Avian (The Dragonrider Chronicles) (33 page)

Lyon left us once we got far enough away from Beckah’s unconscious victims to give him peace of mind. He didn’t want to be anywhere nearby when someone found them, or they started waking up. I didn’t blame him at all for that.

Felix stuck around a little longer, though. He kept apologizing to Beckah like it was his fault she’d been attacked. I guess he felt guilty because it had happened at his house. She told him over and over that she was fine, thanks to me, and promised she didn’t blame him for it at all.

“I’m so glad you’re okay.” Felix sighed, looking relieved. “Well, I’ll leave you two alone. Try not to kill anyone, Jae.” He gave me a strange little grin as he left us sitting together on a stone bench in the garden.

It was awkward. At first, we couldn’t even look at one another. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started trying to wipe the dirt off her face with the handkerchief she’d made for me. Her fake crying had made the kohl around her eyes run down her cheeks, too.

As I wiped her face, Beckah sat there and stared at me. She almost looked afraid, like I might get angry at her and start shouting. I wasn’t sure if I should be angry or not. She had fought all those trained soldiers by herself, and I was still trying to wrap my mind around that. I was so relieved that she was okay—that was the most important thing.

Finally, I had to ask, “What just happened?”

She dropped her eyes away from mine as though she were embarrassed or ashamed. She pulled the pin out of her hair so that it all fell down over her shoulders. I could see worry on her expression, like she didn’t want to tell me.

“It’s okay.” I took her hand gently and tried to give her a reassuring smile. “I’m not going to tell anyone. You know that.”

“Dad’s been teaching me to fight,” she confessed. “Please, you can’t tell a soul. No one can know. Promise me you won’t tell. If anyone found out, they would arrest me for impersonating a soldier.”

My first reaction was anger, which wasn’t what I was expecting. I wasn’t angry at her, though. I was angry at Sile. He had acted all high and mighty a few months ago, insisting that Beckah could never be a dragonrider even if she had been chosen by the king drake. But now he was teaching her to fight?

“What do you mean he’s been teaching you? Why would he—?” I was furious.

Beckah frowned dangerously. “I have just as much right as you do.”

“That’s not what I mean.” I shook my head. “He was so against this before. He wouldn’t listen to me about it. What changed his mind?”

She let out a small sigh, and her frown melted away. My stomach did a nervous backflip as she leaned and put her head against my shoulder. I saw her hands shaking some as she fidgeted with the gold pin she’d been wearing in her hair. I hadn’t even noticed it before. Now I could see the thick calluses on her palms and fingers. I had those same marks on my hands. They were marks that could only come from learning swordplay.

“He was against it,” she answered quietly. I could hear something different in her voice when she talked about Sile. She had always acted a little childish around him, which I assumed was a father-daughter thing. Now when she mentioned him, she sat up straighter and her face became serious. She wasn’t calling him “daddy” anymore.

“I think he still is,” she continued. “Things are starting to happen, Jae. Dad said you probably wouldn’t know. He said they like to keep students in the academy sheltered so you don’t worry about anything but your training.”

I got a sick feeling that I knew what this was about a few seconds before she said it.

“There’s something wrong with the animals in the kingdom. They’re turning on people. More and more of them every day. It’s much worse the closer you get to the northern border,” she said. “At first it was only predators like wolves or bears. Now people are getting attacked by their own horses, dogs, even flocks of birds. It’s like nature is starting to go crazy. Dad can’t deny that something is coming, and whether he likes it or not, I’m a part of it now. Icarus chose me to fight with him. It’s what I have to do. I can’t explain it.”

“So you’ve been training.” I had to say it out loud so I could believe it.

“I’m good at it, too,” she added. I could hear a smile in her voice. “I’m not as heavy as you big boys, but I move a lot faster. I’m also good with a bow, just like Dad was. I think he’s actually impressed.”

As much as I wanted to be happy for her, I couldn’t be. I didn’t want Beckah to fight. I didn’t want her to get hurt. That sudden rage when I thought the infantrymen might be hurting her was eye opening to me. It had pushed me right to the brink of my sanity, and the thought of her being in real combat made me downright nauseous.

