Away From the Spotlight (64 page)

“What abo
ut Stephen and Colin?”

“They can stay where they
are for as long as they want.”

Knowing that Will was subsidizing them, I asked,
“Will they let you help them?”

“Probably not, but I can
arrange it so they don’t know.”

I smiled, feeling better
since
Will would
ensure that they would be fine.

“What about my place?  I
still
have
nine
months left on my lease.”

“We’ll just buy our way out of it.
It shouldn’t be any big deal.”

“Wh
en do you want to buy a house?”

“As soon as possible.  We’re going to need a little better security than
we
have now.  As soon as the press learns of our marriage, it will be like it was
in September
.  We
’ll
have to plan on what
to do about your work as well.”

“I’ve fixed it somewhat already.  I p
laced
generic contact information on the State Bar’s website so the hate mail now goes to a P.O. Box and a sp
ecial e-mail account I set up.”

“You get hate mail?”

“Not so much now,
but
,
for a while, I did.  In the
beginning, there were letters and e-mails from fans angry that I had taken you away from them and ordering me to stay away from you.  Later, I received letters and e-mails, far fewer though, accusing me of breaking your heart and causing you to be a
‘
Hollywood
B
ad
B
oy
’
again.”

Will grimaced.  “And I thought I knew everything I
had put you through.”

“It doesn’t matter.
Anyway, I changed my work e-mail address and work phone number and kept them out of the State Bar and the firm’s websites.  The only thing I couldn’t prevent at that point were the people loitering around the building, showing up at my office,
and
calling the firm’s main number.  Building security and the receptionist stopped most people from coming in
to
the
office.  The receptionist sent all calls for me that she received
through the main firm telephone number
to my secretary to screen for a while.  But everything seemed to die down pretty quickly after we broke up.”  I paused for a second, and
then asked, “What did you do?”

“I went to New York.”

“Oh, yes.  I remember now
.  I saw some of the pictures.”

“You did?”
He looked horrified.

“Yes.  I couldn’t help it.  I did an internet search and saw some article about you being
single again and living it up.”

“I’m sorry.  I promise you I was
not
having fun.  I did it only to try to get the paparazzi to leave you alone.  I went to all the “in” places that I hate and posed with every woman I could before going back
to my hotel to pass out alone.”

“I’m sorr
y you felt you had to do that.”

“
You’re
sorry?  How could you be sorry?  You did nothing wrong.  We’ve spent three months apart and miserable because of
me
.”

“You’re forgetting that I did
something far worse than you.”

“I’m not forgetting, but you did exactly what I was trying to get you to do. 
As much as it hurts me to think about it, h
ow could I fault you for t
hat?”

“Easily.  If I hadn’t been weak and selfish, John would have gone home immediately.  You would have seen me that night and we would have
gotten back together
three weeks
sooner
.”

I could see in his eyes that he was thinking, “When you put it that way
,
”
b
ut he would not say it.

Will said nervously
, “I know I shouldn’t say this, but I always
felt that
John was more suited for you than me.  Did it feel that way when you were with him?”
I knew that it wasn’t what he meant, but it almost seemed like he wanted to know if
John
was better in bed than
him
.

I responded quietly, “No.  I don’t love him so I never felt that he was a match for me.  I slept with him at first in anger at you and then to feel wanted and loved after feeling rejected, unwanted
,
and
unlovable
.  He love
s
me and I used him.
  It was an awful thing to do.”

“He love
s you.”  It was not a question.

“I try to give him as much space as possible.  Our marriage will probably make
it easier for him to move on.”

“I made you feel rejected, unwanted, and
unlovable
?”  He was incredulous.

I nodded.

“I never meant to do that.  I thought you understood that I did what I di
d because I loved you so much.”

“That’s not how I took it.  I thought you couldn’t possibly love me if you could leave me because I know that I c
ould never stand to leave you.”

“As you can see,
I couldn’t stand to leave you.”

“I
see
that now.  I didn’t then.
T
hen you sent me flowers and I couldn’t figure out
why you wanted to torture me.”

“When I got home from the
Midnight 4
shoot, Kate told me
that
you told her your Bar
r
esults were expected soon.  I looked it up
on the internet
and found
out
that you passed
.  I
was so proud of you that I couldn’t help myself
and sent flowers to congratulate you
.  Once I had taken that initial step, I wanted to see you.  I fooled myself into thinking that all I wanted was to confirm you had moved on.  Once I saw John and thought that
you had, I realized I
really
had
wanted to get back together.  That’s when the show that I had been putting on for the paparazzi became reality.  Well, I don’t have to explain it to
you.  You saw it for yourself.”

“Yes.”  I frowned.

