Avenger (Impossible #3) (11 page)

Ronan’s brows rose in disbelief.  “Are you sure about that?”

I wracked my brain.  No.  There was no one else who could possibly be in the line of fire.  I didn’t have anyone left who I cared about.  There was no one except…

“You wouldn’t,” my voice was a horrified, disbelieving whisper.

Ronan nodded at my dawning understanding.  “You’re going to kill yourself, or I’m going to kill Sean.  It’s you or him.  That’s the choice you have to make.”

“But he’s your son,” I gasped.  “You can’t do that.”

Ronan just shrugged.  “He’s a useless dumbass who was stupid enough to fraternize with a whore and a snitch.  So long as you’re alive, he’s a threat to me.  I could try to keep him in line by threatening to hurt you, but now that you’re involved with the FBI, openly doing so is too risky.  The choice is yours, doc.”

I turned my gaze to Bradley, desperate.  “Sean’s your best friend.  I know how much he means to you.  He told me so.  In your own twisted way, you’ve just tried to protect him.  You wouldn’t let Ronan kill him.”

Bradley’s expression was hard.  “I
am
protecting him,” he said angrily.  “Ronan’s right: so long as you’re around, he’s a risk to us, a risk to himself.  You’ve poisoned his mind.  Once you’re gone, he’ll see sense again.”

I glowered at him.  “He’ll know that you’ve done this to me,” I spat.  “He’ll know that you’re responsible.  He’ll never forgive you.”

Bradley looked pained.  “I know,” he admitted, his tone anguished.  “But I’m willing to lose him as a friend if that’s what it takes to save his life.”

I marveled at Bradley’s sick sense of loyalty.  No matter what else he was, he was utterly devoted to Sean.

I stared at the two men, my gaze flicking back and forth between their faces.  Bradley’s expression was strained, while Ronan’s was simply expectant.  He was waiting for my answer, waiting for me to submit to his control.

And of course I was going to.  There was no choice to make.  No matter what happened, Sean had to live.  I was struck by a sudden urgency to get on with it.  If my prayer had been answered and the FBI was on its way, then I needed to be dead before they got here.  Even if by some miracle they rescued me and arrested Ronan, there was no doubt in my mind that Sean would never be safe from his retribution so long as his father was alive.

“Swear to me,” my voice was a strangled whisper.  “Tell me you won’t hurt him.”

Ronan’s smile was genuine this time, his eyes alight with triumph.  “I won’t needlessly kill my son.  I’m not a monster.  If you do this willingly, then I won’t hurt him.  I swear.”  My shoulders slumped as a sense of relief filled me.  Sean was going to live.  “You see?”  Ronan said, his pleasure evident in his tone.  “Good people are so easy to control.”  He nodded to Bradley.  “Untie her,” he ordered.  “She needs to do this herself.  I want the needle at the right angle and her fingerprints on the syringe.”  As he spoke, he wiped it free of his own fingerprints and held it in a small cloth.

Bradley flicked out a switchblade and cut my bonds.  I was going to get one last shot in before I had to die.  I looked at Ronan levelly.  “I want you to know that no matter what happens to me, you’re going to jail for the rest of your life.  And I want you to know that I’m responsible for that.  You will think about me every day for the rest of your miserable existence.  I’ll live on in your head forever.”

Ronan answered me calmly.  “I’ve already explained this, doc.  Without you, the feds have nothing.  I’m going to forget you ever existed.  Just like I forgot your parents.”  He smiled at me cruelly and extended his hand, proffering the syringe to me.  “It’s time for you to take your medicine, doctor,” he said softly.

I hesitated.  I didn’t want to die.  I had only just found out what it was to live.  Thanks to Sean.  My time with him might have been short, but those moments of passion we shared had given me more joy than many people experienced in a lifetime.  I could only hope that it had been enough for him too.  He was never going to see me again.

My hand trembled as I reached out for the heroin.

Please let it kill me,
I thought desperately.  I could hardly imagine a worse fate than surviving as a shell of myself.  The needle stung slightly as I expertly pierced the vein at the crook of my arm.  As I pushed down on the plunger, I stared up into Ronan’s beautiful green eyes.

Sean’s eyes.

The effects of the drug hit me immediately.  My stomach twisted violently, and I fought the urge to be sick.  But the sensation of nausea passed within seconds, and a sense of euphoria began to wash over me.  I grinned broadly, and Sean’s eyes danced in delight.  My body felt wonderfully light.  There was no pain, no worries, only the bliss that was coursing through my system.  My head dropped back as my body began to float.

