Autumn Storm (30 page)

The street was dark and deserted. I wished,
not for the first time, that I had a car. But I didn’t, and I’d
spent too long in the library, so now I had to walk home in the
dark. It was a clear night, and there were a million stars nestled
in the sky, twinkling brightly alongside the moon. I was nearly
home, my street just yards away. The night was quiet, exaggerating
the sound my heels were making on the pavement. Usually, I liked
the clicking sound; it made me feel womanly, and it announced my
arrival. However, at this moment, it seemed I shouldn’t announce my
presence. I slowed slightly, gentling my steps and glanced to my
right at a wooded, overgrown lot. I imagined something hiding in
the brush, watching. I laughed a little at my silliness, but
quickened my pace. This time, allowing my heels to slap loudly on
the pavement, hoping the sound would ward off any animals that
might be around. Behind me I sensed movement and whirled around to
confront it.

There was nothing there.

I began walking again. I’d walked this
street many times, I knew it was safe.

Wasn’t it?

Just as I passed an empty lot, I heard some
rustling and turned back. Something was definitely there, a dark
shape unfurling from the weeds.

My heart beat fast, and my stomach cramped
with nerves as I began to run. I wasn’t fast enough, and whatever
was stalking me caught up. I fell forward, something heavy and warm
pressing me down onto the cold pavement. I tried to scream, but the
sound lodged in my throat. A hideous sound built low and filled my
ears…

I bolted upright, heart pounding. It was
just a dream. A stupid nightmare. Except it wasn’t stupid, and it
wasn’t just a dream. I tossed the covers off and headed to the
bathroom, feeling sticky and clammy with sweat. The water was cool
and felt like silk running through my fingers. I scooped the water
in my hands and splashed it on my cheeks. I froze, fingering the
raised, puckered scars that distorted the left side of my face. No,
it hadn’t been a stupid dream. It was an unnecessary reminder of
reality.

The dreams had been haunting me so long I
knew that it would be impossible to find sleep again tonight, so I
didn’t bother to go back to bed. The soft sheets and fluffy pillows
didn’t offer the same comfort they had
Before
. Bed was now
the place I was haunted by unanswered questions. I shut off my
alarm and turned, glancing at the window. A strange feeling of
being watched crept over me, and I padded over to peek out from
behind the curtain. I don’t know what I was looking for, only that
I had a feeling that something was there. Chills raced along my
skin and the hair on the back of my neck stood on end as I looked
out into the dark. I resisted the urge to turn and look over my
shoulder, but then something caught my eye
–
a movement
within the shadows. I squinted and pressed closer to the cold glass
of the window hoping for a glimpse of whatever was there. After
long, tense minutes, I gave up. Of course, there wasn’t anything
there. I was beyond exhausted from lying in bed at night worrying,
paranoid about being watched, knowing that I wasn’t. Why couldn’t I
shake this feeling that I wasn’t safe?

With one last look at the empty yard and a
deep sigh, I went back into the bathroom, careful to avoid the
mirror. I went through my usual routine of brushing my teeth and
washing my face. I grasped my brush and looked up into the mirror
above the sink. I began brushing the very long, very blond
thickness of my hair, taking care to part it low on the right and
smooth it over to conceal as much of my face as possible. I tried
distracting myself with the features that weren’t so bad like my
sky blue eyes and pimple free skin. There was a light smattering of
freckles over my nose and cheeks and my lips were full and a
natural peach color
. How close I came to having the left side of
my lips ruined.
I shivered, and the action sent my hair
momentarily away from my face, revealing what I hadn’t wanted to
see.

A large, raised scar began at the corner of
my eyebrow and ran jaggedly down, dangerously close to the corner
of my eye and didn’t stop until well past my cheekbone. It was
puckered and dark pink. If that wasn’t hideous enough, it wasn’t
alone. A pair of wide scars, one on each side of the larger scar
ravaged my skin, making me look like a freak. Adding to my freakish
appearance, I had nerve damage, and the left side of my face was
slack… the skin not as taut as it once was. When my hair concealed
as much as it could, I left the bathroom to get dressed. It didn’t
take me as long to get dressed as
Before
. I didn’t see the
point of dressing nice when my face was ruined; whatever effort I
made with my clothes wouldn’t matter. I selected a pair of jeans
and slid them on, adding an oversized hooded sweatshirt. Getting
ready so early, I had to wait for what seemed like forever before I
went downstairs to make a show of grabbing a granola bar and carton
of orange juice from the fridge.

“You look nice this morning.”

“Thanks, Mom,” I said, mustering a smile
even though I didn’t feel like smiling. I know she was trying to be
supportive, trying to make me feel good. I appreciated her efforts
even if they never worked.

“Gotta go, I’m late.”

“Have a good day,” she called behind me.

I paused just before walking out the front
door.
Get it over with.
Taking a deep breath I stepped back
and prepared myself to look up. You’d think after months of this
routine it would get a little easier. It didn’t.

I gazed into the mirror at my reflection,
making certain my hair covered as much of my face as possible,
knowing it was what everyone would be whispering about when I
walked through the halls at school. They still whispered, even
after all this time. You would think they would forget, I wanted to
– like I ever really could. It was
my
face after all, and it
was disfigured.

Kimber pulled into the driveway just as I
shut the front door behind me. The bright red VW Bug was a happy
announcement that she was here, an exclamation point that was her
life. I used to love that car and all the attention that it drew.
I’d hoped for something like it. But that car didn’t fit into my
world anymore; I’m no longer the girl who would drive something so
flashy
.
But I rode in it anyway, grateful
not to ride the bus.

