Avenger (Impossible #3) (8 page)

When my sobs had quieted to silent tears, Sean addressed me directly.  “Claudia, tell me what happened that night.  Talk to me.”

I shook my head weakly.  I couldn’t tell him about my relationship with Clayton.  If I did, he would leave me.  “I can’t tell you,” I whispered.

“Yes, you can,” he said firmly.  “You can tell me anything, Claudia.  Let me help you.”

“If I tell you, I’m afraid…  I’m afraid you’ll leave me.  I’m afraid I’ll hurt you.”

He hugged me to him more tightly.  “I promise that I won’t leave you, no matter what you say.  I’ll never leave you again, Claudia.  Even if you do hurt me.  I swear.”

I trembled against him, uncertain.  I needed to tell him, to let everything out.  The pain of keeping it bottled up inside was nearly unbearable.  Selfishly, I resolved to open up to him.  I prayed that he would keep his promise.  I had to trust him.

“Clayton was my friend,” I said haltingly.  “The only friend I’ve had since my parents died.  And he’s been taken from me.  He gave his own life to save mine, and I can’t bear that.”  I peered up into Sean’s eyes.

His hand stroked up and down my back.  “I’m so sorry,” he said softly.  “I didn’t know you were so close.”

I drew in a shaky breath.  I had to tell him everything, had to admit my crimes.  “It was more than that.  Clayton…  He cared about me.  He…  He kissed me.”  I dropped my eyes, unwilling to see the inevitable pain in Sean’s expression.

I felt his arms tense around me.  “But I didn’t kiss him back,” I continued quickly.  “I told him that I didn’t feel the same.  Even though I thought that you would never forgive me for betraying you, I knew that there would never be anyone else for me.  He accepted it, but I could tell that he still had feelings for me.  I should have sent him away after that, but I selfishly kept him close.  I didn’t want to lose him as a friend.  And then he took that bullet for me…  I can’t help but wonder if he didn’t feel for me that way, he would still be alive.  If I had just done the right thing and told him to assign someone else as my handler, then he’d still be here.  But I was selfish and now he’s dead because of me.”

Sean’s fingers were under my chin, re-directing my gaze to his.  I was shocked to find nothing but compassion there.  “I didn’t know Clayton as well as you did, but he was a good man.  Even if you had been a complete stranger to him, I know that he would have protected you with his life.  And if he hadn’t been there to save you, then he would have carried the guilt over your death for the rest of his life.”  He paused.  “Not to mention what your death would have done to me.  I would have hunted Bradley and my father down and killed them.”  He traced the line of my jaw.  “I don’t think that I could bear to live without you, Claudia.  Clayton saved both of us, and I’m forever indebted to him for that.”

His stark admission made my heart twist, and I felt anger rising up within me.  We were far from clear of the danger that lurked around us, and my death was still a very real possibility.  “Don’t you dare say that, Sean,” I said harshly.  “If something happens to me, you’re going to let me go.  If you die for me, I’ll never forgive you.  Swear to me that you’ll never do anything so stupid and reckless.”  I was glaring at him.

“Claudia, I -”

“I don’t want to hear it, Sean.  Promise me.”

He returned my glare.  “Only if you do the same.”

I glowered at him.  If I lost him, my life would become meaningless again.  I wasn’t at all sure that I could survive if I was forced to return to my life of solitude.

“Fine,” I snapped.  “I promise.”

“Then I promise as well.”  I hoped that he wasn’t lying too.

We settled back down beside one another, and he continued to hold me.  It was too early to awaken, but neither of us found sleep again that morning.

That evening, I opened my door to find Sharon waiting on the other side.  Her eyes looked tired, but she smiled at me brightly as she offered a Chinese takeout bag.  “Chicken lo-mein, as ordered.”

“Thanks,” I smiled back.  Neither Sean nor I was a master chef, so we had been subsisting mostly on sandwiches and delivery food.  My lacking culinary skills had never bothered me before, but I suddenly felt the urge to buy a few cookbooks.

“Can I come in?”  Sharon asked politely as I took the food from her.  “I have some updates for you.”

My smile broadened.  We hadn’t had much news on the FBI’s progress since our house arrest had begun.  “Please do,” I invited.