A loud bang almost pierced my happy bubble, but not quite.  Something cold and round was instantly pressed against my cheek, and a hand fisted in my hair, lifting my head.  I glanced up to see what was going on, only mildly curious.  Bradley was holding a gun to my head.  I giggled, finding it bizarrely funny.  He couldn’t hurt me.  Nothing could.  Everything was so…
perfect.

“Let her go, Bradley.”  I recognized the furious voice instantly.  Sean was standing before me, a gun trained directly at his best friend’s heart.  He was radiating that sense of power that I found so incredibly sexy.  Heat flashed over my skin as my body awoke for him.

“Sean,” I said his name huskily, longingly.  I needed him to take me, wanted him to join me in my blissful world.

“You’ll leave now if you know what’s good for you, boy-o,” Ronan warned from beside me.  He also held a gun, and to my horror, he was pointing it at Sean.  Something important was swirling at the edges of my mind.  There was something that I needed to remember…

“Get out of here, Sean,” I ordered, my words slurring slightly.  “I have to die.”

“We’re not leaving you, Claudia,” a different voice said.  Was I dead already?  I blinked hard, trying to focus my wavering vision.  I could have sworn the man standing beside Sean was…

“She’s right, you know,” Ronan interrupted my concentration.  “The snitch has to die.  It’s the only way to protect ourselves.  It’s the only way to protect you.”

Sean barked out a laugh.  “As though you’ve ever cared about my well-being.  And she’s not the snitch, old man.  I am.”

Ronan’s face twisted into something so terrible to behold that a sliver of fear cut through my happiness.  “You betrayed me?”  He seethed.  “For this
cunt?!
  You’ll pay dearly for that, boy-o.”

His arm swung towards me, the direction of his aim changing.  I knew that I should be scared, but I just felt relieved.  I was going to die, and Sean was going to be safe.

“NO!”  The crack of the bullet leaving the chamber mingled with his furious roar.  I watched as Ronan dropped, his body hitting the floor with a heavy thud.

No no no!

He was supposed to kill me.  I was supposed to be dead.  Sean wasn’t safe…

“Step away from her, Bradley,” the other man commanded.

The coolness of the gun left my cheek.  As soon as his hand released my hair, I slumped forward.  I no longer had any control over my own body.  I could feel myself falling, but the impact with the floor didn’t hurt.  Fluffy clouds cushioned me, and I could taste warm rain on my tongue.

“Claudia!”  Sean’s voice was filled with alarm.  The feeling of his calloused hands upon me as he cradled me in his arms was exquisite.

“What’s wrong with her?”  The other man’s voice demanded from above me.  He sounded so familiar.  But that was impossible.  I looked up at his blurry figure, trying to force him to come into focus.

“She’s overdosing,” Bradley sneered.  “You’re too late.”

“Fuck!”  The man cursed.  “Hold on, Claudia.  The paramedics are already on their way.”

I concentrated on him hard.  When I saw him, I knew that I was dying.  “Clayton,” I smiled.  “I’m glad you’re here.”  I was so relieved.  Sean was going to live.

“That’s right, Claudia.  We’re here.  Stay with us.”  The beautiful sound of Sean’s lilting voice called my attention back to him.

“You’re going to be safe now,” I told him happily.  “I’m dying.  He can’t hurt you.  He promised.”

“No!”  He said sharply.  “You’re not dying.  You’re going to be fine.”

“But I have to,” I insisted.  “I love you, Sean.”

And it was the truth.  My love for him flooded every fiber of my being, filling my weightless body with a sweet, comforting warmth.

“You stay with me, Claudia.  Do you hear me?  That’s an order.”

I savored one last moment of looking into his gorgeous eyes before I allowed my own to close.

“No!  Goddamn it, Claudia, open your eyes.”  His voice was shaking.  “Look at me!”

I love you, Sean.

I was happy to die.

Chapter 10

The first thing I became aware of was the warmth of his hand on mine.  Although I was in the dark, I recognized the electric touch of his fingers instantly.  They were lightly tracing the lines that crisscrossed my palm, tickling my skin.  I smiled and let out a happy sigh.

“Claudia?”  His voice was rough, strained.

“Mmmm?”  I responded sleepily.  I rolled over in my bed, seeking to shape my body around his.  His hand was instantly at my shoulder, pressing me back down.

