Awakening (7 page)

“What? Nora, that is bullshit. You clearly didn’t want to go, you didn’t even apply after we graduated. You said over and over again how thankful you were you didn’t apply your senior year. But go ahead, blame me.” He sits back in his chair holding his arms open.

Of all nights to have this fight! I am so tired, my nerves are frayed, and I don’t think I have the strength to do this right now. Exhausted and angry, I can’t think of what to say.

“That’s it? You’re not going to speak to me now?” He crosses his arms over his chest. “Nora, I’m so sick of the law school whining. If you really wanted to be a lawyer, you would already be one. You aren’t one, and therefore, you don’t want to be one. But hey, it’s too late now, isn’t it.”

“Too late? Too late how?” I ask without thinking, snapping back into the conversation. I cannot believe this is happening. How in the hell did we get here? I wanted to talk about passion and dancing and life!

He laughs. “Nora, you’re 25 years old, you want to get married, have kids, move on. What are you going to be, one of those older adults in college? Come on. You missed it.” He gets up to clear the table.

Missed it? I missed it? There are so many bombshells in that one statement, how can I even begin to sort them out? He wants to get married? He won’t even move in with me, yet he brings up marriage like it’s old news? Do I even want to get married? Am I that old?

I work to get my breathing under control. Kids? I’m still a kid, aren’t I? I’m still driving my first car, for Pete’s sake. How can he be thinking about kids? Do I want kids? I haven’t even begun to think about these things. I need to get my life together, I knew that deep down, but never knew it needed to happen right now. He’s talking about kids? No way.

My mind is so overloaded I just sit there reeling. I feel my mouth fall open.

“What?” He turns on his heel to face me.

“I—I—” I stutter. I have never fought with Darren. Never needed to, we’ve always had the philosophy that who ever cared more gets their way. I guess I never really cared.

I care now. I really, really care.

All at once I am done. I can’t hold it in any longer, and I burst into tears. I hate myself for crying; I just wanted to come home and take a long hot bath. The past 24 hours have just been too much.

“Jesus, Nora. What happened to you?” He looks concerned now. I am sobbing and can’t talk.

“I’m 24,” I blurt out. “I need to a take a bath.” I march back to the bathroom.

The water is soothing and Darren leaves me alone for a while. I can’t hear what he is doing, but I think he is still here. I can’t tell if I overreacted, but he just seemed so mean-spirited tonight. He’s always been annoyed by my law school dreams, but never so callous. He has never liked me in heels, but never said I look horrible in them.

I expected so much after the last couple of days, and instead I get this? This is why I never expect anything. Mom always said, ‘expect nothing and never be disappointed, always be surprised.’ I expected Darren to ask me to move in with him a while back, that didn’t happen. I didn’t even get a commitment to our relationship, just an ‘I like what we have.’ All I wanted to do was talk about the possibility of living a real life, about what it felt like to be so alive.

My problem now is I have expectations. I want to express my opinions, and I want to be able to shout at the top of my lungs what goes on in my head. I want a little control. I don’t need a lot, just a little control over where my life is going.

Darren comes in with a glass of wine.

“Hi,” he says, tentatively. “Do you want a glass of wine?”

I sit up in the bath to reach for the wine glass. “Sure, thanks.”

“So, you wanna talk about it? Bad day a work?” Using the toilet as a stool, he sits.

“I could ask you the same thing. You seem out of sorts tonight.” I almost pout, but stop myself.

His eyes widen in surprise. “Look Nora, every time you bring up law school, you do this to yourself. You work yourself up to this, this—well this!” He gestures to the bathtub. “You’ve been really happy recently and then, bam! First comes the law school comment, and then total meltdown.” He takes a deep breath. I sip my wine, letting the cold crisp flavor cool my throat.

“You’re happy with the way things are. You have a good job, a great apartment, good friends, and me. Why do you keep trying to change things?”