“Hey, girl,” Kimber chirped as I slid in the
passenger seat.

“Hey.” I smiled and shoved the uneaten
granola bar and juice into my bag. It would join the rest of this
week’s uneaten breakfasts in the bottom of my locker. I was aware
of Kimber watching, but she didn’t say anything. Her eyes were
hidden behind a pair of sleek, dark purple sunglasses.

As she backed out of the drive, I checked
out her outfit. She was wearing a pair of dark skinny jeans and a
pair of tan Uggs that came to her knee. Her top was white but far
from plain. It was a long sleeved, button-up with a bunch of
ruffles along the chest. The first three buttons were unbuttoned,
and a sparkly silver tank peeked from beneath it. To top it off she
had on at least four necklaces. One had huge aqua colored beads on
it while another had small yellow pebbles. The other two were
silver and sparkled when the sun hit them. It should have been way
too much, but on her it was perfect. It was exactly like something
I would have worn.
Before
.

Her Blackberry began singing a Taylor Swift
song, and she sighed. “Who is it?”

I picked the phone up from the cup holder
and glanced at the screen. “Cole.”

“Ugh.” She took the phone, hit the ‘ignore’
button, and dropped the phone back into the cup holder.

“Are you fighting with him again?” Kimber
and Cole have a definite love-hate relationship. They’d started
dating freshman year and had broken up and gotten back together so
many times in the past two years that I’d stopped counting. It used
to amuse me. Now I wondered why they bothered.

“I broke up with him.” She sniffed.

“I’m sure by lunch everything will be
fine.”

“Not this time,” her voice cracked.

“Kimber, you know this is the usual pattern
with you two.”

“I caught him kissing Jenna last night after
the game.”

“He wouldn’t!”

“Oh, yes he did! I know we usually fight and
make up, but this is different. He
cheated
on me!”

“With a skank!” Jenna Hoffman was a snotty
brat. She flirted with everyone’s boyfriend and talked about
everyone behind their backs. Unfortunately, the teachers all
thought she was great. She got straight A’s and sucked up to all
the right people. It didn’t hurt that she was next in line to be
head cheerleader, and that her parents had serious money.

A giggle escaped Kimber.

“What?” I asked. Dealing with Jenna was no
laughing matter.

“You said ‘skank’.”

“So?” I shrugged. “You act like I’ve never
called anyone that before.”

“It’s been a long time. I almost forgot
how…” She pressed her lips together and fiddled with the radio.

“How fun I used to be.”

“I wasn’t going to say that.”

I snorted.

“It’s just nice to see you excited about
something.”

I didn’t think calling Jenna a skank for
acting like one was me being excited. “So what are you going to
do?” I asked, wanting to avoid this conversation.

“About the skank?” Kimber grinned.
“Nothing.”

“About Cole.”

Her grin faded, and she stared at the road.
“He keeps calling me.”

“Have you talked to him?”

“I told him to leave me alone.”

Her phone went off again, and I picked it
up. “It’s him.”

“Just turn it off.”

This was serious. She never ignored his
calls. She always answered to yell at him and then hung up. It was
part of how they worked things out. Suddenly the idea of Kimber and
Cole breaking up – for good – seemed like too much. I always
thought they would be together, fighting forever. It was something
I counted on
–
a constant. In a world full of change and
uncertainty, I always thought I could count on them to be there…
well, fighting.

“You okay?” Kimber asked, slowing the
car.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”
Breathe.

“You having a panic thingy?”

“I am NOT having a panic attack.”
Please,
not now.
I took a deep breath. Then another. The tightness in
my chest eased. Kimber was watching me.

“Need me to pull over?”

“No. I’m fine. Sorry.”

She nodded, and we rode in silence for a few
minutes.

“I’m sorry,” I said as we pulled into the
student parking lot at school. “That was really crappy of
Cole.”

“Yeah.”

“You going to be okay?” I asked, reaching
out, laying a hand on her arm.

She looked momentarily startled that I
touched her, but she recovered fast. She smiled and said,
“Shopping? After school?”

Shopping was the last thing on earth that I
wanted to do. All those people. All those bright lights and
mirrors. “Sure,” I agreed. She stood by me through a lot this past
year and without her I probably would have gone insane. I would
never be able to repay her, but this was one small way I could make
a dent in the debt I owed her for all she’d given me.

She let out a loud groan as she pulled into
her usual parking spot. I looked out my window at the car parked
next to us. Cole was leaning against his dark blue pickup waiting
with his cell clutched in his hand.

“I can’t do this right now,” she
confided.

“Go,” I said, “I’ll talk to him.”

“Thank you.” She grabbed her book bag and
scurried from the car. I heard Cole shout her name.

Kimber kept running, yelling over her
shoulder, “Do not follow me!”

I was slower to get out of the car,
reluctant to begin the day, but still I moved faster than normal.
Surprisingly, Cole listened to Kimber and stayed behind. He stood
at the back of her car, his hands shoved in his pockets, watching
her run into the building.

I slammed the car door and dropped my book
bag at my feet; reaching up to pull the hood of my sweatshirt up, I
made sure my hair was smooth around my face. Cole turned to look at
me. He looked miserable.

“Jenna, Cole? Really?” I sniffed.

“It wasn’t what it looked like.” He walked
over and stood in front of me.

“So you weren’t kissing her?”

“No – I mean yes!” he yelled,
frustrated.

I flinched.

“Sorry.” he sighed, bending to pick up my
bag to hand it to me.

“It’s all right.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Really, I’m fine.” I was busy pulling at my
hood.