Awake and Dreaming (11 page)

“But what if you weren't ready to die?” said Anna. “What if you weren't old like Grandpa was? And you had to go into the cold ground and stay there!”

“If I wasn't ready to die, I wouldn't stay there,” said John. “I'd come back.”

“You mean you'd be a ghost?” said Lisbeth. She moved closer to Anna. “You shouldn't talk that way, John. You're scaring Ben.”

Theo felt scared too. She looked at the gaping hole and the gravestones surrounding them. She was glad when they talked about this weekend instead.

T
HAT EVENING
they piled into the van and drove to Chinatown for dinner. Theo ate sweet-and-sour spareribs and almond chicken for the first time. John and Anna and Mum and Dad were the only ones who could manage chopsticks. Then they went to a video store and after a long argument decided on one video for the children and one for the adults.

Theo curled up between Anna and Mum on the couch in the den, weeping with them over the ending of
Old Yeller
. Even Dad was sniffing.

“What babies!” said John.

“You cried, too,” said Anna. “I saw you wipe your eyes on the cushion.”

“Why did that doggie have to die, Mummy?” asked Ben tearfully.

“It's only a story, Benny,” said Mum, pulling him onto her lap. She blew her nose. “Oh, dear, it was even worse than I remembered.”

“Sometimes it's nice to cry, isn't it?” said Lisbeth after they were in bed.

Not usually, thought Theo, remembering the evening before she and Rae had left Vancouver. But tonight she had indulged in a sadness that wasn't real—that was just a story.

O
N SATURDAY
John had a karate class, Lisbeth and Ben had swimming lessons, and Theo went to watch Anna's soccer game. Anna was a good player—she ran fast and scored several goals. It looked like fun.

After the game Anna introduced Theo to her best
friend. “This is Grace Leung. Grace, this is my new sister, Theo.”

Her new sister! Theo felt herself melt again. “Hi,” she whispered.

“It's good to meet you, Theo,” said Grace. She had a friendly smile.

The three of them walked home together. On the way they stopped at a store to spend their allowance. Dad had given Theo a two-dollar coin that morning.

Two whole dollars! Theo picked out candy like the others. She thought of how shocked Anna and Grace would be if they knew she used to steal it. But today she handed her money proudly to the clerk.

After lunch the whole family went to Thetis Lake for a hike. Bingo went berserk, rushing down to the water and coming back soaked. The dark green lake was fringed by firs and rocks. They climbed a high path and looked over all of it.

That evening Mum and Dad visited some friends, Anna went to Grace's for a sleepover and John babysat.

“Go to bed!” he ordered Lisbeth and Ben and Theo, long after nine o'clock. They were huddled in the den, wolfing down popcorn and watching a scary movie called
The Birds
.

“No,” said Lisbeth.

“We don't want to,” said Ben. He was straddling the arm of the couch, pretending it was a horse.

“You're supposed to do as I say,” grumbled John. “All the other kids I babysit do.”

“They don't know what you're really like,” said Lisbeth. “They don't know that you still keep your teddy bear on your bed.”

John lunged at her, picked her up and carried her screaming to her room. By the time he had returned for Ben, Lisbeth had dashed downstairs again. Ben ran into the kitchen and John turned to Theo.

“Come on,” he pleaded. “Bed.”

“Okay,” said Theo, getting up.

“No, Theo!” cried Lisbeth. “Run away!”

Theo looked at John. She didn't want to hurt his feelings. But then she noticed how he was trying not to laugh. “Go to bed, both of you!” he repeated.

Theo hesitated—then shook her head with a grin and shot into the living-room. John caught her by an arm and a leg and tried to drag her across the hall. Ben scampered in and he and Lisbeth flung themselves on top of John. They thrashed in a giggling pile while Bingo barked around them.

Theo laughed so much her insides became hollowed out and her belly ached. They all lay on the floor, helpless and limp.

“I give up,” gasped John. “Stay up as late as you want, but don't blame me if you get into trouble. I should be paid triple for looking after you guys!”