“But I don’t have a good job. It’s my placeholder job. Maybe I didn’t express myself well enough about that. And I don’t have you. We don’t live together, we see each other. At times we are great and at others—Well, it’s left me wanting.”

“Left you wanting? I don’t satisfy you?” His tone is contemptuous again. How can he go from soothing to hateful so quickly? I shrink in the bath.

“Really, Darren? That’s your take away?”

“And no,” Darren rants on as if he didn’t hear me. “You don’t express yourself. You never have. You wait for me to take care of everything.”

“You don’t have to take care of everything. You don’t let me have an opinion. Ever,” I shout back at him, splashing the water as I stand.

Now, I’m angry again. So much for this being an easy relationship. For three years I played it so cool, never wanting to fight, never wanting to be too strong or too pushy. He misread everything I did. Or I misread everything I did. Not knowing what to do next, I stare at him while he looks back at me with pity. Pity.

“I do express myself. You just don’t listen,” I yell, hating that look he’s giving me.

I know he’s right. I know I don’t fight for what I want. I vowed never to care that much after college, I just wanted everything to be easy. No school, no stress, no fights, no passion. I did this. I made this happen. My mind blocks the thought. I can’t think about it right now.

Reaching for a towel, I say, “I really think you should go now. I need to go to bed.”

He pauses and stares at me. His mouth opens like he is going to speak, but he closes it and turns on his heel, leaving the bathroom. I dry off and walk into my bedroom, not caring where Darren is anymore. I want to go to bed. I hear him in the other room as I turn off the lights and crawl under the covers. I just want this day to be over.

The room is cast with a dark blue hue while people mull around in the haze. I’m not sure where I am or what I am doing here. As I walk around, the people come into focus. They stand in groups of twos and threes, all of them swaying, kissing, or groping each other.

Now fully alert to my surroundings and focusing, I see two beds in one corner of the room, side-by-side, covered in white sheets. Two couples share one bed and one couple is on the other. As I get closer, my heart starts pounding in my chest. They are naked, or nearly naked, and either having sex or about to have sex. Right in front of all these people!

There are several couples lined against the wall surrounding the beds, watching. Some are kissing and glancing around, others are doing God knows what. I see a woman drop to her knees and open her partner’s pants. He tips his head back and leans against the wall while she pulls out his cock. She strokes him and teases him and finally puts his now even larger cock into her mouth. All while he is watching the action on the bed.

Horrified, I realize that I am completely aroused. My stomach muscles are tight. I feel a sweet vibration between my legs and can tell that I’m wet. Why is this turning me on? Why am I here?

It dawns on me that everyone here is with someone. Did I come here with someone? Am I part of a couple? Right on cue, I feel a warm hand on my side pulling me into a warmer body. I turn to see who is caressing me and gasp.

A man is standing next to me, his hand moving across my body and down my backside. Mmmm, it feels good. Again, I can’t see his face, but his touch is familiar. He smiles at me as he pushes me gently against the wall, kissing my neck. Tingling sensations shoot all the way down my body.

He caresses my lips and slowly moves down my throat. He slides his free hand down my chest to gently rub his fingertips over my breasts. Using both hands now, he pushes my breasts together, kneading them. Pausing for a moment, he steps back to take me in while inhaling. His admiration brings waves of pleasure crashing through my entire body.

From this angle, I see the couples on the bed and the woman on her knees across the room. One of the woman on the bed starts to moan, drawing everyone’s attention to her. She is building to her release as her partner maintains his slow and steady rhythm; we can all hear his focused breathing.

My mystery man steps back towards me and angles one of his legs between mine, slightly parting my legs. His thigh rubs against me while he grabs my breasts with both hands, pulling and teasing my nipples. My eyes close and I lean into his touch.

I let out a moan and hardly recognize my own voice. I feel his mouth on my breast and his teeth clamp around my hardened nipple, causing my eyes to fly open at the mixture of pain and pleasure.

