Back to Life (19 page)

“I
shouldn’t have done that,” Emanuel announced as he started to back out of the room.

“
Emanuel, where did that come from?” I inquired as I picked up my phone without looking at it.

We both stopped, contemplating the other’s remark. Our eyes never left one another.

“I’m going to take that ride now. Emily should be here soon.” Emanuel turned on his heel and walked down the hall.  I followed him down the hall, but I paused at the threshold of the living room.  He got to the front door and paused. He didn’t turn around, but I knew that he knew I was still there.  “Sahara, I need to get out of here. But if you need me, call me.  My number is still the same.” His voice was low and strained. He opened the door and walked out, gently closing the door behind him.

You can’t just kiss someone
like that and then leave! And without explaining or at least talking about it,
I thought incredulously.  I almost ran after him, but my phone buzzed again.  I unlocked my phone and two text messages popped up on the screen.

Tyree Barker: I just called to l
et you know we decided to barhop for old times’ sake.

Tyree B
arker: I’m having fun but I miss you baby girl.

Ty!
I thought guiltily. Since I was blindsided by Emanuel picking me up, I hadn’t thought about the man that I love, the man who gave me the strength to even return to Thomasville. 
What is wrong with me?
I scolded myself as I quickly texted back.

Sahara Lee: Have fun baby!

Tyree Barker: You okay?

Sahara Lee: I’m tired but good.

Tyree Barker: I’ll call you as soon as I leave.

Sahara Lee: Don’t rush. I want you to have a good time.
Enjoy yourself tonight! But don’t drink too much :)

Tyree Barker:
Ha! I told the guys I would have one to celebrate getting the gang back together but that’s it. I love you baby girl

Sahara Lee: I love you too.

My eyes watered as I locked my phone and slid it into my back pocket. 
I’m in love with Ty. He is THE ONE,
I thought emphatically.
So why did Emanuel throw me for a loop?
I started to walk back to the guest bedroom when I heard the key in the front door.  Not ready to confront the unexpected thought that just popped in my head, I didn’t turn to acknowledge Emanuel. But when I didn’t hear the door shut, I turned to see what was going on.

“Sahara,” she
choked out with tears in her eyes.

My already watery eyes spilled over onto my cheeks. “Emily.”

Chapter 18    

We looked at each other and I’m sure her expression matched my own.  For 30 seconds, neither of us breathed.  I just stood taking in the sight of my best friend. Her once long black hair was cut to her shoulders and hung in gentle waves.  Her tall, long body looked fuller—she had hips.  She was dressed in a red shift dress that complimented her olive complexion.  She looked the same, but different. She looked familiar like my best friend and at the same time she looked like a stranger, a woman I kept at a distance for the last ten years.

Unable to hold it in any longer, I let out the sob that had been bubbling just under the surface. 
My crying triggered her crying because we were blubbering by time we reached each other and hugged tightly. 

“I’ve missed you so much,”
Emily wailed. 

“I’ve missed you too,” I cried into her shoulder.

We hugged and cried for at least 10 minutes.  Finally, we broke free and gave embarrassed laughs.

“I’m sorry I got tears on your
dress,” I said quietly before getting choked up again.
Calm down, breathe,
I instructed myself.

“Are you kidding me? I wouldn’t care if you got snot on my
dress as long as you’re really here! I’m so happy to see you,” Emily exclaimed.  Fresh tears ran down her face as she took ahold of my hand and led me to the living room.

We sat down on the couch, facing one another.  Our tears had stopped for the most part and I could speak without my throat closing up from a sob.

“Thank you for allowing me to stay in your home Emily. It’s lovely and I appreciate it,” I began nervously.

“You’re welcome. You don’t have to sound so formal with me Sahara. I’m glad you’re here. You’re always welcome here,” Emily smiled kindly.

Her kindness made my heart swell and I knew if I didn’t say what I needed to say right then, I would lose my courage. “I’m so sorry Emily,” I said so quietly, I didn’t know if she heard.

“Oh Sahara…
no,” Emily returned gently.

I lifted a
hand to stop her before she could even begin, “We can talk about it before I leave, but I’m not ready to talk about it right now.  Right now, I just want to say I’m sorry.”

Emily pulled me into a hug.  After releasing me, she nodded. We were both quiet for a minute before I said, “How are you? How are things?”

“I’m good. I’m really good. Where do I begin?”

