Back to Reality (12 page)

Pressing his forehead against mine,
“Say it,” he commanded.  His tone wasn’t pleading, but his eyes were.

“I love you,
” I admitted breathlessly.

Chapter 14
    

             
The intimate admission was disrupted by the knock on the door.  Our private bubble burst as we were startled into motion, straightening our clothes.  The material of my dress wasn’t as wrinkled as I thought it’d be, but I didn’t look as polished as I had earlier in the evening.  Emanuel bent over and picked up the lace material that used to be my G-string and stuffed it in his pocket. Glancing at the clock on Emily’s desk, I saw that it had been thirty minutes since I had been participating in the cocktail portion of the evening.  Hurriedly, I fixed his bowtie as he pulled his jacket on. The second series of knocks were harder and more insistent.

             
Since Emanuel was still visibly aroused, I waited until he was sitting behind Emily’s desk before I opened the door.

             
Despite the post-orgasm glow, I squared my shoulders and conjured my most professional self. “Yes?” I asked as I whipped the door open.

             
“Hi. I’m Carlton Walter. I’m a journalist with Center Stage, The Magazine. I’m looking for Emily,” the journalist stated as he adjusted his thick rimmed brown glasses.

             
“She should be in one of the rooms upstairs.  I can help you locate her,” I assured the man kindly.  I glanced over my shoulder at Emanuel who was eyeing me with a slight smirk. He looked so sexy reclined in the chair, running his finger across his moist lips.
Why does he have to be so sexy?
I wondered as my entire body heated under the intensity of his gaze.  Shaking my head, I walked out of the room, closing the door behind me.

             
Emily was not hard to find in the crowded red room.  She was in her element and she shined.  Emily and Anthony were discussing the logistics of bringing a well-known play to Thomasville with two casually dressed men when I walked up with the journalist.

             
“…and that will surely bring people out.  Let’s schedule a meeting next week!” Emily said as we walked up.  She shook each man’s hand and then smiled brightly at me. 

             
“Emily, this is Mr. Walter from Center Stage, The Magazine,” I explained as the two shook hands. 

             
“Hi Mr. Walter! Thank you for coming out tonight,” Emily replied excitedly.

             
“Call me Carlton. Thank you for having me. I must leave, but I would love to interview you for our magazine this upcoming week. Here’s my card. Contact me so we can set something up.”

             
“That sounds fantastic. Thank you again for coming Carlton. I will contact you Tuesday.”

             
They shook hands and Carlton disappeared in the crowd, heading toward the stairwell.  We spent the next few minutes congratulating Emily on her upcoming interview.  Emily filled me in on the prospective investors and shows she’s already informally secured.  Anthony’s imitation of Emily’s excitement over striking a deal with Delta Southern University’s School of Dance was hilarious.  We laughed as he poked fun at her excited hops good naturedly. Interrupting the laughter, bells and chimes simultaneously went off as the lights dimmed silencing the large crowd.  Emily squealed and squeezed my arm. I smiled curiously at her before directing my attention to the door. 

In formal wait staff attire, a man with a bell stood in the doorway.  “Dinner is served. Please follow me.”
  His tone was ominous which added to the intrigue.

Hushed whispers and giggles erupted through the crowd as everyone looked around excitedly.  Emily’s smile was infectious as we waited for everyone to vacate the red room.  Once the last person was out, the three of us walked to the exit. 
I wonder what the surprise is,
I thought as all of the guests from both the red and white rooms were filtering into one of the previously locked rooms.

I audibly gasped
when we walked into the dance room. The black, white and red décor transformed the dance room into a formal ballroom.  The wait staff and band members wore black and white tuxedos. The tables were arranged in a ‘U’ formation surrounding a decent sized dance floor. The band was positioned on a mobile stage at the top of the ‘U’.  With everyone seated, Emily directed us to the table closest to the band.

“Emily, wow,” I breathed
as I took in the room. “You went all out.” 

