afternoon. He’s cute and smart, I think. We didn’t talk too much. We’re going for coffee tomorrow night.” He paused and felt his heart speed up. “Oh, my God, I’m so nervous.”

Jason flashed a wicked grin. “I’m so happy for you. I hope he’s as awesome tomorrow as he seemed today.”

Someone knocked on the door and Jason jumped up to answer it. They didn’t get many unannounced visitors—most people texted and they met them elsewhere.

“I’m not sure if he wants to talk to you.” Jason’s voice very cool and unfriendly, snagged Dustin’s full attention. The tone sounded very much unlike Jason, known around campus for his cheerful and welcoming attitude.

Dustin pushed himself up to the edge of the bed. He looked at the door, but couldn’t see who Jason talked to as it opened in the other direction.

“Can you at least tell me if he’s here?”

All the heady feelings for Alex flushed out of him and a new nervousness overtook him as he connected the voice to its disembodied owner. He quietly stepped closer to the door.

“He’s not here,” Jason said. “I can ask him to text you, but I wouldn’t count on it.”

Kyle’s voice turned sad. “Okay. Let him know I came by. I’m leaving it in his hands. I’d like to talk to him, but if he wants no contact, I won’t text or email him.”

“I’ll let him know.” Jason closed the door. He noticed Dustin standing next to him and his smile was no longer on his lips. “Kyle was here. I sent him away.”

“I heard.” Thoughts tumbled through his mind, too jumbled to make sense. “Why do you think he wanted to talk to me?”

“Does it matter? He wronged you.” Dustin had seen this side of Jason before—like the stereotypical protective brother. When Dustin didn’t reply, Jason’s demeanor softened and he asked, “Did you want to talk to him?”

Dustin’s heart pounded and his knees weakened. “I—I think so.”

“Are you sure? Do you want me to call him back?”

Dustin nodded shakily. What had overcome him? He felt all mushy inside. He thought back to high school, when his friends talked of crushes and love—things Dustin never experienced—and drew connections between his current self and his young teenage classmates.

Jason popped his head into the hall and shouted for Kyle to come back. After several very long moments, Kyle’s voice returned.

“Yeah?”

Jason bobbed his head back around the edge of the door and locked his eyes with Dustin, seeking final confirmation. Dustin steeled himself and nodded. Jason returned his head to the other side of the door.

“I’m going to let you in so you can talk to Dustin. But...if Dustin tells me of any bad behavior, you better watch yourself.”

“Okay.” Kyle’s voice sounded meek, timid.

Jason stepped aside and let Kyle in. Those gray-blue eyes, set in that perfect face, topped by the short curly mop of blond hair, locked directly on to Dustin’s. Kyle looked weary, worn, and just a touch sad, but all of it melted away as their eyes held.

The mushy feeling inside Dustin warmed and spread. Between his legs, tightly packed in his briefs, he felt the faintest stirrings of his dick.

Dustin eventually broke eye contact and found Jason staring at him. “Do you want me to stay or go?”

Dustin glanced back at Kyle before answering softly. “I think we’ll be okay. Some privacy might be good.”

Jason sent his own look to the back of Kyle’s head. “I’ll text you in thirty minutes,” he said, then stepped out into the hallway.

“So,” Kyle said, after several long moments of captivating silence. “How’ve you been?”

“All right, I guess. And yourself?”

Kyle shook his head and looked away. “Mess. I’ve been a mess.”

“You don’t look so great,” Dustin said.

“I got maybe twenty minutes of sleep last night. I tossed and turned and stared at the ceiling for hours. And I haven’t been able to eat all day. I think I ate half an apple.” Emotions visibly swelled behind Kyle’s eyes. He chewed his lip in the way Dustin found adorable. “Can we...can we sit down?”

“Sure, sure.” Dustin sat on the edge of his bed and indicated with his hand for Kyle to sit on Jason’s. Instead, he sat next to Dustin.