I knew she was really asking how soon after the accident did I want her to start. I wasn’t sure if I was ready, so I said, “Start with recent stuff.  Back in the day, your detailed emails kept me up to date with a lot of the college stuff.  I felt
like I was there!” I said with forced enthusiasm. 

“So
I want to know the things you didn’t put in your emails when adulthood started.” Even after saying it, I knew it was an asshole move.
Of course I felt connected with her during that time. She wrote detailed emails telling me everything. Asking for the same in return. But I gave her nothing. I was a horrible friend. As the years wore on, her emails became shorter, but she never stopped writing. She never stopped trying. I don’t deserve her,
I thought as I stared at my best friend.

Sadness
flashed in her eyes before she gave me a small smile and started, “Well how about we take turns telling each other stuff. There’s a lot I don’t know about your life Sahara. I know you ditched med-school and opted for human resources because you told me. But I only know you live in a kickass building because I Googled it when you sent me your new address. You told me you worked at Milton Security but I had to go to the website to see that you recently were promoted to Director. That’s awesome by the way.”

I smiled in response, “Thanks Emily.” Guilt threatened to swallow me whole. I gulped.

“But aside from the typical ‘I’m doing fine’ response, I don’t really know what’s up with you. So we will take turns,” Emily ended her statement with conviction.

“Okay,” I agreed quietly.
What could I possibly say to dispute that?
I thought, ashamed of myself.  I blinked back the tears and I unconsciously started rubbing my hands together nervously.

“Sahara, I won’t bring up a
nything that happened in 2003 until you’re ready. I swear.” Her voice sounded sad yet understanding. After having her word, I felt more comfortable in participating in the conversation.

“Okay,” I smiled
shyly, “you first.”

“Okay, well I’ve been really busy with the planning and
financing portion of everything but the news I wanted to tell you in person is…I’m opening a dance studio!” Emily burst with pride and excitement.

“That’s amazing! You’ve always wanted to do that!”
My happiness for her evident by the grin that adorned my face.

“Yes girl! I
t took a while, but I was finally able to do it. I had to find the right place and come up with the rest of the money. Right now, my plan is to continue to stay on contract at Thomasville Elementary—I’m scheduled to teach 5
th
grade next school year.  If I stay with the elementary school at least through the first year of the studio opening, I can keep a steady stream of income coming in.”

“That’s a good plan. Wow, this is all so great Emily!
I’m so proud of you.”
I wanted to ask her if she still danced, but hearing her say no would break my already fragile heart,
I thought.

“Okay your turn!”

“I don’t really know,” I said animatedly, looking around the room.  “Ummm…I saw Jay-Z in concert three times since… since I last saw you.”
It’s harder than I thought to talk freely without grazing over that night,
I thought.

Emily laughed, “Shut up!!! We said we were going to go when
…” Her laughter died. “Well how about the next time he’s in one of our areas, we go see him together.”

I nodded in response and we sat their quietly. Feeling the air in the room become stuffier, I avoided eye contact. 

Breaking the silent moment, Emily asked, “Where’s Manny?”

“I don’t know. He said he was going for a drive. He didn’t say whether he’d be back or not.”

“Sorry I couldn’t pick you up! I wanted to be there, but I had an inspection that I forgot all about,” she rolled her eyes.

“No, it’s fine. It was good to see
Emanuel. It’s been a long time,” my voice trailed off as I realized I kept going back to where I didn’t want to go. 
Is that a sign that I need to talk to her about that night?
I questioned myself.

She giggled, “I’m sure he was really happy about seeing you too.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked as I playfully slapped her knee, effectively ignoring the sign to talk about that night.
Should I tell Emily about Emanuel’s kiss?
I supposed.

“I always said you and Manny were meant to be,” Emily sang. We fell into a fit of giggles like we were back in
middle school.

“
I don’t know about that,” I said with a large smile plastered on my face.

“
Mmm hmm,” Emily smirked knowingly. “I have a sixth sense about these things.  Grandma Mills thinks so too. Oh I talked to her this morning, she said hi!”

“
Awww I love her. Emanuel and I were just talking about her when he brought me here.” I gestured to the chair in the corner. “That chair has her name written all over it.”

“She wanted to come up
to visit, but we couldn’t arrange it because of the weather down there.  When I told her we were having brunch, she was definitely disappointed. Oh! Mom and Dad wanted us to come to brunch tomorrow. Are you, are you okay with that?”

I nodded in response
so she continued, “If they would’ve had it their way, they would’ve been here tonight. But I told them you’d probably be tired and that I wanted to have girl time before bed.”