“Yes…you are looking at the contents of my savings account.”

I turned my head quickly to catch her eye, wanting to gauge how serious she was.  Emily winked and then greeted her parents as we reached the table.  Mr. and Mrs. Mills were seated at the round table with Mr. and Mrs. McMannus.  Anthony pulled out the chair for Emily and she smiled up at him sweetly when he pushed the chair in.  I pulled out my own chair and before I could sit, I felt a hand wrap around my elbow.

“Allow me,” Emanuel whispered in my ear, helping me into my seat.

I felt my skin heat instantly and knew everyone at the table was staring. Emily discreetly poked my leg to get my attention as Emanuel took his seat beside me. When I looked at her, she raised one perfectly arched eyebrow and smiled knowingly. Utilizing all of my strength, I looked back at her quizzically and gave her a little shrug.  She giggled and I turned my head before she could see me smile.

The lights fli
ckered and the excited buzz in the room died down to a hushed murmur.  Waiters and waitresses brought out main course options of chicken, pasta, or black bean and cheese enchiladas.  The food was cooked to delicious perfection and every morsel melted in my mouth. Emanuel and I stole glances at one another as we made polite conversation.  It took everything in me not to participate as he casually flirted with me throughout the night, but it felt awkward sitting at the table surrounded by people I considered family wearing no panties.  Besides that, the conversation flowed freely.  We laughed hard and often.  And even though I did more listening than contributing to the conversation, I felt at ease. 
I haven’t felt like this in a long time. I feel at home,
I thought as I glanced at the smiling faces around the table. 

“That was delicious,” I
raved to no one in particular as our plates were removed from the table. 

Emanuel
leaned into my ear and breathed, “Yes it was.” Then he sat back in his chair like nothing happened.

When our eyes met, I
knew instantly he was not talking about dinner.  The blush that spread over my body was immediate and uncontrollable.  I looked down at my tightly clasped hands and prayed no one overheard him. Glancing around the table to ensure no one suspected anything, my eyes landed back on his face.  The amused smile that played on his lips pushed my buttons and turned me on at the same time.
Oh he thinks this is funny. He’s doing this on purpose,
I grumbled with embarrassment to myself as I crossed my legs to dull the ache between them. 
We haven’t all been together in happy circumstances in ten years and he’s over here trying to make this really awkward.  He must think making inappropriate sexual innuendos in front of everyone to embarrass me is okay.
I narrowed my eyes, glaring at him, before I turned my entire body toward Emily. 

The band
started with a mellow vibe playing jazz versions of contemporary songs.  Although the majority of the attendees were dancers or dancing enthusiasts, most people seemed content with mingling and rocking in their seats.  When the band started playing a jazz infused version of ‘Crazy In Love,’ my heart fluttered.  I looked at Emanuel and gone was that self-satisfied smirk.  In its place, a smile that was almost nervous as he looked away from me and ran his hands through his hair. 
Oh now he looks embarrassed,
I thought incredulously as I watched the dichotomy of bad ass Emanuel and introverted, shy Emanuel revealed.

I looked away from him and found Emily and Anthony watching.  I couldn’t do anything but laugh.

“What?” I scoffed feigning ignorance.

Emily tilted her head to the side with her lips pursed. “Yeah okay.”

“What do you mean ‘Yeah, okay’?” I asked, biting the inside of my cheek to prevent additional bursts of laughter.

“You know exactly what I mean,” Emily raised her eyebrow
and we both laughed.

“Well, I want to know what you mean?” Mrs. Mills asked from the other side of Anthony, which only fueled our laughter.

Mrs. McMannus beamed at us. “This reminds me of when I used to babysit you two and you’d just sit together and giggle all day.  It’s good to see you two back in action again. It’s been way too long. Good to have you back home Sahara,” she drawled in her thick southern accent.

