Awake and Dreaming (12 page)

Theo shuddered. What did “a lot of trouble” mean? “Anna,” she asked, after they had said goodbye to Grace at her corner and hurried down their own street. “Are they going to hit us?”

Anna stopped in astonishment. “Hit us? Of course
not! Mum and Dad would
never
hit us! It's wrong to hit children!”

“Oh.” Theo was relieved, but she still trembled when they opened the front door.

“They're back!” shouted Lisbeth. “We thought you'd been kidnapped!”

Ben pushed into their stomachs with his hard head and Bingo licked their faces frantically.

“Anna! Theo!” cried Mum, rushing into the hall. She put her arms around both of them at once. “Thank goodness you're safe!” Then she stepped back, her voice stern. “Where on
earth
have you been? Dad's gone out in the car to look for you. Do you realize what time it is?”

Dad burst in and hugged them violently. Then they all sat down in the living-room while Anna tried to explain. “It's not Theo's fault,” she said at once. “It was Grace's idea, but I could have said no. And now I've lost my bike!” She began to cry again.

“But why didn't you phone us when you realized it was so late?” demanded Mum.

Anna hung her head. “I didn't think of that,” she whispered.

“I'll contact the police about your bike,” said Dad, “but I don't think there's much chance of getting it back. Now Anna …” He pulled her close to him. “You've been very foolish, haven't you … I'm sorry your new bike has been stolen, but I think you know it was your fault. You'll just have to make do with John's old one.”

“We were so worried!” said Mum. Her anger had
evaporated and tears slid down her face. She pulled Theo onto her lap.

“I'm s-sorry,” sobbed Anna.

“I'm sorry,” echoed Theo.

“Oh, come and have your dinner.” Mum wiped her eyes. “I've kept it warm.”

T
HAT NIGHT
, after they were all in bed and after they'd gone over the whole afternoon in detail for Lisbeth, Theo whispered, “Anna?”

“What?”

“When are we going to get into trouble?”

Anna sounded puzzled. “What do you mean?”

“You said we'd get into a lot of trouble, but nothing's happened to us yet.”

“Nothing! But they were so upset and Mum was crying! That was the trouble! I feel so terrible when they're disappointed in me! And I lost my
bike
. This has been the worst day of my life!” Anna's voice changed to quiet sobs … then she fell asleep.

That was all? A lot of talking, ending with hugs and a hot dinner?

Theo felt sorry for Anna, but she had another bike to use, after all. The “worst day” … if this was as bad as a day in this family could be, then as long as she remained in this dream nothing would ever be awful again.

Then Theo thought of the care and the worry in Mum and Dad's voices. They had worried about her as much as Anna. She was important to them. She really mattered …

11

S
pring unfolded in a succession of perfect, peaceful days. Theo learned how to play soccer and ride on a skateboard. She played the part of the dormouse in their class production of
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
. She helped Lisbeth with her science project on earthworms and taught Ben how to tie his shoelaces.

During Spring Break the whole family went skiing at Mt. Washington. Theo had never seen so much snow. They fitted her out with Anna's old skis and boots. Even Ben was better than she was, but she didn't care. It was so exhilarating to careen down the hill—tumbling into the soft snow, then struggling to her feet to whiz on.

On the first Saturday in April Anna turned eleven. She shrieked when she came downstairs to find a new bike with a ribbon on it in the hall. “Oh, thank you,
thank
you!” she cried, hugging her parents.

“There's a very good lock on it,” said Dad. “Use it!”

Anna flushed. “I will,” she promised.

Theo watched her unwrap the silver pendant of a dolphin she'd saved two allowances to buy. “It's beautiful!” said Anna, squeezing Theo hard.

That afternoon Mum took Anna, four of her friends, Theo and Lisbeth swimming. Theo had been taking
lessons—she was in the same class as Lisbeth.

“Good, Theo!” called Lisbeth, after Theo jumped off the low board and splashed to the side. “I did that when I was six,” she added. “But of course, you're still catching up.”

Theo wasn't sure about swimming. She always felt cold and it was a struggle to keep from sinking. But the others were so encouraging she tried to like it.

