Back in the Lion's Den (15 page)

There was also something else worrying her, that she couldn’t even bring herself to dwell on while she was in the state she was in. She was glad, therefore, when Saturday came and she could pack Daisy and Shadow into the car.

Her cell phone rang just as they were leaving for the airport. Fortunately she was just passing a retail park, and pulled off the main highway to answer it.

‘Sienna?’ Conan’s voice at the end of the line sent her mind into chaos. ‘Sienna, don’t hang up on me. I want to see you. We need to talk.’

‘There isn’t anything to talk about,’ she protested, wishing he would leave her to recover from the pain of loving him, even while her body was turning traitor on her, forcing her to
remember the insurmountable pleasure of being his. ‘I can’t talk right now anyway. I’m going away. I need some space.’

‘I know what you need—what we both need,’ he stated firmly. ‘And it isn’t space.’

Sienna sucked in her breath as every erogenous cell in her body reacted to the stimulus of his words just at his incredible voice. ‘I’ve got to get going.’ Her own voice cracked under the weight of her hopeless feelings for him. ‘We’re going to be late.’

‘Where are you going anyway?’ he demanded, controlled and authoritative in comparison.

‘If you must know we’re going to Spain!’

Behind her an excited Daisy was kicking her legs against her car seat, asking to speak to her uncle. It didn’t help either that Shadow, catching the familiar tones of the disembodied voice, was leaning through the gap in the seat and panting into her left ear.

‘No, Daisy. Not now!’ Regretting her impulse to snap at the little girl, Sienna had to bite her tongue to stop herself telling Conan to leave her alone—to leave them all alone. He had ties with Daisy and always would have, she reminded herself ruefully, knowing she should have given far more thought to this situation before she had gone so eagerly into his bed.

‘It sounds like you’ve got your hands full. Why don’t I come and meet you at the airport?’

‘For what reason, Conan?’

From the deep breath she heard him draw he was clearly becoming impatient. ‘For the simple reason that I’d like to see my niece.’

Of course. What was she expecting him to say? That he loved her? That the past couple of weeks had been torture and that he couldn’t live without her? There was a painful little twist to her mouth as she told him, ‘Then you’ll just have to wait until she gets back. Now, if you don’t mind, I’ve got a plane to catch so I can start to get on with my life!’

‘And that’s really how you feel?’

No, I want you, and I can never have you!
she agonised silently. Bravely, though, with her shoulders drawn back, she murmured into the mouthpiece, ‘That’s how I feel.’

At the other end of the line, Conan took another deep breath and held it. She wanted to get on with her life, she’d said, and what right did he have to try and stop her? None whatsoever, his conscience told him, even if he couldn’t bear the thought of her sleeping with any other man.

There was no future for them and he’d known it from the start. He just hadn’t listened to the voice of reason when it had told him how awkward sleeping with his niece’s mother would make things for them in the long term. He had wanted Sienna too much for that. He guessed now that he would just have to arrange for his chauffeur to pick up Daisy whenever he or her grandmother planned to see her. That wouldn’t be too difficult, and at least it would mean that his and Sienna’s paths wouldn’t cross, which surely was the most sensible thing all round. It was time to let her go.

That decision made, it was in a tone devoid of any emotion that he breathed into the phone he was gripping with a tension that surprised him, ‘Then goodbye, Sienna.’ The click as he cut them off signalled the end of an era.

Sienna stared at her phone as though it was something she had never seen before, let alone just used to terminate her affair with the only man she knew now she had ever truly loved.

Harrowed and shocked, she willed him to ring back, so she could tell him that she hadn’t meant it. That she didn’t want to get on with a life when he wasn’t in it. But the plain and simple truth was that she had to. Wasn’t that why she’d allowed the argument to take the turn it had? Wasn’t it better that they ended the affair now, when they could both walk away with their dignity intact, rather than at some later date when Conan, having tired of her and started seeking new pastures, walked away under his own steam, leaving her dignity in tatters?

Except that right then she didn’t care about her dignity or
her self-respect, because the ache that spread outwards from the region of her heart seemed to be suffocating her.

Emotion welled up in her until she could scarcely draw breath and the busy car park in front of her was nothing but a blur.

She had to breathe. Focus on that, she thought. She was wondering how she was going to keep from breaking down in front of Daisy—until a little voice piped up from the back seat, ‘Mummy, I want to go to the toilet.’