“I don’t...I don’t know what to say.” He paused, collecting his thoughts. “I guess I’ll start with this. I’ve long known, on some level, that I’m gay. For years and years I never put any thought to it or even acknowledged its existence. But then Janice happened.”

“Janice?”

“My girlfriend, the one who dumped me in the summer.”

Dustin had almost forgotten about her. “Because you wouldn’t propose, right?”

“Yeah. Her. I was with her for three years, and as time went on, our first anniversary, second, third...I felt an ever-growing sense of being out of place, that something was wrong. I knew
if
I were to marry a woman, it would be Janice—I loved being in a relationship with her, but...I just didn’t love
her
. I’d lust over her older brother when I was with her. So, though I loved being in a relationship with her, I refused to marry her because I didn’t love her. Part of me believed I was still straight, but I simply hadn’t found the right girl. The rest of me, the part I tried to suppress, told me I was with the wrong gender.

“Anyway, she left me and it sent me reeling.” Kyle’s fingers started fidgeting. “I knew why our relationship failed and so I started to accept I’m not straight. I couldn’t yet accept I was gay, though I knew it would inevitably lead there. I took it one step at a time and I’ve made the first step. I know and accept I am not straight. I haven’t made the second step, at least, I hadn’t made it until last night.” Kyle’s long ramble slowed and he looked into Dustin’s eyes.

“So the sleepless night...?” Dustin said.

“Was me accepting I’m gay. I’ve taken the second step.” Dustin could see most of the tension and shaky nerves drain from Kyle.

Dustin smiled. “I’m really happy for you, Kyle.” He still looked a bit nervous, though. Dustin could already tell where this led...

“And I had some other thoughts keeping me up at night.”

“Mm-hmm?”

“I thought about you and me and the bathroom and the shower.” He chewed his lip ever so briefly. “Would you want to do it again sometime?”

His cock hardened in response, but Dustin knew he must think with his brain, not with his dick. He knew what he needed to say and hated himself for it. He forced the words out. “Just like our experience changed you, it’s changed me, too. I’ve moved on from hookups. I’m done with them. They served me for a time, but they no longer fill the void within me. What I want, what I need, now is a relationship. I want to date a guy and fall in love.”

“So you’re rejecting me,” Kyle said, deflated and sad. “I guess I deserve it.”

“It has nothing to do with you rejecting me yesterday. It’s entirely about what I want out of life right now versus what you want. We’re in different stages. You need to explore and I need to search.” Dustin put his hand on Kyle’s shoulder and the tense muscle softened under the touch. “This rejection isn’t personal and it isn’t easy. I’ll admit that. I want you to fuck me so bad, but I’d end up regretting it for the simple fact it would only be a hookup. Plus, I don’t know if I’d be able to separate love and sex with you. I’d just make it messy. We’d start with sex and I’d fall for you and then we’d end up hurting each other.”

Kyle looked like a dejected puppy. “You’re right. I know you’re right. I don’t want to accept it, but I guess I have to.”

“I’m sorry,” Dustin said, softly.

After a stretch of comfortable silence, Kyle said, “I should go.”

Dustin smiled weakly. He wanted to tell Kyle to stay, to lie down and cuddle, but it would just open doors that could never be closed again. Maybe coffee with Alex tomorrow night would help him keep these doors closed. Hopefully, it’d open new ones.

Kyle pushed himself to his feet and walked to the door. Dustin followed him. Kyle turned around and they faced each other.

The other man still looked weary—lighter, yes, but weary. Dustin pulled him into a hug, inhaling the faint familiar scent of Kyle, feeling the tight muscle underneath layers of fabric, and feeling a racing pulse matching his own. Kyle’s arms wrapped around him in a comfortable embrace.

When they pulled apart, Kyle chewed his lip again.

Dustin’s eyes narrowed slightly. “I can read you pretty well, Kyle. There’s something else you want to say. Out with it.”

“There’s one more thing that’s been eating me up and keeping me awake.”