We settled down in my living room, where Sean had been occupied by reading
A Wrinkle in Time
.  It had been one of my favorite books as a child, and I had held onto my battered copy as an adult.  It might be a bit juvenile for Sean, but the story was a classic, and he had almost finished it in a matter of hours.

“Mr. Reynolds,” Sharon nodded to him in acknowledgement as he set the book down on the coffee table.

“Call me Sean,” he offered.

Sharon smiled again.  I liked that things were more informal with her and that we were on a first-name basis.  After what we had shared on the night of Clayton’s death, I felt a bond with the woman.

Once she was seated in the armchair opposite us, her expression turned more business-like.

“Have you arrested Ronan?”  I asked before she could speak.

“No,” she admitted.  “Not yet.”

“Why?”  I demanded.  Surely the FBI had had plenty of time to build a case against him by now.

“I swear we’ll bring him in soon,” she reassured me.  “In fact, it’s likely that we’ll be able to get him tomorrow.  Based on Sean’s information, we’ve arrested several lower-level Westies, and we’ve offered them deals in exchange for information on Ronan and other higher-ups.  Not all of them are talking – they’re too scared – but a few have turned on him in order to save themselves.  With their information, we’ve been able to link Ronan with several of the crimes where bullets matching the gun used to kill Garcia were recovered.  It has solidified Sean’s claim that the gun used to belong to his father.”

I nodded, taking in the news.  I was pleased that Ronan would be put away soon, but…  “What about Bradley?”  I asked, unable to keep my fists from clenching as I said his hated name.  “Has he been arrested for…”  I hesitated.  “For Clayton?”

Sharon shook her head, and her lips pursed, betraying her own anger.  “We got a search warrant for his apartment, but we didn’t recover the weapon that killed Vaughn.”  She looked at me intently.  “He
will
be charged with murder and with your abduction and assault.  Between your testimony and Sean’s, we’ll be able to get a conviction.  The fact that your information will result in the downfall of the Westies will strengthen our case against him even without that physical evidence.”

“But why haven’t you brought him in yet?”  I insisted.  Every day that Bradley went unpunished was an injustice to Clayton.

“He’s too close to Ronan and he’s too close to you,” she answered gently.  “By now, they have to suspect that someone has betrayed them to the FBI, but they have no way of linking it to you.  If we go for Bradley too soon, then it will be obvious that you’re the one who’s been helping us.  We have to wait and bring him in at the same time as Ronan.  It’s for your own safety.”

I was still irritated, but her words made sense.  “Alright.  I can wait one more day, then.”  I thought back over everything that Bradley had done to me, everything that had happened to me since my abduction.  A horrible thought occurred to me.  “And what about the Latin Kings?”  I asked.  “Garcia attacked me twice.  Do I still need to be worried about them coming after me?”

This time it was Sean who answered.  “I don’t think so,” he said.  “Garcia attacked you because of a vendetta against me.  He wanted to make a point.  The Irish Mob has been traditionally based in Hell’s Kitchen, but ever since my father came to power, he’s been pushing his way into Brooklyn.  But that’s established Latin Kings territory.  By targeting me, Ronan’s son, they were trying to send a message.  That put you in the line of fire as a means of getting to me.”  He reached over and took me by the hand, squeezing reassuringly.  “Once they find out that you and I are responsible for taking down the Westies and removing the threat to their territory, they should back off.  We’ll have done them a favor.”

Sharon nodded in agreement.  “And hopefully we won’t have to worry about the Latin Kings at all in a few months.  We still have Santiago planted in their ranks, and he’s been gathering strong intel.  If all goes according to plan, the Westies won’t be the only gang we wipe out this year.”

I smiled.  “Thanks so much for the good news, Sharon.  I really needed that.”  I mulled over all of the information I had just received.  “If you’re arresting Ronan and Bradley tomorrow, can I go back to work?”  I asked.  Although I was happy to spend time with Sean, I was going a little stir-crazy from being trapped in my house.  Besides, returning to normalcy would not only help me continue to heal, but it would also be a final act of defiance against the men who had tormented me; I would prove to them and to myself that I was finally free of them, that they hadn’t scared me into hiding for the rest of my life.

Sharon looked hesitant.  “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.  Maybe you should wait a few more days.”

“It’s a terrible idea,” Sean interjected, disapproval lacing his tone.