She was grateful for that mundane demand that made her focus on something else. Her responsibilities. Not this stifling and all-consuming agony that she knew would take her over if she let it.

‘All right, darling.’

That duty discharged, she led Daisy back from the public conveniences and told her to stand beside her and not move while she got the orange juice that the little girl had been asking for out of the boot.

Rummaging in her bag, and then in the pocket of her casual jacket, it hit her suddenly that she had been so wound up over Conan when she had got out of the car that not only had she forgotten to lock it, she had even left her keys in the ignition!

Berating herself for her carelessness, she was only half aware of a dog barking somewhere in another vehicle as she opened her door to retrieve them. What she didn’t expect was for Shadow to come leaping over her seat, nearly knocking her off-balance as he shot out of the car and went haring off across the tarmac.

The only thought in her mind to strap Daisy safely in the car, so that she could go after the dog, Sienna spun round—to meet every mother’s worst nightmare.

The little girl who had been standing beside her less than half a second ago had darted out after Shadow into the busy car park.

‘Daisy!’ Sienna screamed, her feet flying as she tried to
reach her. But, too late, life suddenly took on the aspect of some horrifying dream.

Almost in slow motion, it seemed, she saw the wheels of the brake-screeching four-by-four skidding on the wet tarmac, and then the little figure in the red anorak and pale leggings went down before her eyes.

C
ONAN
felt as though he had been sitting there in that hospital ward for days, when in fact it must only have been a matter of hours.

When Sienna had rung him, sounding almost hysterical, at first he hadn’t been able to grasp what she was saying. When he had, a dread had taken hold of him such as he had never experienced before, immobilising him, rendering him speechless, unable to think.

He who could turn vast corporations around, who had been clear-headed enough to build a commercial empire from next to nothing, had suddenly been thrown into chaos. One minute he had been arguing with Sienna on the phone and the next she was ringing to say that Daisy had had an accident and was being rushed to the hospital. And when she’d managed to tell him what had happened he’d found himself praying as he’d never prayed in his life.

Not Daisy!
he had heard himself silently begging.
Please! Not Daisy!
He’d been tortured then by all the chances he had had to show the little girl his affection and hadn’t, when she had shown him so much. Like climbing on his knee when he’d reluctantly agreed to read her a story. Like leaving him her precious hippo. Like clinging to him, sobbing, that last time he had seen her because she hadn’t wanted him to go.
You’ve taken Niall!
he’d thundered silently to anyone who might have been listening, battling with anger, guilt and a cold, overriding
fear.
Isn’t that enough? Or won’t you be satisfied until you’ve taken Daisy too?

Except that the four-by-four hadn’t hit her, as they had at first feared, he reflected now with agonising relief, although no one could believe how it had managed to miss her. It had been tripping over a kerbstone and banging her head on the ground that had left her worryingly concussed. But even that frightening interlude was over now, because she had regained full consciousness not long after he’d arrived at the hospital and, with thorough tests revealing no other serious injuries, she was sleeping quite normally.

‘She’s going to be fine.’ From the other side of the bed, Sienna almost mouthed the words across the little slumbering form, her smile tremulous, her moist eyes tired and dark, her face racked with the same pained relief that he was feeling.

He nodded, but didn’t say anything, tension clamping his jaw as he turned away, battling with the welling of emotion.

He had taken off his jacket and tie earlier, and unfastened the top button of his shirt. His hair was dishevelled from where he had been raking his fingers through it, Sienna noticed. His chin was heavily shadowed with a day’s growth of stubble, and his rugged features appeared so lined that he seemed to have aged five years since she had seen him last. But then he’d been worrying about Daisy, she thought. After all, she was his brother’s child. And in that moment she was immensely grateful that she had never had to tell him the truth about Niall.

‘The nurse I spoke to on my way in here thought she was my daughter,’ he imparted in an oddly gruff voice.

Because of their shared surname, Sienna realised. It was a natural mistake to make.

Doing her best to hide the anguish of his crushing, final goodbye over the phone, before this awful thing had happened to Daisy, with an ironic little twist to her mouth, she murmured, ‘I hope you put them straight.’

Again he didn’t answer—but then neither did she expect him to. He was just being considerate in not telling her he had after all she had been through this evening, she thought, closing her eyes against the pain of ultimately losing him.

