Avian (The Dragonrider Chronicles) (21 page)

Lyon was so heavy. His arms were thick and strong, squeezing my head tighter and tighter. It was hard to move at all. No matter how I squirmed or clawed at his arm, he kept adding pressure to my neck until I could barely breathe.

Then, something inside me broke like a floodgate of anger. It wasn’t anything like that sense of calm that had come over me in the dining hall. This was something a thousand times worse. I’d never felt anything like it. White-hot rage filled my veins like fire. My vision snapped into focus. My body surged with energy. The pain from being hit and choked was gone.

I went absolutely crazy.

Without warning, I slammed my head back against Lyon’s. It hit so hard I heard the crack like someone snapping a tree in two. Immediately, he let me go.

Normally, I would have taken that chance to get back on my feet so I was in a better position to keep the fight going. After all, that had been my plan all along: to show the others that I could hold my own until an instructor stepped in to break things up. No one had to get seriously hurt. Worst case scenario, Jace would make Lyon and me run laps all day.

But now things were out of control… and I couldn’t stop myself. My body moved without my permission, doing things I didn’t even know I could do.

I was like an animal. I dove after Lyon and whipped him into a lethal hold, bearing my knees down on his shoulders and locking my ankles under him. I saw the fear in his eyes as I snarled down at him, and drew back to begin pounding my fists into his face again and again. My knuckles were coated with blood, and I wasn’t sure how much of it was his or mine.

The crowd went completely silent. All I could hear was the gory sound every time my fist met his face. Lyon wasn’t moving anymore, but I kept hitting him anyway.

Someone grabbed me from behind. I knew it was Felix by the strength of his hold. He tried to pin my arms and drag me away, but I whipped around, stepping easily through complex sparring moves like they were nothing. I moved like a ghost, and not even Felix could keep up.

I had him pinned on his stomach in matter of seconds, wrenching his arm behind his back and adding pressure that would break it if he didn’t surrender. But he wouldn’t tap out. Felix would never surrender like that, and part of me knew it. I’d have to break his arm.

That should have been more than enough to make me stop. Felix wasn’t my enemy. He was my best friend. I didn’t want to hurt him. But I couldn’t shut my brain off. I couldn’t stop. My body kept moving, getting closer and closer to snapping his arm.

Suddenly, I felt the point of a knife at my throat.

“Let him go, demon,” an unfamiliar man’s voice boomed at my back.

Immediately, I let Felix go. My mind started to clear. The prick of that knife had been enough to jar me free of that horrible trance. I could think again. Underneath my tunic, I could feel my mother’s necklace burning hot against my skin again.

My hands were shaking as I started to raise them in surrender. Before I could speak, a big boot kicked me to the ground. Someone started roughly tying my hands behind my back, binding me up like a prisoner. Fear poured over my body like ice water.

I could sense incredible strength in the arm that yanked me to my feet. The other students still gathered around all looked at me with different expressions of horror, fear, and awe. Some of them were checking on Lyon. He was sitting up and moving. I was so relieved that he was alive, even if his face was a pulverized bloody mess. I hadn’t killed him, and that was enough to make me thank the fates.

Felix was standing a few feet away, rubbing his arm. I couldn’t bring myself to meet his gaze. I was so ashamed and disgusted with myself. I had never intended for the fight to get this bad. I hadn’t wanted to hurt Lyon like that.

“Who let this piece of filth into our midst?” The man holding my arms shook me violently and roared. He sounded like an angry bear. It terrified me. Even though I couldn’t see him, I could sense his size and incredible strength just by the way his massive hand gripped me. The other students looked afraid of him, too. Their eyes were wide, and some of them were even slipping away into the dark.

“Commander Rayken has betrayed us by letting this creature into our brotherhood,” he rumbled. “But it’s easily fixed. Pay attention, all you little mutts. Let me teach you something useful. This is how you sever a demon’s spine without getting any blood on your sleeves.”

I felt the point of a knife press hard against the back of my neck, and hot breath against the tips of my pointed ears. I trembled, and squeezed my eyes shut.

“Lieutenant Thane.” My knees almost buckled with relief when I heard Jace’s voice. “That avian belongs to me. I’m going to have to ask you to let him go.”