After swimming they went back and sat around the dining-room table while Mum and Dad served them the meal Dad had prepared. Anna had ordered her favourites—lamb, roast potatoes and peas. The girls giggled as Dad acted like a waiter. “Would you care for a Coke, madam?”

Lisbeth was unusually quiet, thrilled at being allowed to stay instead of going with John and Ben to their cousins. “When's
your
birthday, Theo?” she whispered.

“June the twenty-sixth,” said Theo. She'd be ten then. But would she still be here?

She was back to thinking that living with the Kaldors was magic—the visit had lasted too long for a dream. Maybe her wish
had
come true.

It didn't make sense that no one asked her a thing about her former life, that the Kaldors and even her teacher and new friends didn't seem to find it strange that she was here. But maybe one day she'd find out why she'd been whisked so easily into this happiness.

Sometimes Theo would lie awake and think of her mother. How had Rae felt when Theo had disappeared?
Did she miss her? But thoughts like these made Theo squirm. It was easier to simply shut Rae and her former life out of her mind. The longer she lived with the family, the easier it became to forget that difficult time.

Living in Vancouver had been like swimming—always struggling to stay afloat. But living here was like skiing, flying down the hill with joy. She soared through each day, busy and relaxed and, best of all, cherished. Every morning she woke up with delight that she was still here. Her magic wish had come true. In fact,
every
wish she'd ever had seemed to have come true. It was like being in a story, even if the story wasn't logical. Her life was perfect.

Until the day the magic began to go wrong.

I
T WAS A GLORIOUS APRIL
afternoon. Theo and Anna and Lisbeth were lying on their backs under the angel. Above them towered trees dotted with new leaves and faded pink blossoms. More blossoms floated in the air like snowflakes.

Anna and Lisbeth were talking about this Easter weekend, when the family was going to Vancouver to stay with Dad's parents. “You'll love it there, Theo,” said Anna. “Their house is near the beach. Grannie is a potter. Sometimes she lets us try throwing pots on her wheel.”

“And Gramps lets us ride on his golf cart,” said Lisbeth.

Theo rolled to her stomach and pulled little white daisies out of the grass. She didn't want to go to
Vancouver—what if she ran into Rae? Maybe being there again would undo the magic. Her head ached with confusion.

To her relief the other two stopped discussing it. They lay still in a dreamy silence. Theo sat up and gazed at the colourful plots around her; some were planted with tulips and grape hyacinths. The fragrant air caressed her and she tried to stop worrying. Maybe it would be all right; surely her new family would keep her safe, even in Vancouver.

She remembered she was supposed to take some sand to school tomorrow, for a shoebox diorama she and Jasmin were making. “I need to go to the beach,” she said. “Want to come?”

The other two didn't answer. Had they fallen asleep?

But Anna's eyes were open and Lisbeth was humming, her hands in the air trying to catch falling blossoms. “I said, I'm going to the beach,” said Theo more loudly.

They ignored her. A chill gripped Theo. “Anna!” she cried. Anna continued to stare at the sky. Theo jumped up.
“Anna! Lisbeth!”

Anna sat up slowly, as if Theo had whispered, not shouted. “Did you say something?”

“Do you want to go to the beach?” croaked Theo.

“The beach?” Anna peered at Theo as if trying to put her into focus. “Sure! Come on, Lisbeth.”

Lisbeth stood up and gave Theo the same puzzled stare. Then she took her hand. “Let's go.” She held onto Theo all the way and Theo tried to forget what had happened.

B
UT IT HAPPENED AGAIN.
That night at dinner she asked John three times to pass the bread; he didn't seem to hear her. After dinner Ben sat right on top of her while she was reading.

“Ow!” cried Theo.

“Oh, it's you!” said Ben in a surprised voice. “I didn't see you.”

Didn't
see
her? How could he not see her?

Over the next few days it got worse and worse. Sometimes the family would have a long conversation without including Theo. In school Ms. Tremblay stopped asking her questions. Theo spent whole recesses standing alone while the other kids ignored her, the way they had in her previous schools.