Sienna had telephoned her parents earlier, to tell them what had happened, and Faith Swann had been almost hysterical, insisting on flying over from Spain immediately. Conan had arranged for them to be flown over in one of his private jets, and they’d arrived in the early hours, her mother crying with relief to know that her granddaughter was going to be all right, her father fishing for his handkerchief before turning away, saying he had something in his eye.

Conan had also arranged for them to be put up in one of the best hotels near the hospital, putting a car and driver at their disposal so that they wouldn’t have to worry about getting around while they were in England. Just as effortlessly, Sienna remembered, he’d arranged for someone to pick up her car from that car park, along with Shadow who, having returned, had been lying dutifully beside her when the ambulance arrived, and was now being looked after by a member of Conan’s staff in the exclusive penthouse apartment he occupied when he was in town.

‘Conan hasn’t been able to do enough for us. And all at his own expense!’ her mother crooned, enjoying dropping his name for the benefit of a nurse who had just come to check on Daisy. ‘Which tells me that he’s more than a little bit interested in you, Sienna.’

Sienna pretended to smile, fixing her gaze on the pink patterned curtain that hung beside Daisy’s bed so that no one would see the raw emotion slashing her face.

The hospital discharged Daisy that afternoon.

Conan had left earlier, called back to his office by some business only he could sanction, and Sienna couldn’t help wondering whether, now that he knew Daisy was going to be
all right, he’d felt relieved to get away. After all, he wouldn’t want any further complications with his niece’s mother.

Faith and Barry Swann had already left the ward with their granddaughter a few minutes ago. Now, checking there was nothing of Daisy’s left in the room, Sienna swung the holdall her parents had brought in with fresh clothes for them both over her shoulder and took the lift down to the ground floor, trying not to think about Conan and how empty her life was going to be without him, or even how she was going to cope, although she knew she had to. Had to hang on to that self-sufficiency she prized—especially in the light of what that shockingly revealing test she had done two days ago had confirmed.

Her parents weren’t actually waiting for her in Reception, as expected, but
he
was, and Sienna’s legs seemed to turn to mush as he looked up and saw her.

Tall and imposing, he had freshened up in the short time he had been gone, and his dark physical presence was utterly mind-blowing.

In black jeans and a grey, white and black multi-striped shirt, with his clean, sleek black hair just brushing his collar, he exuded a lethal blend of ruggedness and sophistication that no woman—herself included, Sienna thought hopelessly—could ever hope to resist.

‘Conan!’

Her anguished sapphire gaze locked with the green-gold of his, and there was such dark emotion beneath the black fringes of his lashes that her heart seemed to stop from the intensity of it.

Nothing in his tone, however, revealed what he was thinking as he said, ‘I gather the little invalid’s been pronounced fit enough to leave?’ When she nodded, he asked, ‘What about you?’

‘I’m fine,’ she murmured, although having nearly lost her precious little daughter last night she was feeling anything but. Yet he’d been there too, she remembered, sharing every
minute of those worrying hours with her after Daisy had been brought in. And through the night they’d kept up an almost silent vigil beside her bed. Like parents, she thought achingly, united in their worry and their love for a child they had created—longed for—though in reality nothing could have been further from the truth.

‘You don’t look it,’ he said.

‘Neither do you.’

He had shaved since she had last seen him, though there were still dark shadows under his eyes. And although he was casually dressed, and looking coolly magnificent, she sensed an air about him that was far from relaxed—like a caged animal wanting to be free.

Which was exactly what he was, she realised, harrowed.

‘I can manage,’ she protested, as he relieved her of the holdall.

He merely indicated for her to precede him through the sliding doors.

Sienna didn’t argue, because that cedarwood scent of him was enervating, and because when his sleeve had brushed her arm just then it had sent a flood of torturous memories coursing through her. Making love with him on his yacht, the boat a white pearl against the blue water. Being worshipped like a goddess on the table in that vast kitchen in the villa. Lying naked on his bed and provoking him with that glass of wine until his control had snapped.

Outside the day was gentle, with the mellow warmth of autumn, and a golden sun was shining through a gap between the buildings on the other side of the busy road, making even the concrete city look kind.

‘Where are Mum and Dad?’ she asked, looking towards the parking bays for the Mercedes and the chauffeur he had provided them with.

‘They’ve gone ahead with Daisy. I assured them I would see you got home safely,’ he said.

Which would have pleased Faith Swann immensely, Sienna
decided, guessing that his popularity couldn’t go up any more notches with her mother if he had tried.

