Back to December (Ward Sisters Book 1) (40 page)

And Emily had no clue what to do with that.

During her time with Rob, Em learned to think outside the box and go with the flow. Marcus was impressed with the questions she had asked Ronin Edgars, particularly the ones she had formulated after seeing the film. And that had given her confidence to do the same during the MoMA show. Before meeting Rob, Old Emily would have been too inflexible, would have stuck too closely to the script she'd written for herself beforehand, to have been that inventive.

How could her time with Rob have been a mistake, then? She could only conclude that it hadn't. Which meant that her real mistake was when she walked away and listened to those voices that told her to run. She allowed admonitions from her mother, Annie and Josh convince her she had been a fool.

She wasn't a fool until she'd listened to that witch Rachel, ignored the truth, and nurtured her fears.

After a few weeks distance, she knew that Rob hadn't used her. She watched the Oscars. He'd been thrilled to see David win. They even showed him jump up, give David a standing ovation and hug him as he walked to the stage. She recalled how Rob had reacted at the Globes, how shocked he'd been that morning to get the nomination.

Rachel's manipulations and the words of her family had made her doubt Rob.

Without those things, would she ever have thought him anything less than genuine? Would she have ever believed him to be anything but madly in love with her? He'd confessed to liking her within hours of their meeting. That second night at dinner, his feelings overwhelmed him to the point of tears because they were so unexpected in such a short time.

And that was all before they discovered how deep their sexual and emotional connection could really go.

Why had she listened to the voices of her mother, Annie and Josh instead of people like Liam, Kelly, Amy, and Reggie?

Has Rob always been insecure?

Yeah. I think he still feels like the geek at the cool kids' table.

Even though he's been a movie star for almost 10 years?

He doesn't think of himself that way, Em. It's probably a good thing he doesn't. He could be a total douche like half the guys in Hollywood with a quarter his fame and a tenth of his paycheck. And unlike those guys, he'd probably be worthy of it.

Lucky for Rob, he deserves someone as great as you. If he didn't, I'd kick his ass and tell you to dump him. I don't care if he is my boss.

I don't know if you've noticed, but he still acts and thinks like the gawky boy he used to be. I don't think he believes the guy he sees in the mirror is real. Never mind the one on the screen.

He deserves to be happy. To be loved and to have a good life. He's a great person. He's not perfect, but he's pretty damn close. And I'm his sister. I'm inclined to think he's a brat. Just be careful with him, okay? He's been unlucky in love.

Most people in his position are narcissistic and obnoxious by now. He's down to earth and never, ever full of himself.

Emily had intentionally hurt the man she loved and she wasn't sure she could ever forgive herself for it. She could only hope she hadn't caused either of them irreparable harm.

Central Maine, four months after New Year's...

“What you need,” Meg declared as she dipped her fries in ketchup, “is a palate cleanser. You know, like you have at a wine tasting.”

Em sipped her iced tea. They ate a late dinner at a hole-in-the-wall diner on the way home from Bucksport to Portland. They'd visited their parents for Easter and to deal with Charlie's wedding details.

Emily sighed and nibbled at her Cobb salad.

“I know what a palate cleanser is, Meg. I don't want a palate cleanser. I don't want to forget him. I don't want to forget one single thing about him. I regretted leaving as soon as I walked out the door of the beach house. I didn't want to believe he'd use me or that he'd hurt me, but I was so humiliated by what Rachel said that I couldn't stay. Old Emily took over and pushed me out that door. It was the hardest thing I've ever done.”

“Then go back to him. Tell him you still love him. That you were just hurt and that you made a mistake.”

“I was horrible to him! Why would he ever want to speak to me again?”

“Maybe he won't. But if you don't try, then you won't know. You can't sit around for the rest of your life in love with him and turning into a spinster because of it. You have to try to move forward. Either you attempt to get him back or you cleanse your palate and get on with life. Take your pick.” She stabbed a fried shrimp and dipped it in cocktail sauce.

Em pushed around the contents of her salad. “I'm not ready. It hasn't been that long. Don't you get twice as long to get over a relationship as it lasted? We were together for six weeks. I've got eight more left.”