Now my eyes dart around the room, taking in more of the wild scene in front of me. A man across the room catches my attention and our eyes lock. He is holding his partner’s head while she kneels in front of him. His mouth is slightly open as his eyes burn into mine.

My entire body electrifies. He is watching me watch him. His partner’s head bounces up and down as he inhales, all while I feel my partner’s hand slide down my stomach and slip deep inside the wettest part of me. Our eyes never waiver, and now there is no one in the room except the four of us. I see him clearly now. He is tall with board shoulders and intensely penetrating two-tone chestnut eyes. His look is so hot it burns my skin.

I feel my body respond to the fingers inside of me; my breath quickens. I am close to coming, and I feel like I should be paying more attention to the man in front of me, but I can’t take my eyes off the man across the room. He seems so familiar, yet I can’t place him.

Closing his eyes, I hear him moan and know that he, too, is about to come. He lets go of the woman at his knees and throws his hands out against the wall above his head. His body shakes as he comes in her mouth. That pushes me over the edge and I lose control. A blast of pleasure starting deep inside releases and I yell out.

My own screaming orgasm wakes me up. The strange room is gone and I am in bed in my own apartment. Darren is in bed with me, his hand on my breast, his mouth kissing my neck.

“Nora. Do you want me? Are you awake?” he whispers.

Breathless and disorientated, I grasp for my bearings. I feel Darren move toward me, but I push him away. What the hell is going on? I hear his breathing.

“Nora?” He presses his erection into my back. “Please.”

Feigning sleep I close my eyes and roll farther away from him. I can’t have sex with him after that dream. He can’t touch me or he’ll feel how wet I am. Why am I so wet? Darren moves away from me and I relax.

As I lie in the dark gathering my thoughts, it occurs to me where I’ve seen the man in my dreams, why he seemed so familiar to me. The man across the room was Ryan Cole.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Music from my alarm clock fills the room at 6:30 am. I wait, hoping Darren will turn it off. After a few seconds, I realize I’m alone in bed. Of course I am. Reaching over, I hit the snooze button and the music quiets.

Sitting up, I survey the room. There is no sign of Darren anywhere. “Darren?” I call out to the silent apartment. You have got to be kidding me.

On the kitchen counter there is a note, “Something came up. Needed to leave. Call you later. D.”

Really? Something came up between one in the morning and now? Yeah right. He just can’t sleep without his fucking nightlight!

I’m not surprised Darren left. He always leaves. But after that fight, what was he thinking? Why didn’t he just leave when I went to bed? Was he in here all night watching me sleep? Was he actually sleeping here or did he wait until I started to wake up from my dream? Will I ever understand him?

Sipping my coffee, I think about my dream. Never in my life have I dreamt anything like that. Why do I keep dreaming about Ryan? And who was that mystery man? The man at the club? So now I’m dreaming about both of them? Shaking my head, I start my shower in preparation for another grueling day. I need to be ready to face Ryan Cole again.

~~~

Julie comes rushing into my office, looking pale. “Mr. Cole and another lawyer just arrived. They’re waiting in the conference room.”

“What? Why? What happened?” This cannot be good. Julie shrugs. I take a deep breath as we head out together. Today I went for another power suit. Short grey striped skirt and fitted jacket with a white blouse. And yes, I went for the heels again. Darren be damned, I like wearing them.

We step into the conference room. Ryan is talking with a striking blonde. Her hair is long, cut in perfect layers falling to her shoulders and she is wearing a beautiful tan silk pantsuit, elegantly fitted yet flowing. She is breathtaking.

“Hello, Mr. Cole.” I walk in and extend my hand to his companion, “I’m Nora Young.”

She clasps my hand in a short, sturdy handshake and gives me a cold stare. “Yes, I know who you are, Nora. My name is Emily Stewart. I understand there are several problems with our upcoming event.”