‘Why?’ she demanded, hurting, but he didn’t respond as he guided her across the tarmac to where his car was park.

The BMW shut out the world as Conan closed the passenger door and came around the bonnet, a secure and achingly familiar bubble of luxury that was exclusively his.

He didn’t say anything to her as he steered the big car through the London traffic. Perhaps he knew she didn’t want to converse, she considered. Or maybe he was just thinking that everything had been said.

‘Where are we going?’ Lost in her thoughts, she didn’t notice the slip road for her suburb until they’d cruised past it.

‘We have to talk,’ Conan said.

She darted him a glance, her forehead puckering. ‘What about?’ Her stomach started churning queasily.

‘We didn’t part very amicably over the phone yesterday. And then what happened afterwards …’ He cast his eyes across the space between them. ‘I can’t help feeling that I somehow managed to contribute to it in some way.’

By saying goodbye?

If he meant she’d left her keys in her car, which had set off the train of events that had led to Daisy’s accident, because she hadn’t had her mind on what she was doing—something she’d been rebuking herself for ever since—then, yes, perhaps he might have contributed just a little.

Instead, though, she said, ‘No, you didn’t,’ desperate to keep him from guessing how cut up she was about breaking up with him. ‘It was all through my own stupidity. It had no bearing on anything you said—anything either of us said. It was just one of those unfortunate things.’

He exhaled heavily through his nostrils. ‘It isn’t my usual policy to end a relationship over the phone like that. I think I just lost patience with you, Sienna.’

So he was going to do it now, like a civilised human being? But how civilised was it tearing someone’s heart to shreds!

‘Over the phone. By text. Even by carrier pigeon …’ She shrugged, uttering a forced little laugh to hide the anguish that was only increasing with every mile they covered, using the very words he’d used when he’d accused her of being difficult to contact that day, endless weeks ago, at the gym. ‘What does it matter?’ It would still have been like a knife in her heart if he’d dressed it up with roses and champagne! ‘Anyway you were right. It was pointless going on as we were.’

‘Nevertheless …’ That one word, drawn so erratically from him, seemed to emphasise the finality of what he was about to add. ‘After all we shared together I had no right treating you like that. Even with a more casual association I would have chosen a much kinder way.’

Was
there a kinder way? Some easier option than telling someone who was desperately in love with you that they would never mean a thing to you?

Only kinder to yourself!
she thought, biting the inside of her cheek to stop herself from making a complete fool of herself and breaking down in front of him.

He didn’t say anything else, and so Sienna sat gazing out of her window at the rows upon rows of houses whizzing by, grateful if only for the silence that delayed their inevitable parting as the houses gave way to offices and shops and the shops became leafy suburbs. Eventually suburbia became open fields bordered by russet and amber hedges, green swathes of pasture grazed by gentle cattle, acres of ploughed earth creating a rich patchwork against harvested gold.

Almost without her realising it Conan pulled off the main highway, bringing the car to a standstill in a leafy lane.

‘Shall we get some fresh air?’

She nodded, taking too long to get out, so that he was around her side of the car and offering his hand before she could avoid it. The contact was painfully electric.

Hastily she dragged her fingers out of his and moved towards the riverbank alongside which they were parked. Here a narrow ribbon of water flowed silently beneath shading trees,
glistening silver as it twisted and turned, cutting a path across the mellow fields.

They had to talk, he had said. So now he had brought her to this quiet place to make it easier on himself to finish with her. She couldn’t bear that. Didn’t think she could take the pain of hearing him say it again.

He came to stand beside her, a man who had witnessed such mental and physical brutality by his stepfather that he had closed himself off and was too afraid to love, and yet he had stolen her heart with the depth of tenderness he was capable of.

Taking the initiative, she said quickly, trying to get it out before her voice could crack and betray what she was really feeling, ‘There’s no need for either of us to add anything to what was said over the phone yesterday. Let’s just leave it like that. We can make arrangements for Daisy to see Avril through one of your staff. I’m sure you’ve got people who can handle these things, or I can always take her there myself. We don’t need to stay in touch with each other.’

He dipped his head—rather hesitantly, she felt, but then it was all part of his act of being kind. And suddenly as the reality of what was happening hit her, it felt as though the earth had stopped spinning. Any second now she’d be slipping off the edge and tumbling down and down into some dark and timeless chasm, and all this pain and misery would mercifully end.