I kept the smile on my face, but inside, I cringed.  The whole
dinner had been like it used to be—easy and fun.  I felt like my old self again. Mrs. McMannus’ innocent comment sucked the air from my lungs and I deflated. 
I know she meant well. But why did she have to point out the elephant in the room. I wanted this one night to not be about me leaving.  I wanted this to be about Emily. And because of what I did, I’m taking attention away from Emily and her success.  I’m making her night about me,
I thought as my eyes skirted across the room, refusing to land on any one thing.  I vaguely heard Emily quickly change the subject, but I couldn’t focus on anything.  I felt my body starting to shake slightly.  Looking at the band, I tried to focus on the music but I couldn’t hear anything. The sound of my heart thundering in my chest was too loud.  Wooziness started to take over when a thought occurred to me:
I need to—.

“
Breathe,” Emanuel whispered into my ear as his arm wrapped around the back of my chair.  His lips just barely grazed my ear causing every nerve ending in my body to react. I inhaled noisily, taking in his cologne and filling my lungs with the oxygen it had been deprived.  I turned my head and locked eyes with him. My eyes were watery, but everything came back into focus.  He was in focus.

“We’re dancing,” he announced to the table, grabbing my hand.  Focusing on my fingers interlocking with his, I avoided the eyes I felt on us.
Once we were in the middle of the dance floor, Emanuel pulled me in close.  We fell easily in step with one another as his hands encircled my waist.  With my arms around his neck, I melted into him.

“Are you okay?” Emanuel asked as we moved easily together. 
Our bodies just fit,
I thought as I found myself distracted by his fingers massaging my back. I nodded against his chest.

I felt him pull away slightly
so I looked up. “Are you okay?” he repeated.

I swallowed thickly
and looked away before I responded. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

“
You stopped breathing,” he pointed out. 

I closed my eyes and nodded as he led us around the dance floor slowly.
“It’s hard for me. I’m not the girl I used to be. Things are different.  I feel different. I am different. And it’s just hard,” I whispered. I bit the tip of my tongue in an effort to prevent my eyes from watering behind my closed lids. 

“Look at me,
” he commanded.  Reopening my eyes, Emanuel searched my face. “You are the same Sahara Michelle Lee I’ve known my whole life. You are outgoing and strong and brave and smart and funny and…God, you’re beautiful.”  He took his hand from the small of my back and traced the side of my face before he continued, “I see who you are now and you’re still the same woman you were then. The only difference is that now you don’t think you deserve to be happy.”

I silently contemplated his words
as ‘He Loves Me’ started playing. 
I don’t think I deserve to be happy. But it’s more than that. I’ve hurt people and continue to hurt people. I don’t want to hurt anyone I love again. I don’t think I could get over hurting someone else that I love. Not again,
I thought as I dropped my eyes to his chest.

Pulling my face to him
, Emanuel pressed his forehead against mine.  My heart skipped a beat as his lips were mere inches from mine.  We were still dancing, but it felt like we were standing still. The butterflies made me feel almost jittery. 
Nothing else matters when I’m with him. It’s always been like this,
I realized as his eyes bore into mine.  Moving his head fractionally, he kissed my nose.  Tilting my head up slightly, his lips brushed against mine. It was different than the other times we’d kissed. It wasn’t lust-filled and needy. It was tender and worshipful. He took his time, exploring my mouth with his own.  I felt his hands moving subtly over my back.  The guilt, the sadness, the hurt, the pain, all of it melted away.

“…guys…that means you too,” Anthony joked from
the microphone.

Breaking apart suddenly, we op
ened our eyes at the same time. 
Oh. My. God,
I thought in embarrassment as I looked around and noticed all eyes were on us. Emanuel smirked at the onlookers before chastely kissing me on the lips again.  Wrapping his arm around me, he led us off of the floor as a few spectators applauded and catcalled. I was so embarrassed that I couldn’t do anything but laugh. Once we got to the table, everyone started talking at once.