My heart started thundering in my chest.
Brunch will the entire Mills family?!
I panicked. Swallowing hard, I choked out, “Of course. It’ll be good to see them.” I paused for a second and added, “Will Emanuel be there?”

A knowing smile crossed Emily’s lips,
“Oh if you’re there, he’s there.” I playfully swatted her again and she laughed. “But really, I think—well we’ll talk about it when you’re ready.”

“What?” I asked curiously.

“If you don’t want to talk about certain things now, I’ll tell you later. I won’t forget.” She gave me a smile that made me sad. I pulled her to me and hugged her tightly. 

“Thank you,” I said thickly.
I hope she knows I’m not just talking about what she just said,
I thought as I released her from the hug.

“You’re my best friend. I would do anything for you.”

Of course, she knows. She always knew,
I thought to myself.  “I know I wasn’t a good friend to you over the last ten years. But you will forever be my best friend. You know that right?” I asked, forcing myself to keep eye contact.  I was glad I did because the look she gave me filled me with so much warmth and optimism.   

“Sahara Michelle Lee, we are sisters. A little time apart doesn’t change that.
It won’t ever change.”

Tears filled my eyes and I just put my head in my hands, overwhelmed.
“Thank you. I needed to hear that. You have no idea. Thank you.” I started and couldn’t stop the tears.  It was as if a dam had been broken. 

Wiping away her own tears
, Emily helped me up and we walked to the guest bedroom.  She sat me down on the bed and left the room.  Returning moments later with a box of tissues from the bathroom, she placed them on the bed beside me.  “Get changed and get in the bed. It’s getting late and I’m sure you’re tired from traveling.  When you wake up, we’ll watch a movie or something before we go to brunch.  I don’t know if Manny gave you a tour or not, but my room is at the end of the hall. Just holler if you need me.”

I nodded that I understood as I
tried to get ahold of my emotions. I heard her shut the door as I wiped the tears from my eyes.  A second later, she opened the door back up and peeked in the room. “I love you Sahara.”

“I-I love y-you, too,” I stammered into my wet tissue.  The door clicked closed as she went to her room.  With her gone, I was able to calm myself enough to change into my sweatpants and T-shirt. 
I retrieved my clothes from the floor and my cell phone fell out of the back pocket of my jeans.  I picked it up and tossed it on the bed.  Throwing my dirty clothes in my travel laundry bag, I straightened my temporary living space. I left the room and scurried to the bathroom so I could brush my teeth and prepare for bed.

I climbed under the covers and
picked up my cell phone. Dialing Ty’s number, I held my breath. I didn’t want to be “that girl” who would keep calling when she knew her man was out but I needed to hear his voice.

“Sahara” Ty yelled into the phone.  The
bar was loud and the music sounded like alternative rock.

“Ty, I can’t hear you!” I said as loudly as I could without disrupting Emily down the hall.

“Sahara! Hold on!”

Through the noise I could hear a gruff male voice telling Ty that he couldn’t leave the bar and reenter.
“And why not?” Ty responded.

“Because those are the rules.
If you leave, you’ll have to pay the cover charge over again,” said the man I could only assume was the bouncer.

“And t
hat’s fine,” Ty said coolly before I heard a heavy door close with a bang and the noise evaporated.

“
Sahara!” Ty sounded genuinely happy to hear from me.  The thought made me warm from the inside out.

“Tyree!”
I laughed. Just hearing his voice settled me down and made me feel like everything would be okay. “Baby I didn’t mean to disrupt your night and I don’t want you to have to pay to reenter a bar. I just called to say goodnight. That’s all.”

“Baby girl, you are worth it. If you need me to come out again and again and again, I would do it each and every time.”

My heart fluttered. “You are so good to me,” I bubbled as I stretched and pointed my toes. 

“Because
you deserve it,” he countered. His voice was strong and smooth. If possible, I fell a little more in love at that moment. 

“I can’t wait to kiss you again. I’ve been missing those lips,” he growled lowly. And suddenly the guilt of
Emanuel’s kiss hit me in my gut. I flinched at the blow.

“I miss you more,” I whispered, trying to convince myself that I didn’t kiss
Emanuel, he kissed me.
But I sure didn’t stop him,
I thought guiltily.
I have to get off the phone.

“Baby, go back in and chill with your boys. I know you haven’t seen them in a while so enjoy yourself. I just wanted to say goodnight and hear your sexy voice before bed.” My voice sounded foreign to me as I rushed the sentence out.