AWAKENING (4 page)

Selange pouted. Alfonzo
re
acted out of anger and
his bullet bore a gaping hole in her
heart.
Her
eyes watered,
proof
her tears ducts worked. Gosh, Alfonzo was ruthless.
They survived every obstacle thrown in
their way. They overcame
every goddamn hurdle
, she even killed a man, well almost, Giuseppe
’s
bullet
did
–but
she
organized
the crew
and
got
the deed done,
didn’t she?
Thanks to her,
Frank Monticelli
lay six feet under
unable to strike at her
family again.
Did Alfonzo
remember this
,
or how she saved his ass from jail
last year
? Hell, no!

The
sacrifices
meant nothing
. She rubbed her wet cheek on her shoulder not wanting the tears to strike the baby’s scalp
and
pursed her lips tightly
t
ogether to
hold in the sound of despair
trying to escape. The punishment caused
pain
.
The loss of
almost everyone she loved was the source of it. She clung to her baby, glad to have her children to bring her joy.

Goodness, Alfonzo hadn’t wasted time putting himself on the market. He
frequented the
clubs,
travel
ed and
rubb
ed
her face in the shit. She stopped going on-line because there
were
picture
s of
him
with
women or
h
igh profile people
everywhere she turned
.
Bastard
!
He d
idn’t appear to have a care in the world. Selange wondered,
how
he claimed
to love her and
say, “
I can’t live without you
,”
or
“
you’re my world?
”
Then continue with his life without a care.
Oh, bullshit,
he was such a liar.
M
en
say that
lovey-
dovey crap
and then ‘boom
,
’
let
something rock their
boat and see what they do. Their behinds
jump
ship;
swim to shore and they live just fine
without
the
boat
!

‘Ugh, I’m not the sum of my mistakes.
He could’ve fought for me. We
were
a
team
;
good or bad,
we
were
supposed to be forever.
Didn’t he see that? Did he ever really love me
?
’

She closed her eyes and reached to her mother once more, ‘
Mother, I need you
, please help me
through this emotional crisis
.
When dad died you cried then you found the strength
.
I understand
i
t was really hard for you.
You were m
issing his touch and feeling his heart against yours
at night
.
In womanhood, I see. Oh, mom, I had it
, the love you felt for dad and Al, but
I
killed it. I sabotaged my happiness for a fleeting maybe. Help me mom, for the sake of your grandchildren,
give me
your wisdom,
guid
e me through
this and let me emerge a wiser woman
!
’

These were her private storms and loneliness
stirred the tempest. They were intermittent lapses which got through her defenses and caused her to wish Alfonzo had shot her with live ammunition because the emotional wound refused to heal.
When
she called out to her mom
during these moments
, she experienced peace and
a
renewed purpose.

She rocked until the sun
appeared. It brought
warmth
and
the promise of a beautiful day.
She lamented on the journey to get
t
here, thinking, ‘
My eyes have seen such tragedy. I wasn’t sure I wanted to open them again. Sometimes I lay in
bed;
hoping for the end –but then the sun came out and it warmed my soul. It was another day and I survived the past. My todays and tomorrows
began to blend
. S
oon
,
I emerged from the darkest place into light. I saw there were many things to live for and the loss of a man was survivable. Then, I began to rebuild from the inside out, slowly I have reclaimed my life.’

S
he
r
o
se
with the baby and placed her in the crib. A
lfonzo wasn’
t coming home.
He’d moved on and
the time had come for her to do the same
!

                                          
****

Music reverberated from the hidden speakers in
Alfonzo’s
bedroom. A throw-back jam
bounced across the soundproof
walls.
‘All I Want Is You,’ by Miguel
crooned loudly as
Alfonzo’s blue eyes followed the perky blonde’s descen
t.
Her
lips
left a
wet trail
on his skin.
The
sloppy kisses
failed to
excite him
. He boned her earlier, wrapped in plastic of course. He had a drawer full of condoms. They were his second religion
. He refused to
hear, “I’m pregnant,” by some random chica he cared nothing about.

Problem with this blonde is she wanted to go to the
orchestra section and
blow on the horn
but he wasn’t feeling it anymore
and
wanted
her gone. H
er
mouth
wrapped
around
the tip of his shaft suck
ing it
like a lollipop
and he experienced a
minor tingle
. Her head
started
a
frenzied motion
,
desperate to
elicit movement
from his limbs
. Alfonzo
remained
immobile,
watching with bored detachment, wondering why he continued with the farce. Last night, it was a redhead, the night before a brunette
,
prior to that an Asian with short cropped hair and each one he fucked hadn’t
eradicated
his ex-wife
.
He wanted
Selange extracted
from his b
lood
but she was like a festering cancer
that spread to
his
bone
s
!

The lyrics
didn’t improve
his sullen
mood;
instead they
stabbed at him like frozen steel
with
e
ach
smacking sound from the
young
woman’s lips.

‘
I wonder sometimes
,

I wonder if I was wrong
,

Try
in
’
do right by you got me here
,

Now all I am is alone
,

‘
Cause those eyes
,

And those hips and that ass
,

Don't compare
,
at al
l –no,

And at best, all they do is distract me
,

But now, deep down, when I face it
,

All I want is you
,

All I want is you
,
now,

All I want is you now
,

Now that you're gone, gone, gone
,

‘
Cause being a friend was killing me softly
,

Hear voices
,

Wondering where I went wrong
,

It was my fault, in the wrong time,

I wonder so often,
regret get exhausted
,

‘
Cause her eyes
,

And those hips
,

And that
ass,

Don't compare, at all
–no,

And at best, all they do is distract me
,

But now, deep down, when I face it
,

All I want is you
, hmm
…

Now that you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone
,

Cause they don't smile
,

Or smell like you
,

No they don't make me laugh
,

Or even cook like you
,

And they don't photograph
,

Nah, they don't sex like you
,

Let's face it, I can't replace it
,

That's why all I want is
you now...
’

Ang
ered
by his weakness for Selange, he sat forward abruptly. T
he
pale
blonde slid away
with
arms
outstretched
,
hands
press
ed
against his chest
and rubbed the tattooed pectorals undeterred. She tried to soothe his
irritability
, hoping to gain his interest for another go round but she had no
idea
this annoyed him
further
.
Every one of the
chica’s
paled in comparison to his ex-wife
.
Beyond
Selange’s
physical beauty
existed
a
unique soul
. With her, their souls merged and
he became
whole.
Trying to live without her
was
harder than he imagined
. The
pretense of living was killing him slowly. He
scowled
at the blonde’s attempt at a kiss
and
her
persistence
bordered
on
pathetic.
He
pulled her hands
off his body,
disconnected his lips
then
stepped to the floor
dragging her along,
“Time to go.”

Her mouth open
ed in
shock.
“What?”

“It’s getting late. I’m tired.”

“But, I thought we
were having a good time and we’d spend the
night together.”

Of course she
did
once he
screwed
her
, they all
had similar thoughts. H
e was
single
,
wealthy
and i
n their eyes a prospective husband or baby
-
daddy.
Some of the women
had
romantic
fantasies dancing around in
t
he
i
r vapid
brains
.
He
was
a mobster and nobody’s
potential
mark
.
She
shouldn’t be surprised at his
abrasive behavior
,
especially when
she
eager
ly
hook
ed
-up
after two drinks.
The
complimentary bottle
sent
to h
er
table
was an official introduction and prelude to a mutual objective.
Sex without attachment.