“And that is?”

Kyle stared hard into Dustin’s eyes. He breathed deep and let it out as a sigh. “It’s just going to hurt to say it.”

Dustin put his hand on Kyle’s arm. “Anything you say is confidential, and nothing you can say will change my positive opinion of you, I promise. You can trust me.”

His eyes remained locked on Dustin’s then finally fell away. “You know how I kept saying I didn’t want to fall in love with you?”

“Yeah?” His voice almost faltered.

“I realized it’s way too late to worry about that.”

“Wh-what do you mean?”

Those crystal-clear gray-blue eyes locked on to his again. “I mean...I already love you, Dustin. What I feel for you, I’ve never felt for anyone before. I’m crazy about you.”

Dustin’s knees turned to jelly again. His breath came shallow and quick as his heart raced even faster. He could read Kyle very well and knew he meant what he said.

They’d only met a week and a half ago, was love even possible yet? But, then, he knew he loved Kyle, loved him with all his heart, in the same span of time.

As he watched Kyle’s eyes, as his emotions tumbled and his body gave him all sorts of weird feelings, and as his cock hardened and ached, he saw a question in those blue orbs. Kyle waited for a response...an acknowledgement, a rejection, a confession of mutual love, something.

Dustin couldn’t find the strength for words. He wasn’t even sure what he would say if he could assemble thoughts into speech. Awareness of his physical body slowly rose to prominence, along with the knowledge his hand still rested on Kyle’s elbow.

Kyle’s face incrementally saddened with each heartbeat he waited.

Dustin gripped his hand harder around Kyle’s arm and pulled him close. He pressed his lips against Kyle’s, feeling their soft warmth. Kyle hesitated and, for a fraction of a second, Dustin feared this would end the same way as the shower.

Then, eagerly, hungrily, Kyle kissed him back. He wrapped a hand around Dustin’s head, running his fingers through his hair, his other arm twined around Dustin’s waist. Dustin hugged his arms around Kyle, letting a hand rest on the man’s buttocks.

The kissing was passionate and deep, hungry and lustful. Dustin pressed his tongue through his lips and through Kyle’s, feeling the smoothness of Kyle’s teeth, then the soft firmness of his tongue. Their tongues pressed against each other, caressed each other, and when Dustin retracted his, Kyle entered Dustin’s mouth, exploring the space.

Dustin eased himself out of the kiss and leaned back several degrees. He looked into Kyle’s eyes.

“Are you sure you want this?”

“God, yes.” Kyle moaned then dove in for Dustin’s neck, licking, kissing, and sucking.

Quivers of pleasure rocked through Dustin; the skin on his neck was especially sensitive. His loud moan, spurred Kyle into deeper motions. Dustin took several careful steps backward, taking Kyle with him, until his bed hit the back of his calves. He let himself fall onto the bed and Kyle positioned himself over him, his body weight pressing wonderfully down on him.

Kyle’s smell filled Dustin’s nostrils and drove him wild. His dick ached and longed to burst free of the denim holding it back.

A strong vibration in his pocket broke the passion.

“Fuck,” Dustin muttered. “It’ll be Jason, making sure you’re not causing trouble.”

Kyle laughed, the tension of mere seconds before long gone and forgotten. “And am I causing trouble.”

Dustin grinned. “You most definitely are.”

“Oh, I am?”

“Mm-hmm, but it’s the good kind of trouble.”

“I see.” Kyle stole a kiss from Dustin as he pulled out his phone.

“I’m telling him to give us privacy for a couple hours.” Dustin typed in his reply to Jason.

Panic flashed across Kyle’s features. “But he’ll figure out what we’re doing.”

“Oh, Kyle. Jason will be happy for us, believe me.” He turned his phone off and put it up on the windowsill above his head. He then grabbed a fistful of Kyle’s shirt. “Now, come here.” He pulled Kyle back down and their lips locked again, followed moments later by tongues dancing.