Meg sighed. “Okay. Fine. I'll give you that. At the end of those eight weeks, you're going out with me. And I want you to at least
consider
taking some hot guy home with you.”

“
Fine
. I'll consider it. But I won't say I'll do it.”

“I'm not expecting you to
do
it. I know Old Emily wouldn't have, anyway, but even New Emily has her standards. You're not one-night-stand material.”

Em gave her a sad smile as the tears sprang to her eyes. “Rob said that to me once.”

“Oh, honey, I didn't mean to make you cry. Why did he say that to you?”

She laughed as she sniffed. “He told me that Liam thought I was hot but that he'd never hit on me because I wasn't one-night-stand material. Too bad I couldn't introduce you to Liam. He's cute. And he's like you, likes no strings.”

“I'd go for strings with the right person. I haven't met him yet.”

Emily laughed. “I don't think you ever will, Meggie. You're picky.”

In a haughty voice she replied, “I'm particular. There is a difference.”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

Just then, Em's phone chimed an incoming email alert. It was from Charlie. She sent a link to an article about a publicity scandal. Em was about to click out of the page when she saw the name Amy Ramirez. She read further and was stunned.

“Earth to Em? What's that all about?”

Emily shook her head. “Hold on.” She finished the article and said, “Holy shit.”

“Okay, Em, you're scaring me. You never say shit. What's going on?”

“Charlie sent me an article from the
The Hollywood Reporter
.” Em shook her head, dumbfounded.

“Did something happen to Rob?”

“In a manner of speaking. You know that his sister, Amy, is his publicist?” Meg nodded. “Well, her assistant, Barry, was just fired. He was busted as part of a ring of publicists and publicist's assistants who were selling information to the tabloids without their clients' consent. A bunch of them are being sued for slander. I guess there was a lot of false information involved.”

“Wow. That's big. I bet the money on that one is huge. Why are you so shocked? Money grubbers are par for the course in Hollywood.”

“It's not that. The article said that Amy was the one who broke the case. She planted information with Barry because she suspected him when she couldn't figure out where there were leaks in her organization. I was there, Meg. I was right there when she told him the false information.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because the four of us, Amy, Barry, Rob and me, we talked about leaking a fake story that Rob was ready to propose again – to me – to see if it surfaced. But I thought Amy had decided not to bother. That's what she said later, anyway.”

“Then how do you know it was that?”

“Because that's one of the things Rachel said to me. She told me that Rob was ready to propose again. I was so upset about the kiss that I though she meant to her and she went with it. She played me, Meg. She knew. I guess that showed up later in one of the tabloids and that was how Amy figured it out. Only the four of us knew that plan.”

“I saw something that said sources close to Rachel and Rob indicated he was ready to propose to her again. I thought maybe it was true, given what you told me about the breakup and the kiss. They haven't been seen together though. So, you're saying that Rachel heard that from Barry, that she assumed it was about her?”

“No, I think she knew it was about me and she was jealous. I think she was trying to break us up, Meg.”

The whole thing slammed into Emily like a Mack truck. “Oh, God! What did I do?”

Meg moved closer to Emily and hugged her. “Em, you didn't know.”

Emily started to cry so hard she was practically hyperventilating. “But I hurt him! Not only did I say he was a liar, I told him I didn't love him! That I used him on purpose! I didn't use him on purpose, Meg!”

“I know, hon. You need to breathe. Come on. Calm down. That's it, take some deep, slow breaths.”

Emily calmed down a little, but she was still shaken. “Meg, you don't understand. He's prone to depression. What if I hurt him badly enough that he does something stupid?”

“You really think he'd do something stupid? Or that his family would let him out of their sight if he's perpetually sad? I assume they know about his depression?”

“Yes. Yes, you're right. They won't leave him alone. They'll make him go to therapy. Still, oh, God. I couldn't live with myself if I hurt him like that, Meg! I love him so much!”

Meg hugged her tightly. “He'll be okay, Em. He's got a good support network, right? That's what's most important. And you said he's in therapy?”