“Are you okay, Jae?” she asked.

I shook my head. “I don’t know how to feel about any of this.”

“Because I’m a girl?” Once again, she gave me a meaningful glare. I could hear bitterness in her voice.

“Because you mean more to me than anyone else,” I clarified. “If anything happened to you, I don’t think I could stand it.”

It must have caught her off guard because her mouth opened slightly, but no sound came out. She started fidgeting with that hairpin again. “Nothing’s going to happen to me. I’m very careful.”

“You just fought a bunch of infantrymen twice your size,” I reminded her. “And you did it while wearing a party dress and the biggest ball in the kingdom. There are literally hundreds of people here, Beckah.”

“I won, though.” She started giggling proudly.

I didn’t think it was that funny, though. “You could have been hurt. Or what if someone else had seen you?”

Before I could put my defenses up, Beckah leaned in and batted her eyes at me. If she was trying to charm me so I didn’t get angry with her, it worked brilliantly. Her smile was very distracting. I couldn’t help but smile back. And when she put one of her hands on my face and started touching my ears, I knew I was probably blushing like crazy.

The urge to kiss her rose up in my chest like a tidal wave. It was impossible to look at her without my eyes wandering down to her lips. She must have noticed because she started blushing, too.

“No one else saw.” She mumbled. Her fingertips tickled the point of my ear. “I have to do this, Jae. It’s okay. I’m not scared. I bet I could even beat you in a duel now.”

I was entranced. I couldn’t even move. “P-probably.” I stammered without thinking.

It made her laugh and she leaned against my shoulder again. “I missed you a lot. I bet you didn’t even miss me at all.”

“That’s not true! I’ve thought about you every day!” I was trying to make up my mind about kissing her. I didn’t know how to do something like that. I didn’t know if I should ask her permission, or do it and hope she didn’t hit me for it.

“Is that why you look so tired?”

I knew she was just teasing me. But those words wiped all the thoughts of kissing right out of my mind. I hadn’t told her anything about my dreams. Felix was so sure there was nothing strange about them. Thinking about all those sleepless nights spent drenched in sweat and terror gave me chills. I looked away, and tried not to let her see the embarrassment on my face. It didn’t work.

“Jae? What’s wrong?” She leaned in closer to stare into my eyes.

I shook my head. I didn’t trust myself to speak without telling her everything.

She put her hand in mine again and squeezed it tightly. “Come on, tough guy. You can tell me.”

As I started describing my nightmares to her, I realized that I actually
wanted
to tell her. It was a relief to tell someone I knew wouldn’t slough me off or treat me like a potential traitor. I described all my dreams from the time they started, even the parts with my mother in them. Beckah listened, and she kept holding my hand so tightly it made my hands even sweatier.

“Even the sleeping remedy doesn’t work anymore,” I finished. “I can’t sleep for more than a few hours before the nightmares start, and no matter how hard I fight, I can’t stop them.”

I leaned over to put my head in my hands so I could rub my forehead. Talking about the nightmares made me feel anxious. I could see them so clearly in my mind, even now. It gave me a headache.

Beckah put a hand on my back and started rubbing my shoulders. It immediately made me feel more relaxed. “You’ve been trying so hard,” she cooed.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m barely holding it together.” I muttered. “I can’t keep fighting them much longer. It’s driving me crazy.”

Her hand stopped moving on my back. I glanced over at her. She was staring back at me with a serious expression, looking wild and powerful with the wind in her hair.

“So stop fighting them,” she suggested suddenly.

“What do you mean?” The idea alone made me nervous. I was afraid of what I might see if I surrendered to those dreams. I hadn’t actually witnessed the gray elf warrior killing that guard yet, but I knew it was coming. It had to be. And for some reason it felt like I might die with him if I actually saw it happen.

“It’s just a dream, Jae,” she said like she could read my thoughts. “It can’t hurt you. You can sense that something is coming, too, can’t you? Like the animals can? You’re a part of it. We both are. This could be some kind of warning, or a clue to what’s going on. You need to pay attention to it. You need to quit fighting it, and try to listen instead.”