He went into the kichen and made more popcorn. They collapsed in front of the TV again. Ben soon fell asleep and John carried him upstairs. Then Lisbeth's eyes began to close and John helped her to bed, Theo trailing
behind. When she finally closed her eyes she gave one last, delighted giggle.

O
N SUNDAY
all the Kaldors got out their bikes. They offered Theo an old one of Anna's to ride but she shook her head. “I don't know how,” she whispered.

“You don't know how to ride a two-wheeler?” said Lisbeth in astonishment. “I learned when I was five! Even Ben can ride one with training wheels.”

“Be quiet, Lisbeth,” said John. “Don't worry, Theo—I'll teach you.”

Theo followed him into the cemetery. John held the small bicycle upright while Theo climbed on. It felt dangerously tippy, but she wanted to please him.

“Okay, now I'm going to hold the saddle,” said John. “Go!”

Theo pushed the pedals harder and harder while John ran behind. The bike wobbled a bit but she kept her balance.

“Good!” puffed John. He stopped the bike and showed Theo how to use the brakes. “Okay, let's try again—this time I'm going to let you go.”

“I'll fall!” said Theo.

“No, you won't—you'll be fine. Just brake when you want to stop.” Theo wanted to protest further but John's enthusiasm was very strong. He
believed
in her.

“Ready?” Theo gulped, then nodded. John held onto the seat as she pedalled—then he let go.

She rode steadily for a few minutes, then started to
wobble. But she squeezed the brakes and the bike came to an obedient halt. She'd done it!

John ran up. “Good for you!” Both of them were bursting with pride.

Theo practised turning, braking and getting on and off. After an hour she could do it all—she could ride a bike!

T
HAT EVENING
some relatives came for dinner—Mum's mother, Dad's brother and sister-in-law, and three small cousins—a baby called Emma, a two-year-old boy called Sam, and Linnea, who was a year older than Ben.

The grown-ups talked and laughed in the living-room while the eight children interrupted. Everyone smiled at Theo and welcomed her to the family. Lisbeth hauled around the baby and Sam shadowed Ben.

All the children ate at the kitchen table while Emma banged her spoon in a highchair beside it. Theo smoothed her new purple dress over her knees, her mouth watering at the plate of roast chicken and mashed potatoes an adult put in front of her.

“Now we're
eight
cousins!” said Anna, cutting up Sam's meat. “There's a book called that.”

“Cheers!” cried Linnea, clinking her glass of ginger ale against Ben's.

Theo looked around the happy circle of chewing, noisy faces. She melted into it and tried not to think of school tomorrow.

10

“A
re you ready, Theo?” said Mum. “I've told the school you're coming. Anna will take you to Ms. Tremblay's class.”

Theo tried to feel ready, but she shivered inside with the same dread she always felt at starting another school. She'd put on her new plaid pants, with a matching green top and red vest. The Kaldors kept telling her how nice the teachers and kids were. Theo tried to remember all the times in books when someone had started a new school and discovered it was fine. But it had never been fine for her.

It wasn't fair! she thought, as she walked the few blocks with John and Anna and Lisbeth. So far this dream had been perfect. Now it could turn into a nightmare.

But she'd forgotten that she wasn't alone any more—she belonged to a real family. Every time the Kaldors saw a friend, they introduced Theo as their new sister; every time, the other person gave Theo a welcoming smile. When they crossed a busy street and reached the playground of a high brick school, John went over to join some older boys. Anna, Lisbeth and Theo were immediately surrounded by an excited group of girls. All Theo had to do was stand and listen.

A buzzer sounded. “Come on, Theo, I'll take you to your classroom,” said Anna.

“See you at recess!” called Lisbeth.

Theo's stomach lurched. But a pleasant-looking teacher greeted them at the door of the grade-four classroom. “So this is Theo! I've heard so much about you. I hope you'll be very happy here.”

Anna went off to the grade-five room; it was scary to say goodbye to her. Ms. Tremblay led Theo to a table and introduced her to the three students who would be sharing it with her: Jasmin, Will and Elise. They greeted her warmly.

But this had happened every time Theo had started a new school. The other kids always
began
by being friendly.

Today, however, they didn't act as if they felt sorry for her. They didn't have to! She was clean and rested and well fed, dressed in crisp new clothes, and armoured with the love of her new family.