“It’s our
wedding night
.  W
hy don’t we g
e
t back to doing what we’re supposed to be doing?”

“You won’t get any argument from me.  We have three months to make up for – I hope you’re up
for
it
.”

“When I’m with you, I can’t help but be up for it
,
”
he said in a husky voice.

“I see.”  I kissed him and we returned to our wedding night activities.

The next day, we spent the entire day in the room until it was time to catch our evening flight home.  I didn’t want to go.  By the look on Will’s face, I could tell that he didn’t either.

Will and I spent the plane ride home as we had the plan
e
ride there, kissing in spite of our audience across the aisle.  I was relieved that there were no paparazzi awaiting us at the airport when we returned.  We made it back to Will’s car in peace and found that no one awaited us at the hous
e either.  We might just be able to be left alone for a while.  I hoped it would last as long as possible.

When we got home, Will carried me over the threshold again. 
Once
inside, we found no one there.  We quickly retired to Will’s room.  It was nice to be with him in his bed again.  I
n thinking this, I realized that
it was our bed now.  It was strange thinking about how the
distinction between what was
his and
what was mine
didn’t quite work anymore.  I then thought about how it probably hadn’t been smart of him not to make me sign a prenuptial agreement.  It was a little late now and I knew that he wouldn’t be happy if I brought something like that up as if I was planning on us divorcing.  At least I was pretty confident
that, if he broke us up again
since
I certainly wouldn’t do it, I wouldn’t want anything from him.  I tried to push that thought away, although that worry probably wouldn’t ever go away completely in light of the events of the last three months.

I arrived at work
on Monday morning
, knowing that I had one thing I had to do before starting my day.  It wouldn’t
be pleasant
.  I couldn’t let John hear about my marriage through the grapevine.  After all the pain I had caused him, I at least owed him to tell him in person first.

John usually got into the office early so I knew that I could catch him if I showed up a little earl
ier than my usual time
.  When I arrived, I went directly to his office, covering my rings with my right hand.
 
John’s
eyes registered
surprise
when
I entered his office and closed the door behind me.  It was no wonder.  We had spent little time together since th
ose few
night
s
in November and no time alone.
 
If he was at all hopeful that I was coming in to change my mind regarding the status of our relationship, I
’
m
sure
that my expression killed any hope.  I felt awful at what I had to do,
knowing
I would hurt him yet again, and I’m
certain
it showed.

“I have to tell you something and I wanted to tell you in person.  I wanted to prepare you before you heard it around the office.”

He looked sad.  “You’re back with Will.”

“Yes
, b
ut that’s not all.
We eloped.  I’m married.”
  I let go of my left hand and my rings showed.

John stopped breathing and his eyes seemed to well up a little before he controlled himself.  I felt wretched.

He tried to smile, but it came out almost as a grimace.  “I’m sure you’ll be happy.  It’s what you wanted.”

“I’m sorry I’m hurting you again.  Hopefully, this will be the last time.”  I frowned, seeing him sitting there looking a little broken and thinking of how I had felt when Will broke up with me.
 
I wanted to comfort him since I was the cause of his pain.  I walked around the desk to give him a hug.  He stood up and clung to me for a few minutes.

John
finally let go and I said, “I’m sorry.  You will always be special to me and, hopefully, we can be good friends now like we should have been.”  I didn’t look behind me as I left his office.

After that, I went to
Rachael
’s office.  I didn’t even have to say anything because sh
e noticed my rings right away.

“So was it a very Elvis wedding?” she asked facetiously.

“No.  For a quickie wedding, it was actually very elegant.  We got married in our suite at the Four Seasons overlooking the lights of Las Vegas.  It was just the two of us, a
m
inister, the wedding coordinator
,
and a photographer.”

“Will I see the photos in
all the magazines
?”

“Absolutely not.  No one knows yet.  Besides, Will had everyone si
gn
Confidentiality A
greements.
Pretty smart, considering I’m the one who’s the lawyer.”

“Are you going to h
old
a reception for everyone?”

“Yes. 
We
haven’t thought through the details yet though, but we’ll probably do it soon.  The longer we wait, the more chance word will get out and we’ll end up with chaos.”

“Do we still get to do a raunchy
bachelorette party
?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

After
Rachael
, I
told my secretary,
Marie
, who was very happy for me.  I warned her that we may be in store for more of what we had to deal with a few months back.
  She replied that she didn’t mind.  I hoped, rather than believed, that she meant it.

Finally, I went to speak to
Max
and Daniel and, luckily, found them together in
Max
’s office. 
I closed the door behind me and sat in one of the client chairs next to Daniel.
From the expressions on their faces, t
hey apparently already knew, s
o
I asked, “How is John?”