I straightened my back and lifted my chin, my posture radiating defiance.  “I need to do this,” I said firmly.  “As soon as you make your move against Ronan and Bradley tomorrow morning, I’m going in.”

“Claudia -” Sean growled.  I shot him a forbidding glance and then looked at Sharon expectantly.

“Well?”  I demanded.

Sharon looked reluctant, but after a moment she nodded.  “Okay,” she conceded.  “But only once we’ve moved against them.  And you’ll keep your security detail.”

“Agreed,” I said quickly.

Sean’s hand tightened around mine.  “I’m not going to let you do this,” he said angrily.  My eyes narrowed.

“You seem to have forgotten how I react when people try to boss me around.  I have free will, Sean.  I’m doing this.  I need you to respect that.”

A muscle ticked in his jaw.  “Fine,” he snapped.  “I’ll accept it, but I won’t respect it.”

“Then we’ve reached an accord,” I said smoothly.

“Ah,” Sharon interrupted our tense moment, and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat.  “How about I let you two eat your dinner before it gets cold.”  She averted her eyes from Sean’s furious visage and focused on me instead.  “I’ll come and get you tomorrow morning when I get the okay.”

“Thanks,” I said, pointedly not looking at Sean as I got up to walk Sharon to the door.  Despite my brave act in front of Sean, I hid in the foyer like a coward as I called Ava, the woman who worked the front desk at my clinic.

“Dr. Ellers,” she greeted me brightly even though I was calling right before close.  “It’s so good to hear from you.  Are you okay?  We’ve been really worried.”

“I’m alright now, Ava.  Thanks for asking.  I’ve just been going through a lot lately.  But I’m ready to come back to work.  Can you arrange for me to take some of my usual patients tomorrow?”

“Sure.”  She sounded genuinely happy.  “I’m really glad that you’re feeling better.”

“Thanks, Ava.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”

When I hung up the phone, I stared at it for long moments, considering.  Maybe I had more friends than I thought.  I had just never given them a chance.  Of course, Ava didn’t have an inkling of my real reasons for staying away from the office.  Everyone I worked with was under the impression that I was still grieving for my foster mom, clinging to my foster brother for comfort.  I suddenly felt exhausted as intense emotions swirled through me, so overwhelming in number that they were almost indiscernible from one another.  I was elated that Ronan would soon pay for what he had done to my parents, but it would never erase the fact that they had been stolen from me, would never erase the memories of what I had suffered at Darla and Marcus’ hands.  My shoulders slumped and I buried my head in my hands as my remembered pain washed over me.

I jumped when Sean tentatively touched my shoulder; I hadn’t heard him approach.  I dropped my hands and craned my head back so that I could look up at him.

“Hey,” he said gently.  “What happened to all of that fire?”

I just shook my head in defeat.  “Everything,” I said, my voice heavy.

His arm wrapped around my waist.  “Come on, little one.  Let’s talk about it.”  He guided me back into the living room and sat me down on the couch.  I complied numbly.  He kept his arm around me, pulling me up against him as he held me close.  “What are you thinking about?”  He asked gently.

“My foster family,” I admitted, shuddering.  There was no point holding back from Sean.  He had told me about his past, and it was only fair that I do the same.  “Being with them was… difficult.”

He regarded me silently as he traced small, circular patterns on my upper arm with his fingertips.  His touch was soothing, grounding me in the here and now.  I took a deep breath and continued, needing to tell him everything, to purge it from my soul.

“Darla, my foster mom, wasn’t so bad, I guess.  Her husband had abandoned her, so she didn’t get any child support.  She didn’t want to go to work so she lived off of benefits.  The only reason she took me in was so that she could get more.  She wasn’t cruel, exactly.  She just didn’t give a shit.  Not about me, not about anyone but herself.  Not even her own son.  All she cared about was her soap operas and her gin.  I guess that’s why Marcus was so fucked up.  I mean, who wouldn’t be in that situation?  He channeled all of his anger at me; he blamed me for his mom’s callousness towards him.”  I closed my eyes as memories assaulted me.  I never talked about this, never allowed myself to think about it.  But now that I accessed them, the memories were as sharp as though it had happened yesterday.

Sean cupped my cheek, calling me back to him.  His touch was tender, but fury was flickering in his eyes.  “Did he hurt you?”

I blinked hard to force back the tears that were stinging at the corners of my eyes.  I refused to cry over Marcus.