I opened my eyes, and he was standing right in front of me. Jace was looking at the mess I’d made with the same eerily blank expression he always wore. It wasn’t comforting at all, but at least he wasn’t going to let Lieutenant Thane—whoever that was—butcher me like a spring calf in front of the whole academy.

“This
thing
isn’t an avian,” Thane snarled ferociously. He squeezed my arm so hard I was sure it would snap in half. “Or have these months away from the battlefront made you forget what the enemy looks like? Here, let me remind you.” He grabbed a fistful of my hair and jerked my head around to look at the crowd.

Jace stared at me for a few uncomfortable moments before he spoke. “I’m very aware of what he looks like. I’m his instructor. Now let him go. I won’t ask you again.” His voice was so calm it gave me chills. He still hadn’t made any expression, but I could see something like cold fire burning in his eyes. It chilled me to the bone.

Almost all of the other students had found a chance to slip away by the time Lieutenant Thane finally let me go. I stumbled and almost tripped, but Felix caught me. He started untying my hands while the two lieutenants continued to argue. Thane’s voice boomed like a dragon’s roar, and when I finally got a glimpse of him, my stomach turned to mush.

Thane was a huge man. He towered over everyone like a mountain of muscle. His body was so bulky that he barely had a neck. He had a long, scraggly black beard, but no hair on his head at all. His eyes were as black as pitch, and they darted back and forth between Jace and me like he was looking for a chance to strike at one or both of us.

I swallowed hard. My whole body was still shaking. I couldn’t tell if it was from fear or because I was still coming down off whatever had made me go crazy like that. Standing under the inferno of Thrane’s glare, I could sense how much he hated me. He leered down at me, flexing his huge hands like he was imagining what it would feel like to break my neck. I held my breath and waited to see what he’d do. Finally, Thrane made a snarling sound and stormed away. Apparently, he wasn’t willing to fight Jace over the chance to kill me—at least, not yet.

“What’s wrong with you?” Felix whispered as he finished untying my hands. “First you challenge Lyon to fight, then you try to crack my arm off?”

“I-I don’t know,” I stammered as I rubbed my wrists. Thane had tied them so tight that it left deep red marks and bruises behind.

“You scared me to death.” Felix grumbled. He smacked me on the back of the head. “Don’t do that again, idiot.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I couldn’t control myself. I couldn’t stop it.” I didn’t know how else to explain it to him. I didn’t even understand it myself.

“It’s battle fever,” Jace interrupted suddenly. I almost jumped out of my skin when I saw he was standing so close, listening to us. “The elves call it
kulunai
, or something like that.”

I wanted to duck away, or hang my head in shame. I knew there was going to be some kind of punishment for this. Still, hearing Jace talk about it like he understood caught me completely off guard. I couldn’t look away. I’d never heard of battle fever before.

“It’s brought on by pain and adrenaline,” he continued. “It’s some kind of self-defense response. I’ve only ever seen it in adults on the battlefield. I don’t think the kids are capable of it.”

Felix let out an uneasy sigh when he sized me up again. “That explains why it’s never happened before. Right, Jae?”

I couldn’t speak. I was too humiliated and shaken up. All I could do was nod.

“I’ve heard rumors that the adults induce it before battle in some kind of ceremony. Who knows how much truth there is to that.” Jace started to stroll away from us. As he passed me, I let myself hope that he might actually let me go without any punishment.

Then he slapped me hard across the cheek. It made my whole jaw hurt. He’d never hit me before, and it felt like someone had taken a plank of wood to my face. Normally, I would have been terrified or hurt that he would slap me like that. But after everything I’d done, I knew I deserved it.

“Don’t do that again,” he warned me in a deep growling voice. “You have to control it. You don’t realize how lucky you are; Thane will not forgive you a second time.”

I didn’t say it out loud—I was too busy rubbing my cheek because it was stinging like it was on fire—but I knew Thane hadn’t forgiven me at all. He wasn’t willing to fight Jace in order to get to me. Jace had saved my life.

“Who was that other student you were fighting with?” he demanded.

Felix piped up first, so I kept my mouth shut. I knew he was eager to tattle on Lyon the first chance he got. “Lyon Cromwell. He’s your third student, sir.”

Jace’s eyes narrowed. “What?”