What was happening? If Theo was forceful—if she shouted or clutched at someone—she could usually get her family or teacher or friends to notice her again. But they always did so in a slightly puzzled way, as if it took them a minute to remember she was there.

Theo became more and more frightened. On Thursday she woke up with a pounding headache. At breakfast she said she was sick and didn't want to go to school. She repeated it twice before Mum said, “You go back to bed, then. I'll come and check on you when the others have left.”

Theo huddled under her quilt and waited for a long time. Finally she stumbled to the head of the stairs. “Mum!” She had to call many more times before Mum appeared.

“What is it? Oh,
Theo
! I'm sorry, I'd forgotten you stayed home this morning.”

Forgotten? Theo sat down on the stairs and exploded in tears.

“What's wrong, Theo?” Mum came up and led her back to bed, then sat down on the end of it.

“You're—you're
all
forgetting me!” sobbed Theo. “All this week everyone keeps ignoring me! As if—as if I don't
exist
!”

“Now, Theo, that's nonsense. You're imagining things because you don't feel well.” Mum smoothed the quilt around her and gave her a kiss. “We'd never ignore you. You're one of us now! We love you! I'm going to bring you up some ginger ale, okay? I'll be right back.”

Theo tried to stop crying. That must be it. It must be feeling sick that made her feel so—so
invisible
. Mum's reassuring words calmed her. She waited for her to return.

She waited and waited but Mum forgot to come back.

Finally Theo crept downstairs. Mum's back was to her, concentrating on a painting. Theo stamped her feet and Bingo looked up from his cushion with surprise, but Mum didn't budge.

Theo opened the refrigerator door and got some ginger ale herself. She carried the glass upstairs, drank it quickly, then hid her head under the quilt and sobbed until she fell asleep.

W
HEN THE OTHERS CAME
home for lunch, Theo found she had disappeared for good. She stood in the kitchen in
her pyjamas and yelled until she was hoarse. “John! Anna and Lisbeth! Ben! Mum!” But now even Bingo and Beardsley ignored her.

Theo pulled at Lisbeth's dress, thumped John's back, and tried to pick up Ben. They all carried on eating their sandwiches and talking to each other.

“Please,”
begged Theo. “It's
me
. I'm your sister! I
belong
to you!”

They didn't hear her. Theo's throbbing head felt as if it were about to burst. The kitchen whirled; she swayed to keep her balance, then fell to the floor. She closed her eyes and all was darkness.

PART 3

Cecily

12

S
he opened her eyes to a blur of people and chairs and windows.

“No!” whispered Theo, shaking her head frantically. But she couldn't shake away the scene before her. She was back on the ferry.

Nothing had changed since she'd been sitting here with Rae. The teenager beside her was still opening his bag of chips. The peculiar-looking woman who had been standing by the window was back. She was still staring at Theo but then she walked away, giving Theo a last, yearning glance before she left.

I don't want to be
here
! thought Theo. But she was. That meant it must have been a dream after all—not magic. The long, blissful months she'd belonged to a real family hadn't happened. At least the awful time at the end hadn't happened either; but being back here was worse.

“What's eating
you
? You look strange.” Rae had slipped into her seat again.

“Where were you?” Theo asked in bewilderment.

“Out on the deck having a smoke, of course. I told you that—have you been asleep?”

“Did you see any kids out there?”

“Yeah, some. Why?”

“Did you see four in one family? Two boys and two girls?”

“I didn't look at anyone closely. Who are you talking about?”

Theo forgot to be careful. “The Kaldors!” she said. “John and Anna and Lisbeth and Ben! We were playing on the deck, pretending to fly. They were really nice.”

“On the deck?” Rae leaned forward and gripped Theo's arm. “Did you go outside after I told you to stay here?”

“No—I—I didn't really. Could you let go?”

Rae relaxed her hold but she glared at Theo. “Did you go out or not? I want the truth!”

“I didn't,” said Theo. “I just made it up.”

Rae leaned back in her seat. “What a weird kid you are. I can't figure you out.”