“You're John's sister, aren't you?” said Will. “My brother's his best friend.”

“I like your vest,” said Elise.

“Did anyone watch
The Birds
on Saturday night?” asked Jasmin.

“I did,” said Will. “My parents were out so my brother and I saw the whole thing.”

Theo took a deep breath. “So did I. Wasn't it scary?”

“You must be really brave,” said Elise. “I can't watch movies like that.”

Ms. Tremblay began telling them about South Africa. Theo tried to pay attention. To her surprise, it wasn't as
hard to do so as usual. Later in the morning Ms. Tremblay asked Theo to name some of the books she'd read. She looked surprised when Theo reeled off a long list.

“What a wonderful reader!” she said. “We like books in this class, Theo. I think you're going to feel right at home.” She asked Theo, Elise, Stefan and Yuko to draw a map based on the Narnia book the class had just finished. Theo found the others easy to talk to as they lay on the floor with their pencils and felts. She giggled with them when they were interrupted by a visit from Snuggles, the kindergarten rabbit who ran loose in the school.

“Is it okay?” Anna and Lisbeth asked her at recess. “Do you like our school?”

“It's great!” said Theo. In fact, it was so pleasant it didn't seem like school at all. The rest of the day passed just as smoothly as the morning.

T
HAT AFTERNOON
Theo went for a long bike ride with Anna and Grace. She pedalled carefully as they rode along Dallas Road, on a sidewalk that edged a cliff overlooking the sea. She'd already walked along here on Sunday afternoons with the whole family.

“I think we should turn back now,” said Anna, when they reached Government Street.

“Let's go downtown first,” suggested Grace.

“I'm not allowed to go there without an adult,” said Anna.

“Neither am I,” said Grace, “but who's going to know? Come on, we can show Theo the Empress Hotel.”

Anna looked reluctant, but she finally agreed. Theo followed them along a busy street to an enormous hotel that looked like a castle. They stopped by a stone wall and watched the boats in the harbour. Then they walked their bikes along the sidewalk, looking in the windows of the stores selling sweaters and china and souvenirs of Victoria. They paused to sniff deeply in the doorway of a chocolate shop.

“Let's go into the Eaton Centre,” said Grace. “I need to pee.”

“But what about our bikes?” said Anna.

“We can lock them here,” said Grace, pointing to a railing.

“But I don't have a lock!” said Anna. “I lent it to John after his broke.”

Grace looked impatient. “Well, you stay here and watch the bikes while Theo and I go in.”

“I need to pee, too!” said Anna.

“I'll stay with the bikes,” offered Theo.

“I don't want to leave you alone,” said Anna. She looked at the bikes and at her friend's expression. “Okay … let's go in just for a minute so we can use the washroom. I'll lock my bike with Theo's. But we can't stay long—it's getting late.”

Grace locked her bike to the railing. Anna wound the chain lock from Theo's bike around hers as well.

They went into Eaton's and used the washroom. Then Grace wanted to try on make-up.

“We really should go now, Grace,” said Anna.

“Just a few more minutes,” said Grace, spraying herself with a perfume sample.

When they finally went out again, Anna's bike was gone.

“Oh, no!” She knelt to examine the lock; the chain had been cut. “My brand new bike!” she wailed. “I just got it for Christmas!”

“That's why they picked yours,” said Grace. “Don't cry. It's all my fault—I shouldn't have stayed so long. I'm sorry, Anna.”

She put her arm around her friend, but Anna just cried harder. Then she sniffed, looked miserably at the others, and said, “There's nothing we can do. It's really late. We've got to get home! Let's go up Fairfield Road, it's faster.”

Anna tried riding double with Grace, but they couldn't balance the bike and soon gave up. When they reached Fairfield, they pushed the bikes up the hilly street as fast as they could. Now it was dark—the streetlights were on and people pulled their curtains in the houses they passed. Without the sun the air was clammy.

Anna was close to tears again. “We're going to get into a lot of trouble,” she told Theo. “Especially me!”

“So am I,” said Grace gloomily. “I'm sorry, you guys. It was a dumb idea to go downtown.”