Moments like that reminded me why I needed her in my life so badly. She was so much smarter than I was. She saw things I couldn’t. Fate didn’t scare her. She was the bravest person I knew, and the only reason I was still clinging to my sanity. I needed her to be at my side forever—and that realization was as crippling as it was amazing.

I was about to tell her that. I wanted her to know exactly how much she meant to me. I wanted her to know that I loved her more than anyone. Just as soon as I got up the nerve, she spoke first.

“When you see me again on the battlefield, you can’t let anyone know who I am. You have to pretend you don’t know me.” She looked at me firmly.

I choked out loud. “What do you mean ‘on the battlefield?’ You’re not actually thinking of going to war, are you?”

Beckah’s expression never changed. “Why else would I be training to fight, Jae? To fend off wild animals? Dad can handle that himself. No, I’m fighting for the same reason you are. I’ll do whatever it takes to protect the people I care about.”

Anger stirred up in my chest like a storm. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It was one thing for her to learn to fend off a few infantry thugs, but it was a completely different issue for her to actually show upon a battlefield and fight an enemy that would kill her without a second thought. I didn’t want that.

“You can’t do this.” I glared at her. “You’ll be killed. You aren’t ready for the battlefront. You have no idea what you’re getting into.”

She snapped an angry scowl back at me, like I’d just insulted her in the worst possible way. “It’s not your decision to make. I’m no less prepared than you are.”

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you! I’ve been training for over a year,” I tried to reason with her. “And I’m still not ready. You’ll be killed! And then what am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to live with that?”

She didn’t answer.

Beckah stood up and started walking away into the gardens. Overhead, I heard the familiar sound of huge wing beats booming in the air. I saw a ripple in the night sky as Icarus’s black body blotted out the stars.

Before she disappeared into the garden, Beckah stopped and looked back at me. Her long dark hair blew around her face. I couldn’t tell if she was angry at me, or really sad.

“My dad wanted me to tell you to prepare yourself. He said the next few months are going to be the hardest you’ve ever faced,” Beckah said. “But I know you’ll make it. I believe in you, Jae. I always have.”

I was at a loss for words. When our eyes met, I saw that sad look on her face more clearly, and it tore at my heart. I couldn’t stay angry at her. I loved her too much.

“I’ll see you again.” She promised.

I wanted to believe that. I wanted to tell her how I felt, but that moment slipped through my fingers and was gone in an instant. She sent me one more smile, and disappeared into the night. In the distance, I heard Icarus’s bellowing roar like a rumble of thunder.

* * *

After I pulled myself together, I started back toward the party alone. Things were still lively inside. People were laughing, drinking, and dancing under the light that sparkled off the polished marble floors. Music filled the air. All the guests seemed to be in good spirits. Every now and then, I caught a glimpse of Lyon or Felix roaming through the crowds with girls hanging onto their arms. It looked like they were having a good time, too.

I finally made up my mind to try to rejoin them. Sure, I knew I was probably about to get shot down cold again, but this was as good a time as any to get some revenge on Felix for embarrassing me all the time. I couldn’t pass that up.

The sound of someone crying stopped me in my tracks before I ever got back into the ballroom. I could barely hear it over the music, and I almost shrugged it off. But then I was sure; it definitely sounded like a girl was crying somewhere nearby.

I didn’t see her right away. She was hiding behind a giant porcelain flower pot right beside the doorway. But when I peeked around to see what the noise was about, she gasped in surprise. She looked as shocked to see me as I was to see her.

I didn’t recognize her. At least, not at first. But when she tried to smile at me, I knew it had to be Julianna Lacroix. I remembered Felix saying something about her teeth being big. They were, I guess, but it wasn’t like she was ugly. She had coppery colored hair, and warm brown eyes that were red from crying.

“I-I’m okay.” She sniffled and kept trying to smile even though there were tears in her eyes. I was not an expert on how the female brain worked, but she definitely did not look okay.

“Are you sure?” I came a little closer to get a better look at her. Part of me was worried maybe she’d been attacked by some infantrymen the same way Beckah had. I glanced around for any possible culprits. There was no one else nearby.