“Lie still,” he ordered.  “I’m going to call the nurse.”

Nurse?
  Why would a nurse be at my house?  And why wasn’t Sean holding me?  I usually awoke to him pressed up against me after we spent the night in one another’s arms.  And last night had been…

Wait.  Something was wrong.  I hadn’t been with Sean last night.  I had been in that dingy apartment.  I had been… dying.  But if Sean was here, then he must be dead too.

No!  Ronan had promised!

My eyes snapped open, and my heart twisted as Sean’s breathtaking face came into focus.  I clutched at his hand with both of my own, panicking.

“Sean!  What are you doing here?”

His eyes widened in surprise.  “I wasn’t going to leave you, Claudia.  Not for one second.  I promised you that I wouldn’t.”

“No,” I said staunchly.  “You promised that you would go on without me.”

His brow furrowed in puzzlement.  Then comprehension dawned in his eyes, and he smiled at me gently.  “You’re not dead, Claudia.”  His lips abruptly twisted down into a frown.  “Despite your best efforts.  What the fuck were you thinking letting go like that?  If the paramedics hadn’t gotten to you in time…”  A ghost of remembered horror flickered in his eyes.

I sat bolt upright.  “But if I’m alive, you’re not safe.”  My fingernails dug into his skin as terror gripped me.  “Ronan.  He’s going to kill you!”

His hand was back at my shoulder, pushing me down again onto what I could now tell was a hospital bed.  His expression was curiously blank when he spoke.  “Ronan is never going to hurt anyone ever again.  I killed him.”

“What?”  I breathed, shocked.  I searched my mind, trying to piece together disjointed memories.  I could perfectly recall everything up to the point when the needle pierced my skin.  After that, things got hazy.

“He was going to kill you, Claudia,” he said, his voice hard.  “And he almost succeeded.  I stopped him.”

The image of Ronan falling to the floor flashed across my mind.  He really was dead.  Sean had killed him in order to stop him from shooting me.

“Are you okay?”  I asked quietly, studying his face carefully.

Lines of tension appeared at the corners of his eyes.  “I’m fine,” he replied, his tone clipped.

I eased the ferocity of my grip on him, but I maintained my hold.  “He was your father, Sean,” I said gently.

Anguish warred with fury in the depths of his eyes.  “He was a monster who ruined so many lives.  Yours, mine, my mother’s.  I wasn’t going to let him take you from me.”

I reached up and touched his face lightly.  “But he was still your father.  It’s okay to be upset.”

His handsome features were tight, strained.  “He deserved it,” he whispered.  A single tear trailed its way down his cheek.  I caught it with a brush of my fingertips before it could fall.  “But yes, he was my father.” 

“I’m sorry,” I said.  “I’m sorry that you had to do that because of me.”

His expression suddenly turned fierce as he speared me with his intense green gaze.  “I would trade him for you a thousand times over and never regret it.”

I cupped either side of his face in my hands and gently pulled him towards me, rising to meet him halfway.  Our lips met briefly, needing the contact the reassure both of us that the other was real.  He pressed his forehead against mine, and his warm breath tickled across my lips as he spoke.

“I love you, Claudia.”

A joy so intense swelled within me that I thought my heart would burst from it.  This was far better than any drug could ever be.

“I love you too, Sean.”

He smiled at me gently.  “I know.  You told me.  Now, do you want to explain to me how loving me goes hand-in-hand with you wanting to die?  If you love me like I love you, why would you try to leave me like that?”  His voice was laced with pain.

“I’m sorry I almost let go, Sean,” I said, my voice small.  “I was so strung out at that point.  I didn’t process that Ronan was dead.  He told me that he was going to kill you if I didn’t kill myself.  He thought that I was the only leak, and he decided that there wouldn’t be any credible evidence against him if I was dead.  It was supposed to look like an accident so that it could never be definitively linked back to him.”

Sean’s arms tensed around me.  “I wish I could kill him again,” he growled.  “More slowly this time.”

“Don’t say that, Sean,” I insisted softly.  “I know that’s not who you are.  Don’t let him change you.  The Sean I know wouldn’t hurt anyone.”

“The Sean you know isn’t a killer,” he said hollowly.

I looked at him levelly.  “Am I a killer, Sean?”  He blinked hard and drew back from me slightly, bewildered.

“No.  Of course not.  Why would you even ask that?”