She nodded. “He told me he goes more often when he needs it. His mom wouldn't let him skip it. She'd make him go, even if she had to stay with him and walk him in the door. And I guess if he's talking to his therapist, then he's probably going to be okay, right?”

“Chances are, yes. It'll be okay, Em. You'll be okay too. I think you need to see someone, hon. I love talking to you and I'm always here, you know that. But I think it's time you went to see someone in an official professional capacity. You've been through a lot the last few months. I've never seen you this affected by anything. Not since high school. Your mother trained that side of you into obscurity. Meeting Rob let you tap into that passion and emotion again. But you're not equipped to handle it. You should learn how to let it in without allowing it to overwhelm you. You need professional help to deal with that, and it would be unethical for me to treat you as a patient, Em.”

“You're right. I told Rob that when he first confessed about the depression and therapy, that I should probably go, too. I never realized how much it all affected me, Meg. I didn't think I was that unhappy.”

“You can't appreciate true sorrow until you have experienced true joy and vice versa. I'd say you've had some big doses of both recently. It's about time you really sat down and processed that. I'll make some calls, see if I can get you in this week, okay? In the meantime, remember that New Emily has been trying to stop controlling every outcome and go with the flow more. You couldn't have known, Em. If you had known, you would have acted differently. And so far, there isn't anything out there in the cyberverse that indicates he's struggling. Believe me, they'd be on it like flies on shit if there was anything to report.”

“Do you think that means...”

Meg put up her hand. “I think it means that he's okay, that he's coping. Nothing more. It doesn't mean he didn't love you or that he's moved on or that he went back to Rachel.”

Emily heaved a heavy sigh. “Okay. I'll try not to dwell on it. Let's get out of here. I'm not really hungry anymore.”

“Only if you promise to take a brownie for the road. You need a chocolate fix to boost your mood.” Em tried to smile, and she agreed, but brownies made her think of Rob, and that just made her sad.

She had been convinced that she made a mistake before. Now she was certain it was true. How could she live with that fact? That she had thrown away the best thing to ever happen in her life because she was too afraid of it?

She ran at the first sign of trouble. She didn't deserve him. He begged her to stay, and she wouldn't listen. The only thing to do now was hope he'd want her back, would come find her, or that the universe would bring them back together. And barring a move on Rob's part that made her believe he still cared for her, it was unlikely they'd speak again.

Because she couldn't beg him.

She wouldn't make a fool of herself twice.

Portland, Maine, four and a half months after New Year's...

Emily hated the month of April until she moved to Portland and lived in town. Once there was less mud, she could appreciate the beauty of leaf sprouts and flower buds. After all the drab, dirty days of late winter, April offered a chance to enjoy nature again.

One Saturday in late April, Charlie arrived for her first wedding dress fitting. She had purchased the dress from the bridal shop near Emily's office because they were the only place in Maine who carried the gown she wanted. It was inspired by Audrey Hepburn's black and white creation in
Sabrina
. Emily had been tasked with progress checks on both the wedding gown and the bridesmaid dresses.

After seeing Em's dress at the gala on New Year's Eve, Charlie was convinced she wanted a similarly styled bridesmaid dress in a soft yellow. It had been impossible to make an identical match, so they found an approximation. Chiffon instead of organza and column instead of a cross between A-line and ballgown, the dress still had the mile- high slit and the strapless, rouched, straight neckline and bejeweled bodice and skirt. It was good enough for Charlie, and Em didn't point out that it hardly came close to the dress she wore because, well, it didn't really matter.

Both the bridesmaid dresses and Charlie's gown had finally arrived, so they planed to try them on and to do some more wedding shopping in Portland. Em intended to surprise Charlie with a trip to New York later for shoe shopping at Louboutin, but they still wandered around Portland looking for everything from favor ideas to shoes and possible attendant gifts.

As they left a paper shop on Free Street, Emily looked up the street toward the coffee shop and swore she saw Liam. She shook her head and walked in the direction of the cafe, but a crowd of cruise ship tourists blocked her view. When she finally saw around them, he was gone. She stopped at the sound of Charlie's voice.

“Emma Bean? Earth to Emily? Come in Emily?”

“Sorry, Charlie Brown. I just...I thought I saw...”