“Yes, sir. Lyon Cromwell, son of Duke Cromwell. He arrived this morning. He was supposed to be cleaning tack with us today, but he never showed up to help.”

“Is that so?” Jace’s tone deepened, and he turned his cold eyes back on me. “Well, it seems you three need some encouragement in order to act like soldiers. Lucky for you, I’m very good at providing that kind of…
encouragement
.”

Felix and I cringed at the same time. We knew what kind of encouragement he was talking about. Tomorrow was going to hurt.

“We’re not finished with the saddles yet, sir,” Felix said. “Being shorthanded put us way behind.”

Jace had already started walking away. But Felix’s comment made him stop and glance back at us. He gave us a hard, disapproving frown. “Hurry and finish them, then. But clean yourself up first.” He gestured to my face. I’d forgotten all about the few good punches Lyon had scored on my nose. It was still bleeding a little.

Once Jace was out of earshot and we were alone, Felix let out a string of curses. I was still too overwhelmed to be angry. Between not getting any sleep because of my nightmares, worrying about running into Katty again, figuring out that rumor about Sile, and hiding all these secrets about my strange abilities, I didn’t have room for anything else. My head felt like it was going to pop. I couldn’t take it.

I took off toward the tack room. Before I could get to the door, a mountain of blue scales dropped from the sky and landed right before me. Mavrik chirped with concern as he lowered his head. I could barely concentrate. I was still shaking. He pushed his snout against my chest, and I leaned against him.

“I can’t take much more of this.” I muttered as I ran my hands over his scaly head.

Mavrik gave me a low growl. He could sense what I was thinking, and I guess he didn’t like it. I was beginning to think maybe this wasn’t the place for me, after all. So much was happening. I felt out of control. I couldn’t even trust myself anymore. At any moment, I might snap like that again and end up hurting someone I cared about. How could I live with that? Jace told me to control it as though I actually could. But how could he understand? He was a human.

“You better not be going off to pout,” Felix called after me. I could hear him running to catch up. “I’m fine. I’m not even angry. So don’t worry about it.”

I stood there frozen as I watched the green colors of concern Mavrik sent swirling through my brain. I was still thinking about leaving. How could I ever hope to keep my promise to protect my friends if I was going to end up being dangerous to them? I couldn’t trust myself to fight next to Felix if there was a chance I might turn on him at any second.

“I’m not stupid, you know.” Felix was walking up behind me. “I know when something’s bothering you. You’ve got circles under your eyes like you haven’t been sleeping. So what is it? What else aren’t you telling me?”

I shut my eyes tightly and pushed Mavrik’s head away. I didn’t want to tell him about my nightmares. It was embarrassing and it made me feel weak. They were just dreams. “It’s nothing.”

“Liar. Quit being such a girl and confess. What’s going on?” He slapped a hand down on my shoulder so hard it almost knocked me over. “You know you can trust me. I’m not going to judge you.”

I bit down hard on the inside of my cheek. As much as I wanted to tell him everything, I couldn’t. I was turning into some kind of monster, and I didn’t deserve to be here anymore.

“I can’t.” I snapped at him. “Just stay away from me.”

“Why? Because you think I’m afraid of you now? Nice try, kid. You’ll have to do worse than break my arm if you want to scare me.” He stepped into my path and crossed his arms. “Jaevid, come on. I can see that you’re struggling. You can’t carry all this on your own.”

I was determined not to cave. I wouldn’t give in, not this time. “I don’t have a choice,” I told him.

His expression fell some. He looked hurt. For a few minutes, we stood there silently until it was awkward.

Finally, he nodded and stepped out of my way. “Fine. Have it your way. You want to be the cool loner, so be it.”

* * *

I didn’t want to be a loner. There was nothing cool about it. I hated knowing I had hurt Felix by shutting him out like that. I needed him to be my friend like before. But Sile had warned me about saying too much, and now I was starting to understand why. There were things about myself—dangerous things—that I wasn’t even aware of yet. In order to protect him, I had to keep this stuff to myself. If someone like Thane figured out that I was turning into some kind of mutant halfbreed sorcerer, then I couldn’t let Felix be guilty by association. He’d defend me to the bitter end, even when I didn’t deserve it.